I Think I'm in Love

I visited another group home today.  It was amazing.  Good neighborhood, and good, caring staff.  Closer than where she lives now, but not too close-- she won't be able to walk to my house or the church.  It's a nice house with only 2 women living there right now.  Eventually there will be 6.  There are 2 live-in staff.  The owner keeps more staff than she needs because they are good.  She has the education and experience to understand Daughter.  This is her third home, so she has experience and run a tight ship. 

I told Case Manager that I wanted to get things set up ASAP.  She promised to get working on it. 

Slow Process

I'm visiting another option for Daughter tomorrow.  I will then decide which one I think will be the best fit for her.  We will have a team meeting about that home.  We will schedule visits, and eventually, a move-in date.  This is a slow, time consuming process. 

Life continues to be busy at the church, and I continue to search for ways to increase our efficiency.  Today we set a bunch of calendar dates and deadlines.  I prefer to be proactive, and we are setting things up to do just that.

Home Visit

I visited a potential home for Daughter today.  It's much closer-- about 5 miles.  There are 4 women, plus a staff member who lives in.  Daughter would have her own room.  It's small, but it would work.  I like the owner.  Daughter would be the highest functioning, but I think it might work. 

The next step will be for Daughter to visit the home and eat supper there.  I'm hoping that will happen soon-- like Thursday.  Then  we'll arrange an overnight visit.  Then she'll move.  I still haven't heard anything from the home Case Manager liked. 

Daughter's Request

Bad roads resulted in many closures today, including Daughter's program.  So she's home with time to think, and apparently she has been plotting.  She sent me a text telling me that she wants to move on her birthday, and she even had a date for the meeting to set it up.  I haven't told her she's definitely moving, I've just been responding to her complaints with, "We're working on it.  Give us time." 

Case Manager was concerned about her finding out too soon.  I'm not at all surprised that she figured it out.  In an hour I'm scheduled to visit the house I'm considering.  I hope it goes well. 

Payback

So now we're getting the pay back of my complaint with the state about Daughter's group home.  She is no longer allowed to self-inject her insulin.  They're waiting on a doctor's order.  Daughter was not happy, and I began receiving texts of protest.  She wasn't safe because people were touching her body to give her insulin.  I pointed out that I touch her body when I give her insulin.  Her response:  "Yes, but you're not crazy or a crack head."  I tried to rationalize via text, and finally I just sent, "Chill."  Her response:  "Okay.  I love you." 

If I'd known telling her to chill would stop the arguing, I'd have done it a long time ago. 

Confirmation

Daughter's recent visits have been relatively pleasant, and I had toyed with the idea of allowing her to move back home.  This weekend I received confirmation that that is not a good idea.  Her blood sugar was high this morning.  She got up during the night and raided the freezer in the basement.  I didn't lock it.  I get tired of having every thing locked up.  She's not moving home. 

Ducking the Fight

Daughter wanted lunch at a fast food Italian place yesterday.  We had some errands to run, and I thought eating out was a good idea.  We stopped by the church (where Administrative Assistant put out the closed sign when she saw me coming), and then were heading to lunch.  As we got in the car to leave the church, Daughter announced she was having the biggest meal available.  I said no, as we were having a late lunch and would be having a big supper with Sister Best Friend and her husband.  Daughter then said, "Okay, then I get bread sticks and cheese cake."

I said, "Okay, then we'll eat at the Coney Island.  You can have a sandwich."  There were tears, but she recovered quickly.  She was super helpful at home.  She cleaned the kitchen after we ate supper.  She is so much happier at home these days.  I'm going to see a new house on Monday.  Hopefully that will be a good placement for her.  I still haven't heard from the house that Case Manager likes so much, even though she has twice asked the owner to contact me.  I think that one is a no-go. 

Call Me One Proud Mama

I am a proud mama today.  Several people have now come to me to describe what happened in worship last week while I was home on my personal retreat.  The pianist had requested prayers for her daughter, as she had entered the hospital that morning with pregnancy complications and babies threatening to be born too soon.  She also asked for prayers for herself to make it through the service as she worried about her daughters and longed to be with her. 

