Christmas Eve

I should be in bed, but I'm still winding down from our Christmas Eve service. We were out and about this morning, and when I sat down this afternoon to finalize the Christmas Eve service I found myself experiencing waves of grief. I looked at the service and realized it wasn't nearly as together as I'd thought, and I couldn't remember why I'd made some of the choices I'd made. I turned on some Christmas music, but that made things worse. Daughter came in and told me how much she was missing Grandma and Grandpa. I held her and we cried.

.

Then I decided it was time to do something, so I went in the kitchen and put together the casserole for our breakfast tomorrow morning and the broccoli, rice and cheese for our Christmas dinner. When they were both in the refrigerator, Daughter and I sat down and watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I had my laptop nearby so I could play with the service. By the time that was over, it was time to print out the service, change my clothes, and get over to the church.

.

I still wasn't real comfortable with the service, and when I got there people started bringing me problems. I don't like hearing about problems. I put the issue of the new board member who is too busy to attend board training and various other important start-up events off until after the service. As the prelude was ending there were 3 of us trying to figure out how to get one of the Advent candles to stay in the wreath. It kept falling out, which was fine when it wasn't lit, but not a good idea once it was. We finally put the lighter to the base of the candle in an attempt to melt it enough to hold it in the wreath. It stayed put, so it must have worked.

.

Then the service began. I am very fortunate to serve a congregation of gifted singers. There were almost 200 of them singing the carols in 4 part harmony. The music washed over me and was full of hope and healing. Afterwards a number of the folks who don't give compliments were telling me what a beautiful service it was. We ended with candlelight and Silent Night, of course. The whole theme of the service was Christ coming as light in our darkness. I spoke explicitly about the darkness we're experiencing as a society and individuals. I spoke to myself, as well to the congregation. Now we're home.

.

Daughter is in bed, asleep, and I'm headed that way. Tomorrow will be a lazy day, just the two of us. We'll eat the breakfast casserole and cinnamon rolls in the morning after we open presents. We'll watch Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and then, finally, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, which I bought last week, prompting this Potter marathon. Daughter said, as I was getting ready for worship tonight, "Just think, Mom, tomorrow we get to stay in our pajamas all day!" That will be nice.

.

Saturday Nice Guy and possibly his mom are coming over. I'll also have to finalize a sermon for Sunday and print the last bit of the bulletin. Sunday afternoon, we'll head to Michigan. It will be nice to get away for a couple of days, and great to see Sister and Brother. We are coping. We are finding ways to move beyond grief. I have survived the first Christmas Eve since my parents death, and not only did I survive, I celebrated the light of God's love coming into the world and overcoming the darkness of my grief.

.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas. For all you parents of special needs kids, I wish you moments (or better, hours) of peace.