Snapshots

Daughter was helping with childcare today at church.  She looked at the bulletin and expressed disappointment that she'd miss out on some of the hymns.  I pointed out that we were headed to a conference where she'd have the opportunity to participate in worship twice a day.  Her whole face lit up.  "You're right!  I forgot."

By the time worship began, she had told half of the church that I hadn't packed any of my clothes yet, and we had to leave this afternoon.  We actually left earlier than I had planned.  I knew what was left to do wouldn't take much time, but she was anxious about it.

An adoptive mother of a son with autism came up to me after church with tears in her eyes.  "M bought a trailer!  He's been wanting to get out on his own."  He has also been holding down a fast food job for 9 months now.  I shared her excitement.  I said, "Did you ever think, when you began your adoption journey that a trailer and fast food job would be cause for celebration?"  She said she hadn't, and then observed that I was one of the few people at the church who could understand what great news this is. 

When we finally got in the car to head to our conference, Daughter said, "We used to sing when we were going someplace.  Can we do that again?"  So for the first half hour or so, we sang hymns.  Then she hooked her ipod up so we could listen to Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. 

A Conversation with Daughter

We live near a mall.  There has been an empty anchor store at one end of the mall for a number of years.  They have decided to tear it down and build a movie theater in that area.  When we drove by it today, the work had begun, and the middle portion of the empty store was a pile of rubble.  I expressed surprise, and pointed it out to Daughter. 

"Now Program won't be able to go the mall and walk."

"Yes they will.  It won't effect mall walking."

"They walk through the entire mall."

"This store has been empty and was blocked off from the mall."

"But they go in every store."

"This store was empty-- there wasn't anything in it."

"It's stupid to have an empty store in the mall!  They should tear it down!"

"Exactly.  That's why they are doing it."

"They should tear down the whole mall!" 

Sigh. 

Sigh

I picked up Daughter this evening.  She'll go back in three weeks.  They gave me a huge tub of her meds.  They didn't give me enough test strips.  They have a real obsession about controlling test strips, and ration them out to Daughter.  That's fine on most days, but on days when she has a low and needs to recheck, that is a problem.  I think there are some power struggles going on-- I'm an involved parent.  Daughter is much higher functioning than most of their residents.  I'm just going to go buy some additional test strips.  It will be expensive, but I'm not going to go to battle over it.  They didn't even give me enough strips for her scheduled blood sugar checks.  It is frustrating, to say the least. 

I spent some time working in my garden today, which was nice.  Now I need to do some work inside, which I don't want to do.  I hate getting ready to go on a trip.  It will be fine once we get there, but the preparation is no fun.  I'm having more pain in my arm/wrist which doesn't do much to improve my mood....

Pre-Vacation Anxiety

Daughter is well into pre-vacation anxiety mode.  She's afraid she'll run out of test strips.  She's going to miss her friends at program.  She's going to forget to pack something.  She has packed and repacked several times now, staying up much of the night to do it. 

She was at the church today, and this afternoon, when we were alone, she wanted to be almost on top of me.  She wasn't trying to prevent me from working (as she has in the past), she simply needed some reassurance. 

I have a bit more work to do on the sermon, but I'm about done preparing my class for Monday.  A volunteer came in and used the comb binder to put together all the material I will be distributing to my class. 

I'm developing a long list of things I need to do before I go.  I will pick Daughter up after supper tomorrow, and she will help with some of the work.  Hopefully with tomorrow and Saturday, we'll be able to get everything done.  Hopefully. 

Daughter's Disability

Daughter has Central Auditory Processing Disorder.  Her speech center wasn't stimulated when she was an infant, so she has trouble comprehending the spoken word.  That's why she prefers a written list of chores to a spoken list.  Her receptive language skills test out at a 3 year old level.  She presents well, so people don't realize it.  When I give her instructions, I stop to clarify that she understands.  Often she doesn't. 

