Mommy Time

Daughter's first call came about 11:30 this morning. Her blood sugar had dropped a little, and she was concerned because there was someone different handling meds today, and she didn't think she would take good care of her. I assured her that she'd be fine, and that she had the same instructions to follow as all the other staff.

The second call came at 12:30. Daughter was in tears. She couldn't tell me what was wrong, she was just stressed and worried. She insisted she needed to see one of her doctors right away. I considered my schedule. I needed to go to town to visit some folks in a nursing home. Tonight I have the second Access class. Daughter had left frustrated this morning, because I had told her she had to apologize to her respite provider tonight. She'd told her that she had vacuumed the stairs Tuesday, and she hadn't. I suspected this was about me "abandoning" her two nights this week, so I decided it would be better to pick her up early if I wanted to go to class tonight. If I didn't deal with her need then, she'd manufacture a crisis to keep me from going to class.

So I did my best to reassure her and help her make it through the rest of the day, but I wasn't surprised when that didn't work. I asked her what she wanted, though I already knew. I told her I'd come get her in about 30 minutes. I stopped and dropped some things off with one of the saints, and then went to the workshop. When she came out, she was no longer crying, but she hugged me (in public--which is usually much too embarrassing). When she hugged me, I could feel her shaking.

She stayed in the car while I went in to the nursing home to visit my people. As we drove home, I asked her if she needed some mommy cuddle time when we got home. She sounded relieved, "Yes!" She still hadn't been able to tell me what's bothering her, but when we got home I looked through the mail, then picked up a book I've been reading, and sat down on the couch. Daughter snuggled in next to me, and Cat claimed my lap (at least Kitten didn't decide she needed to get in on the action.) Daughter quickly fell asleep. I sat with her and read for about an hour, and then she graciously allowed me to leave, though she fell back to sleep on the pillow.

Mommy cuddle time is getting awkward. She's 21 and almost 5 inches taller than I am. Her psychiatrist tells me that emotionally, she's 8 or 9. Now that she's had that time with me, she'll be able to pull it together while I'm gone this evening. It would be nice if I knew the source of her anxiety. There are so many things it could be, from a hormone imbalance that is also contributing to the blood sugar challenges to guilt that she lied to the respite provider to anxiety because her routine has been disrupted by this class I'm taking to anxiety about having another severe low. Whatever the cause, I hope that an hour on the couch with me will be enough to carry her through the evening.