During the final hymn, she was crying as she played.  Daughter left her seat and went over to the piano and stood behind her, putting her hands on the pianist's shoulders to support her as she played.  Several people have told me about it  now, and they've had tears in their eyes as they described it.  One said that upon seeing it she stood their crying, unable to sing.  The man who was telling me about it last night said he stopped singing to stand there and watch, and he loves to sing. 

I am so proud of Daughter and her compassion for the pianist.  As several people have told me lately, she is maturing into a fine young woman.  I'm also grateful to be serving in a congregation that recognizes and celebrates her growth with me. 

Call

Frederick Buechner wrote, “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” 

This afternoon I met with a young woman in the congregation who recently moved back in with her parents.  She has been downsized several times, and is now doing several part time jobs, including substitute teaching.  We are making plans for a new ministry with children, and have the money to fund a very part time position to coordinate it.  I thought it might interest her. 

Sometimes I'm actually able to discern the Holy Spirit's promptings.  She is excited.  She thanked me numerous times for asking her to do this.  She sees it as a volunteer opportunity, and isn't interested in being paid for it.  I sent her out with the names of two men who are willing to work with her on the planning and a box of resources. 

I think she has been called.  This was one of the meetings that makes me grateful to be a pastor. 

Writing

When I was young, I wanted to be author.  When I was serving in my first church, I  was still dreaming of writing a book.  I read once that a minister writes the equivalent of a book every year between sermons and various other things we write.  I was thinking about that today as I was writing newsletter articles.  I used to lament having to write a 5 page double spaced paper in college.  Today I wrote over 5 pages of single spaced articles for the newsletter.  I finished those, and went back to working on the sermon for Sunday. 

It's not quite the way I envisioned being a writer, but I definitely do a great deal of writing.  I'm exceedingly grateful that I'm no longer writing on the manual computer I used in college.  Yes, I'm that old. 

Daughter comes home tomorrow, and will be with me through Sunday.  She's quite excited about it.  I'm pleased, because I will know she is safe while she is with me.  Last night she had a cold supper.  They can't seem to figure out how to get her her meds and serve her a hot meal.  It's beyond their capacity to plan.  She said she took it into the kitchen and stuck it in the microwave.  I do believe she's smarter than some of the staff. 

An Investigation

I received a call from the state licensing division today about my complaint.  They will be investigating Daughter's group home.  I made some calls to new homes.  I will visit one on Monday.  The other would I eliminated.  They are new, and will have both men and women living there.  Daughter needs an all female home. 

She has a mouth full of cavities, and they are going to begin filling them tomorrow.  She was not thrilled when I explained what they would be doing.  I wasn't very sympathetic, and reminded her this is why I'm always bugging her to brush her teeth. 

It was a busy day in the office.  Our mentoring program is not going as smoothly as we'd like this year.  The director is getting frustrated and tired.  We will be having additional conversations at another time.  Today time was limited. 

Home Improvements

I've ordered new flooring for my kitchen, so today I painted the hall to the garage.  It's a short hall with three doors:  one to the half bath/laundry room, one to the basement, and one to the garage.  It gets a lot of traffic, and the walls were pretty beat up.  I painted them with semi-gloss so they will be easier to keep clean.  I also watched the inauguration. 

It has been a good weekend.  An excellent board retreat.  A day to reflect on it, and then today an opportunity to complete a project at home.  I think I'm ready to jump back in tomorrow. 

Daughter has called several times, but she hasn't asked me to come get her, for which I'm grateful.  Of course, the fact that it has been a cold, snowy day may have had some thing to do with it.  Daughter was cute when she called me this morning.  She wanted to make sure I knew that President Obama was going to be on TV today.  She has been very excited about him.  It's been good for her to see someone who looks like her as president. 

Annoyances

Daughter now has to use the agency pharmacy, since they will put her prescription meds on cards in blister packs.  Since the shift, they have yet to get the billing right for her prescriptions.  She has my insurance (until she turns 26 in March) and Medicaid.  When I was getting her prescriptions, there were always occasional mistakes.  Pharmacy techs would forget to bill medicaid, and they would try to charge a huge co-pay.  I'd point out she also had medicaid, and then wait while they rebilled the prescription. 

The agency pharmacy keeps sending me huge bills.  I call, the person in billing looks at the account, tells me there has been a mistake and she will fix it and I don't need to pay it.  The next month I get a bill that hasn't been fixed and has grown with the current month's prescriptions. 

