Frustration

I have been looking for things I can delegate and places where I can cut back.  I've been spending a great deal of time at the church, and it's taking a toll on me.  So this past week the personnel chair met with me to share a shift in my priorities.  They want me to spend more time in one area of ministry.  They realize that means I'll have to cut back elsewhere.  I asked what it was they wanted me to cut back.  She said that was up to me.  I couldn't figure out what to cut before they added another responsibility.  I know that vacation is approaching, and I'm experiencing the level of fatigue that tends to hit me as vacation comes near.  I'm tired.  I've pushed myself all year, and now I'm grumpy.  I don't like being grumpy. 

At the last board meeting, we were trying to figure out when to schedule a new member class.  I suggested it might need to wait until after my vacation.  They didn't think that was a good idea.  I've scheduled it for next Sunday following worship.  I sent notes to 8 individuals, inviting them to the class.  I know that there are a couple of them who may not be able to come next Sunday, so that means I'll have to work something else out for them.  I have no clue what that will be, but I'll figure it out. 

Next week is Pentecost and the announcement of our new vision statement.  I've been having meetings almost every week on this since January.  There is still a lot of work to be done.  We're recruiting various people to talk about the vision statement and how they have experienced it.   We also have a new logo that will be revealed.  After the reveal on the 8th,  I need to begin planning for fall.  We will be exploring the new vision in more depth September-November. 

It's strange, not having Daughter here for the weekend.  It's nice not to have to lock things up, but I do miss her.  She hasn't been calling as often, which is usually a good job.  The current boy friend is going to come to church tomorrow. 

I mowed the lawn today, using my new mower for the first time.  I had a few challenges with it, but once I figured things out, it was fine.  I also spent some time weeding and pruning in my gardens.  I hope I can get some members to come help me with weeding and spreading mulch.  I know I can't do those on my own with my weak wrist. 

Short Week

It was a short week in the office.  Home Owner took Daughter shopping today, so she wasn't in the church office until this afternoon.  Both Administrative Assistant and I were thrown off by this-- it felt like Wednesday, not Thursday.  I should be able to take tomorrow completely off, which will be nice.  I think I'll tackle the paper jungle here at home. 

Daughter had an appointment with the Psychiatrist yesterday.  Case Manager is still struggling to understand Daughter, but I think Home Owner is beginning to get her.  We talked about the insulin issues. 

I bought a new lawn mower on Monday.  I will use it for the first time this weekend.  I need to put the oil that came with it in and then buy some gas, and it will be good to go.  It's electric start.  There are still some people who are unhappy about my decision to go back to mowing.  I told them that mowing is easier on my wrist than some other things that need doing in the yard, so I'd prefer their help on the weeding and spreading mulch.  I think one of the men is actually going to recruit some workers to do just that.  '

I think my wrist is getting better.  AA and I were looking at it today, we think there was swelling that has gone down, so that's good.  Hopefully the next x-ray (in 2 weeks) will show it has healed completely.  Hopefully....

My Gardens

Yesterday I spent some time outside doing one handed weeding.  I didn't want to kneel down (and push up with my hands), so I was bending over.  Today I have a sore back.  I'm also tired, as Daughter took extra insulin during the night and had a low at 5:30.  She won't be spending weekends with me for a while.

I have had three different church members use my lawn mower and mow my lawn.  They all thought it was terrible.  I had been thinking about buying a new lawn mower, and I began to think about it and realized that maybe, with a better mower, it wouldn't be the strain on my wrist and I could do it now.  Treasurer had recommended the kind of mower he bought last year, and offered to let me try it out to see if I liked it.  I went to talk to Treasurer about it today.  He said he'd bring it over tomorrow and I could try it, and then he'd mow my lawn.  He then went to talk to another man, D, who had volunteered to mow my yard this week.  D came over and informed me a major conflict was brewing in the church, as I was trying to mow my lawn and wouldn't let them mow it.  I told him that there is so much I can't do, and if I have a decent mower, maybe this is something I could do.  He's going to bring his mower over for me to try tomorrow.  His was also new last year, and has electric start and was less expensive than the one Treasurer bought.

