Senior Luncheon

Today was our monthly senior luncheon at the community building across the church parking lot. We had our largest crowd ever-- with 2 new people. They loved the egg stratas I had made. We also had muffins and fruit. Daughter asked to do the prayer before the meal, and did a good job with it. She also called bingo. I left early and went to visit one of the saints.

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When we were both at home, she told me she thought we should go shopping this afternoon. I explained (again) that I have work to do. She doesn't understand my work. She has no concept of money, and no ability to save. She received a belated birthday card and check yesterday. She immediately wanted to take me out to supper. She's quite frustrated that she actually has some money and I won't take her out to spend it immediately. I've tried 40 million ways to help her understand, but 3 year old children aren't capable of understanding, and this afternoon, she's 3.

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She used up her resources for being responsible and productive today at the senior luncheon. It's going to be a long afternoon and evening. If she can't go to town and shop, all she wants to do is sleep. At least if she's sleeping, she's not bothering me.

Regressing

I took Daughter to see Therapist this evening. I asked her Adelaide's question, and she told us she wanted to be 3. She drew pictures. She came to me right before her 3rd birthday. She equates age 3 with safety, comfort, and not being able to hear. I knew that Flasher's constant chatter was triggering her PTSD.

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When she came to me, she had a severe hearing loss. She got a loaner hearing aide, and it was amazing watching her as she began to hear. When we got home that first day, I put in a video for her and went into the kitchen to cook supper. I realized it was too quiet, and went to see what she was doing. She was standing, staring at the TV, transfixed. This video had never held her attention. I realized it was the first time she had heard the narrator. By the time medicaid paid for her to get her own hearing aide, the loaner had gone bad and she had decided it was safe to hear. Her hearing was normal. The theory is that she had shut down to protect herself from the house of horrors.

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That first year, I'd pick her up from daycare and spend the evenings rocking her. At bedtime there would be a story, a prayer, and I'd always sing her the song, Be Not Afraid. As I left her for the night, I would say, "You're safe her and no one is going to hurt you." The ritual had to be followed exactly every night. She had to have the door open. She was terrified of being shut in her bedroom.

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So, I'm going to sing Be not Afraid to her at bedtime each night. I'll also read her the book I'll Love You Forever. I will leave her bedroom door open until I go to bed. When I go to bed I'll close it and set the alarm. She wants the alarm on to protect her from temptations. Maybe this will stop the nightmares and she'll feel safe again. If she feels safe, hopefully she'll stop wetting the bed. I'm willing to try anything.

Day One with the Plan

This morning we were over at the church. Daughter straightened up the pews and ran the vacuum over muddy foot prints. She took some items to the post office. As long as she was working, she was fine, when she sat for any length of time, you could see her drooping and getting depressed. Now we're home. I typed up the chore list for her and she sat and studied it for a while.

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Our final community concert is this evening, and she has an appointment with Therapist at 5:00. She wanted me to move it up. I told her she could wait until 5:00. I pointed out that as long as she is working, she's fine, so she needs to get to work. She told me she's been dreaming about the workshop, and her friends are telling her to come back. We talked again about why she had to leave. She seems to think her friends created the drama so she would leave. I assured her that wasn't the case. Today she says she's through with Flasher. Tomorrow he may her one true love again.

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She has chosen the jobs she's going to do, and is putting music in the stereo to motivate her. She's moving very slowly. I've had a more productive day, and I'm grateful. Now it's back to work.

Interview Number Two

This evening I had a second phone interview with a congregation. I think I'm in love. I'm really impressed by what they are telling me. Most of the congregations I talk to have a history of conflict (that's what happens when you list conflict management as a skill). I ask them how they've healed and what they've learned. Up until this committee, the answer was always: "The bad people have all left and we don't have any problems any more." This congregation talked about learning to recognize and focus on their strengths. They asked me lots of questions about how I handle theological diversity. They recognize that they still have challenges, and they are seeking a pastor who will lead them through that.

