Progress

Daughter's phone calls yesterday evening were really good news.
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In the first one she was happy because she was with one of her favorite staff members. This staff member was someone Daughter has complained about repeatedly and said should be fired and wasn't competent.
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In the second one she was content because she'd had a fun evening just "hanging with my girls." She's often complained that the other residents are too loud and she can't handle it.
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My suspicion (hope) is that she's getting her medication is consistently, and is more stable. If that is, indeed, the case, I think she'll be able to stay right where she is. That is very good news.

The New Option

I visited the new place today. There are two women who live there. The care coordinator is experienced and knowledgeable. The owner started the home for a relative-- her grandmother who has Alzheimer's. The other resident is in her 50's.
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I like the staff. I like the idea of a small house. I don't think it would work for Daughter. Sigh.

Starting Again

I'm going to look at a new home for Daughter. It's a smaller home, and I'm hoping it will be a better place for her. This week has been challenging for her.
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Monday night one of the residents freaked out and attacked another resident, scratching her enough that they took her to urgent care. Daughter was obviously distressed by that.
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Tuesday night they gave all the residents cookies with supper. They even gave the other diabetic in the house a sugar free cookie. They told Daughter she couldn't have one because it wasn't on her diet.
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I had a board meeting Monday night, which was excellent. We've been working on newsletter, Holy Week bulletins, and tweaking stuff for this Sunday's big event. Last night Administrative Assistant had trouble sleeping because she was thinking of everything that needed to be done. I had nightmares about Good Friday. We're hosting the community Good Friday service this year, which means coordinating with five other pastors from very different traditions. I led the last Bible study for Lent tonight. I have finished all my information for all the bulletins through Easter. I proof read the newsletter this evening before the Bible study. AA has all the information, all she needs to do is plug it in to the Good Friday and Easter Sunday bulletins.
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I suggested that next year we move Easter so it's not around newsletter time. AA looked it up. Holy Week will also be newsletter week next year. Of course, that might make it easier. We work ahead, so Holy Week will actually be easier for us than this week.

Passive Aggressive

One of our volunteers created a photo montage for next week's You Are There service. She began with a title slide. I didn't like the title, and I wanted it to start right in with the pictures, so I asked her to remove it. She wasn't happy, but agreed. Today we used the finished product to promote next Sunday's service. Not only was there a title slide, there was a misspelled word. I told Administrative Assistant she needed to talk me down and convince me it didn't matter. Unfortunately, she was just as frustrated with it as I was. We both tend to be perfectionists.
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We had a rehearsal following worship. I'd promised Daughter a birthday dinner at her favorite fancy Italian place. I told her that if she complained during the rehearsal, we'd go to the Italian fast food place. She was super cooperative. She interpreted my order not to complain as an order not to talk. One of the men kept trying to get her to talk, but she resisted. We had a pleasant meal at the restaurant. She loves the keyboard I bought her for her birthday. I took her home and helped her set it up in her room. She was happy when I left her, and I haven't heard from her since.
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I mowed the lawn when I got home-- first time I've had to mow in March.

It Gets Worst

At bedtime Daughter gets her long-acting insulin and a snack. Last night they didn't give her either. Daughter says she told them several times she needed the insulin, and they ignored her. I just want to cry. I will write another email. I will contact the case manager. I want to see the state licensing report. If Daughter didn't understand her meds and speak up, I think they'd kill her. They still might.

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She's home with me tonight. We had fun bowling with the church. She panicked after the bowling, thinking she'd left her monitor at the bowling alley. While she was in searching for it, I found it in her bowling bag. She has a very low tolerance for frustration today.

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This morning they were planning to bring the women to a rec center near our home. Daughter was very excited, and I was going to pick her up there. For some reason they changed their plans. I don't think it is fair to tell the women they are going some place and then change the plans. I'm sure Daughter wasn't the only one who was upset by it.

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I'm discouraged tonight.

