Daughter is definitely improving. She's calling me less, and when she does call, she's happier. There's much less drama, and I am very grateful. I get more done when she's stable. Daughter continues to insist that she wants to move. I've told her we'll talk about that when she's healed. I'm hoping and praying she'll decide she can stay where she is.
Last week was very busy at the church. Things here are going really well. Worship attendance is growing, and we have a number of visitors who are becoming regulars. Some of them will join-- we're having a new members class this Sunday following worship.
On Wednesday, I'll be leaving for a retreat/seminar on spiritual practices and reinvigorating local congregations. I think we are getting reinvigorated. Last year we set up for 60 people for the monthly fellowship meal following worship. This fall, we upped the number to 80, and I think we'll add another 10 come January. Not everyone stays for the fellowship meal. Last year we averaged 85 in worship. Our average since September is over 100.
I continue to have to evaluate priorities and how I'm spending my time. I'm no longer going to everything. Last week I was at the church every day, so I'm glad I'll be out of the office a few days this week.
Monday, November 3, 2014
Friday, October 31, 2014
A Pin Prick of Light
The last few weeks have been challenging, to say the least. Daughter has been rapid cycling. She calls me multiple times a day, often times shouting or sobbing. She has insisted that she has to move out of her group home immediately. She has begged me to let her come back and live with me. All this time, Psychiatrist was silent. Her colleague said Daughter needed medication adjusted, but nothing was happening. She had no openings in her schedule before Daughter's appointment on December 18.
I was exhausted. Beyond exhausted. The toll she was taking on me with her drama was high. Then I got a phone call from Case Manager. There had been a cancellation and she had grabbed it for Daughter. Daughter saw Psychiatrist yesterday afternoon. Daughter sobbed, yelled, hid under her coat, hid her hands behind her back when Psychiatrist asked her to give her her hand, said (repeatedly) I was no longer her mother.... In short, she put on a show. She is back on lithium, and has a prescription for ativan she can take if she wakes up between 12 and 2. She has been going to sleep for a couple of hours, and then getting up and rearranging her room and such.
Daughter told Psychiatrist everything was dark. After her appointment, she told me she saw a pin prick of light. I hope that will grow, and her mental state will improve quickly. I ended up going into the office this afternoon. I was going to finish my sermon, but instead ended up helping Administrative Assistant with folding letters that had to go out today. In addition to the monthly newsletter and bulletin, we also had a couple of other big things going on in the office: the stewardship material went out today, and bids were due today for major roof work to prevent future leaks from ice dams. There is also a bazaar at the church tomorrow, and AA is on the planning team for that.
The sermon will get finished tomorrow. Everything that needed to get done today, got done today. I will be at the church most of the day tomorrow, so I will take some time to go upstairs and complete my sermon. Daughter called several times this morning, but eventually calmed down. I can see her pin prick of light now, in fact, it may be growing. I hope it's growing.
I was exhausted. Beyond exhausted. The toll she was taking on me with her drama was high. Then I got a phone call from Case Manager. There had been a cancellation and she had grabbed it for Daughter. Daughter saw Psychiatrist yesterday afternoon. Daughter sobbed, yelled, hid under her coat, hid her hands behind her back when Psychiatrist asked her to give her her hand, said (repeatedly) I was no longer her mother.... In short, she put on a show. She is back on lithium, and has a prescription for ativan she can take if she wakes up between 12 and 2. She has been going to sleep for a couple of hours, and then getting up and rearranging her room and such.
Daughter told Psychiatrist everything was dark. After her appointment, she told me she saw a pin prick of light. I hope that will grow, and her mental state will improve quickly. I ended up going into the office this afternoon. I was going to finish my sermon, but instead ended up helping Administrative Assistant with folding letters that had to go out today. In addition to the monthly newsletter and bulletin, we also had a couple of other big things going on in the office: the stewardship material went out today, and bids were due today for major roof work to prevent future leaks from ice dams. There is also a bazaar at the church tomorrow, and AA is on the planning team for that.
The sermon will get finished tomorrow. Everything that needed to get done today, got done today. I will be at the church most of the day tomorrow, so I will take some time to go upstairs and complete my sermon. Daughter called several times this morning, but eventually calmed down. I can see her pin prick of light now, in fact, it may be growing. I hope it's growing.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Positive Things
After all the challenges Daughter has presented in the last few days, I'm focusing on positive things today. One of the biggest ones is that she no longer lives with me. She is safe in her group home. I'm grateful. She is calling me a couple of times a day, trying to sound pathetic. I listen between the lines and I know she is doing well. Today she was cleaning and rearranging her room (again). I think she keeps rearranging it because she is desperate to bring order to the chaos in her brain.
Today I am watching college football while waiting for the delivery of a new bed. I've been waking up with back pain at least once a week, so I went out and ordered a new mattress. I bought a memory foam mattress, and the base is adjustable. I've had the head of my bed elevated for several years to help with my sleep apnea and GERD. I had two raisers under the legs of the bed at the head of the bed. It made it challenging to move the bed. Because of the way the headboard was on my old bed, I couldn't lean on it. It was challenging to read in bed, with the challenges of the bed and my bifocals. Now, I will be able to do it.