Daughter did clean the kitchen yesterday, and I'm grateful.  I was going to post something about how well she's doing, but then she took extra insulin.  I didn't even have to praise her this time for her to sabotage herself.

The Wrist

Monday afternoon I began wearing a brace on my wrist.  I have much less pain now.  I'm hoping the brace will be the final step to complete the healing.  I'm looking forward to the day that the fracture line is no longer visible. 

Some college friends were arranging a reunion for a weekend in June.  I rearranged my vacation plans to be there.  Today they decided to postpone the reunion until October.  I'm not very happy, and neither is the one who'd already bought an airline ticket.  We may just have a smaller gathering.  It will be nice to have the 15th off.  That's the Sunday after Pentecost and the big reveal of our new vision statement and logo.  I'm sure I'll be tired. 

With Administrative Assistant back, it's been a productive week.  In addition to sermon and PowerPoint, I've also picked worship themes through the end of August, done some work on interpretive material for the new vision statement, and written a bunch of newsletter articles.  I shouldn't have to do any work on Friday or Saturday, which will be very nice. 

She's Back!

Administrative Assistant was back in the office today.  We had asked her to come back with a memory, as we needed someone with a good memory in the office.  Today I had to let her into the church, since she had forgotten her keys.  I told her it wasn't a promising start.  She had a wonderful vacation, and is glad to be back. 

It was good to have company in the office.  We had several people drop in today.  With one of the visitors, we turned our backs on him and went to work (after we'd taken care of his reason for coming in).  He continued to talk for a while before he finally got up and left. 

Daughter seems to be doing well.  She has really has cut down on the number of times she calls me each day.  It's nice.  She has asked to come spend the weekend with me.  I told her I'd think about it.  I'll probably have her come. 

Immobilized

For the first time since I broke my wrist over a year ago, it is now immobilized in a brace (which I requested over a cast).  It looks like the bones are healing, but the pain is a concern.  I'm confident that the brace will help.  When the doctor saw me, he announced he was going to South America.  I know this has frustrated and puzzled him. 

Administrative Assistant is back in the office tomorrow.  One of the men was talking about something he needed her to do.  I told him he had to wait until Wednesday.  Just the mail on her desk will be a little overwhelming. 

Daughter and I have cleaned my office at the church.  It is wonderful!  I am enjoying working in it again.  Now it's time to go do some work....

The Restaurant Game

It's been a while since she played it, but today Daughter decided it was time to play the restaurant game.  We went out to eat after worship.  Daughter zoomed in on the highest carb portion of the menu, knowing I would veto anything she chose from that area.  That gave her the excuse she needed to spend the rest of the meal pouting. 

Overall, it was a good weekend with her here.  She did a lot of cleaning.  Friday  I was going to go outside and pull dandelions.  She decided she wanted to stay inside and clean.  She handed me the bicycle lock for the refrigerator door before I went out and asked me to put it on.  I did.  I'm glad she's asking for that support, and sorry she still needs it. 

Administrative Assistant is back in town.  Her daughter was in worship this morning and offered that assurance.  I was pleased.  I look forward to seeing her on Tuesday. 

Now I get to enjoy a quiet Sunday afternoon.  I may even take a nap. 

I Made It!

Administrative Assistant returns to work Tuesday.  I officially survived her vacation. Daughter folded bulletins and announcements for Sunday today.  AA had done most of the work before she left, so all I had to do was add a few things. I still have to finish the PowerPoint and do some stuff for the Monday night board meeting, but this week was better in terms of getting work done, even though I had a lunch meeting and an overnight retreat.

In other news, I am having an increasing amount of pain in my left arm, and it has moved from the wrist to the area of the break.  It's been raining all week, so I'm going to wait and see if it improves with the weather.  I suspect I will be going to see the surgeon next week.  I am very discouraged.  I'm going to ask him about alternatives other than surgery if there is a problem.  It has now been over a year.  I broke the arm on May 11, and the first surgery was May 12.  The second surgery was February 18.