Last month Daughter's nurse talked to the pharmacist at the agency about it.  He said there had been mistakes in billing, but they were fixing it and the bill wasn't really that big.  Yesterday I got another bill.  Yup, it was bigger than last month's.  It's over $2,000 now.  To say I am frustrated would be an understatement.  I think this time I'm going to write a letter.  I will put my frustrations in writing and ask for a response and explanation in writing.  This has become a major annoyance.

This week I will begin the process of checking out new homes for Daughter.  Then there will be the visits, the meetings, the paperwork, and we'll hope that this home gets it right.  This is more than an annoyance, because it involves Daughter's health and safety. 

All of these things take time and energy, time and energy I would much rather spend following through on things we talked about at our retreat yesterday.  Our leaders are great.  They have told me to take the time I need to get things straightened around for Daughter.  When I find her a new home, they will hook the trailer up to one of their trucks and move her belongings to her new home. 

Two families provided transportation for her today.  One of the houses I'm going to look at is only a couple of miles from here.  At lunch yesterday they were joking that Daughter would be able to walk to my house.  I told them that anyone who taught her the way would be in big trouble.  They thought that was funny.

Many of them have commented on how much Daughter has matured in the last year.  One told me on Friday, "She has grown into a fine young lady."  I'm glad that is how she presents herself to the world, and I'm proud.  I guess it makes it worth all the annoyances....

Long Day

Today was spent at the church leading the retreat for our two boards.  We were there for 7 hours.  It was a long, productive day.  God is doing some amazing things among us.  When we came to the priorities for me for this year, two of three priorities for my time were self-care and delegation.  We talked about some areas where I no longer need to be as involved. 

Daughter texted once, wanting me to come rescue her. I ignored the text, as she knew I would be in a meeting all day.  After the meeting I went to the hospital to visit a woman, and now I'm home.  I don't plan to leave until Tuesday....

Complaint Filed

I filed a complaint with the state licensing board this afternoon.  I was able to do it online.  I listed 3 concerns:  diet and failure to count her carbs and provide appropriate nutrition; multiple medication issues and falsifying records; and neglect in their failure to provide appropriate care to two older women.  Daughter has expressed concerns about the lack of appropriate care for these two women.  She has personally helped one get dressed when all staff would do was yell at her. 

Daughter tried to convince me she should be here tonight and then she could clean the house and fix supper for me when I'm in my meeting tomorrow.  I wonder if she really thought I'd leave her here alone for 7 hours....

Case Manager gave me contact information about a third house today-- it's within a couple of miles of here.  In fact, when I was house shopping my second choice was on that street.  I'll be checking the houses out next week. 

Daughter's House

So there have continued to be more challenges at Daughter's house.  Psychiatrist reduced Daughter's lithium, but I noticed last night the new blister packs in her med box was back at the old dose.  I gave them the benefit of the doubt, and emailed, asking if Psychiatrist had increased her dosage....

There was another email I had written outlining a series of issues.  House Manager finally responded, stating she had no excuses.  She's short staff, and another staff person quit this morning.  She's correcting things when they happen, disciplining according to policy, shipping people back for training, and the problems continue.

Next week my priority will be to go visit the new houses and see if one is appropriate for Daughter. 

I went into the office today for a few minutes to make the final copies for tomorrow's big meeting.  At least, that was the plan.  I ended up being there for about 3 hours.  The place was a zoo this morning.  I think we're ready for tomorrow.  It will be a long day, and I'm looking forward to it.  It will be interesting to see where the Spirit leads....

Colleagues

I had one of my overnight retreats with a group of colleagues last night and this morning.  As usual, it was a wonderful opportunity to get away and catch my breath.  I was up too late, and didn't sleep very well in my hot room, but it was worth it.  It gave me some direction for my personal retreat this Sunday. 

I jumped back into things when I got back to the church.  We had our winter party with the kids we mentor at the local elementary school.  I was the story teller.  I read the story and begin diagnosing what I see in the kids.  I'm sure the one girl has Fetal Alcohol issues. 

This evening I will be teaching a class.  I thought it would be easy, but even with the leader's guide, this one took a great deal of preparation.  I'm grateful I'm not preaching this Sunday.

