It's been snowing for the last two days. Daughter shoveled the sidewalk clear at church this morning without complaining, and did a good job. I was impressed. I didn't get involved because of my wrist, which has been complaining since I sat down to play the piano the other evening.
When we got home today, I couldn't get the car up the driveway and into the garage. I parked in the street, and told Daughter we were going to have to shovel the driveway. It's not a big hill, but it's enough of a hill that it can be hard to get a vehicle up it when it is icy or snowy. Daughter went out and began, but her competence of this morning had vanished. I finally went out to help her. I suggested it would work better if she didn't throw the snow into the west wind, but she insisted she was doing it the only way she knew how. I picked up a shovel and told her to watch. As she watched the wind blow the snow I tossed to the west back across the driveway, she finally understood. I tried to show her how to loosen up the packed snow that had been driven over, but she refused to figure that out. My wrist complained, but I suspect I did most of the work. It took almost 2 hours with both of us working, but we got it done. The car is now safely tucked away in the garage. It is still snowing and we will be heading out again for Christmas caroling in about half an hour. Hopefully we won't get too much more. I don't know who much we've gotten, but it came over the top of my boots when I walked in the yard. It's supposed to continue snowing through Tuesday. It looks like it could be a very long winter.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Friday, December 13, 2013
Predictable
Last Friday Daughter insisted that she didn't want to do any more outings. She wanted to stay at the workshop and work so she could earn more money. She wanted that written into her plan for the coming year. I suggested that she should keep her options open, and there might be outings she wanted to do. She insisted she wouldn't change her mind and wasn't interested in any more outings. We finally decided that there would be the option of attending outings. I warned them that once she made up her mind, she couldn't be allowed to change it. If she said she didn't want to go on the outings one week, she needed to live by that decision, not change her mind at the last minute and be allowed to go.
This morning she called me. She told me she'd made a mistake, and should have signed up for today's activity. I told her she had to live by the decision she'd made earlier in the week. She was not happy, but she didn't go on the outing. (I don't know if she asked to go or not.)
In one week's time, both of my prediction have turned out to be accurate. She is so predictable....
This morning she called me. She told me she'd made a mistake, and should have signed up for today's activity. I told her she had to live by the decision she'd made earlier in the week. She was not happy, but she didn't go on the outing. (I don't know if she asked to go or not.)
In one week's time, both of my prediction have turned out to be accurate. She is so predictable....
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Trusting
In Daughter's current home, which is much better than the average group home, mistakes continue to pile up. In less than a week there have been the following issues:
Part of the challenge is that on paper, she doesn't qualify for the level of care she needs. She can do many things independently. She requires constant supervision, though, due to the diabetes and food issues.
The mistakes and problems are taking a toll on me. I'm still trying to figure out what to do about it all. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm trusting her to God's care. It would be easier, though, if the humans involved with her care were a little more competent.
- Inadequate protein in her lunch.
- Running out of her anti-psychotic without taking action to secure more.
- Giving her half of the insulin she should have had at supper, resulting in blood sugars in the 200's the next day.
- It's smaller.
- There is less staff turnover.
- It has a much better location.
- The staff is more competent and more caring.
Part of the challenge is that on paper, she doesn't qualify for the level of care she needs. She can do many things independently. She requires constant supervision, though, due to the diabetes and food issues.
The mistakes and problems are taking a toll on me. I'm still trying to figure out what to do about it all. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm trusting her to God's care. It would be easier, though, if the humans involved with her care were a little more competent.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Another One Bites the Dust
Daughter has broken up with yet another Boyfriend. We had a long conversation about it yesterday evening. They had been together less than a month, but he was pushing for marriage. I have told Daughter I won't talk about marriage with her until she's been with a man for a year. That is very hard for Daughter and her friends. They seem to begin talking about marriage in less than a week. I think Daughter is grateful for my rule, especially since I tell her that is the advice I give all couples considering marriage.
She said Boyfriend already had figured out his guest list, and was telling his friends they were invited. Daughter said that his friends were going out and getting dresses and tuxes for the wedding. Really? Daughter has a hard time discerning what is realistic and what isn't. I assured her that one man had not gone out and purchased and tux and had it altered for their wedding.
Boyfriend had come to the Blue Christmas service we had last Wednesday night, and also was at yesterday afternoon's Christmas concert here at the church. I was a little surprised it had lasted this long. I'd overheard a conversation Daughter had with him when she was with me at Thanksgiving. She obviously did not want to talk to him.
She had begun to pick up on inconsistencies in his story. "He says his mom won't have anything to do with him, but he just saw her."
We talked about how needy he was, and I tried to explain what I saw as an attempt to control her by convincing her she was the only one who loved him or cared about him.
We talked about how our culture tries to make you feel like you have to be in a relationship, and how it is okay not to be in one. We talked about how I'm happily single. I do feel sorry for these men. They don't understand that Daughter is not ready for a serious relationship, and they don't know how to take it slow. I'm grateful that Daughter seems to grow a little more independent with each relationship. I hope the time will come when the relationship doesn't begin, when she is content to just remain friends, and is able to insist on that from the beginning.
She said Boyfriend already had figured out his guest list, and was telling his friends they were invited. Daughter said that his friends were going out and getting dresses and tuxes for the wedding. Really? Daughter has a hard time discerning what is realistic and what isn't. I assured her that one man had not gone out and purchased and tux and had it altered for their wedding.
Boyfriend had come to the Blue Christmas service we had last Wednesday night, and also was at yesterday afternoon's Christmas concert here at the church. I was a little surprised it had lasted this long. I'd overheard a conversation Daughter had with him when she was with me at Thanksgiving. She obviously did not want to talk to him.