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I asked them point blank how the congregation would react to Daughter. They said race wouldn't be an issue, and that in terms of her challenges, they thought the congregation would embrace her. My paperwork says that I have a special needs young adult daughter, and that there would need to be opportunities for her and she would need to feel welcomed, too. Because they aren't legally allowed to ask questions about my family, I always invite them to ask any questions they may have and tell them something of her background. This is the 4th church I thought might be the ONE. I hate to get my hopes up too high. I know that God will provide the right place at the right time. Yet I really hope this is the right place and the right time.

The Plan

So today I finally sat down and developed a job list. There are certain jobs Daughter is expected to do as a member of the family: keep her bedroom clean, take care of her cat and one other chore, today's is taking out the trash. Then there is a list of other jobs that need to be done around the house. They are broken down by room and task, and there is a price attached to each. If she does the task properly the first time, she gets the full amount. If she has to redo it once, she gets 50% of it, and if it still isn't right, she doesn't get anything. She read over the list as we drove to see Psychiatrist, and thought it was good. When we got home and she looked again, she came and told me she was overwhelmed. I explained it again. She decided that tonight she's just going to do the daily tasks. She'll work on the jobs that earn her money the days she's home all day.

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Psychiatrist told Daughter she needs to decide if she wants to grow up or not. She also needs to dump Flasher. She told me that she doesn't think she's cycling, she thinks this is the developmental conflict. There is no medication for it. I asked if there was medication for the mom. She just smiled. She did think pulling her out of the workshop was good.

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We waited over an hour for Psychiatrist. They announced she had an emergency and we could reschedule, but it takes us an hour to get there, so I decided I'd rather wait. I seem to have picked up an intestinal bug someplace. I didn't get much sleep last night, and today has had its challenges, but I'm managing. Hopefully I will get a good night's sleep tonight and tomorrow will be a better day. This is a full week, so I need to be productive every day.

Sunday

Worship, Congregational Meeting, Sunday School, Birthday Open House, Bank, Nursing Home, Store for balloons for youth group. I got home in time to do research on abusive relationships in teenagers for the youth group program. Youth group-- make your own pizzas, program, and balloons tied around the ankles to be popped. We went from abusive relationships into the pressure to be sexually active-- they brought it up, which amazed me. We had 9 boys, Daughter, and 1 girl who is pretty much nonverbal. We had a really good discussion. I was honored by the trust those guys place in me and their willingness to be open. They had a blast with the game and want to do it again. While driving between places I finally found an organist for Saturday's wedding. I'm home now and for some reason I'm exhausted-- it was over 10 hours of activity today. Of course, I haven't slept well the past two nights because I've been worrying about tracking down an organist for the wedding. Now that I have one, I should sleep well tonight.

Freudian?

Daughter has managed to turn things around today. Knowing that she needs quick rewards, I told her that if she did her chores we'd go to City and eat at her favorite Italian chain and go to the warehouse store. The car is always a good place for conversations. She talked about how she had turned things around, and I praised her and asked her where she was with Flasher. She was conflicted. I tried a different approach:

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"I know you want to be married. I understand that. I have a question for you. Can you ride a bike before you learn to walk?"

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"No."

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"Can you read a book before you know the alphabet?"

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"No."

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"Can you multiply and divide before you know how to add and subtract?"

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"No."

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I think she thought I was pretty dense by this time. "What are the things you need to be able to do before you get married?"

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She began to list them. I suggested she write a list when we got home so she could begin working on them. One of the things she said, which I had to work hard not to laugh at, was, "You can't wet the bed because that isn't comfortable for your opponent."

Seven Minutes

I told Daughter yesterday afternoon that I hoped she was going to do her share around here, but I wasn't going to assign her specific chores because I didn't want her to start arguing with me. So, she came home yesterday and wrote down a list of things she was going to do around the house, not just to earn money, but because she wanted to share the work, or so she said. I looked over the list and told her I thought it was a bit more than she could handle, but that I was glad she wanted to work and to go ahead and get started. I was busy doing laundry. She went upstairs with a bag, I suspect to clean out the litter box, and then came back downstairs and sat down and watched me sort and fold the whites. I told her if she wasn't going to work, she needed to go to her room, she wasn't going to sit around watching me work (which just causes my blood pressure to go up and results in me eventually saying unhelpful things).