Daughter continues to insist I get her out of the house.  She wants to come back to live with me.  I have contact information for two different homes I'm going to check out.  Hopefully one will be a good match for Daughter. 

A Conversation

Today I went to visit the 93 year old man who may be dying.  He is at his son's house, and his son was there during the visit.  We talked some, and the man was polite.  I offered some suggestions and tried to frame his situation in a positive light. 

His son was beaming when he came in to the board meeting tonight.  His dad's lady friend had come to visit after I left.  His dad had replayed the entire conversation to her, offering her the same comfort I had offered him.  It's nice to know that my words  mattered to him. 

The board meeting tonight was long, and went well.  We were doing some training, and we crammed a lot of information into the time.  Saturday we will begin looking forward and setting goals for the coming year.  Tomorrow night I will be at the retreat center with my peer group.  I'm looking forward to the chance to pause and reflect in the midst of a busy week. 

Daughter's Pleas

Daughter has begun begging me to get her out of her house.  The newest staff members tried to get her to take her meds before supper was ready yesterday.  I don't know how to get it through to them how dangerous it is for her to take her insulin early, and how difficult life becomes for everyone when her anti psychotic isn't given with her supper. 

I know I need to find another place.  I have one option to check out right now, but Daughter would be by far the youngest and highest functioning.  Case Manager is seeking other options.  This week is pretty full, but I'm going to see if I can pursue the one option I've been given.  She's begging to come home, but that is not a good option.  This week I have an overnight retreat and a meeting all day Saturday, and no good options for caring for her while I'm busy. 

I'm grateful Daughter has become such a strong advocate for herself, and I worry about the women who don't have strong advocates.  I will be filing a report with state licensing. 

Long Day

Today has been a long day.  There is a lot of illness in our community.  Administrative Assistant wasn't there today.  She'd been up all night coughing.

The man who was running the sound board and PowerPoint this morning was soloing for the first part of the service.  He is lacking in confidence, and worries about making mistakes.  He asked me if there was anything out of the ordinary before worship this morning, telling me he didn't want to make mistakes.  I told him I thought it was pretty straight forward, and told him not to worry about mistakes.  I reminded him there are lots of mistakes in worship-- most of them mine. 

We were installing officers today, and I needed to find someone to present them and ask the congregation to support them.  The first leader took the liturgy and found someone else to do it. 

One of the officers we were installing was in tears this morning.  His 93 year old dad cancelled his overseas trip after they found a large mass in one lung.  He is coughing up blood.  He has moved his father into his home for now.  This has all come up within the last 10 days, and as of Friday, he was still planning to make the trip.  His son says he's slipping fast.  I asked if I should come visit, and was told yes, but it can wait until tomorrow.  I'll stop by around noon.  His dad is a remarkable man, and was in worship last Sunday.

When we got to the installation service, I discovered I hadn't given the liturgy to the man who puts it in PowerPoint.  I said, "Okay, we'll do it the old-fashioned way," and grabbed my notebook.  I had the man who had been recruited to present them join me in the responsive reading that began the service.  When we got to his first lines, he said it wasn't on is liturgy.  I pointed it out in my notebook.  There was one point where I realized part of the service was missing. 

As we were progressing through the service, I became aware that there was a woman in the back of the church had passed out.  L has a history of doing this, which is why she sits in the back.  She hasn't done it in several years.  I also became aware that there was quite a bit of concern.  One of the new officers was a nurse, so I sent her back before the installation prayer. 

As we proceeded to the next hymn, I saw the situation in the back was getting worst.  Most of the congregation was unaware of what was going on.  During the final hymn, I went back and had a prayer with them as they waited for the squad to arrive.  Before the benediction I asked the congregation to wait for the squad to leave before going out the front doors to give them room to work. 

When Nurse went back, she could find a strong pulse.  Then it got thready.  By the time the squad arrived, they couldn't find a pulse or a blood pressure.  Husband was insisting he was fine and could go to the hospital alone.  When I heard what had happened and realized that Husband was now scared, I recruited a man to go with them to the ER-- he has been involved in other hospital visits, so I knew he'd be comfortable.  He had worked with a man whose wife died this fall, and had done a wonderful job.