She had begun to pick up on inconsistencies in his story. "He says his mom won't have anything to do with him, but he just saw her."
We talked about how needy he was, and I tried to explain what I saw as an attempt to control her by convincing her she was the only one who loved him or cared about him.
We talked about how our culture tries to make you feel like you have to be in a relationship, and how it is okay not to be in one. We talked about how I'm happily single. I do feel sorry for these men. They don't understand that Daughter is not ready for a serious relationship, and they don't know how to take it slow. I'm grateful that Daughter seems to grow a little more independent with each relationship. I hope the time will come when the relationship doesn't begin, when she is content to just remain friends, and is able to insist on that from the beginning.
Friday, December 6, 2013
Annual Planning Meeting
We had Daughter's annual meeting today to come up with her plan and goals for the coming year. She handled it well, and set some good goals for herself. Case Manager wants to take away choir the next time Daughter gets into food. I have told her that is the only place Daughter feels normal, and I will not take it away from her. I pointed out that I took away the privilege of coming home, so I am willing to do meaningful consequences, but not that.
The good news out of the meeting is that the agency will take over Daughter's finances. Her pharmacy bill continues to be a mess, and I haven't been able to get it straightened out. I will still be her guardian, they will be her payee. It gets rid of a big stress for me. I'm very relieved....
The good news out of the meeting is that the agency will take over Daughter's finances. Her pharmacy bill continues to be a mess, and I haven't been able to get it straightened out. I will still be her guardian, they will be her payee. It gets rid of a big stress for me. I'm very relieved....
Thursday, December 5, 2013
A Comedy of Errors
Daughter saw Psychiatrist Friday. On the way out, Home Owner dropped her prescriptions at the pharmacy, and they promised they would be delivered to the house on Monday. Daughter came to our Blue Christmas service last night, and then went home with me since today was her day to volunteer in the office and stay for choir.
I noticed last night she was out of her antipsychotic. She'd had it yesterday at supper, but didn't have any for today. Daughter was concerned. I assured her we'd pick it up from the house today. So, this morning she called the house. Staff informed her that the pharmacy hadn't delivered it and they didn't have any more at the house. I asked if staff was going to talk to Home Owner, and she said she didn't mention it. I told her to call Home Owner. She did. No answer, voice mail full. I told her to send a text. She did. Several hours later Daughter hadn't heard anything, so I sent a text (I try to stay out of these things, encouraging Daughter to be her own advocate).
Finally, this afternoon, I emailed Case Manager. Daughter has her planning meeting for the year tomorrow. These meetings are always stressful for her, and to ask her to sit through it without her antipsychotic isn't fair. I finally got a text from Home Owner, who dropped the medication off at the church for us. It turns out the pharmacy lost the prescription. Home Owner didn't know it hadn't been delivered (this issue has been addressed with Staff). Home Owner went and got the copy of the prescription the pharmacy had made and given to her. Then she delivered it to the pharmacy, waited for the prescription, and brought it here. She'd been in meetings and court most of the day, so didn't know what was going on.
Daughter had been getting increasingly stressed, but once she knew the medication was on the way, she relaxed. I'm grateful the situation got fixed. The pharmacy is going to investigate how the prescription got lost. I hope they figure it out so it doesn't happen again....
I noticed last night she was out of her antipsychotic. She'd had it yesterday at supper, but didn't have any for today. Daughter was concerned. I assured her we'd pick it up from the house today. So, this morning she called the house. Staff informed her that the pharmacy hadn't delivered it and they didn't have any more at the house. I asked if staff was going to talk to Home Owner, and she said she didn't mention it. I told her to call Home Owner. She did. No answer, voice mail full. I told her to send a text. She did. Several hours later Daughter hadn't heard anything, so I sent a text (I try to stay out of these things, encouraging Daughter to be her own advocate).
Finally, this afternoon, I emailed Case Manager. Daughter has her planning meeting for the year tomorrow. These meetings are always stressful for her, and to ask her to sit through it without her antipsychotic isn't fair. I finally got a text from Home Owner, who dropped the medication off at the church for us. It turns out the pharmacy lost the prescription. Home Owner didn't know it hadn't been delivered (this issue has been addressed with Staff). Home Owner went and got the copy of the prescription the pharmacy had made and given to her. Then she delivered it to the pharmacy, waited for the prescription, and brought it here. She'd been in meetings and court most of the day, so didn't know what was going on.
Daughter had been getting increasingly stressed, but once she knew the medication was on the way, she relaxed. I'm grateful the situation got fixed. The pharmacy is going to investigate how the prescription got lost. I hope they figure it out so it doesn't happen again....
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Cristmas
We have a sign at the church. You can put messages on it the old fashioned way-- we have a box of letters and a key. We also have a volunteer who was regularly putting inspirational sayings on it. With an emphasis on communication the last few years, we've recognized the sign as a way to communicate with the general public. So, we've been asking the volunteer to advertise certain events.
He was asked to advertise the bazaar, and didn't. After he put a new saying up, he was again asked to advertise the bazaar. He did. Recently the sign was empty. I wondered if he was frustrated that we were now telling him what to put on, and it was a from of protest or something. Last week he was asked to advertise the Blue Christmas service tonight and the Christmas concert this coming Sunday. He dutifully came in to post those last week. Both Administrative Assistant and I were in the office. He was worried about how he'd fit it all on the sign. "I suppose you won't let me use Xmas?" We all had a good laugh over that.
