We spent part of yesterday afternoon/evening with Sister Best Friend and her in-laws. Her father-in-law died, and I am going to have the honor of doing the funeral this week. (FiL was part of Sister Best Friend's congregation, and it would be too hard for her to do the funeral-- I was honored when they selected me from the suggestions she offered.)
I was somewhat surprised to discover that Daughter had a connection with him. She was distressed to hear he was dying, and then dead. She had recently been to his house while she was staying with SBF and SBF husband for a couple of hours while I was at an appointment in their town. It also triggered her memories of the death of my parents. We talked for a bit on the drive over, and then I suggested she listen to her music while I made some phone calls.
When we got there, we ended up sitting next to each other on a couch in a room that was full of family and friends. Daughter took advantage of the time to snuggle in next to me. She's bigger than I am, and I'm sure it looks slightly ridiculous, but snuggling in next to me like a very young child is very comforting for her. She was bored, and not real happy about being there, but the fact that she was getting that snuggle time made it okay. Actually, I'm hoping it was more than okay for her, that it helped calm her fears. The family knows of Daughter even if they haven't actually spent time with her, and they were wonderfully accepting. She did make a few comments and offer a few observations, all appropriate. In fact, SBFH was sensitive to the difficulties this might present for Daughter, and wanted to make sure I knew I could come around her needs/schedule.
As we left for home, I thanked her for being so patient and cooperative. She was surprised. We talked for a few minutes, and then she retreated into her music and I began returning phone calls. Oh, and the calls stop when I'm in traffic or the city-- they are for the long, lonely sections of the drive. Daughter will go with me to the funeral.