Listening Skills

Daughter says staff at her home doesn't listen. I decided to take her for pizza tonight with Sister Best Friend and her husband. Not because Daughter deserved it, but because I wanted to be with her some extra time this weekend in honor of her birthday. When I stopped by the house to get her, I said I needed her supper an 7:00 pills. They tried to hand me the big washtub of pills. I informed them we were going to a restaurant, and I wasn't taking that with me. I just wanted the pills for supper and 7:00. So they offered me a rubber band to wrap around the cards of pills. I said I wasn't going to carry all her pills into a restaurant and began to punch the needed pills out and onto the table. I said I wanted a little baggie to put them in. They offered me a grocery bag. I asked whether one of her pills was given at 7:00 or 8:00. She said 8:00, but they usually gave the 7:00 and 8:00 pills together. I said that was fine, I'd take the 8:00 pills and give them to her.
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I dropped Daughter off back at the house at about 7:15. She called shortly after I left, asking if I remembered whether I'd given her one of the pills she takes at 8:00. I named the pill, and she said that was the one. I assured her I'd given it to her. A little later staff calls, wondering if I'd taken the 8:00 pills and given them to her. I think Daughter may have a point about their listening abilities.

Birthday Slump

Daughter turns 25 on Monday. She's into her birthday slump. Se was mad because she didn't want taco salad for supper. She wanted me to take her out for ice cream instead. I had forgotten to get cat food when I stopped by the store to get things for the taco salad, so we stopped on the way to choir to get the cat food.
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I was trying to get home quickly after choir to watch a basketball game when Daughter announced they are going on a special outing tomorrow and she can't take anything that needs to be heated up for lunch. Normally I pull a meal I've made out of the freezer for her. I didn't have things at home to make a sandwich. I don't eat many sandwiches. I decided to stop and get a foot long sub. There's a store in our grocery store. I left Daughter in the car while I ran in. I got the toppings I like rather than the ones she likes. When I came back out she was furious because she'd have to pick off green peppers and I didn't get mayo on it. I suggested she should be grateful for the sandwich. She demanded I take her home immediately. I turned on the game and ignored her. Eventually, she apologized.
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I had pondered having her here all weekend. Not going to happen now. I'll have her here Saturday night so we can go bowling with the church, but Friday night will be for me. I bought her the keyboard she's been wanting for her birthday. We'll celebrate it on Sunday, since I have a board meeting on Monday.

Retreat

Last night I had an overnight retreat with my peer group. We gathered at 7:00 p.m. last night, and I was back in the office by 1:30 today. It was a short time that was full of wonderful gifts. I became very much aware of the fact that I need to find balance in my life. We had almost an hour today for private reflection. I have joked about that if something isn't in the 2 miles between my church and the house, I haven't been there. Today I realized that rather than a joke, it should be a lament.
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I am missing out on so much. There are things to see and do that I never experience in this area because I'm so focused on ministry. As I began to think about the need to change, my thought was, "so I can be a better pastor." If the goal of my time away from the church is to strengthen my work at the church, is it really time away?
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I argue with myself-- Christ doesn't talk about the importance of finding balance in our lives. He tells us to lose our lives. What I realized during my brief retreat is that I need to spend some time reflecting on priorities. I need to spend some more time reflecting on my life and ministry and discerning what it is God wants me to do. I'm going to be on a retreat at the end of April, and I know now what the focus of that retreat will be. I'm already beginning to pull out some of the resources I'll want to take with me.
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For now, I'm going to make sure I get time outside taking advantage of this beautiful weather we continue to have. I'm going to spend time celebrating God's good creation. I'm going to give thanks for my peer group, and the way they challenge me to become a better me.

