Daughter doesn’t have a great concept of time. She wants very much to arrive at events early. The result is that if I allow it, she will begin bugging me about leaving two hours before we need to leave. I have learned how to manage this some. For example, if I lay down for a Sunday afternoon nap. I will tell her what time she may wake me up. If I don’t, she’ll come in to report the time every 15 minutes. When we are going someplace, I will tell her what time we need to leave, and what time she can begin bugging me about it. I have found her sitting and staring at the clock waiting for the moment when she can begin to bug me.
I have told her that being her mom is like having my own personal cuckoo clock following me around. When she becomes too obsessed with time, I look at her and say, “Cuckoo, cuckoo,” she will then back down a bit, at least most of the time.
Today we were a little later than usual getting home from church. She had Special Olympics Bowling this afternoon. Normally on bowling Sundays we come home, I sit down for a few minutes, and then we head into town and get lunch before bowling. When I walked in after church today, she was frantic. “We need to leave now and drive through someplace!”
“We have plenty of time. We will go to the Mexican restaurant because I want to sit down and be waited on.”
“But, Mom, I want to get there early so I can be on lane 1!”
“You will be there in plenty of time, and what lane you are on isn’t important.”
We went to the Mexican restaurant. Of course we had plenty of time, and when we finished lunch I thought it was still too early to go to the bowling alley. I decided to get the car washed since the car wash was between the restaurant and bowling. There wasn’t a line, the car was filthy, and it would fill a little bit of time.
Daughter wasn’t thrilled, but she could see that she would still get there early. When the workers started to dry our car, they found that there were still bugs on the windshield, so they told us to go back through. This time, there was a line. I could feel Daughter becoming increasingly anxious beside me. She was staring at the clock in the car. “Remember, that clock runs a few minutes fast, you still have plenty of time.”
“Oh, that’s right, I forgot!”
She pulled out her cell phone and began checking the time on that every 30 seconds. We got through the car wash with fewer bugs, and headed to the bowling alley. By this time I felt like I was sitting next to a keg of dynamite. As we turned the corner towards the bowling alley (still early), she sighed. “Oh, good. There aren’t that many cars there.”
She ended up on lane 6, and had friends bowling all around her. I survived another outing with my favorite Cuckoo clock.
6 comments:
LOL, oh gosh I am going to read this out loud to my DD and see her reaction ( it should be like looking in a mirror !)
I will let you know!!
Owl
Interesting! Maybe it's a RAD thing. Let me know how your DD responds. I'd always thought this was unique to my Daughter.
Peace.
I always thought this was unique to my DD and her anxiety Dx, but RAD it is. The thing is she will bug and bug her dad to leave or get somewhere early cause she NEEEEEEEEEEEDS to be there early for one fabricated reason or another, then he;ll get mad and say forget it she can't go, or he'll drag his feet to leave CAUSE she is pushing so hard, then her anxiety leval increases........... its a vicious cycle.
with me , shell start about mid day. She is not supposed to be anxious with me cause I will m- o- v- e- s- l- o- w- e- r- . So shell say things like ' well I am looking forward to soccer tonight, at about 9 ma. at noon she'll say' Hmmm I wonder if I should eat before or after we go to SOCCER?
at 2 pm............ ' do you need to do nay errands before SOCCER, we could leave early'
3 PM, I dont think I'll take a shower cause I just get all sweaty for soccer.
4 PM, ' I should call grandma ( or whoever) to see if she wants to come to my SOCCER game. ( the theory here is that is someone is destined to meet us, then I cant back out no matter how crazy she makes me about leaving for SOCCER.
5 PM, she is dressing for SOCCER even thought the game is at 7 Pm.
5:30 PM, meets dad at the door and announces she has SOCCER so what does he want for dinner??????????
ACK........
6 pm she is too nervous to eat cause she might get a stomach ache for soccer and wont be able to run.
6:15, is rushing around doing a half way job on the dishes so WE CAN LEAVE for SOCCER.
6:20....... so mom do you need to put on your makeup???, then she plays with the dog outside the bathroom door while I do.
6:25, " I wonder who is there? and begins tapping her nails on the counter, I send her to feed the horse and get in the car, but she is back in the house asking if she need to help me carry anything????????
sheesh, you get the picture
It sounds familiar. Fortunately, Daughter has improved, partly due to healing and partly due to limits I've set. I wish I had an easy fix to offer you, but I don't.
Peace.
Hi ministry, I had daughter read out loud the letter about the cuckoo clock, she was saying 'ok I get it' after the first paragraph.
Then saying 'who sent this?' after the second, then laughing out loud at the rest saying 'I do that, this is ME'
her take at them end, ' well I dont have a cell phone'
LOL, we were both laughing by the end and I said ' see we are not alone, we have twins somewhere'
She asking asked who you were, a friend did not suffice'
I told her you were a friend who had a daughter a little older than her with a RAD dx, and that the 2 seems to have a lot in common.
Is was nice for us to laugh at ourselves together. She especially recognized the anxiety and the anxiety it causes the mom, the nap scene, staring at the clock, and checking the clock every 30 seconds.
MY DD actually sighed outloud when you got the the bowling alley parking lot and it 'wasnt that full'
How funny is that?
Owl
Owl,
Thanks for sharing the rest of the story. I hope that your daughter will learn from this. I think it's fascinating that the girls approach time in the same way.
Peace
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