Daughter has a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning, so she came home with me today, and will be with me all weekend.   I'm hoping she will help me get the house cleaned up.  It looks like it will be too wet and cold to work in the garden.  I am hoping for a productive weekend.  Bringing order to my chaos would certainly be a mood booster, and I need one right now. 

 

Mother's Day

Daughter drew me a picture for Mother's Day.  She informed me she wanted to go home right after lunch, so I have a quiet afternoon alone-- well, almost alone.  Kitten is determined to sleep on me.  I'm going to work on laundry and do some things in the kitchen.

Yesterday we went to see Brother and his family.  Baby Nephew is wonderful.  He weighs less than 7 pounds, so he is very small.  It was a very pleasant day.  I spent all day Friday in the office, so I haven't had an opportunity to do any of the things I normally do at home on my time off.  I will be able to get some of it done this afternoon. 

It's another busy week, and once again I'm flying solo.  I won't have the drop-ins this week, as the property guys are headed to a camp to build a deck and seating.  Tomorrow they will begin installing the new carpet downstairs.  That will complete the renovations from ice dam damage back in March.  The final cost will be over $15,000 for the repairs.  We are still seeking a solution for the issues that caused the ice dam.  Of course, it would be easier to fix if we knew what had caused the problems.  We suspect there are several different issues contributing, including some design problems.  We are going to have some engineers come in and give us proposals. 

It's about time to begin my countdown to vacation.  I'm ready.  I'm tired.  I need some time off.

Week One

I survived Administrative Assistant's first week of vacation.  Of course, I was in the office most of the day today, and I still have to finalize the sermon.  I met a young colleague for breakfast, and then headed to the church.  I picked up Daughter when she got home, drove through to pick up supper for her, and was back to the church for our Friday children's ministry. 

My house and yard are a disaster, and will remain that way for a while.  Tomorrow Daughter and I are headed to the City to meet Nephew.  Brother and his wife welcomed their second son early yesterday morning.  I promised to bring food and also have to get gifts for my two nephews.  I'm looking forward to seeing them, and it will be a long day. 

My wrist has been bothering me more since I mowed my lawn last Sunday, so I took one of the men at the church up on his offer to mow my lawn for me.  I'm very grateful for the support they provide.  I will be even more grateful when AA returns from vacation....

Computers

Yesterday my Office 365 decided that my computer did not have a licensed copy of the software, so it wouldn't let me do any work.  I went online to customer support and began looking for answers.  I uninstalled the software in 2 different ways.  I reinstalled it two times.  I used various versions of the program that was supposed to repair problems.  None of them worked.  I came home and pulled out my old computer.  Office was supposedly installed on it, but wouldn't work.  I uninstalled and reinstalled it one more time, and at least it worked on that computer.  Of course, the reason I retired the old computer was that it was no longer starting reliably and was very slow. 

When I got to the church, I once again went searching online for solutions.  I finally went to a different website, and there was a simple fix that worked.  There was a time when I didn't think there was any use for computers in the church.  Now I can't function without my computer.  Of course, the time I spent on the computer issues means I'm behind on my other work.  I'm missing Administrative Assistant.  I hope they are enjoying their vacation. 

We continue to have people coming through the office, and that helps. 

A Wonderful Problem

The communion servers usually sit in the center sections of the front row.  One of them came up to me and said, "Where do you want us to sit?  We have people sitting in the front row now."   We agreed it was a wonderful problem to have, and we quickly solved it. 

I think most of our snowbirds are back now, so it must be spring.  One of our couples opened their summer cabin this past week.  I mowed the lawn this afternoon for the first time.  The surgeon gave me permission to try it, but told me to stop if it causes pain in my arm.  Daughter came home with me after church to help me.  Except she was in a mood.  She didn't help, she watched and kept asking me to take her home.  I made her wait while I finished mowing.  I think my wrist tolerated it well. 