She called a little while ago.  The Home Manager is trying to get her medications ready for our trip.  She was trying to figure out how many test strips Daughter would need.  She asked Daughter when she would be back, and asked Daughter to call me to clarify.  Daughter called, and she was scared.  She heard "there aren't enough test strips and they are too expensive and you can't have more."  She couldn't explain it to me, she asked me to talk to HM.  HM said Daughter was distorting things and she hadn't said anything about test strips being expensive.  I explained Daughter's receptive language skills are low.  I don't think she believed me. 

I think HM is overwhelmed right now.  She wants to take Daughter to her doctor's appointments without me.  I told her we can both be there, and that is fine and good.  I manage her insulin (I adjust within a doctor approved range), and I am her mother, and I will be at any appointments that I can attend.  She seems very defensive.  I'm not trying to criticize.  I don't expect perfection.  I know Daughter is challenging as vacation approaches.  Her anxiety level goes up and along with it her volatility.  I get it.  I hope they enjoy the 3 week break they will get. 

Just don't accuse Daughter of intentionally distorting things when she doesn't understand and is afraid.  After I talked to the HM, I assured Daughter it would be fine.  "I'm scared.  What if I have a low?  What if I don't have enough strips?"  I told her we'd get more strips if we needed to to.  "How?"  I told her we could buy some if she ran out.  She was genuinely scared.  She was seeking clarity when she was confused.  Her receptive language skills are at a three year old level.  Don't blame her for that. 

I Knew It...

So it wasn't really a huge crisis that set me back, or at least, not the expected type.  We have a drainage pond that has drain issues.  The property guys have been dragging their feet on addressing the issue.  Last week one of our members had quite a bit of damage to his home after the pond behind his home overflowed into his lower level after a heavy rain.  I sent an email to the property guys nudging them to address the issue. 

So today they had someone come out to clear the drain.  Except that instead of clearing the drain, they got their hose stuck in it.  Now they are saying it is our fault and we have to pay to dig up the drain and removed their hose.  There were three of our guys here, and they had at least 4 different opinions on how it should be handled.  By noon, I had had 6 different people in the office to talk about various issues, from drains to time lines to sermons.  I did not accomplish all I had hoped to accomplish this morning, though I did have some good conversations.  The drain issue is not resolved, and I'll have different guys here tomorrow to address it.  Hopefully they will get it fixed before the next heavy rain. 

After a wonderful lunch with a colleague, I'm back in the office hoping to accomplish a few things. Then I'm headed home to get some cleaning done and experiment with making my own sausage. 

The Final Countdown

I led two successful meetings today, which reduced my stress level significantly.  Now I have one sermon to write and some work to do on the class I'm leading next week.  I have some cleaning and packing to do.   Of course, I probably shouldn't be writing this-- it almost guarantees a time consuming problem will spring up....

Daughter's Memory

Daughter has a fantastic memory when it comes to my phone numbers.  We've moved twice, and each time I got three new phone numbers-- home, church, cell.  Each time she has found the numbers (I didn't think she necessarily needed them all) and memorized them immediately. 

I wish she could transfer that same skill to memorizing her passwords on the computer.  Over a year ago I set her up with a new password for iTunes.  I set her up a new email account, because the previous one she had set up for herself, and hadn't put my email address in as a rescue address.  I wrote down the usernames and passwords.  She lost them. 

Today I reset the gmail password and then, once I could get into that, was able to go in and reset the iTunes password.  She has put them on stickers on the computer she uses here at the house.  I have put them in a file on my computer.  She's grateful, and I'm grateful, because she did quite a bit of cleaning around the house yesterday evening and today.  I'm going to get her an iTunes gift card to put on her account.  She'll be happy. 

Weddings

If you get a group of clergy together, chances are they will have some wedding horror stories.  Emotions run very high at weddings, and the stress is sky high.  Everyone has their own idea of what the perfect wedding looks like, and everyone thinks there way is best. 

I plan out the wedding with the couple, then I run a very tight ship when it comes to the rehearsal. I ask them to bring the marriage license and any needed checks to the rehearsal, as then they don't have to worry about remembering those things on their big day.  The couple I married today were writing their own vows.  I told them they needed to bring those to the rehearsal as well. 