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When I went upstairs a little bit later to put some of her clothes away, she was in her room with a stack of DVD's watching her portable DVD player. I took the DVD player away. If you aren't going to help, you aren't going to have access to electronics. I was called names and told that I had no right to keep her from the one true love of her life. She came downstairs and demanded her cell phone, telling me I had no right to keep it from her. I explained to her that she didn't have to work, but if she didn't work, she wasn't going to have access to things like cell phones and DVD players, as they cost money, and when you don't work, you don't have money. She threatened to call the police. I said that was fine. She disappeared upstairs with the land line and the phone book.

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When she came back downstairs she'd changed her clothes. She was wearing stretch pants and a camisole. She headed out the front door. I asked where she was going, and she announced she was going to Town. I asked how she was going to get there, fearful that she had found someone willing to come pick her up, and she announced that she was walking. It's 11 miles to Town. I said it would be a long walk. She said she didn't care. I told her I'd see her when she got back.

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She was gone 7 minutes. I decided I'd best time it in case she got far enough that I needed to go looking for her or report her missing. She came back in and shouted, "I hate it when you're right!" and returned to her bedroom. When I made her come downstairs for evening pills and insulin, I informed her that she could only wear one outfit a day. Since she wasn't helping out, I didn't want her creating extra laundry that I have to wash. She's still asleep. I'm not going to wake her up. I'm going to enjoy the calm before the storm begins.

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Obviously, she's not in a good place. My own patience has reached its limits. I am feeling slightly overwhelmed by all that I need to get done. Having her in Adult Daycare is expensive both financially and in terms of my time. I'm going to set my priorities for the day and work at not getting sucked into her drama. It will be a challenge, to say the least.

Shifting my Focus

Time to kick myself out of this funk and focus on the positive. I have been reflecting on God's hand in the midst of all of this. Removing Daughter from the toxic environment at the workshop should work to stabilize her and make it easier on her when we do move. It is also removing her from daily contact with her friends, so she will miss them less. If we go someplace where we have to wait for services, we will already be experienced in figuring out alternatives. My hope is that all of this will make the move easier when it comes.

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Holy Week I interviewed with two churches. I really liked the one, which was about an hour from my closest friend and within 90 minutes of Sister and Brother. I was concerned because I didn't have experience in one area they were seeking. I told them that, and expressed a willingness to take a class to learn (it was technology related). They asked me for a sermon CD, which I provided. Yesterday Daughter was telling me she needed a trip to visit family. She wanted to see Sister and Short Niece. I was thinking that it was too bad I hadn't heard from that church, because I could drop Daughter off with them if I were to go to an interview. Within an hour, they called me. I have a second phone interview with them Monday night.

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This one could fall through, too. I know, though, that God is at work in our lives and I will receive the right call at the right time.

Sigh

Nurse just called from the Adult Daycare Center. She was ready to call the squad because Daughter had gone out on them. She was sure her blood sugar had crashed. I assured her Daughter was conning her. She was convinced it was real. I told her to check her blood sugar, and if it was low, she could call the squad. She called back, "I guess you know your daughter." I told her to just ignore her. They used a wheel chair to move her to a recliner so she could rest.

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Today I'm frustrated. I am having a hard time finding an organist for a wedding I have May 1st. I've been so distracted, I put it off too long. I'm frustrated by the lack of resources in this area. I'm wondering if she will ever be able to go back to the workshop, and how long I continue to spend lots of money to provide her care. After all, I'm cheap. I'm frustrated because consequences don't motivate her, and I can't figure out what does. I'm tired of the lying. I'm tired of the extra laundry. I'm tired of having to keep things locked up. She managed to sneak more food upstairs this week.

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Yesterday I could see God's hand at work in this, and I still do today. But that doesn't mean that this isn't stressful and I'm not tired. I'm going to write about where I see God's hand, but not right now. Right now I'm going to feel sorry for myself. I'll get over it.