Administrative Assistant is on vacation for the next two weeks.  I'm not looking forward to that.  Tomorrow, though will be busy.  We put in the bulletin that people should check with me before coming to the church this week, as there were times I would be out of the office.  I had two people check with me today about tomorrow morning.  I promised to be there.  I do enjoy the conversations when people stop by.  I'll need those conversations with AA gone. 

Good Intentions, and Better News

I had intended to start blogging more regularly this week.  Obviously, that didn't happen.  However, I do feel the depression is lifting.  I continue to be very busy at the church, and I am beginning to function a bit at home, too.  Today is Administrative Assistant's last day before a 2 week vacation.  She needs this vacation, as she has been tired and a bit grumpy lately.  Treasurer and I are both a bit worried about managing without her.  We will manage-- we have before and will again.  I did warn her, though, that with our memory issues, we might not remember her when she gets back.  She thought that was hilarious.  It has been an ongoing conversation that we need someone with a younger brain and better memory in the office.  Treasurer brought in a section of the newspaper to show us an article this week, and then couldn't remember what he wanted to show us. 

I let my phone at the church last Sunday.  AA and her husband (Sound Guy) were leaving at the same time, and AA suggested I go back in and get it.  The door was already locked, and I decided I could make it until I returned to church for the special evening service.  When we got to the restaurant, I was talking to some members about vacation plans.  Except I couldn't give them dates because I didn't have my phone.  I stopped back by the church after lunch to retrieve my phone. When I confessed I'd gone back for it that evening, SG turned to AA and said, "I told you!"  I guess I'm predictable. 

Daughter helped me clean my office at the church.  I am eliminating paper, so the notebooks I had for each committee were emptied of documents and stored.  All of the documents are in my computer, so there is no reason to keep paper copies around. 

I still have a great deal of work to do here at home, but I've made some progress on the piles of papers that were overtaking the kitchen.  I hope to get some more done today.  What I'd really like to do is be out working in the yard, but it is gray day and looks like it is going to rain. 

Daughter seems to be doing well-- she continues to impress us with her growth in the office.  She comes in on Thursday morning and gets right to work.  She  is completing her 4 regular tasks in less time each week.  It really is impressive, and we are grateful. 

Depressed

Okay, I admit it.   I have been struggling with depression for several months.  I'm able to function pretty well at the church, but that uses up all my functioning ability, and I'm worthless when I get home.  The house is mess, I'm behind on paperwork.  I do think I'm improving, but it has been very frustrating. 

I saw the surgeon yesterday.  The arm is healing, though the fracture line is still visible.  It's thinner and lighter.  I have some pain, but it's not at the point of the fracture, so he's not sure what it is.  He said I can try mowing the lawn, but if it hurts, I need to find someone else to do it.  He wished me luck on that one. 

He said if I had any pain, I needed to call right away.  He said he'd probably shoot himself, but I should call.  I asked to see the original x-rays, which I hadn't seen.  He pulled them up on a computer from the hospital website (he hasn't gone to the digital x-rays in his office).  He said, "It doesn't take any training to see they are broken."  The bones were pushed back beside themselves-- he said there was about an inch of overlap.  They were rather dramatic images.  I said, "No wonder...."  He told me that was why I had had so much pain. 

I have begun walking again with my walking partner, though not daily.  As I spend more time outside, I'm sure my depression will continue to improve.  The fact that I have permission to try mowing the lawn really helps.  Yard work is very therapeutic for me.  I have had to acknowledge the second surgery on my arm was very difficult.  Starting the healing process over again was very discouraging.  I'm losing a second summer--  I'm not going to be able to do all I'd like in my gardens. 

I have also acknowledged I've got to cut down on my work time.  It's hard, because I really love what I'm doing.  However, it's not healthy.  I  hope I will feel up to updating more frequently here. 

Christ is Risen!

A cartoon has been floating around Facebook that shows Easter morning and Easter afternoon.  Easter morning, the pastor is standing in front of the congregation and says, "Christ is risen!"  Easter afternoon the pastor is sitting in a chair with a vacant look.  The spouse says, "The pastor is dead."  Not quite dead, but certainly exhausted, on a variety of levels. 