My old bed will go into Daughter's room, which means I'll have a double bed for guests.
Tomorrow we have a drama instead of the sermon. I wrote it, and we will be hearing from 3 characters in the book of Acts. We practiced last Sunday, and I think it will be good. The congregation loves it when we do creative things in worship. I get bored so I have to mix things up. Things are going really well at the church. We continue to grow in so many ways. I am grateful.
Today I am watching college football while waiting for the delivery of a new bed. I've been waking up with back pain at least once a week, so I went out and ordered a new mattress. I bought a memory foam mattress, and the base is adjustable. I've had the head of my bed elevated for several years to help with my sleep apnea and GERD. I had two raisers under the legs of the bed at the head of the bed. It made it challenging to move the bed. Because of the way the headboard was on my old bed, I couldn't lean on it. It was challenging to read in bed, with the challenges of the bed and my bifocals. Now, I will be able to do it.
My old bed will go into Daughter's room, which means I'll have a double bed for guests.
Tomorrow we have a drama instead of the sermon. I wrote it, and we will be hearing from 3 characters in the book of Acts. We practiced last Sunday, and I think it will be good. The congregation loves it when we do creative things in worship. I get bored so I have to mix things up. Things are going really well at the church. We continue to grow in so many ways. I am grateful.
Friday, October 17, 2014
Long Night
Daughter was at the church yesterday for her volunteer day. She came in and got right to work, completing her tasks quickly. She was cooperative, in a good mood, showing her sense of humor. Administrative Assistant commented that it was good to have the old Daughter back. I agreed.
Shortly before I planned to leave to take her to supper, she informed me that she needed to eat right then, she was hungry and didn't feel good. She checked her blood sugar, which was 63. I got 00her some sugar to bring it up, and went back over her lunch-- what she'd had what her blood sugar had been, and how much insulin she'd taken. She should have been a little high.
I asked how much insulin she'd taken. Eventually she confessed to having taken an extra 10 units. I gave her sugar, we got into the car and I took her to the ER at the hospital with a psych unit. We got there a little after 5. On the way she had been telling me that she wanted to die. When the nurse told her to put on a gown and the doctor would come see her, she started screaming about how no man was going to touch her. I tried to calm her down and she started spewing ugly things at me. A number of ER staff members came running, and she was told she had to stop screaming. Eventually she did.
They fed her, since her blood sugar was only 73. Then we sat. The shift changed at 7:00. A new doctor (female) came on at 11:00, and she finally saw a doctor and was examined. They took a urine specimen and blood. I filled out the petition to have her committed for 72 hours. Some time after midnight an ambulance came and took her to community mental health. I followed. I filled out more paper work.
A therapist talked to her. They called a psychiatrist in. He talked to her alone, and then came and talked to me. He said her medication needed adjusting, and he thought Psychiatrist was the best one to do that, since she knew her. She has an appointment with Psychiatrist this Wednesday. He suggested I bring her home. I told him the last time she was with me, she broke into the pantry. I dropped her off at the group home at 2:45. I got home around 3:00.
She is adamant that she can't live in group homes anymore. She wants to move back in with me. Not happening. I hope that with a medication adjustment, she'll recognize that she is in a good group home and be willing to stay. I hope. For some reason, I'm tired today.
Shortly before I planned to leave to take her to supper, she informed me that she needed to eat right then, she was hungry and didn't feel good. She checked her blood sugar, which was 63. I got 00her some sugar to bring it up, and went back over her lunch-- what she'd had what her blood sugar had been, and how much insulin she'd taken. She should have been a little high.
I asked how much insulin she'd taken. Eventually she confessed to having taken an extra 10 units. I gave her sugar, we got into the car and I took her to the ER at the hospital with a psych unit. We got there a little after 5. On the way she had been telling me that she wanted to die. When the nurse told her to put on a gown and the doctor would come see her, she started screaming about how no man was going to touch her. I tried to calm her down and she started spewing ugly things at me. A number of ER staff members came running, and she was told she had to stop screaming. Eventually she did.
They fed her, since her blood sugar was only 73. Then we sat. The shift changed at 7:00. A new doctor (female) came on at 11:00, and she finally saw a doctor and was examined. They took a urine specimen and blood. I filled out the petition to have her committed for 72 hours. Some time after midnight an ambulance came and took her to community mental health. I followed. I filled out more paper work.
A therapist talked to her. They called a psychiatrist in. He talked to her alone, and then came and talked to me. He said her medication needed adjusting, and he thought Psychiatrist was the best one to do that, since she knew her. She has an appointment with Psychiatrist this Wednesday. He suggested I bring her home. I told him the last time she was with me, she broke into the pantry. I dropped her off at the group home at 2:45. I got home around 3:00.
She is adamant that she can't live in group homes anymore. She wants to move back in with me. Not happening. I hope that with a medication adjustment, she'll recognize that she is in a good group home and be willing to stay. I hope. For some reason, I'm tired today.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Power Struggle
Daughter was having a challenging day yesterday. Case Manager demanded Psychiatrist come up with a plan for dealing with her if things get worst, pointing out Psychiatrist should have known she was being manipulated. Psychiatrist refused. Psychiatrist suggested sending her to a home that specializes in Borderline Personality Disorder. We looked into that before, and Daughter is not eligible.
