Coping Skills

I will probably regret this, but I’m going to brag a bit on Daughter’s improved coping skills. Visiting grandparents hasn’t been easy for her the past few years. She has found Grandma’s dementia to be very disturbing. She once said to me, “The fun Grandma is gone and this Grandma scares me.” When we visited in their home, she could escape when the stress became too much for her, but that’s not possible with Dad now living in a one bedroom apartment.

I was concerned about disrupting her routine to go there Monday, as she hasn’t been very stable in recent days. She told me, though, that we needed to go, which surprised and pleased me. Normally she hates visiting when one of them is in the hospital.

So we went. We visited Dad, and Daughter was fine with that. She also did well with Mom. She was cooperative on cleaning the apartment. Almost as soon as we got in she tackled the refrigerator. Tuesday morning I left her at the apartment while I went to the cottage to meet the new nurse practitioner that was to examine Mom for the first time that day. She cleaned up the bathroom and did some other things while I was gone. When I got back, she decided to walk over on her own to see Grandma, which really shocked me.

She was very helpful with Dad, anticipating his needs for his walker or for the car door to be opened and taking care of them cheerfully. When I asked her to do something, she did it without questioning.

We ended up staying much longer than I had planned. She did well with that delay, too. She didn’t complain, though she did come over and kneel in front of me and put her arms around my waist and her head in my lap at one point. As we waited for supper to finish cooking, she voluntarily cleared the dining room table and set it.

When we finally left, she had a number of issues she wanted to talk to me about. She was quite realistic in our discussion. She stayed awake all the way home, even after I put in an audio book. Often she’ll sleep when we’re on the road. When it’s late and I’m struggling to stay awake (as I was last night), I prefer to have her stay awake and keep me company. She did that without me asking last night.

I thanked her for her cooperation, and suggested that when we got home it would be better for her to tell me with her words if something from our trip was bothering her, rather than showing me by her behavior, as she does sometimes (often). She thought that was a good idea.

Those trips to care for my parents are always hard on me, and by her behavior she made it much easier. I celebrate her progress and the hope it gives me for her future.