I took Daughter for lunch, and got a phone update that the woman was now conscious and stable.  After lunch, we returned to the church, and I did the inventory on her pills.  I had a 2:00 meeting, and then dragged Daughter with me to the hospital.  She waited in the waiting room while I went back into the ER to see the couple.  They were doing lots of tests, no answers yet.  The ER was packed-- they have asked people not to go to the ER with the flu, but I don't think the people packed in there had heard....

As I took Daughter home, it started to sleet.  I decided I'd best get gas on my way home.  With two people experiencing serious health issues, I have to be prepared for the middle of the night call.  I left the house before 8 this morning, and didn't get home until 5:00.   My driveway was white with ice when I got home.  I'm grateful that I have a garage and that I didn't have trouble with the slight hill up to the garage.  There have been times when the driveway has been so slippery I had trouble getting up it.  I hope I'm home for the night. 

Oh, the man who was soloing on the soundboard (and was done before I got to the installation service with the missing parts) came up to me after the service, smiling.  "I see what you mean about things happening in worship."  Yup, things happen, and we go with the flow.  Daughter was wonderfully cooperative through all of this.  In fact, when she heard we were going to stop by the hospital before I took her home, she said, "Yeah, I get to spend more time with Mom."  A long day, but there is much to celebrate in it. 

Decorations

This morning we took down the Christmas decorations at the church, and this afternoon Daughter is helping me do the same thing here at home.  It feels good to be getting things back to normal.  She has been very helpful. 

For some reason, my back is bothering me today.  When  Daughter sees me in any kind of pain she gets scared.  Very scared.  At one point she wanted me to go get a massage right away.  It's more an annoyance than anything else.  I finally took a break and came to sit on my back massager.  We're almost done in the living room, which is where most of the decorations were.  There are still a few things to take down in the family room.  Daughter brought up all the boxes, and since my back is bothering me, I know she will take them all back downstairs, too. 

On projects like this it really is nice to have her around. 

Odds and Ends

Tuesday evening I went online and joined weight watchers.  I have tried to diet many times, but always on my own.  I decided this time I was going to get some help.  So far it's going well.  I've lost the extra weight I put on over Christmas.  I have a lot of weight to lose, and I am determined that this time I'm going to lose it. 

Daughter's house continues to be incompetent.  I'm not even going to talk about the issues now.  I am going to make some calls next week to check out some different homes.  I will be picking her up tomorrow morning, and will continue to have her here more frequently and for longer periods until I can get her into a new place.  Of course, next weekend I won't have her home at all.  It's the board retreat, so I'll be busy all day Saturday and off on Sunday.  I'm looking forward to it. 

Today I picked out new flooring for the kitchen.  After pondering many options, I'm going to get a high quality sheet vinyl.  More of the peel and stick tiles are coming up n the kitchen.  It's time. 

Trust

The house forgot to pick Daughter up today.  When she called to find out where they were, no one answered the phone.  Three times.  She finally sent a text to the house manager.  Someone is going to get her.

One of the staff members promised to put her DVDs in a safe place in the office.  She didn't. 

Daughter asked me, "How can I trust them?"  Good question.  The woman who runs the house I'm going to look at for Daughter will be back from vacation tomorrow. 

Struggles

It seems as though Daughter is really struggling when she is away from me.  Of course, she may be being overly dramatic in an attempt to manipulate me.  I've been having her here more.  Next week I will be able to make contact on one house that is a possibility for her.  The challenges are finding her a house that is all women and that has someone she can relate to.  She is much higher functioning than most of the residents in the system, which makes it challenging.

I know the right place will come open.  I also know that the move will be very challenging for her.  Very challenging. 

Daughter's Rant

Beginning this week, Daughter will be going to the sheltered workshop two days a week.  She requested this at the planning meeting last month. 

Last night, after our final party of the season, she was helping me clean the kitchen.  She went on this rant, raging about how she wasn't safe at the workshop, and she didn't want this, and the staff harassed her, and she didn't belong there.  I didn't respond much, and she continued shouting (and occasionally crying) for 10-15 minutes.  The entire time, she was working.  It was surreal.  When she finally stopped, I told her that I knew it was scary and I suspected once she got there today she'd feel better about it. 

The kitchen is now back to normal.  The 5 leaves are out of the table.  The 12 extra chairs have been returned to the basement.  The punch bowl and large coffee pot are back on the basement shelf.    It's amazing how much room there is now with all of that put away.