Today seems to be going better for her. Program is catching on to her manipulations. She's been complaining of chest pain and pointing to a red patch on her chest that looks like she's been scratching it. Putting a wet paper towel on it and not rubbing it for a while caused it to vanish. Home Owner had suggested they could call 911. I said absolutely not. Daughter has to be vomiting (witnessed by a reliable adult) or have a fever before she is allowed to leave program. I did offer them some suggestions.
Daughter has not called me today. I see that as a very good sign.
Today seems to be going better for her. Program is catching on to her manipulations. She's been complaining of chest pain and pointing to a red patch on her chest that looks like she's been scratching it. Putting a wet paper towel on it and not rubbing it for a while caused it to vanish. Home Owner had suggested they could call 911. I said absolutely not. Daughter has to be vomiting (witnessed by a reliable adult) or have a fever before she is allowed to leave program. I did offer them some suggestions.
Daughter has not called me today. I see that as a very good sign.
Monday, October 13, 2014
The Latest
Daughter was discharged this evening. No med change. Case Manager is furious. She said, "She snowed them. She convinced the unit and Psychiatrist that she's fine." I told her I'd been through this before. Daughter can put on a good show.
According to Daughter, Psychiatrist suggested she aim for independent living by her 28th birthday in March. I hope that's wrong.
Home Owner was down there for a med clinic appointment with another resident, so she's going to pick up Daughter and take her home. That's good, as I want nothing to do with it.
Apparently part of the reason for the discharge was the problem they were having managing her blood sugars. She has had at least one that was over 300. That means if she begins to show her true colors again, she'll have to be in the hospital. I hope if that happens there is a bed available here in town.
According to Daughter, Psychiatrist suggested she aim for independent living by her 28th birthday in March. I hope that's wrong.
Home Owner was down there for a med clinic appointment with another resident, so she's going to pick up Daughter and take her home. That's good, as I want nothing to do with it.
Apparently part of the reason for the discharge was the problem they were having managing her blood sugars. She has had at least one that was over 300. That means if she begins to show her true colors again, she'll have to be in the hospital. I hope if that happens there is a bed available here in town.
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Better
Daughter was in a better place when I visited her today. She asked me to bring her some hygiene items. She also wanted me to bring the Skip-Bo card game, so we played that. She's been doing some writing, drawing, and coloring. In the initial assessment, she said her depression was "more than 10." Tomorrow Psychiatrist will be in, so hopefully she will be able to make some adjustments. Daughter said they told her people were usually there 3-5 days. She said she anticipates it being 5 for her. It was a pleasant visit. She said Home Owner visited her yesterday. She was delighted.
My back is better today. It has actually improved as the day has gone on. My new bed (which will be delivered Saturday) came with a 40 inch TV. For $100 I upgraded to a smart TV. It wasn't in stock when I purchased it, so I went today and picked it up. I was able to get it up and running. It's bigger than my old TV, and much lighter. Plus, I no longer have to cycle through all the inputs to get the TV to recognize my U-Verse.
Worship today was good, and after worship we practiced the drama for next Sunday. It went well. We had to do some minor edits, but nothing major. I think it will be good. The congregation continues to grow, and I continue to love what I'm doing.
My back is better today. It has actually improved as the day has gone on. My new bed (which will be delivered Saturday) came with a 40 inch TV. For $100 I upgraded to a smart TV. It wasn't in stock when I purchased it, so I went today and picked it up. I was able to get it up and running. It's bigger than my old TV, and much lighter. Plus, I no longer have to cycle through all the inputs to get the TV to recognize my U-Verse.
Worship today was good, and after worship we practiced the drama for next Sunday. It went well. We had to do some minor edits, but nothing major. I think it will be good. The congregation continues to grow, and I continue to love what I'm doing.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
At Last
Daughter's planning meeting for the coming year was yesterday. I was concerned going into it, as she was not in touch with reality. Thursday morning she was furious with me. She was telling me she was ready to live independently in an apartment. I pointed out that she was still getting into food. She insisted she wasn't. I pointed out she'd been into food at the church within the last few weeks. She informed me the church didn't count. When we got to the church, she took off across the parking lot to walk home. She came back before I had to go looking for her. I sent an email to Case Manager warning her that Daughter wasn't in a good place, and I was concerned about how she'd handle the meeting. Case Manager forwarded the email to the rest of the team.
The meeting began, and Daughter gave her speech about wanting to live independently. It wasn't long before she was shouting and showing her current mental state. She was making threats. We stopped the meeting. Her psychologist was also there, and the entire team agreed that her medication was off, and she needed to be hospitalized.
The meeting began at 10:00, we agreed to the hospitalization by 11:00, and it was 5:00 before it was accomplished. It was a very long day. She actually ended up at the mental health crisis center. The closest hospital with an opening on the psych unit was over an hour away. I'm fine with the crisis unit. That means her psychiatrist will be involved and will see her.