Joy and Drama

First, the joy. When I came here, I kept hearing about Beloved Founding Pastor. BFP still cast a long shadow, and his shadow was part of the reason my predecessor failed. I spent some time trying to figure out how we could celebrate his ministry and move beyond it, but hadn't come up with anything. Then I got busy with other things and forgot about it. Yesterday one of the leaders was in my study. We were discussing another leader who had gone from opposing any change to asking for more. As we were talking, I realized I hadn't heard BFP mentioned in months. I said as much to this leader, who didn't even know who I was talking about at first. I'm not worried about figuring out how to celebrate his ministry so we can move beyond it anymore.
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Some months back a member had informed me he was making a new lectern for me in memory of his mother-in-law. A week or so later another member mentioned he was making one. When we told him of the first member's plans, he was disappointed. I suggested we could use his downstairs. Last week Administrative Assistant and I were talking about how it would be nice to have a stand for the guest book at memorial services. Then the man who had been disappointed mentioned his project. I suggested it could become a guest book register. He was delighted. Last night I sat in a meeting and we were discussing how to better track visitors. Someone suggested we get a guest book. I said we had a stand for guest books being made.
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I have had several conversations with Disgruntled Member who was quite concerned about the direction of the church and its health. DM was telling me we needed a new vision. I agreed, but suggested that it would take some time to build a relationship of trust that would enable me to lead an effective visioning process, especially since the congregation had two recent failed attempts to develop one. I explained that we were setting priorities for the year until we could write a vision statement. He was not satisfied. Yesterday DM had coffee with Treasurer. Today Treasurer reported that DM was very pleased with the annual meeting Sunday. He thought it was very informative. Treasurer was delighted to report, "and there weren't any buts."
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I'm grateful for all the joy, because it diverts me from the drama. Daughter is very manic according to Program Manager. I told PM it was her turn to complain about the med issues, so she did. Yesterday Daughter "forgot" her meter, and the house staff had to bring her back to her program to get it. I told PM I thought that since staff was inconveniencing Daughter by forgetting her meds, Daughter is inconveniencing them by forgetting things. I get the reports, but I'm not engaging. I'm encouraging and reassuring Daughter, but not rescuing her. I'm grateful the drama is taking place away from me. Very grateful.

Sermons

Every Sunday I get up and preach, wondering whether my message is making a difference. It can be discouraging at time, because it's hard to gauge how the message is being received. Today I received a gift. A woman came into my study and told me that yesterday's message had led to her hearing the voice of God calling her in a new direction in her life. It's going to be challenging for her and her family. God's call always stretches us. As she told me about it, wondering if it was real and telling me how she'd questioned it, I became convinced that it was real. It's exciting and scary and will stretch her. I'm looking forward to watching her follow the call.
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The really exciting part is that she felt a call that will not only impact her and her family, it will touch the lives of many people who desperately need the ministry she will offer. It's nice to know that God does indeed use my efforts to make a difference.

Quite a Day!

My friends from Tiny Village were in worship this morning. It was great to see them, and I enjoyed showing them around and introducing them to people. Following worship we had our annual meeting. We totally changed the format this year. Instead of receiving a written report, we had leaders stand up and talk about the accomplishments of the past year and highlight the goals for the coming year. We made use of the PowerPoint, too. Several people told me how much they looked the new format following the meeting.
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We then had a fellowship meal and drew names for the quilt raffle. It was hilarious. One of the women announced that they were having someone new draw this time, as the person who had been doing the drawing drew her own name. So the new drawer announced that her name was not in the basket-- and promptly drew her husband's name. That was good for a laugh. I won the second quilt, a bright, beautiful butterfly quilt that will go well in Daughter's bright bedroom here. I hadn't purchased any linens to go with her bright paint selections. Now I'll need to get some fabric and make some curtains for her room.
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After the fellowship meal and raffle drawing, we began work on our Palm Sunday plans. I was blown away by the quality of the acting. We had backdrops and props, and I was amazed at how good everything looked and sounded. When people finished taping their parts, they stayed to cheer on the others. Worship began at 10:00, and it was after 2:30 before we were done. The comment as we were leaving? "That was fun!"
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They were very patient as I rewrote some of their parts. I'd hear things when they read them that I hadn't noticed before. It was really hard to get the verb tenses right. I hope we caught them all. People were good natured as we had them switch costumes after we realized that what they were wearing was too close to the colors in the backdrop. We had that happen twice.
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Fortunately, I'd recruited someone to cover the nursing home service so we made the 95 mile drive to Brother's house, arriving about 5:00. Brother made fajitas on the grill, which were wonderful. Baby Nephew was as charming as ever. He was the first one year old I've met who didn't like his birthday cake. He thought the frosting was okay, but wouldn't have anything to do with the chocolate cake, spitting it out when he was fed some. No cute pictures of him digging into his first birthday cake. He still is reluctant to walk on his own. At one point he was pushing a card table chair around the living room. He is talking some, and loves balls. I obliged by giving him one, because that's what aunts do.
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Daughter did well today. She was patient through all the Palm Sunday work, telling me later that it was "phenomenal." She's spending the night here tonight, and I will drop her off at her program tomorrow morning. Next weekend I'll have her home Saturday. Her birthday is on Monday, and so we'll celebrate it this weekend.
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I'm tired tonight. I won't be in a hurry to get into the church tomorrow. I think I can go in a little late....