Sunday I thought something was off about the sign. I looked again. He'd left the H out of Christmas. AA and I talked about it, but didn't do anything. It wasn't high on the priority list. Someone called the church Sunday to tell us about the mistake. Today the property guys were meeting. One stopped by, then left. Then he came back. He'd had a phone call from his wife. "How do you spell Blue Christmas?" he asked, grinning. "With an H." I replied. He looked amazed. "You know about the mistake?" "Yup." "Are you going to fix it?" "There's a box of letters and the key in the next room. You are welcome to go grab 4 H's and fix it." "Four?" "Yes, 4. It is misspelled two times on each side of the sign. That makes 4." After a brief protest and trying to convince me I should never trust an engineer to spell, he and one of the other men went in search of the box. It is now fixed.
I am still pondering how I ask our volunteer if he'd like someone else to take over the sign responsibilities. He is a very intelligent man-- a medical professional in private practice. I suspect there is a bit of the passive-aggressive coming out the last couple of weeks. I suspect he may not like being told what to put on the sign. Of course, if he says he'd like to give it up, we'd then have to find someone who would be willing to do it. If I wait long enough, maybe someone else will fix the problem. For now, I choose to find the humor in it and wait....
He was asked to advertise the bazaar, and didn't. After he put a new saying up, he was again asked to advertise the bazaar. He did. Recently the sign was empty. I wondered if he was frustrated that we were now telling him what to put on, and it was a from of protest or something. Last week he was asked to advertise the Blue Christmas service tonight and the Christmas concert this coming Sunday. He dutifully came in to post those last week. Both Administrative Assistant and I were in the office. He was worried about how he'd fit it all on the sign. "I suppose you won't let me use Xmas?" We all had a good laugh over that.
Sunday I thought something was off about the sign. I looked again. He'd left the H out of Christmas. AA and I talked about it, but didn't do anything. It wasn't high on the priority list. Someone called the church Sunday to tell us about the mistake. Today the property guys were meeting. One stopped by, then left. Then he came back. He'd had a phone call from his wife. "How do you spell Blue Christmas?" he asked, grinning. "With an H." I replied. He looked amazed. "You know about the mistake?" "Yup." "Are you going to fix it?" "There's a box of letters and the key in the next room. You are welcome to go grab 4 H's and fix it." "Four?" "Yes, 4. It is misspelled two times on each side of the sign. That makes 4." After a brief protest and trying to convince me I should never trust an engineer to spell, he and one of the other men went in search of the box. It is now fixed.
I am still pondering how I ask our volunteer if he'd like someone else to take over the sign responsibilities. He is a very intelligent man-- a medical professional in private practice. I suspect there is a bit of the passive-aggressive coming out the last couple of weeks. I suspect he may not like being told what to put on the sign. Of course, if he says he'd like to give it up, we'd then have to find someone who would be willing to do it. If I wait long enough, maybe someone else will fix the problem. For now, I choose to find the humor in it and wait....
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Seven Miles
When we lived in Tiny Village, I regularly drove 10 miles to get to the store-- or almost any place I needed to be. After just 3 years here in Capital, I am spoiled. I need some things from a store that is 7 miles away, and it just seems too far to go.... I am going to head over there this afternoon, since this is the one day I don't have an evening commitment.
Administrative Assistant is out of town, and the office has been very quiet without her. I've had a few people come by today, including the activities director at the local nursing home. I lead worship there once a month, and the number of people attending worship has been shrinking. Last time there were two people. I'm supposed to go again on December 22. I don't mind doing it, but I'm questioning the expenditure of time and energy for such a small group. I shared my concerns with her. She had lots of excuses, but finally decided that she would issue special invitations and move the service from an out of the way conference room to the main living room for Dec. 22. We'll see if that helps.
Daughter had an appointment with Psychiatrist yesterday. There was agreement that she is doing well. I had finally remembered that fall is always hard for her due to anniversary events. Psychiatrist agreed with my theory, which was nice. Daughter is in a good place right now, and I hope it will last.
Administrative Assistant is out of town, and the office has been very quiet without her. I've had a few people come by today, including the activities director at the local nursing home. I lead worship there once a month, and the number of people attending worship has been shrinking. Last time there were two people. I'm supposed to go again on December 22. I don't mind doing it, but I'm questioning the expenditure of time and energy for such a small group. I shared my concerns with her. She had lots of excuses, but finally decided that she would issue special invitations and move the service from an out of the way conference room to the main living room for Dec. 22. We'll see if that helps.
Daughter had an appointment with Psychiatrist yesterday. There was agreement that she is doing well. I had finally remembered that fall is always hard for her due to anniversary events. Psychiatrist agreed with my theory, which was nice. Daughter is in a good place right now, and I hope it will last.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Christmas Program
Today we had a Christmas program. When I arrived 3 years ago, we had 3 children, all from one family. Now we have 7 children who regularly attend. This is the second year we've done a program/play as part of the first Sunday in Advent, which is traditionally hanging of the greens. I decided that we had enough children this year to have them form the nativity. I had 3 boys and 3 girls who seemed old enough to do it, so we had Mary, Joseph, 2 angels and 2 shepherds.
We were supposed to practice last week, but there was miscommunication, and when I went to get them to do their part, they'd finished practicing for children's choir and gone home. More emails went out, and we went forward.
The angels and Joseph arrived first. One angel carried the manger, one a blanket, and Joseph carried baby Jesus. All went well. Mary arrived, and I explained what she was to do, and escorted them to the office, where Administrative Assistant was waiting with costumes. The shepherds arrived, one of whom announced at the very beginning he wasn't participating. Joseph was refusing to put on a costume. The other shepherd decided not to participate. I went back to the sanctuary, where the angels had shed their costumes. One of the angels has sensory issues, and the costume was bugging her.