Alternatives

I talked to Case Manager this morning. There was another Day Hab program that was a possibility. I asked her to get a guarantee that they would accept Daughter before we went further with it. Both Case Manager and I suspect that the one we visited Monday was spooked when they read Daughter's plan and saw her emotional and health challenges.

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I told Daughter there were two possibilities. Initially she was quite excited about the possibility of the gift shop, she started talking about who was there and what they did. Suddenly her face fell. "I'd be at the workshop for a while every day." That is the major red flag I see in this plan. Therapist and I discussed it. I don't think Daughter is strong enough to resist the temptation right now.

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The second Day Hab program wouldn't come this far, so the gift shop and the day care center are the two options I have right now. I'm going to take it week by week, but I'm keeping her at the adult day care center for now. She told me tonight that she wants Flasher back. It confirms my sense that she can't handle being there even for 30 minutes a day right now.

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Some of the people who have been creating the drama may be leaving the workshop soon. But if the drama has become part of the culture, other people will step up to continue the drama.

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I'm tired. It's been an exhausting week. Tuesday night Daughter fed Kitten, and spilled cat food all over the floor. I asked her to sweep it up. Last night I noticed she hadn't done it. I asked her to sweep it up. Tonight it was still there. She refused to sweep it up, so I just did. She refused to do any work tonight, but wants me to take her shopping for new clothes. I think all the stress is getting to both of us. It took me 5 minutes to figure out where the keys were to the lock box with the insulin in it. She makes so much extra work for me, and tonight I'm resenting it.

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She had a good day at the adult day care center today, and it's taking over an hour out of my day to transport her to it. Now some days I can combine it with other trips, but other days it's simply time out of my day. This has been the busiest week I've had in ministry in quite a while, and I'm behind on all the household tasks. At this point, not only is she refusing to do her share, she's making more work for me. Tonight, the stress of the week is catching up with me.

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We will adjust. It will get better. It will. I think I'll go to bed early. Maybe that will help....

Shocked Speechless

I am known for my frugality-- some might say cheapness, but I prefer frugality. My sisters have more money, and are less frugal. They occasionally get frustrated with what they see as my cheapness. I was talking to Far Away Sister today as I walked into super discount store. (Neither of my sisters will shop at super discount store.) I had decided it was time to buy a new half slip. The elastic was giving out in my favorite half slip, which I inherited from Grandma. Grandma died 12 years ago.

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This afternoon I ended up on a three way call with Sister and Far Away Sister. "Hey, Sister, Reverend Mom splurged today. Tell her how you treated yourself."

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It took me a moment to figure out what she was talking about, but then I remembered. "Oh, I went to super discount store and bought a new half slip to replace the one I inherited from Grandma."

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Sister was silent. Sister is never silent. "I shocked Sister into silence!" Far Away Sister and I thought it was hilarious. It took Sister a while to recover, but she finally told me that was good that I had treated myself in that way. I need to remember this day as the day I left Sister speechless-- probably for the first and last time.

Complications

Things were going too well. Daughter called about lunch time, down and wanting me to come get her. She claimed she was having flashbacks. She does know the lingo. I gave her some suggestions, and talked to Nurse, who claimed responsibility for the problem-- Daughter had eaten her meal before everyone else because she wanted to check her blood sugar early and then said she might as well eat. She was done eating when the others got her food, which wasn't much fun. Nurse assured me that tomorrow they'd handle it differently.

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I didn't get to the hospital as early as I would have liked, but I did get over there before his surgery, and had a nice visit with him and his family. Case Manager called while I was with the family. The Day Hab program has determined that they can't provide transportation for Daughter, which means she won't be going to the Day Hab program. Case Manager went to bat for us, and got the powers that be to say that Daughter can go to the gift shop. Actually, it's not a gift shop now, but until recently the workshop had a gift shop there. Now, it is an activity site for clients who don't want to work. Daughter's old supervisor (the one who told her to stop it and put an end to her psychogenic nonepileptic seizures at the workshop) is running the program, and initially they said she couldn't go because there was only one person there and they couldn't handle her diabetic needs. CM has convinced him that they can and should.