I acknowledge at the rehearsal that this is an event worth celebrating, and suggest they hold off until after the wedding.  I tell the story of the groomsman who had partied too hard after the rehearsal, and couldn't stay on his feet through the ceremony in a hot church.  I tell them to hold off on the celebrating until after the wedding. 

Last night at the rehearsal they hadn't written their vows, didn't have the check, and didn't have the marriage license.  They scheduled the rehearsal for 6:30, so I was at the church at 6:00 to open up.  They didn't get there until 7:00.  The groom wasn't sure where he'd even put the wedding license.  They decided to go home and get it and bring it back to me at the church before going to the rehearsal dinner.  I hung around the church for an extra half hour waiting for them to get back with the check and marriage license.  I had suggested they write the vows right after the rehearsal, but they insisted they'd do it when they got home. 

Today's wedding was outdoors on a lake. It was supposed to start at 3:00.  I got part way there and realized I'd forgotten my cell phone.  I decided I didn't have enough time to go back and get it.  I arrived at the place at a little after 2:30.  They were still decorating.  The men had not yet arrived, the bride was not dressed, and she was still working on her vows. 

I was promised the vows soon, and sent away.  They didn't come, and I began trying to remember the traditional vows, in case I had to lead her in reciting those.

The limousine arrived with the men a little after 3:00.  They got out of the limo holding cans and bottles of beer.  One had a huge joint stuck behind his ear.  The groom had at least written his vows.  He showed them to me, and they were beautiful. 

The guests were milling around, unsure where to go.  I'd given the ushers careful instructions, but one didn't arrive until after 3:00.  The other was every place but where she was supposed to be.  It was hot today, so everyone was looking for a breeze or a bit of shade. 

Finally, around 3:30, I was told they were ready.  They had to figure out where all the men had gone to get them into position.  Someone had to track down the groom.  They said we were good to go, so the groom and I went up front to wait for the rest of the bridal party.  We waited, and waited.  The groom realized there wasn't the music the DJ had promised from a speaker set up outside.  Someone went to ask him to set it up.  We waited some more. 

They are now married.  By the end of the day I could feel my feet and legs swelling up as I stood there on the hot pavers, waiting.  I always tell the couple that all that matters is that at the end of the day they will be married, everything else is unimportant, so don't sweat it.  Then I waited while they greeted all their guests so they could sign the marriage license and I could leave.  It was a long afternoon of waiting, made longer by the fact I didn't have my cell phone to distract me.

I had promised Daughter I would pick her up for supper after the wedding, and I would call when the wedding was done so she'd know when to expect me.  I had estimated I'd arrive around 4:30.  Of course, I didn't leave the wedding until after 4:30, and then I took the longer way home to avoid the traffic back up in a construction zone.  I stopped and picked up Daughter without advance warning, and we ate at a Mexican restaurant.

Now I need to finish the sermon for tomorrow, and then I'm going to bed.  It's been a long week.  Have I mentioned that I'm ready for vacation?

Warning: Pre-vacation Grouchiness

Administrative Assistant is on vacation right now.  She will return from her two week vacation after I begin my four weeks of study leave and vacation.  I told Treasurer that AA was very smart in her timing.  She doesn't have to deal with my stress and grumpiness as I prepare to be gone for an extended period.  I'm always tired as vacation approaches, and this year is no different.  I think the broken arm made it harder.  I'm prioritizing carefully, and still working too many hours.  I have a wedding today.  I spent yesterday morning in the office, came home and mowed my lawn, and then showered and went back to church for the wedding rehearsal.  I ended up spending 4 evenings at the church this week.  I did not get a day off.  This coming week is going to be even busier. 

I'm tired, so I'm not working efficiently.  There is too much to do, and I don't want to do any of it.  The sermon isn't done for tomorrow, and I haven't started preparing for the two meetings I'm leading on Monday.  Yes, AA is very smart.  I just have to make it until the afternoon of June 30th.  Then we'll be off to the conference we attend every year.  The conference where I am teaching a class I've not yet planned....