The grandmother of Mary came and asked if they could substitute a different doll for baby Jesus, because that was the only way Mary would agree to participate. In the end, one nervous Mary and two costumed, scowling angels participated. I suggested to the lay leader that she keep everyone away from a very grumpy, coughing pastor. The congregation, of course, was delighted to once again have a children's pageant. I was reminded of why it is I find Christmas pageants involving children to be exceedingly stressful.
We were supposed to practice last week, but there was miscommunication, and when I went to get them to do their part, they'd finished practicing for children's choir and gone home. More emails went out, and we went forward.
The angels and Joseph arrived first. One angel carried the manger, one a blanket, and Joseph carried baby Jesus. All went well. Mary arrived, and I explained what she was to do, and escorted them to the office, where Administrative Assistant was waiting with costumes. The shepherds arrived, one of whom announced at the very beginning he wasn't participating. Joseph was refusing to put on a costume. The other shepherd decided not to participate. I went back to the sanctuary, where the angels had shed their costumes. One of the angels has sensory issues, and the costume was bugging her.
The grandmother of Mary came and asked if they could substitute a different doll for baby Jesus, because that was the only way Mary would agree to participate. In the end, one nervous Mary and two costumed, scowling angels participated. I suggested to the lay leader that she keep everyone away from a very grumpy, coughing pastor. The congregation, of course, was delighted to once again have a children's pageant. I was reminded of why it is I find Christmas pageants involving children to be exceedingly stressful.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Lazy Day
Today has been a very lazy day. We've watched football and movies, and that's about it. I'm still coughing and don't have as much energy, but at least today my skin doesn't hurt and I'm not getting chills.
Daughter has been amazingly patient with this. Of course, she's been blowing her nose quite a bit, too.
I realized at some point that we hadn't finished one of the bulletins. We are having a Blue Christmas service Wednesday evening, and Administrative Assistant won't be in the office until Thursday this week. I had decided that I wouldn't mention it to her, and I would just finish it. Today I received an email from her, with the bulletin attached. She said we could talk about it tomorrow. I wasn't surprised that she remembered, or that she has a plan to finish it before she leaves.
We're having a fellowship meal after the program tomorrow. I think I'll stop at the store on the way to church tomorrow and buy some ready made cole slaw or something. I don't feel like cooking, and I'm not going out today. I don't feel up to it.
Hopefully another good night's sleep and I'll be ready to go tomorrow. Hopefully.
Daughter has been amazingly patient with this. Of course, she's been blowing her nose quite a bit, too.
I realized at some point that we hadn't finished one of the bulletins. We are having a Blue Christmas service Wednesday evening, and Administrative Assistant won't be in the office until Thursday this week. I had decided that I wouldn't mention it to her, and I would just finish it. Today I received an email from her, with the bulletin attached. She said we could talk about it tomorrow. I wasn't surprised that she remembered, or that she has a plan to finish it before she leaves.
We're having a fellowship meal after the program tomorrow. I think I'll stop at the store on the way to church tomorrow and buy some ready made cole slaw or something. I don't feel like cooking, and I'm not going out today. I don't feel up to it.
Hopefully another good night's sleep and I'll be ready to go tomorrow. Hopefully.
Friday, November 29, 2013
Thanksgiving
We spent yesterday with Brother, Sister, family and friends. It was a good day, though exhausting. I drove 190 miles, picking up Daughter, then Sister and Short Niece, and going on to Brother's home. I took my own food. When I arrived and Brother hugged me, he lifted me off the floor. He was impressed with my weight loss. Sister took a picture of me and posted it on facebook. I hate pictures of myself, but decided to make this one my profile photo. It's nice to feel good about the way I look.
Today Daughter and I went out to breakfast and then to the grocery store and health food store. She would have loved to do some other shopping as well, but once she saw the parking lot at the mall, decided maybe I did know a thing or two about shopping on Black Friday.
My cough and cold is now taking a toll. Earlier this week I had been proud to proclaim that while I sounded terrible, I didn't feel bad. I can't say that anymore.... Daughter has been cleaning. I've done a bit of cleaning, and a lot of sitting.
Hopefully by tomorrow I'll be improving. The extra sleep and rest through the day will hopefully speed the healing process.
Today Daughter and I went out to breakfast and then to the grocery store and health food store. She would have loved to do some other shopping as well, but once she saw the parking lot at the mall, decided maybe I did know a thing or two about shopping on Black Friday.
My cough and cold is now taking a toll. Earlier this week I had been proud to proclaim that while I sounded terrible, I didn't feel bad. I can't say that anymore.... Daughter has been cleaning. I've done a bit of cleaning, and a lot of sitting.
Hopefully by tomorrow I'll be improving. The extra sleep and rest through the day will hopefully speed the healing process.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Done.
I was out of the office part of last week, and Administrative Assistant will be out of the office part of next week. This is a busy time of year. Basically, we were struggling to get 2 weeks worth of work done in 3 days. To say it was a busy week would be an understatement. At one point we were ahead, but this week we were behind.
I have picked up the virus that's going around, so I've been coughing and don't have a voice. I sound horrible, but really don't feel bad. I am very grateful I'm not preaching this Sunday, since we have a drama and hanging of the greens.
Tomorrow we're going to be with Brother and Sister for Thanksgiving. I've told Daughter that she can come home with me tomorrow evening and spend the weekend. I also warned her we will be working. There is a lot of cleaning to do, and I'd like to get some decorations out and up. I also hope to get some extra sleep.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving.