The team is also becoming more aware of the power of her PTSD. Psychologist suggested they go for a walk. Daughter said she couldn't handle the traffic noise. Psychologist pointed out how little it takes to trigger her PTSD right now. House Manager also had her eyes opened, and told me she commended me for parenting her.
When I left her at 5:00, I hadn't had supper. I stopped at a Mexican restaurant on the way home. I'd planned to go to the mall to get my hair cut and a new battery in my watch yesterday, so I did. I also stopped at the grocery store. It was almost 8:00 when I got home. I missed the Children's ministry at the church. I had called and warned Administrative Assistant, and told her what I planned to do with the story. We had a conversation the day before about Daughter's mental state, and were both concerned about how she'd handle the meeting, so I don't think she was surprised.
By the time I got home, I was exhausted. Today my back is hurting. I have quite a bit I'd like to get done today, but my back is interfering with those plans. This is the second time in the last week I've had a sore back when I woke up. I have a new bed coming on Saturday. Hopefully that will help with the back issues.
Daughter has called several times, and seems to be doing well. They have just begun taking type 1 diabetics. I picked up her home meds and med sheets from her house and took them back, but it didn't include her insulin scale. I emailed it to them, and got a phone call from the nurse, who was freaking out over the insulin scale. It was different from anything they've used before.
Daughter's insulin is based on carbs and blood sugar. I had done all the calculations and laid it out for the carbs she gets at her meals and her blood sugar. The nurse said it was too complicated and asked what she should do. I suggested they ignore the calculations and use the numbers I'd come up with for various blood sugars. She said that would work. I was surprised she hadn't figured that out on her own.
Last night Daughter told me she was basically on her own in terms of figuring out the carbs for her meal (she does have a little book she carries that gives her carbs). She told me it was a lot of work. I had the impression she was beginning to see why independent living is not a good idea. If that's all she gets out of this, it will have been worth it.
I'm pleased that her med needs are finally being addressed. Psychiatrist had been informed of the issues but had not ordered any medication changes. Hopefully she will now.
The meeting began, and Daughter gave her speech about wanting to live independently. It wasn't long before she was shouting and showing her current mental state. She was making threats. We stopped the meeting. Her psychologist was also there, and the entire team agreed that her medication was off, and she needed to be hospitalized.
The meeting began at 10:00, we agreed to the hospitalization by 11:00, and it was 5:00 before it was accomplished. It was a very long day. She actually ended up at the mental health crisis center. The closest hospital with an opening on the psych unit was over an hour away. I'm fine with the crisis unit. That means her psychiatrist will be involved and will see her.
The team is also becoming more aware of the power of her PTSD. Psychologist suggested they go for a walk. Daughter said she couldn't handle the traffic noise. Psychologist pointed out how little it takes to trigger her PTSD right now. House Manager also had her eyes opened, and told me she commended me for parenting her.
When I left her at 5:00, I hadn't had supper. I stopped at a Mexican restaurant on the way home. I'd planned to go to the mall to get my hair cut and a new battery in my watch yesterday, so I did. I also stopped at the grocery store. It was almost 8:00 when I got home. I missed the Children's ministry at the church. I had called and warned Administrative Assistant, and told her what I planned to do with the story. We had a conversation the day before about Daughter's mental state, and were both concerned about how she'd handle the meeting, so I don't think she was surprised.
By the time I got home, I was exhausted. Today my back is hurting. I have quite a bit I'd like to get done today, but my back is interfering with those plans. This is the second time in the last week I've had a sore back when I woke up. I have a new bed coming on Saturday. Hopefully that will help with the back issues.
Daughter has called several times, and seems to be doing well. They have just begun taking type 1 diabetics. I picked up her home meds and med sheets from her house and took them back, but it didn't include her insulin scale. I emailed it to them, and got a phone call from the nurse, who was freaking out over the insulin scale. It was different from anything they've used before.
Daughter's insulin is based on carbs and blood sugar. I had done all the calculations and laid it out for the carbs she gets at her meals and her blood sugar. The nurse said it was too complicated and asked what she should do. I suggested they ignore the calculations and use the numbers I'd come up with for various blood sugars. She said that would work. I was surprised she hadn't figured that out on her own.
Last night Daughter told me she was basically on her own in terms of figuring out the carbs for her meal (she does have a little book she carries that gives her carbs). She told me it was a lot of work. I had the impression she was beginning to see why independent living is not a good idea. If that's all she gets out of this, it will have been worth it.
I'm pleased that her med needs are finally being addressed. Psychiatrist had been informed of the issues but had not ordered any medication changes. Hopefully she will now.
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Mania
Daughter has been manic this week. She's desperately trying to escape the chaos in her mind. In a 24 hour period she had the following plans:
At the church, things are going well. I missed a meeting the property guys were having to make a decision about fixing our ice dam problem. One of the men was concerned that I wouldn't be there, as he was concerned it might be a contentious meeting. I gave him some suggestions about dealing with it. My understanding is that the meeting went well. They came up with a unanimous recommendation. It's expensive, and we'll be borrowing money from our endowment to pay for it. The board also endorsed the plan unanimously via email.