Record Highs

We've had an amazing week with the weather. This is the 4th day in a row where the high has been a record. I've gotten out to work in the yard several days. Today I began with a walk through the woods with a friend and her dog. It was beautiful, with new growth sprouting up between the weeds. The green under the brown trees was quite a contrast.
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I went to one of the super hardware stores this afternoon and visited their garden center. The garden center was busy, and they definitely weren't ready for the season to begin. I ended up going to two more to get what I wanted. I then came home and did quite a bit of work in the yard. There's still more to be done, of course, but I made good progress today. I've done a bunch of weeding but could have spent several more hours out there weeding. I bought a book, and am going to begin to plan out my vegetable gardens. I also bought some seeds and the equipment I need to start them indoors.
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Each time I checked out there was the clerk predicted that we'd have snow. The forecast calls for several more record highs before the temperature drops back into the 30's and 40's next weekend. I now have two daffodils blooming in addition to some crocus. I may end up having to mow my lawn in March. That would be a first.
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For now, I'm enjoying having the windows open and hearing the birds and the neighborhood children. I've been trying to focus on things other than Daughter today, but in the latest news, Daughter got up early this morning so she'd be ready to go get her blood drawn at 7:30. She called me sometime after 9:00, frustrated. They hadn't taken her yet. She was waiting. When she finally got there, she didn't need blood work, just a urine specimen. So they made her fast for no reason.
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I've decided I'm going to have her spend the night here tomorrow night. It will save me having to take her home after the birthday party. I'll take her to her program on Monday. I'm still pondering what I'm going to try to address the ongoing issues.
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Losing Control

Daughter called a little while ago. She clogged the toilet again. I told them she needs her miralax every night. They aren't giving it to her. She has blood work ordered for tomorrow. I have no idea why. She wasn't supposed to need blood work again until April. This will be the second extra blood draw.
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I have worked hard to manage Daughter's health. I have had to struggle with the reality that I couldn't always protect her from herself or prevent her from eating things she shouldn't. I did know why she was having blood work, and was able to coordinate the orders from her various doctors. I suspect this is because Nurse has decided she must have thyroid issues. When she raised this concern, I informed her that Daughter had had her thyroid checked many times, and has even had an ultrasound of it. The results are always normal. I was ignored. Rather than worry about her thyroid, I'd like to see them make sure she get her medication as prescribed.
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Oh, and staff has told her it's her job to keep one of the other women from going into the kitchen and eating in the morning, since she needs to have fasting blood work, too. She's upset about that, rightfully pointing out that that is staff's job, not hers. Of course, considering the way they have been doing their job, I suspect Daughter will do a better job of keeping the woman out of the kitchen.
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I'm feeling depressed by all of this, which doesn't make sense. I've been walking daily this week, enjoying the record highs we've been experiencing. I've also been out working in the yard. The exercise and sunshine should be lifting my mood. I guess that the stress is taking a toll. I'm behind where I want to be on my worship preparations, and the ongoing issues at Daughter's house are taking a toll.
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I'll get out and walk again tomorrow morning, and if the weather cooperates, I'll spend some more time working in the yard. I'll find other things on which I can focus. Sunday will be a good day, though busy. I actually managed to find someone to handle the nursing home worship service for me on Sunday. I'll only have to deal with worship, rehearsal/taping for Palm Sunday, and then the 90 minute drive to celebrate Baby Nephew's 1st birthday. Hopefully Daughter will be having a good day. I know she's looking forward to the birthday party.

Still

They're still making mistakes with Daughter's meds. We had a pleasant evening yesterday, but today she blew out at her program. I'm beginning to think I may have to bring her home. This is just so frustrating. She has so much potential, but without her meds on board, she can barely function, let alone reach for her goals. I'm not sure what the next steps are, but I'm going to have to figure it out soon.