Daughter's Bad Day

Daughter got punched in the face today at the workshop.  If you're counting, this is the third man she's had trouble with this week.  She called me, and insisted she hadn't done anything.  It was bad enough they put ice on her face and one of the staff members took her home. 

A staff member called me to tell me about it, and basically the punch came out of the blue, with no warning.  The man is autistic, and apparently thought Daughter was talking too much.  He does not have a history of violence.  Staff thought she'd probably have a bruise on her cheek. 

Daughter will be with me tomorrow, which is good.  Friday they have a basketball game, and Daughter is singing the national anthem and leading the cheerleaders, so she's looking forward to it.  I'm not sure which of us is more in need of a vacation right now.  Have I mentioned lately that I'm tired?

Food Sensitivities and a Miracle

At the recommendation of my nurse practitioner, I had food sensitivity testing done.  Today I received the results. Let's just say I have a lot of sensitivities, and I am in for a drastic lifestyle change.  There is a detox diet that starts me with a very limited menu, and I have decided that I won't begin that until after I return from our camping trip.  I think it will be too hard to follow on vacation.  I will be eliminating some things from my diet, though.  Things like dairy, wheat, turkey, beef, peanuts, apples, grapes, broccoli, and all processed foods.  Supposedly I will feel much better when I make these changes.  I certainly hope so, because it's not going to be easy. 

We are currently looking for a new pianist, as ours is moving out of the area.  From the beginning  people have been saying they wanted Old Pianist back.  OP played here for several years, and then left for a position at his home church.  That didn't work out, and he is at a neighboring church served by a friend.  I told them I would not recruit OP away from my friend.  I even warned my friend that my people were coveting his pianist.  Last week we interviewed 2 individuals last week, and we had concerns about each of them.  Today I finally managed to get in touch with one of the references, and it confirmed some of our concerns.  I asked the choir director to contact the reference, as he was the one who would be working most closely with the pianist.  I was sharing my concerns with the Treasurer when the phone rang. 

OP had heard about the position from my friend.  He thought it was a joke, and then found the posting online.  He wants the job.  I emailed the committee, asking if they'd like to interview him.  I very quickly had responses from 2 of them (who were responding from their mobile phones at work).  The responses were simple, "YES."  I think this may be a miracle in the making....

PTSD

Daughter's PTSD is making life difficult for her right now.  She is reacting to some of the things going on at the workshop.  I'm not sure how much of what she says is real, and how much is her need to emphasize that she doesn't feel safe.  These men need to learn to respect the boundaries she's setting for her, and I may need to block another phone number on her cell phone.  I told her to ignore the calls, but she says the one guy called her 6 times this evening.  She's been turning her cell phone off when he gets too annoying. 

The staff at the workshop is addressing the program with the men and their parents.  I'm just tired. 

Drama and Recovery

I think I'm about back to normal.  I'm working closet to my normal hours.  It feels good. 

Daughter was with me all weekend, and was not in the best of moods.  Finally, as we headed to the minor league ball park for a church outing, she told me what was wrong.  She had a new boyfriend.  He had informed her he had made reservations and was taking her out to dinner at a certain time.  He didn't ask her.  He didn't check to see if the date and time worked for her.  She informed him she wasn't available.  She identified the fact that he wasn't showing her respect, and it was reminiscent of her Oldest Birth Brother.  She decided to tell him she wasn't interested in him and ask him to stop calling.  She then acknowledged that life was easy and she was happier when she didn't have a boyfriend and wasn't seeking one.  Maybe that acknowledgement will get us a few months of peace....

The game last night was pretty bad.  As a pastor of a congregation attending the game, I was introduced on the field.  There was also a pastor's reception on the suite level, which was nice.  The game was pretty bad-- lots of errors.  The home team was soundly defeated.  Following the game they had fireworks, and that was pretty nice.  If you leave out the ball game it was a good evening.