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I didn't have time to go through all the details with CM, and she was gone by the time I left the hospital. However, Daughter would be able to go 5 days a week, and the bus would pick her up. She would have to wait briefly in the workshop lobby, so I need to think this through. I'm hoping this is a good thing. Flasher didn't call this morning, so hopefully he's moving on. CM also told me that some of the problems may be solved when some people return to community employment in the future.

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I told Special Olympics Coordinator (SOC) that I was pulling Daughter out Special Olympics for now and that I'd pulled her out of the workshop. She said someone else had pulled their kid, too. They need to get a handle on the culture there, but with the concern about rights, that's going to be easier said than done.

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Daughter has an appointment with Therapist tomorrow morning. I'm going to talk to her about timing on this. I want Daughter completely away from the workshop for at least a few more days. She saw Pregnant Best Friend and her husband at the supper tonight. She talked to them for a bit and was down when we left. She recovered fairly quickly. Unfortunately, she heard the message from the Day Hab program. She was angry, but I told her there were options, and that seemed to satisfy her. I had ordered guitar hero, and it arrived today, so she's playing with it now....

Busy Week

This is turning into a very busy week. I'm grateful Daughter is doing so well. I dropped her off at daycare this morning. She was a little nervous, but overall happy and chipper.

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She did really well yesterday. It was a long day, and she was very patient and didn't complain as she entertained herself through an afternoon of visits and an evening of commitments at the church. I had today all planned out-- I was going to get the newsletter done and then go pick up Daughter and take her to the Special Olympics fundraising supper.

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I got a call this morning. The man who collapsed in church Sunday is having heart surgery this afternoon--at the hospital that is over an hour away. He'd like me to be there, so I'll be there. I tried to visit him in the hospital yesterday, but his wife wouldn't allow him in the directory. She was trying to keep some people from finding him. The fact that she wants me at the hospital this afternoon means I really do have to be there. I probably won't be able to stay until it's done, but I will definitely be there to pray with him before he goes in. I have to pick up Daughter by 5:00. Fortunately, this hospital is in the same direction as the daycare center.

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Daughter wrote Flasher a letter yesterday telling him it's over and to leave her alone. He'd left another voice mail yesterday morning. Just the sound of his voice sets her off. I'm a little bit concerned, but she has decided that she needs to hand him the letter personally. She says it's her responsibility. She's right, but I worry about the way hearing his voice affects her. Hopefully she can give it to him tonight, and that chapter of her life will be over. I still have custody of her cell phone.

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Now I need to get over to the church. I have less than 3 hours to finish the newsletter....

Amazing

Daughter entertained herself in the church office for 3 hours last night while I was involved with other things. We didn't get home until after her bedtime, and she had a mini-meltdown. She informed me she was going to call the workshop and inform them she needed to be picked up today. When she had cooled off a little we talked, and I offered reassurance that everything would be okay. I pointed out that she hadn't felt safe for sometime, and while the new arrangements might not be perfect, they would definitely help her feel safe.

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This morning when she came downstairs, she was singing. She came into the living room and sang, "Good morning to you." She had made her own lyrics up to fit her mood and the day. It was wonderful to see her so happy. We spent the morning over at the church. She took some things to the post office to be mailed, and spent the rest of the time working on an art project for Therapist. The project shows her progress in getting out of the Deep, Dark Hole. She didn't interrupt or demand attention until 11:45, when she announced that her blood sugar was dropping. So, we came home and ate lunch.

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She knows that I have to make some visits this afternoon, and is packing her purse with things she can use to entertain herself. I am amazed at the change in her. When I talked to Therapist to set up an appointment for Daughter, I expressed regret that I hadn't recognized what was going on and taken action earlier. Therapist told me not to go down that road. As I think about it, it would have been difficult to do anything earlier, for a variety of reasons. This is happening at the right time. I really do see God's hand in this, and I am grateful.

