Monday, September 21, 2009

A Wake Up Call

So now Sister is angry with me because I asked Brother to check on Dad's DNR status when he went to spend some time with him yesterday. She has been checking on it since Wednesday, and hadn't done it yet, so I decided to ask someone who might actually do something. Her anger actually caused her to call this morning, and she was shocked to discover that Dad is full code. They will do everything possible to try and save him, including hooking him up to a ventilator. She was shocked. Far Away Sister thinks that may have gotten her attention.
Supposedly she's going to get the paperwork and get it filled out today. Far Away Sister is going to call Brother and see if he'll handle it when Sister gets too busy and doesn't have time. Brother also told Sister that it took over an hour for them to respond to Dad's call yesterday, and when someone responded, it was someone who had just come on and couldn't explain why the previous shift hadn't responded. I'd been expressing my concern that he wasn't getting good care, but again, Sister dismissed my concerns.
At this point, I don't care how mad Sister is at me. It's not about her and her feelings, it's about Dad's needs being met and his wishes being respected. I'm sorry I was right, because it means Dad could end up receiving care he doesn't want. I'm sorry I was right, because he isn't getting the assistance he needs to prevent his skin from breaking down. I hope and pray that Sister will really follow through this time, but I'm realistic enough to know that she still may not be able to do it. If she can't, she needs to let go of her need to control and let Brother or me step in to protect Dad and see that his needs are met and wishes are respected.
I have tried to be patient with her and show some compassion, but that is rapidly running out, and if he ends up on a vent because she wouldn't/couldn't cope, there won't be an ounce of compassion left in me for Sister. My compassion will be for Dad and Daughter and the rest of the family that is in pain because of her refusal to deal with things.

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