Our last party yesterday evening went well.  It was funny, though, I had a hard time getting them to go get their food.  I realized we were a bunch of ministers, accustomed to being last in line at church suppers.  

Today I brought lunch and supper, and will be here until after this evening's meeting.  The next couple of weeks will be very busy.  Lots of good things happening, and lots of work. 

One Last Party

Tomorrow I will be hosting the area clergy from my denomination for a supper party.  I'm expecting about 20 people.  I'm providing 3 kinds of soup, tea, hot chocolate, and punch.  Everyone is bring some kind of food to share.  I'm looking forward to it.  There is one retiree coming that I don't think I've met, and there will also be some spouses that I haven't met who will be in attendance.  Daughter decided she wanted to be part of the party. 

I'm looking forward to it, and I'm also looking forward to taking down the decoration and returning to something approaching normal following this final gathering.  The next few months are going to be busy ones.  I'm excited about the possibilities that are coming.  Daughter came home this afternoon.  She has been helping me with some of the preparations for tomorrow.  She's a bit stressed, because beginning Monday she will be working two days a week at the sheltered workshop.  It is a change, and she always gets anxious when there are major changes coming....

Juggling

Today in the office we were juggling a number of things: 

• This Sunday's worship
• Adding an additional copyright license
• Making plans for the board retreat and ordering needed books
• Year end financial reporting
• Payroll, which was due yesterday but can't be done until we get the payroll update from our software company (we're telling staff we're still climbing back up from the fiscal cliff)
• Remembering how to do something in PowerPoint
• Determining agenda items for Monday night's meeting
• Thinking about plans for Lent
• Working on calendar
• Discussing the reorganization of one of the boards
• Strategizing on who can lead various committees
• Convincing one of the computers to communicate with the printer
• Making plans for the winter party for our mentoring program
• Scheduling the work flow for the next few weeks
• Working on the master calendar for the year
• Strategizing on how to equip lay people to do some basic pastoral care

I told Administrative Assistant that I appreciated her good humor as we keep pulling her in a thousand different directions.  The good thing is, she likes days like this almost as much as I do.  When we go home after a day like today, we feel good about all that we are accomplishing.  It's nice. 

Psychiatrist and Back to Work

Before Christmas we had to reduce Daughter's lithium because the blood levels had gotten too high.  I was concerned, but soon set my concerns aside because she was doing well.  Today we saw Psychiatrist.  She confessed that she had been worried about how the reduction in her lithium would affect Daughter over the holidays.  She feared she was setting us up for holiday hell.  She was delighted to hear Daughter had done so well.  Daughter was pleased, too.   I felt bad because I had forgotten  was supposed to get her lithium level tested last week.  I took her in this morning, and was delighted to find that they were able to call and get the results before the appointment.  Her lithium level is fine. 

Today was my first day back in the office.  The treasurer and I were both walking around smiling.  We had been behind on pledges all year, but ended the year with people overpaying their pledges.   We started the year with a deficit budget, but income exceeded expectations and expenses were less than budgeted, with the result that we will have money to divide between capital improvements and mission.  I alerted the property guys to this, and they going to explore painting and carpeting for the sanctuary.  It is much needed, since nothing has been done since it was built 30 years ago. 

Treasurer was talking about what a great job I'm doing.  I told him I'm simply managing to stay out of God's way.  I'm grateful. 

2013

Daughter and I actually stayed up to see the new year in last night.  It's been several years since I've done that.  I haven't heard that anyone is sick, so it sounds like we may actually be able to have our Christmas celebration with family today.  We're pretty much ready.  Daughter has been super cooperative, and I am grateful.

Goals for 2013:

• Move Daughter into a home with staff that take their responsibilities more seriously, so we will both have the confidence of knowing she is safe.
• Lose some weight.
• Exercise more.
• Make a decision and get a new kitchen floor installed. 
• Continue to get the sermon done in advance so I have time off each week without a sermon hanging over my head. 
• Delegate more at the church.
• Lead a visioning process for the congregation. 
• Continue to enjoy life. 

I wish everyone many blessings in the coming year.  May all your resolutions contribute to your growth and happiness (even if they don't last throughout the year).