Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Best Laid Plans....

I talked to Daughter's case manager. They tried to get her to work, and she refused. Case manager observed that she is quite good at manipulation. I called her on her lie when she got home, which set off an afternoon of raging. I got called some choice names, and some doors were slammed and items thrown around. Then she stopped raging and started talking about how she deserved to die. I've gotten pretty good at tuning it all out, but it is still exhausting.

Then came the reminder that God's time is not our time. I had very carefully done lots of work today so I could leave town tomorrow. I arranged to have important events covered. I worked ahead on worship planning. My hope was this would all be over and done and I'd be back for Holy Week. But Mom is still alert. The hospice nurse came to make arrangements today, and she doesn't think it will be this week. She thinks she has a while to live. Mom will probably stay in the hospital until Thursday, and then she'll go back to her bright, sunny private room at the memory care unit that has been her home for over a year now.

So I've arranged for someone to lead worship tomorrow night. I have a supply preacher coming in on Sunday. What I don't have is an immediate need to leave. I'm not sure what's best for Daughter. I'm not sure what's best for me. At this point, I will stay here tomorrow. I will go to the worship service, but not lead it. I will do some work on worship for Holy Week. I will seek to be patient with Daughter, who is demonstrating her wonderful talent to find my last nerve and stand on it.
On a lighter note, the Sisters have decided that the attire for Mom's memorial service will be bright spring florals, preferably in pink. She always loved to see her daughters and granddaughters in pink. We chose a wonderful bulletin tonight. It's at the top of this post. The internet is a wonderful thing. It enabled us to shop together even though there are thousands of miles between us.


Linda B. said...

I think that is a nice tribute to your mom about the decision on pink and florals. The bulletin is beautiful too. During all of the grief, it's hard to remember that funerals are to celebrate the loved ones life and their new home. As humans, we are selfish that way. You are helping me so much in ways you aren't aware of. Thank you. I need to remember that God's timing isn't our timing, too.

Reverend Mom said...

Linda, I'm glad that the thoughts and emotions that are pouring out of me right now are helpful. I know it helps me to blog about it.

Munchkin Mom said...

I am keeping you and your family in my prayers. Having been on a similar journey with my father, I know how hard it can be. Hugs to you and Daughter, and I wish I were closer.