Fear + Guilt = Anger + Eating

Yesterday morning I took Daughter to see Therapist. Daughter wanted me to go in with her and stay. She acknowledged that she had "forgotten" her appointment with Therapist on Monday because she was afraid to talk about the things she needed to talk about. She deals with fear and anxiety with anger and eating. The eating then leads to guilt, and she deals with guilt by getting angry and lashing out at me, which leads to more guilt, and she's then stuck in a downward spiral. Therapist helped her come up with a list of others ways she could handle her fear and guilt. Daughter was very happy.

She called me a little after lunch, telling me she was tired and didn't feel good, and she really needed to be picked up. Even knowing she'd have to sit in hospital waiting rooms while I made visits and wouldn't be able to watch TV, she still wanted me to come get her, so I did. I went to visit the widower of the woman who committed suicide. He is much less confused after the surgery, and expects to be discharged from rehab soon. I sat and talked to him while he cried. I brought him tissues and when he didn't have a waste basket by him, I took the used ones to throw away. He protested that I shouldn't have to deal with his snot. I assured him it was okay. We had a good conversation, and I was impressed with all he remembered. It is so tragic-- if his wife had held on a little longer this ordeal might have been behind them.

I drove to the other hospital in City to visit Broken Neck. She is improving, and can now recognize her improvement. We had a pleasant, though brief, visit. They are working her hard in therapy, so she was tired. Daughter got home and was frustrated, as she desperately wanted something to eat but was remembering our conversation about the dangers of her sneaking food and lying about it. I finally convinced her to have some sugar free hot chocolate as a snack while she waited for supper.

After supper we did some more cleaning and decluttering in the kitchen, and then we played a game together. I don't remember the last time we played a game together. It was good for both of us. This morning when she woke up she had the best blood sugar she's had in quite some time. She was so excited. I was pleased, too. I asked, "Am I to assume, then, that those high numbers you've been having in the mornings are a direct result of what you've been eating?" She admitted that they were. I hope that she will remember and follow the list she and Therapist developed at least for a while. It would certainly be nice to have her cooperate long enough to get her insulin needs figured out.

I am resigned to the reality that while she will hopefully be cooperative for a while, eventually she will forget this lesson and once again get caught in the downward spiral of fear and guilt leading to anger and eating. For now, though, I will enjoy the break.