Daughter has broken up with yet another Boyfriend. We had a long conversation about it yesterday evening. They had been together less than a month, but he was pushing for marriage. I have told Daughter I won't talk about marriage with her until she's been with a man for a year. That is very hard for Daughter and her friends. They seem to begin talking about marriage in less than a week. I think Daughter is grateful for my rule, especially since I tell her that is the advice I give all couples considering marriage.
She said Boyfriend already had figured out his guest list, and was telling his friends they were invited. Daughter said that his friends were going out and getting dresses and tuxes for the wedding. Really? Daughter has a hard time discerning what is realistic and what isn't. I assured her that one man had not gone out and purchased and tux and had it altered for their wedding.
Boyfriend had come to the Blue Christmas service we had last Wednesday night, and also was at yesterday afternoon's Christmas concert here at the church. I was a little surprised it had lasted this long. I'd overheard a conversation Daughter had with him when she was with me at Thanksgiving. She obviously did not want to talk to him.
She had begun to pick up on inconsistencies in his story. "He says his mom won't have anything to do with him, but he just saw her."
We talked about how needy he was, and I tried to explain what I saw as an attempt to control her by convincing her she was the only one who loved him or cared about him.
We talked about how our culture tries to make you feel like you have to be in a relationship, and how it is okay not to be in one. We talked about how I'm happily single. I do feel sorry for these men. They don't understand that Daughter is not ready for a serious relationship, and they don't know how to take it slow. I'm grateful that Daughter seems to grow a little more independent with each relationship. I hope the time will come when the relationship doesn't begin, when she is content to just remain friends, and is able to insist on that from the beginning.