A Blast from the Past

Today I received a call from #2 Daughter-in-law of my favorite nursing home couple in Tiny Village. Man had died last year, and the Woman had moved up here to be near #1 Son. She was in the hospital. I went to see her. She was so grateful to see me. The move here has not been a good one for her. I knew it wouldn't be, and the first time #1 Son had pushed it, #2 Son had asked me to speak to all of them about the pros and cons. I did, and they didn't move them. Woman indicated to me that she feels she is dying, and is ready. #1 Son is out of town, so I spent some time talking to #2 Son. I suggested they might want to begin looking into hospice. She has heart issues that are not going to be easily solved. She's almost 90, and she is ready for death. She asked me to come see her again. I will drop by the hospital again tomorrow afternoon.
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#2 Son and his wife just might show up here for worship on Sunday. They lived far away, but I got to know them when they came to Tiny Village to visit family. Both of them grew up in that church. #2 Daughter-in-law's mother was diagnosed with cancer early in my ministry there. She chose not to undergo treatment, and lived for about a year. During that year her daughters took turns coming to spend time with her. I spent quite a bit of time with them then. Walking with families through life and death creates a deep bond. It was nice to see them again. I'm grateful they called, and that I was able to make the trip to the hospital. It was perfect timing, because I had to be back for the noon prayer service, which limited the time I had available and made it easy for me to leave. Woman is obviously weak, and couldn't talk much. She's still a wonderful woman with a deep faith. It was great to reconnect with her.

Spring

It has been a beautiful day today. I began the day by walking just over 2 miles with one of the saints and her 2 dogs. It was still dark when we began our walk at 7:00. After supper I went outside and did some work in the yard. I picked up sticks, pulled up weeds, and planted some of the bulbs that were sprouting in the garage that I never got planted last fall. My purple crocus are blooming.
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I have a memorial service on Thursday. The woman's death was expected and yet unexpected. It was expected because she was old and had been getting frailer. It was unexpected because she had been into the church office Friday morning to fold bulletins and had sent Saturday with her Daughter. She was found dead in her home Sunday evening.
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I met with her children today. We knew she was a private person, but it turns out that she was very private even with her children. She wouldn't tell them about her health, and wouldn't allow them to help. We had an interesting conversation, but they weren't able to give much information. That's okay. I'll still be able to pull something together.
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Daughter is calling less frequently now, which I think is a very good thing.

Spring Fever

It was a beautiful day yesterday, so when I dropped Daughter off at her house, I suggested she spend some time outside. She reported later that she did just that-- spending all afternoon outside. She said she was "playing basketball and flirting." I guess I should be grateful it's taken this long for her to show an interest in the 12 men living next door. I'm wondering now if it was a good idea to encourage her to go outside....

Spring Ahead and Ministry

Every year, the switch to daylight savings time kicks me in the rear. I aim to leave at 7:00 on Sunday mornings to pick up Daughter. Worship isn't until 10:00, but I like to have some time at the church to tweak the sermon and finalize the PowerPoint before people begin arriving. Once people start coming, I am inundated with people who want a piece of me. This morning we had 3 baptisms (a 6 month old and a couple who are both over 80) and received 7 new members. That was generating questions, and then one of the saints wanted to talk to me about Palm/Passion Sunday. I told her it needed to wait until after worship-- one more thing and my brain would explode!
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After worship, I met with the people who are involved in Palm/Passion Sunday. We are doing Stops on the Way to the Cross, focusing in on various events of Holy Week. A couple of weeks ago, I remembered the old series, "You Are There." It was a news show format reporting on events from history. I got the idea of approaching the service that way. We have about 8 people who are going to reporters and/or interviewed for the service. Some of the pieces will be on video, projected on our big screens. It will be like I am interviewing them live from a remote location. I'll have an anchor desk to use for the reporting, and will move away to lead the prayer and various other aspects of the service.
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I was concerned that the message not be lost in the gimmicks. As I wrote the service, I found a whole new perspective. I've done first person things many times in the past, but always from the perspective of today. Writing it, I became aware I was viewing the story from a whole new perspective. I discovered new insights into familiar story. There was an immediacy there hadn't been before. I found myself viewing the familiar events in a new way with a deeper understanding and appreciation. We're going to have gimmicks, but I think when all is said and done it will be a wonderfully meaning worship service.
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We met with our volunteers today, and will begin rehearsing and taping next Sunday. Everyone was on board with it. I had a really hard time getting the verb tenses right, and one of the men was suggesting changes to his part. I told him to go for it. I'm looking forward to it.
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Between writing that script and figuring out the baptism and new members for today, last week was very word intensive. This week isn't looking much better. I have to figure out annual meeting (which we're doing differently this year), Maundy Thursday, and Good Friday. I'm hosting my colleagues for lunch on Tuesday, so I want to make some soup and cookies. I'd best adjust to daylight savings time quickly!