The nominating committee has the nominees for the board for next year. Last year they really struggled to come up with names. This year they completed their task with one meeting. All 6 nominees will be serving for the first time.
Treasurer closed on a condo closer to family this week. He's keeping his house up here, so they'll be going back and forth. We've found a new treasurer, and I also have someone who is willing to take on leadership of the mentoring program in the local elementary school that he started 14 years ago. I will miss him, and am glad they will be here at least part of the year.
One of our newer members was in to talk to me this week. She shared with me that her mother had committed suicide, and she had always thought of that as an option for her. She said since she's been coming to the church, she is no longer thinking that way. She really loves the church. I'm grateful to know we have made a difference in her house.
Our September average attendance was the highest it's been since I arrived 4 years ago. There continues to be an energy and excitement in the congregation. It's nice to have things going well at the church when Daughter is being challenging.
- To get engaged and marry current Boyfriend. They have not been out on a date yet. They have been talking on the phone. I expressed surprise that she was ready to have sex. She informed me she planned to adopt, so they wouldn't need to have sex. I suggested might have other ideas. She said when he talks about sex she takes the phone away from her ear and then changes the subject.
- She wanted to move into a nursing home. That would make her happy forever.
- She wanted to move into an apartment with 2 friends. They could learn how to help her with her medication.
At the church, things are going well. I missed a meeting the property guys were having to make a decision about fixing our ice dam problem. One of the men was concerned that I wouldn't be there, as he was concerned it might be a contentious meeting. I gave him some suggestions about dealing with it. My understanding is that the meeting went well. They came up with a unanimous recommendation. It's expensive, and we'll be borrowing money from our endowment to pay for it. The board also endorsed the plan unanimously via email.
The nominating committee has the nominees for the board for next year. Last year they really struggled to come up with names. This year they completed their task with one meeting. All 6 nominees will be serving for the first time.
Treasurer closed on a condo closer to family this week. He's keeping his house up here, so they'll be going back and forth. We've found a new treasurer, and I also have someone who is willing to take on leadership of the mentoring program in the local elementary school that he started 14 years ago. I will miss him, and am glad they will be here at least part of the year.
One of our newer members was in to talk to me this week. She shared with me that her mother had committed suicide, and she had always thought of that as an option for her. She said since she's been coming to the church, she is no longer thinking that way. She really loves the church. I'm grateful to know we have made a difference in her house.
Our September average attendance was the highest it's been since I arrived 4 years ago. There continues to be an energy and excitement in the congregation. It's nice to have things going well at the church when Daughter is being challenging.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
"I Want Boxes and Bags"
Daughter was confronted regarding some high blood sugars yesterday. Of course she lied and insisted she hadn't gotten into anything. Then she became angry and offended that she was being questioned. Then she called me and took her anger out on me. I finally hung up on her. I wasn't very sympathetic.
She sent me a text demanding I bring her boxes and bags today. She said she was done with the family and was going to return everything we'd ever given her. I'm glad she no longer lives with me. Very glad. I didn't take her the boxes and bags. At this point the plan is for her to spend the day with me tomorrow so she can provide childcare at the church tomorrow evening. I may have to rethink that.
She sent me a text demanding I bring her boxes and bags today. She said she was done with the family and was going to return everything we'd ever given her. I'm glad she no longer lives with me. Very glad. I didn't take her the boxes and bags. At this point the plan is for her to spend the day with me tomorrow so she can provide childcare at the church tomorrow evening. I may have to rethink that.
Friday, September 26, 2014
Psychiatrist and Self-Sabotage
Daughter had an early appointment with Psychiatrist this week. Of course, she was doing well at that point. Very well. We decided not to adjust meds at this point, but if she has another extended period of rapid cycling, a phone call is all it will take to add a small dose of her anti psychotic in the morning. Daughter commented several times that it was scary to be doing so well.
That was Wednesday. Thursday she was at the church. She seemed to be having a good day, and in addition to her usual work folded 400 pages for the bulletin. She again raised the possibility of getting her own apartment. She has picked out a roommate. I reminded her that she needs to go a year without sneaking food before we make plans for that. She became belligerent. The upstairs kitchen is always locked on Thursdays. We haven't been locking the downstairs kitchen. At some point she went downstairs and found some graham crackers and ate them. Her blood sugar was sky high at supper.
Today we had our annual eye exams. I just had a call from her insisting she couldn't stay at program after her eye exam. I told her I had confidence in her ability to cope with it. She didn't like that, of course. I refused to allow her to go home. She often becomes challenging after she is praised. She has difficulty believing she deserves to do well and be happy, so she self-sabotages. I keep reminding her that she deserves success, but it is still too frightening for her. Talks of more independence can trigger these issues, too. She has to prove she's not ready for it yet. She's convinced me.
The good news is that my cold has not gotten any worst. It was a productive week at church. I don't have to see Daughter again until Sunday. I'm going to celebrate the good news.