Setting the Wheels in Motion

Daughter and I went to visit the Day Hab site this afternoon. Case Manager was also there. It will take some work to get all the paper work in order, but the plan is for Daughter to attend their 3-4 days a week. There is one day they are full, and another day that is questionable. They also have to figure out the bus route. The place is 25 miles from here, and they haven't come this far north before. I view time on the bus as bonus time that I don't have to deal with her. The day hab program won't cost me anything. She is excited and scared. She alternates between playful and down and scared. Part of the time she was pointing out things they had, part of the time she was sitting on the floor wrapped around my leg. I liked the people, and while I think Daughter will be one of the highest functioning, that's okay for right now.

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She will go to the adult day care Wednesday-Friday this week, and at least 2 days a week until she starts the day hab program. Then she may attend one day a week. I'm tired, but relieved that we've come up with a workable plan.

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I wrote a letter to Flasher's mom. Case Manager is going to address and mail it (she can't give me the address because of confidentiality issues and I don't know mom's last name). She thought it was a good letter. She also listened to the voice mails so she can confirm what Flasher said. I'm going to pull Daughter out of Special Olympics for right now. I hate to do it, but it became obvious yesterday that there is no good level of contact with him.

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Daughter has lost the ability to earn money at the workshop, so I've suggested she stay at home on Thursdays and I will give her jobs she can do around the house to earn money. I have to develop a job list and how much I'll pay her for each. We're going to make this work. As Far Away Sister said, Daughter has learned there are always options, and she's not trapped. That's a good thing for her to know.

Drama and Daycare

I am now in possession of Daughter's cell phone. Flasher called and left her two voice mails this morning. He is sorry about his mom, he still loves, he wants their relationship to continue, and he provided instructions for how to contact him without either of the evil moms knowing about it. Daughter admitted that she had had a friend send him text messages on her behalf. I had text messaging blocked on her phone after she subscribed to several premium services.

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She still loves him, and is determined to continue the relationship. Sigh. We visited the adult daycare center this morning. She liked it. It will work out, though it will be expensive. This afternoon we go to the day hab program south of here. That wouldn't cost money. I suspect we will end up using a combination of the two. Case Manager may come to the day hab program this afternoon.

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I am going to write Flasher's mom a letter. I need to cool down a bit before I write it, but I am going to ask that she not talk to Daughter again, but come to me with concerns. I am going to point out all the times I haven't called the cops about her son, and suggest that maybe she needs to concern herself with his activities more than Daughter's. I am seriously considering pulling Daughter out of any Special Olympic sports that he is doing.

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Daughter's sense of humor is returning, and when she hasn't been berating me for trying to prevent her from seeing her True Love, she's been playful this morning. My hope is that once her days are filled with other things she will be able to set Flasher aside. I hope.

A Challenging Day

Today has been a challenging day. After several days of summer, winter returned yesterday. Unfortunately, our furnace had already gone on summer vacation. It was not easy to drag myself out of bed this morning. This was one of those mornings when everyone wanted a peace of me. A man who has some health problems and hadn't been in church for a while was there this morning. His son brought him. It was good to see him. The special music this morning was beautiful, and it moved Daughters to tears. I saw her leave worship. The woman she was sitting with indicated she was crying.

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As I was beginning the time with the children, the man had an attack of some kind. The nurses of the congregation converged on him, and someone got the AED while someone else called 911. I prayed for him, then returned to the children and tied the excitement into my conversation with them about the power of God's love.

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You have heard me say before that Tiny Village is very isolated. Our fire protection comes from a volunteer department 10 miles away. It takes them at least 15 minutes to get to us. We sang a hymn, and I went to check out the situation. I preached a sermon and called for the offering, and went and checked on the man. His color had improved, and he was responsive. The squad finally arrived. I wasn't timing them, but a board member said it was 30 minutes. I asked the congregation to remain in their seats until after the medics had gotten the man to the ambulance. They were very obedient.