I have picked up the virus that's going around, so I've been coughing and don't have a voice. I sound horrible, but really don't feel bad. I am very grateful I'm not preaching this Sunday, since we have a drama and hanging of the greens.
Tomorrow we're going to be with Brother and Sister for Thanksgiving. I've told Daughter that she can come home with me tomorrow evening and spend the weekend. I also warned her we will be working. There is a lot of cleaning to do, and I'd like to get some decorations out and up. I also hope to get some extra sleep.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Food
The reunion this weekend was my first attempt at eating in this type of situation. Breakfast was fine, because they were making custom omelets, so I could order mine without the meat or cheese that cause me trouble. Lunch and supper was much more challenging. For lunch the only thing they had that I could eat was gluten free bread. I went up to my room and brought the pecan butter I had made down and put that on it. One supper the only thing I could eat was a baked potato and the diced onions they had to put on top of it. Again, I went to my room and got some goat cheese and almond cheese I had brought along. It was a little frustrating, but it worked. I think the most frustrating part was having no idea what might be in some of the foods they were serving.
Here's what really interested me. I was with 3 colleagues from my original group. We are all well over 50. 3 of the 4 of us have been diagnosed with serious food sensitivities/allergies. I am also amazed by the growing number of restaurants that are beginning to offer allergy menus. It would seem that are issues with food sensitivities/allergies are growing. I think it might be worth it to do some research as to why that is the case.
I suspect that all the additives in our food and various other modifications we have made to food has something to do with it. As I have been able to wear smaller sized clothes, I have made a discovery-- each size is bigger now than it was at one time. I have some older slacks that are size 14 and tight. I have some newer ones that are size 12 and loose. I think our obesity epidemic is related to all these chemicals and such, too. I had dieted many times, and never with much luck. I had about given up, as I'm at the age where it is so hard for women to lose weight. I changed my diet not to lose weight, but to deal with other health issues brought about by my body's reaction to foods to which I am sensitive. The result: weight loss. The weight loss has come without hunger. As I've added more food, I've figured the weight loss would stop and I'd have to be care if I wanted to keep it off. I was delighted this morning to step on the scale and discover I'd lost another pound. The weight loss may have slowed down, but it hasn't stopped.
This diet isn't easy. In fact, this diet is hard. I haven't found a fast food restaurant with things I can eat. It's challenging to find any restaurant that offers options of food I can eat. I have to plan ahead and do more work to have food available that is convenient. Even food that I am not sensitive to may cause issues depending on how it is prepared. I bought some cashews recently and then discovered they'd been cooked in peanut oil. I can eat a few, but not very many.
I'm fortunate in that my mouth tells me when I'm eating a food I shouldn't eat. I'm sensitive to black pepper, and yesterday morning the chef added a little black pepper to my omelet. I could feel my mouth getting a little bit sore. I was able to finish the omelet, but made a note to specify no black pepper in the future.
Some people I know have taken the food champ challenge, and are eating on a food stamp budget. I haven't tried that, and I doubt I could make it work. The food I need does not come cheap. Fortunately, I have access to it and can afford it.
One final thought: there most likely are people who are obese not because of laziness or lack of willpower, but because they are struggling with food sensitivities. When are we going to hold companies accountable for the things they are putting in our food? When are we going to say enough? I hope that I have changed my diet soon enough to improve my health significantly. For others, it is already too late.
Here's what really interested me. I was with 3 colleagues from my original group. We are all well over 50. 3 of the 4 of us have been diagnosed with serious food sensitivities/allergies. I am also amazed by the growing number of restaurants that are beginning to offer allergy menus. It would seem that are issues with food sensitivities/allergies are growing. I think it might be worth it to do some research as to why that is the case.
I suspect that all the additives in our food and various other modifications we have made to food has something to do with it. As I have been able to wear smaller sized clothes, I have made a discovery-- each size is bigger now than it was at one time. I have some older slacks that are size 14 and tight. I have some newer ones that are size 12 and loose. I think our obesity epidemic is related to all these chemicals and such, too. I had dieted many times, and never with much luck. I had about given up, as I'm at the age where it is so hard for women to lose weight. I changed my diet not to lose weight, but to deal with other health issues brought about by my body's reaction to foods to which I am sensitive. The result: weight loss. The weight loss has come without hunger. As I've added more food, I've figured the weight loss would stop and I'd have to be care if I wanted to keep it off. I was delighted this morning to step on the scale and discover I'd lost another pound. The weight loss may have slowed down, but it hasn't stopped.
This diet isn't easy. In fact, this diet is hard. I haven't found a fast food restaurant with things I can eat. It's challenging to find any restaurant that offers options of food I can eat. I have to plan ahead and do more work to have food available that is convenient. Even food that I am not sensitive to may cause issues depending on how it is prepared. I bought some cashews recently and then discovered they'd been cooked in peanut oil. I can eat a few, but not very many.
I'm fortunate in that my mouth tells me when I'm eating a food I shouldn't eat. I'm sensitive to black pepper, and yesterday morning the chef added a little black pepper to my omelet. I could feel my mouth getting a little bit sore. I was able to finish the omelet, but made a note to specify no black pepper in the future.
Some people I know have taken the food champ challenge, and are eating on a food stamp budget. I haven't tried that, and I doubt I could make it work. The food I need does not come cheap. Fortunately, I have access to it and can afford it.
