Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Forgiveness

Daughter has been having somewhat regular phone conversations with her Oldest Birth Brother since she first talked to him on the day I broke my arm.  She seems to enjoy them, and I have not seen any signs that they are triggers for her PTSD. 

I'm having a harder time with the knowledge she is in contact with him.  He molested her.  Repeatedly.  She was 2 years old.  I don't want OBB anywhere near my Daughter.  He is part of the reason life is so hard for her.  Does she remember this?  I don't know.  I know she wants nothing to do with Birth Father.  For a long time she didn't want any contact with OBB.  Now, she's enjoying the contact.  He lives several hundred miles away, and at about 40, is still living with his Paternal Grandmother.  During a hospitalization he acknowledged that he had molested his Daughter.  PG insisted he never did anything wrong, and was an innocent victim. 

I know he was a victim.  I also know he was a perpetrator.  Daughter seems to have forgiven him, I'm having a harder time.  I don't want him to hurt Daughter again.  My challenge is to forgive him and to pray that this new relationship via phone and text message is healing for both of them....

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I hope it will be healing too. If not, perhaps Daughter will have the opportunity to discontinue contact on her own terms, as part of her own self-care!

- April in RI

Reverend Mom said...

Thanks, April. She has ended other relationships that were unhealthy, so hopefully she'll show similar wisdom on this.

Miz Kizzle said...

Why do you think she is contacting her birth family now?

Reverend Mom said...

The natural curiosity of all adoptees and the desire to assert her independence of me and freedom to make her own decisions.