Monday, January 19, 2009

Earning Trust

Today Daughter wanted to show me that she was trustworthy, so she asked to stay home alone while I went to take communion to Old Man. Her plan was to watch Another Cinderella Story, which I had recorded for her last night. Since Old Man's home is small and crowded, and it's too cold for her to wait in the car, I agreed to her plan. I drove to Town to pick up Old Man's Sister (OMS) (she's recovering from a hip replacement and has no business driving or walking unaccompanied in this weather) and we headed over to see Old Man. We got there a little after 1:00, and Old Man's Brother (OMB) was supposed to be there by 2:00, so I decided to wait for brother to arrive before doing communion.

OMS is a retired nurse, and she was very concerned that OM get proper care. Her back is bothering her a lot right now, but she helped the aide from visiting nurses give him a bath while I hung out in the back room. When she finished that, she was exhausted. I told her to sit down, and she almost fell. I told her I was going to sit next to her and see that she remained seated. She wanted to go clean OM's nails, and went digging through her purse to find a file. I told her to give the file to OM's Grandson, as she didn't need to be leaning over his bed and further aggravating her back.

Unfortunately, OMB and his daughter, who was acting as his chauffeur, got lost in Big City, and so it was almost 3:00 before they arrived. About this time Daughter called, and I told her I'd call her back. So I celebrated the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper and prayed with the family, and then headed home. OMB offered to take OMS home, so I didn't have to. Daughter was bored and frustrated that I'd been gone so long. I suggested she get her chores done. While it had taken much longer than I had anticipated, I knew she'd had the movie to keep her busy for most of that time.

When I got home she was in an ugly mood. I wasn't sure what the problem was until she came and asked me if she could go watch Another Cinderella Story. It turns out she came home and got on the computer, and hadn't watched the movie like she told me she was going to do. I pointed out that wasn't a good way to earn my trust, which of course turned her mood uglier.

She has now concluded that I'm never to leave her home alone again. She's 21 years old. She should be able to stay alone for short periods of time. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to trust her. Yesterday she was telling me again how she wants to be a foster parent. I pointed out that she needed to be able to stay home alone for a couple of hours if she wanted to be a foster parent. She no longer wants to be a foster parent-- until the next time she comes begging me to help her fill out an application now.

I keep hoping that some day things will click for Daughter, but with each passing year it's harder to maintain that hope.

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