Reclaiming My Inner Klutz

This morning's walk was interrupted when I tripped over a tree root and fell. I saved my face, but hit my knee pretty hard. I'm sore and stiff, but don't have any major injuries. I'm grateful I have strong bones. It's amazing I've never broken anything all the times I've fallen.
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After resting a minute, I was able to get up and walk back to the car. The walk wasn't as long as we'd planned, obviously. I haven't told Daughter, and hopefully I won't limp tomorrow. She is terrified that I'm going to fall and be seriously hurt.
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I'm glad she isn't living here right now. I have more aches and pains these days, and she'd be hovering, wondering if I was okay. She picks up on everything.

A Day Off

Today, for the first time in several weeks, I took my day off. I met with my spiritual director, did some shopping, and did several things that had been hanging over my head. It has been a good day.
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Program Manager thinks Daughter is very manic. Nurse is concerned and frustrated since they still aren't getting the meds right. It is a problem. Here's the thing, though, I'm no longer getting as stressed about it.
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Daughter and I had a pleasant evening here yesterday. I didn't take her to choir, so we sat and watched TV together. It was nice.

Slowed Down

It's been a busy week. Today intestinal issues slowed me down. I didn't go to the meeting 70 miles away this afternoon, and I'm not taking Daughter to choir tonight. Initially, I thought it was stress related. But the issues are moving up, and I skipped supper tonight. Administrative Assistant told me I wasn't myself-- just seemed sluggish today. Felt sluggish, too.
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Daughter came home in a mood. I checked her pills, and she didn't get her evening pills on the 3rd and 4th. Pretty basic stuff. I'll send off another email. Sigh.

"Come Get Me Now!"

"Come get me now!" Daughter shouted at me when I answered her call yesterday evening.
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"Why? What's wrong?"
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"R is sick and she can't stop coughing and she's throwing up."
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I explained that was one of the challenges with living as a group. I suggested she wash her hands frequently if she was concerned about getting sick, and turn on her music if she didn't want to hear.
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I don't think that was the response she wanted.

"I Went Down LIke the Titanic"

Daughter called me yesterday evening. To say she wasn't happy with the new diabetes plan would be an understatement. She was furious. She wasn't going to do it. We were expecting too much. She had some colorful language thrown in there. I asked if she'd shared her feelings with House Manager (who told her about the plan) and she hadn't. I suggested that might be a good idea.
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It took a while, but I convinced her this would be a good plan, and promised to talk to House Manager about someone working on it with her. She was calmer when she called back later in the evening.
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This morning she described our conversation to House Manager, telling her, "I went down like the Titanic." She does have a wonderful imagination.
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Super busy time at the church working on worship plans. We have some exciting things planned. Of course, exciting entails lots of extra work. I hope it will be worth it when we're done.

Monday Treat

On Monday I'm in the office alone, at least in theory. Usually I have a number of people drop by, either to do something or just to chat. Most Monday afternoons Financial Secretary comes by with her 2 1/2 year old son. She goes to the bank to complete the deposit, and then comes here to put the final accounting into the computer. Her son, B, is a tease. The carpet in my office is different from the carpet in the hall, and B would come and stand on the edge, looking at my carpet as though it were dangerous. He did this for several weeks, and the first time he came in he walked very carefully, as though he were in snow or sand.
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I understand he looks in the parking lot for my car, and is disappointed if it's not here when they arrive. I have a candy jar that has sugar free candy and a few suckers for my younger visitors. He looks forward to getting a sucker from me. Today he came running in, sucking on the sucker he'd gotten at the bank. He ran around my desk and planted himself in front of me. Then he opened his mouth for me to take out the sucker. I obliged. He ran around my to the other side of my desk to receive his new sucker, which I dutifully handed him. When he had trouble unwrapping it, he came back around my desk for me to help him remove the paper.
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He is so cute. He comes in for his sucker, but I'm the one who gets a treat on Monday.