A friend from seminary showed up in worship this morning.  We had a wonderful visit.  I last saw him 4 years ago at a conference.  His oldest daughter is close to 30.  I remember when she was born.  How did I get to be this old????

Daughter, the Soloist

Daughter signed up for special music last Sunday.  Administrative Assistant helped her pick the best song for her range.  Our sound guru stood by and adjusted the volume on her CD and her mic.   Her mic was down pretty low by the end of the song.  So this morning Daughter goes to find the sign-up sheet for special music.  She brought it in and showed me.  She'd signed up for this Sunday.  I informed her she could only do one solo a year. She got mad, and proceeded to pout. 

I went into my study and found her pouting on my sofa.  I informed her that if she wanted a job, she'd best learn to work through her disappointments, because pouting would get her fired.  Of course that just increased her drama.  She decided to walk home.  Of course it was too far, so I told her that wasn't a good idea.

Eventually she turned it around.  She helped take down tables downstairs, did a bunch of shredding, and was generally helpful.  She's helping with the kids' program at church tomorrow night, and we have a baseball game Saturday, so the plan is for me to pick her up tomorrow evening for the weekend.  I've already told her an attitude will earn her a quick trip home....

New Resident

Daughter's home is getting another new resident, and it is another woman moving out of her old home.  Her case manager has both homes, and is continuing to move people out, which means things haven't approved since Daughter moved out.  Daughter is not thrilled about the woman who will be moving in.  Daughter considers her difficult.  Of course, there are many who consider Daughter difficult, and I'm among them. 

She was dreading going to her program today, but this evening she told me she used her voice and spoke to a staff member about the man who she felt was harassing her.  She is satisfied with the plan to deal with it.  It's nice to have her dealing things without my help.

We had an interesting conversation this morning-- one of her friends wants to get an apartment with Daughter.  I asked her if she thought she was ready, and she said she wanted to try.  I finally asked her how it would have worked if she'd given Older Birth Brother that address-- who would have stopped him from seeing her?  She decided maybe she isn't ready....

One Week

Administrative Assistant was on a mission trip last week.  Next week she leaves for 2 weeks of vacation.  When she returns, I will be on vacation for 4 weeks.  So this is the only week we have together in the office in 8 weeks.  That means this is a very busy week.  Very busy.  One of the priorities for this week is getting some planning done for fall.  I like to kick off the fall with a themed sermon series.  This fall we will be using the story of the Exodus to reflect on our personal faith stories and the story of the congregation.  We are working on banners, new hymn verses, time lines, stickers, a drama.  So far it is coming together well.  We have volunteers working on designing the banners and writing the hymns. 

Today was our first day back together, and to say we were scattered would be an understatement.  We had to catch up on what went on last week, of course.  Treasurer needed some of her time.  I was playing with various ideas, and seeking opinions.  We had research projects we hadn't been able to complete without her help.... 

I'm pleased, though, with what we accomplished.  Our third Friday night children's program is this week, so the program director was hanging around the office for a while working on things.  The program is growing, and we're excited to see where it will take us in the fall.  We've had new adult volunteers each time, and more children have joined us each time.  I'm going to be the story teller and music leader this time.  We are taking July and August off, and will restart in September. 

Daughter was texting me about sexual harassment at her program today.  I kept referring her back to staff.  She wasn't too happy with me.  I wasn't overly concerned about it.  She tries for drama, but isn't having much luck with it....

Sometimes....

We have a trailer at the church that we use for mission trips.  We have a crew that got back Saturday from a trip.  They didn't get all their tools out of the trailer.  Someone cut the hardened locks off the trailer and stole the saw and air compressor that were still in there.  Sometimes it's discouraging.  We use this trailer and these tools to help people, and someone made those efforts a little more difficult....

PT Consult

I have a couple in the congregation who are retired Physical Therapists.  She sent me a get well card reminding me of their expertise.   Tonight I sat in worship with my wrist hurting.  It's been puzzling to me, because the pain is not where the break or plates are.  I asked for a consult after worship.  She suspects I have a bad wrist sprain, and prescribed ice.  She also suggested wrapping it in an ace bandage as a reminder not to use it too much.  She's going to bring one to the church tomorrow for me.  I'm grateful for the expertise within the congregation. 