That was Wednesday. Thursday she was at the church. She seemed to be having a good day, and in addition to her usual work folded 400 pages for the bulletin. She again raised the possibility of getting her own apartment. She has picked out a roommate. I reminded her that she needs to go a year without sneaking food before we make plans for that. She became belligerent. The upstairs kitchen is always locked on Thursdays. We haven't been locking the downstairs kitchen. At some point she went downstairs and found some graham crackers and ate them. Her blood sugar was sky high at supper.
Today we had our annual eye exams. I just had a call from her insisting she couldn't stay at program after her eye exam. I told her I had confidence in her ability to cope with it. She didn't like that, of course. I refused to allow her to go home. She often becomes challenging after she is praised. She has difficulty believing she deserves to do well and be happy, so she self-sabotages. I keep reminding her that she deserves success, but it is still too frightening for her. Talks of more independence can trigger these issues, too. She has to prove she's not ready for it yet. She's convinced me.
The good news is that my cold has not gotten any worst. It was a productive week at church. I don't have to see Daughter again until Sunday. I'm going to celebrate the good news.
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Sunday
I have picked up a cold. It's not unusual. Fall is stressful, and I often find myself fighting a cold. The good news is that things are going really well at the church. This was our third Sunday in a row with over 100 in worship. In 2011, average worship attendance was 78, and we only had three Sundays all year with worship over 100. We have been growing steadily since that time. It's not at a fast pace, but it is a comfortable pace. As I was watching people visit before worship, I realized I couldn't tell who the new members are. This congregation really adopts new members, and here were lots of hugs and noisy conversations this morning.
We made some changes to the worship service this fall, and so far I haven't heard any complaints, which is pretty amazing. Actually that isn't true, they don't like learning new songs, but they do it. Tomorrow night the board is meeting, and we will talk about some of the information I brought back from the retreat. I'm looking forward to the discussion.
Daughter was in a cooperative mood again today. I wouldn't take her shopping, but she accepted that pretty well. She even listened when I talked to her about perspective. I told her that when things are bad she immediately wants to run away, and forgets all the times things have been good. It took explaining it several different ways, but I think she finally understood what I was saying.
I have some ideas on securing the pantry, so once I get that done, I'll allow her to visit again. She has begun keeping track of her blood sugars, and seems to be willing to take responsibility-- at least for now.
We made some changes to the worship service this fall, and so far I haven't heard any complaints, which is pretty amazing. Actually that isn't true, they don't like learning new songs, but they do it. Tomorrow night the board is meeting, and we will talk about some of the information I brought back from the retreat. I'm looking forward to the discussion.
Daughter was in a cooperative mood again today. I wouldn't take her shopping, but she accepted that pretty well. She even listened when I talked to her about perspective. I told her that when things are bad she immediately wants to run away, and forgets all the times things have been good. It took explaining it several different ways, but I think she finally understood what I was saying.
I have some ideas on securing the pantry, so once I get that done, I'll allow her to visit again. She has begun keeping track of her blood sugars, and seems to be willing to take responsibility-- at least for now.
Friday, September 19, 2014
A Good Week
It has been a busy week. I was at a retreat for the regional church Monday and Tuesday. It was very affirming of the direction we are taking at the church. Our vision statement is in line with the steps they suggest for church growth and renewal.
Yesterday I had the opportunity to hear the story of a woman who began attending the church in July. I am always honored when these stories are shared with me. She has suffered and overcome much in her life, and has a faith and a story that touched me deeply.
Daughter was in a better place yesterday, which was nice. Bell choir started back up yesterday, which I enjoyed. Our vocal choir director came to me with two things-- a good health report for himself, and a problem with hygiene of a choir member. I prefer good news, but I guess all news can't be good.
The energy at the church is translating into more participation in various activities, from adult education to working the football concession stand. We are moving forward in exciting ways. I continue to be very grateful that God called me to serve this congregation. Next month I will celebrate 4 years in ministry with them-- and 29 years since my ordination.
Daughter is unhappy that she can't spend the weekends with me, and understands why. I still have to figure out how to better secure the pantry, and informed her she has to get better control over herself around food. She acknowledged that the high blood sugars were the result of a friend "forcing" her to eat food. I told her unless he tied her down and forced the food down her throat, it was her responsibility. That shut her up.
I did manage to get Daughter's appointment with the psychiatrist moved up. She seems even less in touch with reality than she usually is. I am so grateful she is no longer living with me. Life is easier when I can hang up the phone on her when she gets abusive.
Yesterday I had the opportunity to hear the story of a woman who began attending the church in July. I am always honored when these stories are shared with me. She has suffered and overcome much in her life, and has a faith and a story that touched me deeply.
Daughter was in a better place yesterday, which was nice. Bell choir started back up yesterday, which I enjoyed. Our vocal choir director came to me with two things-- a good health report for himself, and a problem with hygiene of a choir member. I prefer good news, but I guess all news can't be good.
The energy at the church is translating into more participation in various activities, from adult education to working the football concession stand. We are moving forward in exciting ways. I continue to be very grateful that God called me to serve this congregation. Next month I will celebrate 4 years in ministry with them-- and 29 years since my ordination.
