Daughter raged last night. She even came up with a new accusation: I'm stealing her SSI money, which is rightfully hers. I was foolish enough to point out that her SSI money didn't cover all her expenses, so when I went to bed last night I found the new dress and shoes I bought her for an upcoming wedding on my bed.
The trigger for the rage? She got caught. Over the years we have had numerous conversations regarding the care and storage of CD's. I've explained why they need to be kept protected in their cases. I've told her she isn't allowed to take mine without permission. I've told her that when she listens to one of mine, it needs to be returned to its case immediately. I've pointed out that skips on CD's are caused by her abuse of them.
Last night I saw that she is currently storing a stack of CD's loose in a plastic box. I asked her about them, and why they weren't in their cases. She said it was a new way she was storing CD's. I told her there better not be any of mine in there, getting damaged. She assured me they were all hers. I looked through them, and pulled out 8-10 that were mine. I told her they needed to go in their cases immediately. I never raised my voice; I didn't give consequences. She knew, though that she had messed up one more time, and she raged. In addition to stealing her SSI I'm destroying her life and forgetting that she is 21 years old and able to make her own decisions. I can't control her. She called her case manager's voice mail and left a message, and informed me she would be moving out today, because I couldn't treat her this way.
This morning she apologized. Maybe tonight she'll put my CD's away where they belong. Maybe I'll even be brave and talk to her again about respecting my property and caring for her own properly. I wish it would make a difference. Her rage came out of her guilt, and as guilty as she felt, within the next few weeks she will once again be abusing my CD's. When I discover it, and point it out, she will once again rage. Round and round we go, where we stop....
2 comments:
That's funny. My seventeen year old just last week accused me of stealing her deceased birth mom's SSA money. I guess she doesn't get the concept that that money is for her care and education until she is 18. And also it has to stretch to help cover the costs for two people since she has a child for whom we receive no income or assistance and I pay all his expenses as well as providing 40-60+ hours of free babysitting while she goes to school/work. SSA money is paid directly to children's services when a child is on foster care but since she was adopted in October she thinks it's all hers. I guess the money would have covered the cost of her $900 cell phone bills over a two month period...barely but then how would she feed and clothe her kid?
You know, we probably should be paying our daughters for the honor and privilege of being their moms.... It's scary, how little they understand of money.
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