A New Plan

I met with House Manager today. We created a chart that Daughter will fill out for each day. It lists the food, amount, and carbs, totals the carbs and calculates insulin. We are doing it to empower Daughter, but we recognize we will also be teaching staff and holding them accountable. The competent staff member is going to work some afternoons to figure out what's going on there and begin to deal with some issues.

Daughter was in a great mood today. Hopefully we've turned the corner on some of these issues. Hopefully....

Relief

The challenges with Daughter's home was really taking a toll on me. Now that she's doing better, I have energy to do things, like finishing a home improvement project, cleaning the kitchen and family room, doing laundry, paying bills, etc.
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It feels good to be getting things done. It's wonderful to hear Daughter happy. I ordered her a keyboard for her birthday later this month. She has wanted one forever, but we have a piano and I told her she could play the real piano. She didn't like that. Now that she's moved out, she wants one. She took her piano books, but she says the piano at the house is out of tune and some of the keys don't work. She'll be happy. It makes my life easy. I've taken care of her birthday.
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Baby Nephew is turning 1 this month. They've scheduled his birthday party. With Short Niece visiting her Dad every other weekend and my schedule, it was a challenge. It's going to begin at 4:00 on a Sunday afternoon. That particular Sunday I have worship, congregational meeting, fellowship meal, and then nursing home worship. I'll be late to the party. I think I'll need a good night's sleep the night before....

Sunday Snapshots

We got a little bit of snow last night, just enough to ice the roads and make them treacherous when I headed out to pick up Daughter at 7:00 this morning. She was not happy that I was late, and when I told her that I had almost decided against coming to get her, she was outraged. She has to be in church.
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During the children's time, I was talking about how you prepare for a journey. One of the kids announced that they take tigers. The congregation loved it. This little boy has sensory integration issues, and he's had a hard time. He has made tremendous progress with therapy, and now comes up alone, sits still and pays attention through the children's time, and will look at me and answer questions. I was delighted by his answer, and referred to it during the adult sermon.
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One of our elderly members wasn't there today. Another woman was concerned, because she missed an event Thursday evening, too. She called her and learned she was sick. She was taking her soup and juice and going to try to convince her to let her take her to urgent care. The sick woman wanted to wait to see her own doctor tomorrow. We will transport the sick woman to the doctor's office, and we also looked up her daughters' phone numbers (they live about 75 miles away) so we can call them if necessary.
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Daughter reports that with a staff member observing she measured out her own breakfast and figured out her own meds this morning. She was quite proud.
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We had a visitor in worship this morning. She told me my sermon was just what she needed as she gets ready to start a new job.
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I took Daughter to a couple of different stores before I took her back. Because I'd procrastinated, everything was cheaper than it was when I decided I wanted to go these place to get these items.
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Next Sunday we will receive new members. I will be baptizing a couple who have been married for 62 years. Neither one had ever been baptized. They have children and grandchildren who are planning to attend.
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I realized I'd forgotten to ask the coffee hour people to do something special for the coffee hour next Sunday since we will have new members and a baptism. They were a step ahead of me and had already made plans.
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Have I mentioned recently that I love my job?

Maybe

Maybe it really was the TV shows she was watching. Daughter has called once today. When she called early this afternoon, she really wasn't interested in talking to me. I think this is the first day my phone has been this silent.
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It's weird, but nice. I hope she is settling in and feeling safe now. That's my hope.
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I went for a walk this morning-- we couldn't go the full route, because the trail was under water. We also had to climb over several trees that had broken in the storm. Our damage was minor, compared to those who have been hit by the tornadoes. We will be praying for them tomorrow, and I am praying for them today.