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After a few more conversations about difficult situations, I came home, thanked the trustees who had called the furnace back to duty, and changed clothes. I dragged Daughter with me to the hospital, where I checked on the man. They were thinking he'd had another small stroke or heart attack. He was doing well. I stood there talking to him in the ER and thinking of all the times I had done this with Dad. In that moment, he reminded me of Dad.

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I took Daughter to lunch, and ran into some members. We had a conversation about their mom, who they just moved to a nursing home. She is having some struggles with confusion. I found myself remembering Mom.

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We ran into the grocery store to get milk and bread, and put them in our insulated bags and headed to track practice. Flasher was there, and Daughter spoke to him briefly. He asked if she'd be at the workshop tomorrow. She told him she wouldn't, and he was frustrated because he was planning to bring her an engagement ring on Monday. So all the way home I heard how she had to be at the workshop tomorrow and she had to follow her heart and she loved Flasher and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

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We got home, I gathered my papers, and went over to the church. A couple I'm marrying was waiting for me. We ran through the final plans for the wedding. As they left, the board arrived, along with some guests from the regional church who had come to check on the health of the church and answer their questions. We put a number of business items off until next month so we could be done by 6:00.

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I came home, exhausted. As I was heating up leftovers for supper and talking to Far Away Sister about estate matters, Daughter got a call on her cell phone. She hung up and was sobbing. Flasher's mom called her and told her if she didn't stay away from her son, she was going to call the cops and charge her with harassment. She told Daughter that she was never to talk to her son again.

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It confirms that the decision to pull Daughter out of the workshop was the right one. I'm struggling with the idea of her going to the area track meet next month. I had not planned to go, and I don't know that I want her there with Flasher. I want her to be in Special Olympics, but I don't want her around Flasher. She has suffered enough because of him. I wish I knew the truth of what had gone on between them. I will call Case Manager tomorrow to tel her about what happened today. I'll let the deal with it.

Conflicted

I let Daughter sleep as long as she wanted this morning. It was noon before she rolled out of bed. She was dry! C came over and we put Daughter's bed back together and put her dresser back in her room. I washed all the linens again with deodorizer. Even washing the daily, they still had the urine smell. Her room is now fresh. She was very pleased to have her room back to something a bit more normal. I haven't put her desk or nightstand in yet, but they will come as she shows she can handle things.

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She has had several moments of anxiety and anger today. Change is hard. She's going miss her friends. She should be able to stay at the workshop. Her friends think I'm evil. Each time we've talked things through, and she's acknowledged that this is what is best for her. She knows this is the best thing for her, but both of us are anxious as we figure out how we're going to manage without the workshop.

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When she gets through the anger, she's been happy and cooperative today. Her sens of humor is returning. Her playful nature is back. I'd forgotten how charming she could be. I'd forgotten what it was like to enjoy spending time with her. I'm grateful.

Reality Hits

I knew that some point it would hit Daughter that she was leaving her friends and familiar routine. One of the reasons I decided to celebrate adoption day yesterday evening was to distract her. It worked, at least for the most part. She came home and slept (avoidance). She loved the show, but was sobbing during the intermission (which is pretty much how she handles all shows). She came home and complained of being in terrible physical pain. At one point she was doubled over on the floor because she was in so much pain. Having been conned far too many times, I offered her ibuprofen, which she declined, and pretty much ignored the dramatics.

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Change is always hard for her, and this is a pretty major change. I'll admit, I'm a bit concerned about how it will all work out, too. I remain confident, though, that this is the right choice. We had a discussion about where we wold go to eat last night. She wanted a restaurant I'd eaten in twice this past week (once with her). I wanted a different place. Since I was driving and paying....

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"Fine. I see this is an argument I'm not going to win."

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"You should be thanking me. Thank you, Mom, for taking me out to eat. Thank you, Mom, for adopting me. Thank you, Mom, for keeping me even when I'm being a turkey."

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"Gobble. Gobble."

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I chuckled, which prompted her to giggle and say, "Happy Thanksgiving!"

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I'm hoping that with this change, I'll see more of her humor. That's my hope and prayer as we enter into a challenging week....