Running Away in Place

Yesterday evening I made it over to Bible study after missing a couple of weeks because of other responsibilities. We were looking at Jonah, which is a book I have always loved. God tells Jonah to go to Ninevah, and Jonah gets on a boat headed in the opposite direction. He is deeply depressed, and is sleeping through a major storm. The others on the ship wake him up as they seek to determine whose God is punishing one of them on the ship. Jonah acknowledges that it’s his fault, and encourages them to throw him overboard (I find it interesting that he couldn’t even take the initiative to jump in himself). Anyway, they throw him overboard, the storm calms, and Jonah spends 3 days and night in the belly of a great fish. Eventually he prays, the fish vomits him out, and he goes to Ninevah to proclaim God’s judgment. The people of Ninevah repent, and God decides not to destroy the city. Jonah becomes depressed again because God isn’t going to destroy Ninevah, and sits and pouts in the desert. God comes and points out the foolishness of his ways, and Jonah eventually stops pouting.

I recognized myself and some of my recent struggles in the story of Jonah. Off and on since Daughter’s graduation, I have been searching for a call to a different church. I would very much like to be closer to family so I can be more helpful in the care of my parents. I’d also like to get back into a metropolitan area so there would be more opportunities for Daughter. For a while the search was on hold, because after three psychiatric hospitalizations in the summer of 2007, I decided she wasn’t stable enough to handle a move. Since I restarted the search, there haven’t been opportunities available in the area in which I am searching.

As I have been focused on moving, I find I have had less patience with some of the quirks of the people here. They haven’t changed, but my patience has lessened. I finally realized my anger wasn’t at them, but at God. I have not been willing to wrestle with God on these issues. I’ve been praying, but it hasn’t been the kind of deep wrestling I need to do with God. Last night I realized that like Jonah, I’ve been running away. I haven’t jumped on a boat headed away from Tiny Village, but I have been running away from God, just doing it right here in place. This morning I woke up hungry for more intense time with God, and so I spent more time than usual with Scripture and prayer. It’s a beginning. The conversation and struggle need to continue.

I had also seen my work here as being done. A number of major projects have been completed, and I thought it was time for someone else to step in with new ideas and direction. This past weekend, though, pointed out to me that exciting things are still happening, and growth is still taking place. My work here is not complete. I know that at the right time God will call me to the right place. There are times, though, when I wish I knew where I would be going and when it would be happening. For now, though, I rejoice that God is providing me with the new challenges I was seeking right here in Tiny Village.