One final thought: there most likely are people who are obese not because of laziness or lack of willpower, but because they are struggling with food sensitivities. When are we going to hold companies accountable for the things they are putting in our food? When are we going to say enough? I hope that I have changed my diet soon enough to improve my health significantly. For others, it is already too late.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Reunion
I'm home from the reunion I attended this weekend. It was a wonderful event. I was able to reconnect with old friends. Children who hadn't even been born when I last saw them are now off to college. I was able to sit and worship without any responsibilities, a wonderful gift.
A friend who was minister of music in a neighboring community back in my Inner City days was there to lead the music, and introduced us to some wonderful new hymns. Because these were friends from my Inner City days, I found myself reflecting on those days and remembering things that happened there. After 17 years, the pain is not as great.
My friends thought I looked great-- they confessed that they had worried about me back then. I think they were pleasantly surprised that I am healthy, happy, and enjoying ministry. Many pastors leave the ministry within their first five years. I think that this program and group were a big part of the reason I was able to survive and continue. We'd all experienced pain, and those of us who attended are all still engaged in some form of ministry.
A friend who was minister of music in a neighboring community back in my Inner City days was there to lead the music, and introduced us to some wonderful new hymns. Because these were friends from my Inner City days, I found myself reflecting on those days and remembering things that happened there. After 17 years, the pain is not as great.
My friends thought I looked great-- they confessed that they had worried about me back then. I think they were pleasantly surprised that I am healthy, happy, and enjoying ministry. Many pastors leave the ministry within their first five years. I think that this program and group were a big part of the reason I was able to survive and continue. We'd all experienced pain, and those of us who attended are all still engaged in some form of ministry.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Down Memory Lane
28 years ago I was ordained. 27 years ago I was invited to join a brand new program for new pastors. We had several retreats with a large group, and then met monthly with a smaller group from our geographic area. Today I drove a couple of hours to meet up with a woman from the group, then we drove 5 hours to a reunion. I'm seeing people I haven't seen in over 20 years.
It's great to reconnect with them. It's hard to believe I've been doing this for so long. It's hard to comprehend how much we've all aged.... We've been catching up, sharing pictures of our children, telling stories of ministry. We'll head home Saturday. I'm looking forward to taking more trips down memory lane tomorrow....
It's great to reconnect with them. It's hard to believe I've been doing this for so long. It's hard to comprehend how much we've all aged.... We've been catching up, sharing pictures of our children, telling stories of ministry. We'll head home Saturday. I'm looking forward to taking more trips down memory lane tomorrow....
Monday, November 18, 2013
PTSD
Cindy Bodie shared a link to this blog post yesterday. It goes along with some of the things I have been reflecting on recently. I get frustrated with those who think that what happened to Daughter was a long time ago and she should just get over it. I've been accused of making her worst by seeking counseling and help for her. If I didn't keep bringing it up, I'm told, it wouldn't be an issue.
I have been reflecting on it more because of my own fear. There are times when I am terrified of going down stairs. I passed on a tour of a lighthouse, because I was afraid to face coming back down the stairs. I know my fear is irrational. I get that. Last night I went to a national touring company performance of a Broadway musical. We were in the second row of the balcony. I was terrified. Once the show started I was fine, but we were in the center, and getting to my seat and back out was challenging. I was holding the seats beside me. My companion was behind me, and put her hands on my shoulders to steady me on the way out.
So why am I so afraid? As a young child, I fell down our basement steps. I was a toddler. They were open wooden stairs to a poured concrete basement. There were some shelves next to the stairs with some of my toys on them. I have one flash of memory-- I hit a toy train that was on the top of the shelves and knocked it off on the way down. (That is the only memory I have of that particular toy, so it wasn't a toy that stayed around through my childhood.) I don't remember how I fell, how far I fell, what happened when I got to the bottom, if I was hurt, what my mother did, or anything else. When I was older, I mentioned something about falling down those stairs and my mother made some comment about being terrified. I didn't ask her for details.
There are times when I can handle stairs with no problem whatsoever. Other times I go out of my way to avoid them, and cling to the hand rail all the way down when I can't avoid them. This fear has been a bigger problem since I fell and broke my arm. I worry about falling again.
Does Daughter milk her PTSD and play it up to her advantage? I'm sure she does. Does that mean it's not real? No. There are times when an experience I had over 50 years gets in the way of me walking down stairs. Her trauma was much worst and over an extended period of time. I fell down the stairs once. She was molested and beaten by family members on more than one occasion. I know it still has an impact on her. Yes, she is manipulative. That doesn't mean there aren't times when her terror is real.
I have been reflecting on it more because of my own fear. There are times when I am terrified of going down stairs. I passed on a tour of a lighthouse, because I was afraid to face coming back down the stairs. I know my fear is irrational. I get that. Last night I went to a national touring company performance of a Broadway musical. We were in the second row of the balcony. I was terrified. Once the show started I was fine, but we were in the center, and getting to my seat and back out was challenging. I was holding the seats beside me. My companion was behind me, and put her hands on my shoulders to steady me on the way out.
So why am I so afraid? As a young child, I fell down our basement steps. I was a toddler. They were open wooden stairs to a poured concrete basement. There were some shelves next to the stairs with some of my toys on them. I have one flash of memory-- I hit a toy train that was on the top of the shelves and knocked it off on the way down. (That is the only memory I have of that particular toy, so it wasn't a toy that stayed around through my childhood.) I don't remember how I fell, how far I fell, what happened when I got to the bottom, if I was hurt, what my mother did, or anything else. When I was older, I mentioned something about falling down those stairs and my mother made some comment about being terrified. I didn't ask her for details.