Daughter is unhappy that she can't spend the weekends with me, and understands why. I still have to figure out how to better secure the pantry, and informed her she has to get better control over herself around food. She acknowledged that the high blood sugars were the result of a friend "forcing" her to eat food. I told her unless he tied her down and forced the food down her throat, it was her responsibility. That shut her up.
I did manage to get Daughter's appointment with the psychiatrist moved up. She seems even less in touch with reality than she usually is. I am so grateful she is no longer living with me. Life is easier when I can hang up the phone on her when she gets abusive.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Progress
Daughter is happy with the woman who is becoming the permanent staff member at her house. This morning she said she no longer wanted to move. Of course, this afternoon she wants to move because several staff members have asked her why she missed one of birth control pills. Overall, though, she seems to be doing better.
It was another great day at the church. Attendance was good last week, and better this week. A friend from the conference we attend each summer was in worship this morning. She told me I'm preaching at the conference. I guess that means she liked the worship service. She did tell me she was impressed-- 4 people welcomed her before she sat down.
I have a retreat with the regional church tomorrow and Tuesday. I'm not looking forward to it. I was trying to come up with an excuse not to go. It makes for a short week in the office. It looks like I'll get to work the concession booth at the football game Saturday. I have told them I'm available if they need me. Looking at the sign-up sheet, I think they'll need me. Administrative Assistant thinks she'll be needed, too. Neither of us is thrilled. There are pleasurable aspects of it, and it is a lot of work.
It was another great day at the church. Attendance was good last week, and better this week. A friend from the conference we attend each summer was in worship this morning. She told me I'm preaching at the conference. I guess that means she liked the worship service. She did tell me she was impressed-- 4 people welcomed her before she sat down.
I have a retreat with the regional church tomorrow and Tuesday. I'm not looking forward to it. I was trying to come up with an excuse not to go. It makes for a short week in the office. It looks like I'll get to work the concession booth at the football game Saturday. I have told them I'm available if they need me. Looking at the sign-up sheet, I think they'll need me. Administrative Assistant thinks she'll be needed, too. Neither of us is thrilled. There are pleasurable aspects of it, and it is a lot of work.
Friday, September 12, 2014
Long Week
Daughter seemed a little better today. It's been a long week. I picked her up for our Friday evening children's program, but Administrative Assistant agreed to take her home. I was exhausted. I will pick her up before church on Sunday. Since she got into the pantry, she can't come to the house.
When she is in crisis like this, it is exhausting. I don't know whether I should look for another living situation for her or not. I'd prefer to leave her where she is, so I hope the new staff will help her feel safe there. I never thought I'd be parenting her this intensely at this age.
It continues to be busy at the church. Things are going very well. As I keep reminding AA, it's fall. Things are going well.
When she is in crisis like this, it is exhausting. I don't know whether I should look for another living situation for her or not. I'd prefer to leave her where she is, so I hope the new staff will help her feel safe there. I never thought I'd be parenting her this intensely at this age.
It continues to be busy at the church. Things are going very well. As I keep reminding AA, it's fall. Things are going well.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Rapid Cycling
Yesterday I received an email from Case Manager. Daughter had sent her an email asking her to convince me to let her move and get her out of the current house. Case Manager forwarded the email to me and asked for my thoughts. I responded that Daughter had been working on this idea for a week, and I was surprised it had lasted this long. Yesterday she was mad at me and needed to get out of the house immediately.
This morning I picked her up to do her volunteer work at the church. She got in the car and said, "Okay. I'll listen. I know you have things you want to say to me." By the time we got to the church, she was accepting the idea that she should stay where she is and give the new staff a chance.
By lunch time, she was mad again and refusing to work. At some point she gave me a note demanding to go to the psych unit. She then drew me a picture with lots of blood and a list of all the people she was going to kill before committing suicide. She does know how to get attention.
By suppertime she was apologizing and agreeing to stay at her current house again. Have I mentioned dealing with her is exhausting right now?
This morning I picked her up to do her volunteer work at the church. She got in the car and said, "Okay. I'll listen. I know you have things you want to say to me." By the time we got to the church, she was accepting the idea that she should stay where she is and give the new staff a chance.
By lunch time, she was mad again and refusing to work. At some point she gave me a note demanding to go to the psych unit. She then drew me a picture with lots of blood and a list of all the people she was going to kill before committing suicide. She does know how to get attention.
By suppertime she was apologizing and agreeing to stay at her current house again. Have I mentioned dealing with her is exhausting right now?
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Protective Services
I received a call from Adult Protective Services this morning. They were investigating Daughter's house. The gentleman who called went out and talked to Daughter this afternoon.
Daughter is adamant that she wants out of her house and will not go to another group home. She's recruiting a couple from her program to take her in. Of course, this weekend she broke into my pantry again, and I'm sure these people have no idea of what would be involved in taking care of her. She wants me to meet them. She is quite convincing. I finally told her I'd think about it. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I have not heard anything from the Home Owner, who didn't respond to either of my texts yesterday. She also hasn't responded to the one I sent today about Daughter's program needing more needles.
I suppose I need to talk to Case Manager at some point. I find the silence from the house and Case Manager interesting. You'd think they'd want to offer me some reassurance....