I had promised Daughter I'd take her shopping this afternoon.  A couple invited us to join them for lunch following worship, and she offered to take Daughter shopping.  I was very grateful.  Even though I didn't have to preach this morning, I'm dragging this evening.  I'm still not back up to full strength, as much as I would like to be.  It will come....

Healing vs. Healed

Fresh off the good report from the surgeon, I went out to work in the yard today.  I did some things in the back yard, and then decided to trim some bushes.  I have an old manual pruner.  I completed one large bush, and started on another before my wrist began to hurt.  My work day ended at that point.  While my arm is healing, it definitely isn't healed. 

Daughter was very helpful.  She helped by spreading mulch.  There is still a great deal of work to do in the yard, and more mulch to spread.  I think I may have to ask for help.  I hate asking for help.  I know, though, that there will be people who are willing to give me a hand, and I'm grateful. 

Saw the Surgeon

I had an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon this morning.  He was very impressed with my range of motion.  He said that on average you can expect a loss of 15% of range of motion with the type of injury and surgery I had.  Less than 4 weeks later, I have a loss of about 20%.  He said I don't need to go for physical therapy.  I think that the typing I do on a daily basis has helped regain the motion.  After the surgery, I couldn't make a fist or touch the tips of my fingers to my thumb.  I have complete use of the hand and fingers now. 

I asked about restrictions-- he said I shouldn't engage in contact sports or lift heavy things yet.  I celebrated by doing yard work today.  I still don't have the stamina I'd like, but with Daughter's help I was able to get quite a bit done.  I'm pleased.  A church member mowed my lawn today, but I'm going to try doing it next week.  If I'm not up to it, there are several people who are willing to do it for me.  I asked specifically about mowing the lawn, and he didn't see a problem with it. 

Profound Words from Daughter

Daughter was not in a very good mood this morning.  Apparently she's been on edge ever since her first conversation with Oldest Birth Brother.  He's been calling her, and last night he finally went too far.  He called, and she told him she was tired and was going to bed, she couldn't talk with him.  He then sent her a text saying he needed to talk to her.  She called him back and asked him what part of "tired and going to bed" he didn't understand.  She told him she would call him when and if she wanted to talk to him again.

As we talked, more came out.  He was planning a trip to come see her.  He had a date picked out, but wouldn't tell her when.  She'd given him her address, so he just planned to show up at her house and surprise her. 

Refusing to respect her boundaries and planning a surprise visit without her consent were powerful triggers.  I explained that she was reacting out of the past, and that he was once again refusing to respect her boundaries.  I told her he'd violated her boundaries in the past, and she wasn't going to put up with it.  He also was showing her a lack of respect, another echo from the past. 

She was looking for answers as to why things were so bad in her birth family.  I understand, and she needs to understand that they are real people, and she can't control their response or emotional demands on her.  I suggested she thought they were like a museum.   She could visit them, learn things, and then leave and be done with it.  She liked that analogy. 

We talked some about the fact that she'd been molested.  She talked about the problems that created with boy friends, because she wasn't comfortable being physical with them.  "They took something important away from me.  It's gone forever, and I can never get it back."  She's right.  They stole her innocence, her trust, her ability to enjoy the sexual. 

I said, "I'm sorry your family disappointed you again."  She said she was a disappointment, too.  I assured her that she is not a disappointment, she's my daughter.  It was a good conversation, but I can tell that the contact with OBB is weighing on her.  I have assured her that she will not have to see them or talk to them if they show up.  He is almost 40 and lives with his Paternal Grandmother.  She was planning to drive him here so they could both visit.

