Monday, May 21, 2012

Out of Practice

Daughter was in an oppositional mood yesterday.   I had to lead nursing home worship at 3:00, and she kept changing her mind about whether she wanted to stay with me to go to it.  After changing her mind for the 4th or 5th time, I decided I was going to keep her with me until after the service.  As I turned toward home, she demanded I take her back to her house immediately.  I told her it was too late, she was going to have to stay for the  nursing home service.

When we got to the nursing home, she got mad because I told her she needed to move out of the doorway because she was blocking a resident with a walker.  She got mad at stormed out, pouting on a bench outside.  When the pianist arrived 10 minutes later, she was still out there pouting.  Pianist encouraged her to come in, and eventually she did.  I was relieved when Pianist arrived and reported seeing Daughter, because she'd been gone longer than I anticipated, and I was beginning to think I should go check on her. 

When we left the nursing home and I turned toward her house, she insisted I not take her back right then.  I said, "Look, I know you want to fight and argue today, but I'm not playing that game.  I am taking you back now."  Of course she then informed me I never listen to her and always cut her off.  I didn't respond-- reinforcing her feelings, but I knew it was a no win situation for me. 
was with me. 

These are just a few of a number of similar incidents. 

When I got home, I was tired.  I realized that I don't have to deal with her drama all the time now, and I'm out of practice.  It's not as easy to ignore it as it once was.  I also recognized that living with her had been a huge source of stress.  I'm very grateful I'm able to limit my time with her.  She will be with me for 2 weeks of vacation this summer, and if she gets too oppositional, I'll take her back to her house and continue my vacation alone.  I don't have to live with her drama any more. 


maeve said...

Your last three posts have really hit home with me. I'm getting pressure from Miss K to move back and my inclination is to say "no". You have given me the strength to continue. I don't need the stress. She has no idea what I'm talking about. You get it, don't you??

Reverend Mom said...

I do understand. Stand firm. Have you explored Job Corps for Miss K?

Anonymous said...

have you ever considered setting limits or rules? no more nursing home visits because of her actions. no visit your home on any week she throws a fit or is abusive in days leading up to the weekend. no more demands you come immediately when she has stirred up trouble at the house she lives in. i feel you still let her play these games with you and your emotions. what does your doctor say. you posted an ekg showed a heart attack previously. you will be of no use to anyone or yourself if this keeps up, let alone be on this earth. you are not helping her to grow as much as she can. make some rules, print them out so she can refer to them as needed and maybe this will help her as a guide. even 3-year olds need limits. i'm rooting for you.

Reverend Mom said...

There are limits. She won't be going to the nursing home for a while. I hang up and ignore texts that are manipulative. I have never gone to pick her up when she's called. I continue to adjust limits. She continues to push.

Miz Kizzle said...

You're doing the right things for yourelf and your DD. You won't be any good for her if you're stressed and ill.

Reverend Mom said...