I'm Impressed

Daughter called this evening, "I know what my problem is, and it doesn't have anything to do with staff or the girls." She went on to tell me that she's taken advantage of her freedom of having a TV in her room to watch a number of shows that I wouldn't let her watch here. "Including some that have to do with the things that happened to me. Why do they put those on TV?"
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"So people can learn."
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"To teach people how to do it!?!?"
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I clarified, explaining that it was to help people understand the hurt it caused. I told her I was impressed and proud of her for figuring it out. I pointed out that now she knows what to do.
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She may very well have been watching shows that triggered her PTSD. I hope she has learned from this. Once again I find myself wondering where she would be right now if she'd been with me since she was born....

Meeting Set

I will meet with House Manager Monday morning at 8:00 to figure out how we are going to empower Daughter. I set it up when I took Daughter back today. I told House Manager that I thought Daughter was getting some push back from the afternoon staff. Daughter claims her supper is not being measured. They had canned food for supper tonight-- canned lasagna and corn. She said it was gross. It sounds gross. I think there are real issues with the nutritional quality of the food that is being served there.
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Daughter was complaining of constipation, so Dietitian decided she needs to drink more water. Everyone I have told that laughs, because I have tried for 22 years to get Daughter to drink. I explained to them that Daughter doesn't drink and doesn't poop because she doesn't want any sensation in the genital area. The result is that she's always borderline dehydrated and she's usually constipated. The dietitian thinks that if staff gives her a glass of sugar free drink and a glass of water at every meal, she will drink and never again be constipated. I suggested they put her back on her miralax. It would be wonderful if the after effects of child sexual abuse could be eliminated by putting water and sugar free drinks in front of her at her meals. Wait, maybe it will work! Why didn't I think of that!
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Therapist has said she'll support the plan, but she doesn't think it will work. She doesn't think the staff will do their part. I'm afraid she may be right. We have to try, though.

The Response

Case Manager responded this morning to my suggestion we focus on empowering Daughter. She thought it was an excellent idea. She is going to talk to Home Manager, and we'll make a plan.
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Daughter is working in the office right now with Administrative Assistant. She's in a very good place today. She even took initiative to go above and beyond when she was sent into the sanctuary to do something. She is happy, laughing, and in a good place. My stress level is much lower today-- even though I'm in the office on my day off. I was out of the office all day yesterday, so there is work that has to be done today, and it's okay.

Didn't See that Coming

I requested input from Therapist and Program Manager about moving Daughter. I got Therapist's assessment today. She recommends setting a deadline, and if care isn't where it should be by then, move Daughter back home and hire help.
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I was at a seminar on family systems theory and ministry today, and I received the email about lunchtime. I sat there in shock, wondering what to do. As the afternoon progressed, I think I found my answer. I'm going to suggest we shift our focus. Rather than focusing on getting the home to do it all perfectly, we need to focus on equipping Daughter to take responsibility for her own care.
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I will tell her this is a step forward in her move towards independence. I believe moving her home would be a huge step backwards and her rebellion would be even stronger. I've been telling her for some time she has a voice and can use it to keep herself safe. I'm going to tell her she's been doing such a good job with that she's ready to take it to the next level. It will be challenging, and it will be a move forward, not a move backward.

Discouraging

Last night I led a Bible study. We were talking about similarities and differences. We had a diverse group gathered. I know there were Republicans and Democrats there. As we talked, I asked, "Do you think this country can come together despite our differences?" The answer was quick and forceful, "NO!" Someone else added, "Not unless there's another 9-11."
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I have been pondering that response since then. We were a diverse group, and as a congregation there is much we can agree on and we work together. One of the men had commented that he always finds out who is wife is voting for and then votes for the opposite candidate. I'm not surprised he doesn't share his wife's political views, which I see posted on facebook. They disagree, yet they have been married for a long time. They have raised two daughters. Bought, remodeled, and sold homes.
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They have been able to disagree on politics and come together on life. They don't see one another as the enemy and evil. Sister found out one of the high school friend's who recently friended her on facebook has very different political views. "I think I'm going to have to unfriend her." I told her I didn't think that was necessary. Maybe she and her friend could learn from each other.
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I'm discouraged with the quickness to label someone and dismiss them. We need to learn to talk to one another. More importantly, we need to learn to listen to one another and respect one another.
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Okay. I'm stepping off the soap box. When you read a preacher's blog, occasionally you hear a sermon.
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