During the termination of parental rights case, OBB acknowledged molesting Daughter.  PG testified in court that her sweet OBB never did anything like that.  He's an angel.  She insisted the other brother must have done it, "There's something wrong with his brain.  He needs an operation on it."  I will do everything I can to prevent Daughter from having to see them if she doesn't want to.  She needs to feel safe and secure in her home, and if she's living in fear of them showing up on her doorstep, she won't. 

Forgiveness

Daughter has been having somewhat regular phone conversations with her Oldest Birth Brother since she first talked to him on the day I broke my arm.  She seems to enjoy them, and I have not seen any signs that they are triggers for her PTSD. 

I'm having a harder time with the knowledge she is in contact with him.  He molested her.  Repeatedly.  She was 2 years old.  I don't want OBB anywhere near my Daughter.  He is part of the reason life is so hard for her.  Does she remember this?  I don't know.  I know she wants nothing to do with Birth Father.  For a long time she didn't want any contact with OBB.  Now, she's enjoying the contact.  He lives several hundred miles away, and at about 40, is still living with his Paternal Grandmother.  During a hospitalization he acknowledged that he had molested his Daughter.  PG insisted he never did anything wrong, and was an innocent victim. 

I know he was a victim.  I also know he was a perpetrator.  Daughter seems to have forgiven him, I'm having a harder time.  I don't want him to hurt Daughter again.  My challenge is to forgive him and to pray that this new relationship via phone and text message is healing for both of them....

Hard Conversation

Daughter came home with me after church and did some cleaning for me.  She did not want to go home.  She is frustrated with her life.  She wants to get a real job.  She wants to live independently in her own apartment.  She feels like she's stuck.  We have these conversations every so often, and they are always hard.  Always. 

I was able to tell her that Administrative Assistant and I were talking about her on Friday.  I told her we were impressed by how much she has grown and matured since she moved out of my house.  I pointed out that she is now at the workshop 4 days a week.  When we moved here, we decided she couldn't handle it at all.  When she started at the workshop, one day a week was overwhelming.  She acknowledged this, and told me it doesn't feel like she's making progress. 

She was once again saying she'd prefer to live with me.  Not happening.  There are times when my heart aches for her.  It's hard.  Today was even harder because I am so tired.  I was so tired I probably shouldn't have been driving.  But I got her home safely, and now I'm in for the evening....

I Survived

I made it through my first Sunday back in the pulpit.  It was good to be back.  Many people told me how glad they were I was back.  We had a big crowd today-- there were several family celebrations going on.  One woman was celebrating her 90th birthday, so her family was in from out of town.  I was careful to conserve energy, sitting much of the time before the service, and sitting through some of the hymns. 

I made it through the two meetings following the service, too.  They were both productive.  Now I'm home in my recliner.  I'm tired, but I made it through.  I'm grateful.  It really was good to be back, and to be welcomed back so warmly.

A More Productive Day

After the graveside service I picked up Daughter.  I came home and changed, and we started planting.  I was not as successful in starting seeds as I had hoped, so we went to the store and bought a few plants.  They are in the ground.  I did a bit of weeding.  Then I was done.  I don't think we're going to get the predicted rain, so I'm going to go out and water things. 

My stamina is improving, slowly but surely.  The incisions are healing well.  I'm getting more range of motion in my wrist, and am able to lift more.  Tomorrow will be interesting, I'm preaching, we have communion.  There is a fellowship meal after the service, and I have two meetings after the fellowship meal.  I suspect I'll be sleeping tomorrow afternoon....

Officially Old

I am officially old.  I have a graveside service today, so I have on my funeral dress.  My legs are too white and I hate wearing shoes without socks.  I was afraid if I tried to put pantyhose on, I'd be done for the day (just a shower still takes a lot out of me. The dress is long, so I put on some sheer black knee highs.  I have seen older women do that, and I always thought it a little weird.  I won't in the future.  It's much easier than pantyhose.  I'll be standing for the entire service, so I don't need to worry about anyone knowing-- except everyone who reads my blog. 

After the service I'm picking up Daughter.  If I have any energy left and the weather cooperates, I hope to have her help me in the yard.  It's not likely, but I keep hoping.