There are times when I can handle stairs with no problem whatsoever. Other times I go out of my way to avoid them, and cling to the hand rail all the way down when I can't avoid them. This fear has been a bigger problem since I fell and broke my arm. I worry about falling again.
Does Daughter milk her PTSD and play it up to her advantage? I'm sure she does. Does that mean it's not real? No. There are times when an experience I had over 50 years gets in the way of me walking down stairs. Her trauma was much worst and over an extended period of time. I fell down the stairs once. She was molested and beaten by family members on more than one occasion. I know it still has an impact on her. Yes, she is manipulative. That doesn't mean there aren't times when her terror is real.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Calm Outside, Screaming Inside
Daughter called this evening. "You know how you told me my insulin was going up by 1 unit at supper? Well, my blood sugar was 121 and Staff gave me 9 units."
"How many units?"
"9"
She was supposed to get 5, hoping I misheard her, I asked, "She gave you 9 units?"
"Yes!"
I asked her to put Staff on the phone. She begged me not to talk to her, because then she'd get yelled at. I asked if she was lying to me. She assured me she was telling me the truth.
I was screaming inside, but remained calm as I exchanged pleasant greetings and inquiries with Staff. "It sounds like there might be some confusion about the insulin. How much did you give Daughter at supper?"
"9 units."
She gets 60 grams of carb at supper. She had been getting 1 unit to every 15 grams of carb, so she was getting 4 units. I changed it to 1 unit to every 12 grams of carb, which means she'll now get 5 units with supper.
Staff figured out the 5 units, and then added it to the 4 units she was getting. Sigh. She said she thought it seemed like too much.
I explained what might happen and told her she had to give Daughter a double snack at bedtime, no matter what her blood sugar is. She has all my phone numbers in her phone now, and I am going to send careful instructions home with Daughter tomorrow.
It's still hard to trust other people with my Daughter's health. The good news is that Staff will now come directly to me with concerns. I assured her I'm willing to answer questions at any time. Inside, though, I'm still very concerned about the danger the extra insulin poses for Daughter.
"How many units?"
"9"
She was supposed to get 5, hoping I misheard her, I asked, "She gave you 9 units?"
"Yes!"
I asked her to put Staff on the phone. She begged me not to talk to her, because then she'd get yelled at. I asked if she was lying to me. She assured me she was telling me the truth.
I was screaming inside, but remained calm as I exchanged pleasant greetings and inquiries with Staff. "It sounds like there might be some confusion about the insulin. How much did you give Daughter at supper?"
"9 units."
She gets 60 grams of carb at supper. She had been getting 1 unit to every 15 grams of carb, so she was getting 4 units. I changed it to 1 unit to every 12 grams of carb, which means she'll now get 5 units with supper.
Staff figured out the 5 units, and then added it to the 4 units she was getting. Sigh. She said she thought it seemed like too much.
I explained what might happen and told her she had to give Daughter a double snack at bedtime, no matter what her blood sugar is. She has all my phone numbers in her phone now, and I am going to send careful instructions home with Daughter tomorrow.
It's still hard to trust other people with my Daughter's health. The good news is that Staff will now come directly to me with concerns. I assured her I'm willing to answer questions at any time. Inside, though, I'm still very concerned about the danger the extra insulin poses for Daughter.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Catching Up
It's been a busy week. Even so, I was surprised to discover I hadn't blogged since Tuesday.
Daughter is wearing a ring on a chain around her neck. She insists the new guy is "just a friend." He wanted her to ask me what I'd say if he asked her to marry him--but not right now, some time in the future because they are taking it very slow. I informed her I would comment on that some time in the future, but not now. I also told her she had to give him his camera back. He wanted her to sell it for him for "lots of money." I don't anticipate this lasting long.
Daughter had an appointment with her Primary Care Provider this morning. I picked Daughter up and took her, and Home Owner was also there. Daughter's evening numbers are high, and some of them don't make sense. I have explained several times that if the bedtime blood sugar isn't several hours after her supper, it won't give us an accurate picture of her blood sugar. HO has ignored those emails. So I brought it up with her today. She was defensive, insisting this was not an issue. I tried to explain the importance of it, and she was dismissive. Then I pointed out the records, and where there were problems. She pulled out the page that listed meal times, and discovered the correlation of those problem numbers with a late supper, meaning the bedtime check was less than 2 hours later. She agreed to explain to staff that there had to be at least 3 hours between supper and the bedtime blood sugar, even if it meant waking Daughter up to get it. I asked PCP to order longer needles for her pens, as I want to make sure insulin isn't leaking out because the needles are too short (and some of the needles she has are very short).
PCP was supportive of the plans, and as I explained the time it takes for various insulins to peak and the variety of factors that can impact blood sugars, I think HO began to see that I really do know what I'm talking about.
Daughter was stressing out over some of the conversation, and she saw me addressing that with Daughter, too. Daughter was quite frustrated at the thought of a physical with pelvic exam next time. I told her no woman likes that, and then turned to her PCP and said, "Dr. H, do you like having your physical?" She said she didn't, and Daughter finally relaxed some. By the end of the appointment Daughter was happy.
I hope there will be more cooperation moving forward. I hope.
Daughter is wearing a ring on a chain around her neck. She insists the new guy is "just a friend." He wanted her to ask me what I'd say if he asked her to marry him--but not right now, some time in the future because they are taking it very slow. I informed her I would comment on that some time in the future, but not now. I also told her she had to give him his camera back. He wanted her to sell it for him for "lots of money." I don't anticipate this lasting long.