Daughter is adamant that she wants out of her house and will not go to another group home. She's recruiting a couple from her program to take her in. Of course, this weekend she broke into my pantry again, and I'm sure these people have no idea of what would be involved in taking care of her. She wants me to meet them. She is quite convincing. I finally told her I'd think about it. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I have not heard anything from the Home Owner, who didn't respond to either of my texts yesterday. She also hasn't responded to the one I sent today about Daughter's program needing more needles.
I suppose I need to talk to Case Manager at some point. I find the silence from the house and Case Manager interesting. You'd think they'd want to offer me some reassurance....
Quitting
Daughter has been having problems with the main staff person at her house. Staff keeps her TV on all night. She doesn't always measure Daughter's food or follow her diet. She complains to Daughter about things going on in the house, and then tells her not to tell anybody.
This afternoon Daughter called me. They were back at the house, but no one was answering the door. I texted Home Owner, but she didn't respond. I tried calling her, but she didn't pick up and her voice mail box was full. Eventually 3 buses were in front of the house waiting for someone to let the women in. They eventually decided to call police, as they couldn't wait indefinitely. Case Manager called Daughter, and Daughter told her what was going on. Case Manager got someone over there.
They went and looked in Staff's bedroom. It was empty. Apparently, she quit today without telling anyone. Daughter was quite distressed about it. "She didn't even say good by!" Once they got in, she called me, sobbing. During the crisis, she sounded fairly calm.
She continues to complain about having to be the strong one. She's the only resident with a cell phone and decent communication skills. I hope the next person hired will have a bit more sense than the last one did.
This afternoon Daughter called me. They were back at the house, but no one was answering the door. I texted Home Owner, but she didn't respond. I tried calling her, but she didn't pick up and her voice mail box was full. Eventually 3 buses were in front of the house waiting for someone to let the women in. They eventually decided to call police, as they couldn't wait indefinitely. Case Manager called Daughter, and Daughter told her what was going on. Case Manager got someone over there.
They went and looked in Staff's bedroom. It was empty. Apparently, she quit today without telling anyone. Daughter was quite distressed about it. "She didn't even say good by!" Once they got in, she called me, sobbing. During the crisis, she sounded fairly calm.
She continues to complain about having to be the strong one. She's the only resident with a cell phone and decent communication skills. I hope the next person hired will have a bit more sense than the last one did.
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Daughter's Big Plans
Daughter likes to dance. She hasn't had any formal instruction, but she enjoys it. Staff members have seen her dancing at her program, and they decided to give her a chance to teach a dance class in October. She is very excited.
This morning she was up before me, working on a list of things she needed for the dance class:
She does like to make big plans. I was amazed at how easy it was to downsize those plans today. She's in a good, cooperative mood. I like having her around when she's like this.
This morning she was up before me, working on a list of things she needed for the dance class:
- a boom box
- CD's
- towels
- dance shoes
- wood dance floor
- mirrors
- a rack for dance shoes
- a rack for walkers (one class will be for people in wheel chairs and using walkers)
- little water bottles
- a refrigerator for the water bottles
She does like to make big plans. I was amazed at how easy it was to downsize those plans today. She's in a good, cooperative mood. I like having her around when she's like this.
Friday, September 5, 2014
It's Fall
Several times this week I found myself thinking, "Yup, it's fall." After a wonderful Labor Day with Sister Best Friend, I jumped into a full week on Tuesday. I first thought, "It's fall," as I was arriving home just before 9:00 that night. There were two late nights this week. We had more people stopping by the office. They are beginning to come back from their cottages on various lakes. We kick off our fall program on Sunday. We've made some adjustments to the order of worship.
Daughter has been in crisis, and quite frankly, I understand why she doesn't feel safe. Staff wasn't going to give her a bedtime snack Monday night. I had to explain the importance of a snack in light of her blood sugar. She finally agreed to give her half a sandwich. They ran out of needles for her insulin pens, so she spent two day reusing needles, which puts her at risk of infection. Staff is in the bedroom next to her, and keeps her TV on all night. Daughter says she's not sleeping well.
When I picked her up and brought her home this evening, she disappeared. I finally called her name, asking where she was. She was snuggling in my bed. She felt safe there. I've emailed the home owner, who was on vacation. Daughter called in tears this evening. Home owner is in the hospital following and auto accident. I'm dreading the possibility that I'll have to move her again.
Daughter has been in crisis, and quite frankly, I understand why she doesn't feel safe. Staff wasn't going to give her a bedtime snack Monday night. I had to explain the importance of a snack in light of her blood sugar. She finally agreed to give her half a sandwich. They ran out of needles for her insulin pens, so she spent two day reusing needles, which puts her at risk of infection. Staff is in the bedroom next to her, and keeps her TV on all night. Daughter says she's not sleeping well.
When I picked her up and brought her home this evening, she disappeared. I finally called her name, asking where she was. She was snuggling in my bed. She felt safe there. I've emailed the home owner, who was on vacation. Daughter called in tears this evening. Home owner is in the hospital following and auto accident. I'm dreading the possibility that I'll have to move her again.
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