Daughter had an appointment with her Primary Care Provider this morning. I picked Daughter up and took her, and Home Owner was also there. Daughter's evening numbers are high, and some of them don't make sense. I have explained several times that if the bedtime blood sugar isn't several hours after her supper, it won't give us an accurate picture of her blood sugar. HO has ignored those emails. So I brought it up with her today. She was defensive, insisting this was not an issue. I tried to explain the importance of it, and she was dismissive. Then I pointed out the records, and where there were problems. She pulled out the page that listed meal times, and discovered the correlation of those problem numbers with a late supper, meaning the bedtime check was less than 2 hours later. She agreed to explain to staff that there had to be at least 3 hours between supper and the bedtime blood sugar, even if it meant waking Daughter up to get it. I asked PCP to order longer needles for her pens, as I want to make sure insulin isn't leaking out because the needles are too short (and some of the needles she has are very short).
PCP was supportive of the plans, and as I explained the time it takes for various insulins to peak and the variety of factors that can impact blood sugars, I think HO began to see that I really do know what I'm talking about.
Daughter was stressing out over some of the conversation, and she saw me addressing that with Daughter, too. Daughter was quite frustrated at the thought of a physical with pelvic exam next time. I told her no woman likes that, and then turned to her PCP and said, "Dr. H, do you like having your physical?" She said she didn't, and Daughter finally relaxed some. By the end of the appointment Daughter was happy.
I hope there will be more cooperation moving forward. I hope.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Trying New Things
This evening I baked some gluten free oatmeal cookies. The original recipe called for butter, raisins, and chocolate chips, none of which I should have. So I substituted earth blend and coconut oil for the butter, and then substituted dried cranberries and cashews for the raisins and chocolate chips. They are very good. I will definitely make them again.
This afternoon we did our first bit of Facebook advertising for the church. We have a bazaar this Saturday, so we paid to boost a poster we put on church's Facebook page advertising it. We were able to pick out the demographics we were looking for, so we went for women in the area. It's getting lots of views-- we'll have to see if that translates into customers.
I cancelled out on a pastors' lunch and discussion today. I stayed in the office to write the program for December 1. I'm making good progress on it. It's going to be fun. We have a detective investigating a disturbance in Bethlehem, and he runs into an angel he questions. "What's a king doing in a stable?" "Sleeping."
Next week I'll be out of the office half the week, the following week will be a short week because of Thanksgiving, and the following week Administrative Assistant will be out of the office for a day or two. There is a lot going on, so we have to cram a great deal of work into the time we are in the office. Today was productive, even though the phone was ringing much more than usual. Several times I answered line 2 because AA was tied up on line 1. We ignored most of the toll free calls.
Even with the stress and heavy work load, we have fun in the office. We always find something amusing that gives us a good laugh. Daughter is not calling as much, and that helps. She seems to be in a fairly good place right now. I'm glad.
This afternoon we did our first bit of Facebook advertising for the church. We have a bazaar this Saturday, so we paid to boost a poster we put on church's Facebook page advertising it. We were able to pick out the demographics we were looking for, so we went for women in the area. It's getting lots of views-- we'll have to see if that translates into customers.
I cancelled out on a pastors' lunch and discussion today. I stayed in the office to write the program for December 1. I'm making good progress on it. It's going to be fun. We have a detective investigating a disturbance in Bethlehem, and he runs into an angel he questions. "What's a king doing in a stable?" "Sleeping."
Next week I'll be out of the office half the week, the following week will be a short week because of Thanksgiving, and the following week Administrative Assistant will be out of the office for a day or two. There is a lot going on, so we have to cram a great deal of work into the time we are in the office. Today was productive, even though the phone was ringing much more than usual. Several times I answered line 2 because AA was tied up on line 1. We ignored most of the toll free calls.
Even with the stress and heavy work load, we have fun in the office. We always find something amusing that gives us a good laugh. Daughter is not calling as much, and that helps. She seems to be in a fairly good place right now. I'm glad.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Balance
I continue to seek after balance in my life. After talking to the committee leaders, I decided not to attend 2 committee meetings this evening after the church. I stopped at the health food store on the way home, and also at the grocery store. This evening I need to do something here at home. I haven't decided what I'm going to do-- there are a number of things demanding my attention, some of them rather rudely. I also want to do something creative, but haven't decided if I'll make penguins, play the piano, or experiment with gluten free cookie recipes.
I was late getting to the church today. I saw my Nurse Practitioner and then got my hair cut. NP had some suggestions that necessitated the stop at the health food store. My mouth gets sore when I eat some foods. I thought it was because I was reacting to them. She thinks I may have some yeast issues in my mouth, and suggested I try some chewable acidophilus and see if that helps. I'm willing to try anything that will enable me to eat tomato sauce again!
I still had 3 people stop by to chat (though all were there for other purposes), even though I was late getting in today. I had some good conversations, and also got quite a bit of work done, which is nice. Daughter wanted to "help" me today, since her program was closed. I declined her kind offer.
Now it's off to be creative, productive, or ideally, both!
I was late getting to the church today. I saw my Nurse Practitioner and then got my hair cut. NP had some suggestions that necessitated the stop at the health food store. My mouth gets sore when I eat some foods. I thought it was because I was reacting to them. She thinks I may have some yeast issues in my mouth, and suggested I try some chewable acidophilus and see if that helps. I'm willing to try anything that will enable me to eat tomato sauce again!
I still had 3 people stop by to chat (though all were there for other purposes), even though I was late getting in today. I had some good conversations, and also got quite a bit of work done, which is nice. Daughter wanted to "help" me today, since her program was closed. I declined her kind offer.
Now it's off to be creative, productive, or ideally, both!
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