I took most of the day off today.  I didn't get dressed until it was time to get ready for the meeting at the church this evening.  Most of the day I sat in my recliner, looking like the pastor in the cartoon.  Easter was good.  Worship went very well, and included a wonderful anthem written by our pianist.  Attendance was good.  We had a very pleasant time with Sister Best Friend in the afternoon.  Daughter was cooperative all day. 

I received a couple of emails from Case Manager this evening.  She'd gone to Daughter's house, and wants me to talk to Daughter about a couple of issues.  I get really tired of the triangulating.  If the house has a problem with something Daughter is doing, they should talk to Daughter directly.  CM also emailed the workshop.  Daughter claims she was physically threatened last week.  I believe she felt threatened, and I know she has a pattern of exaggerating in situations like this.  CM wanted to know what had happened from the workshop.  Daughter told me she'd used her voice and reported the incident.  I trust that the staff handled the situation appropriately.  I think I'm going to remind CM of my stock answer when Daughter comes to me with that kind of story, "I have confidence in your ability to keep yourself safe."  When I read the emails, I was exhausted all over again.  I did ask Daughter not to walk around in her heels at night, as they claim she is waking up the entire house by walking around.  (I think the house might be exaggerating a bit, too.)  I haven't responded to the email.  I will, but I needed to let it sit for a while.  

Holy Week

Holy Week always takes a toll on pastors.  We had worked ahead, and it was still a hard week.  On Thursday there were so many people coming through the office, we finally closed the door.  People were working on 4 different projects.  Daughter was there and was very helpful.  She really does a good job for us in the office.  She even helped clean my office. 

I was at church every evening.  Today I was over there to help decorate for Easter tomorrow.  We made some new banners.  We are really pleased with the way things looked when we left the church.  Tomorrow afternoon we'll go have dinner with Sister Best Friend and her husband, mother-in-law, and a friend.  It will be nice to spend some time with them. 

Daughter keeps trying to draw me into drama, but it's not working.  Overall, she's happy and doing well.  She was helpful in the office, and today she was doing some work here and singing.  Last night I heard her talking in her sleep, and she was thanking someone repeatedly and telling whoever it was how much she appreciated whatever they'd done. 

I am taking Monday off.  Normally I'm in the office alone on Monday, as it's Administrative Assistant's day off.  Well, I say I'm alone, but there are usually several people who stop by to chat.  I've decided I'm staying home until my evening meeting.  I will sleep in and be lazy, and it will be wonderful.  I need it after Holy Week. 

I hope everyone has a blessed Easter. 

Gifts

This morning at church a man who lives in my neighborhood came over and told me he'd survived his gardens yesterday and was willing to do some work in mine.  He walked over this afternoon and spread all my wood chips.  I did some more clean up in my butterfly garden.  We've filled the 6 cans I have for yard waste again this week.  It's been great to spend time out in the yard this weekend.  Now I need to spend some time in my house working. 

With Holy Week, it's going to be a busy week.  I could easily spend 5 nights at the church this week.  I think I'll skip the Tuesday night event-- we're recording a skit we will be using on the Sundays following Easter.  Administrative Assistant (who has a background in theater) is going to be there to handle things. 

Daughter was helpful again today, though I think she's tired of working in the yard.  She doesn't enjoy it the way I do.  I figured out some ways I can work that don't put a strain on my wrist, which is good.  The weather is going to turn bad again, so I don't know when I'll next be able to get out there to work in the gardens, but I'm looking forward to it, whenever it might be. 

Bonus

My neighbor had major tree damage in an ice storm this winter.  Today we came home from the store to find another neighbor had a chipper and was going to clean up the damage.  Daughter and I helped, and received fire wood and a bunch of wood chips from the damaged trees.  We spent over 3 hours working outside.  It was a beautiful day, and it was wonderful to be outside working in the yard.  I may have done a bit too much with my weak arm.  Hopefully I didn't do any damage. 

Daughter was super cooperative.  Of course, I had planned to work in the kitchen today, but after all the outside work, I didn't feel like working in the kitchen.  We came in and watched movies, which was also pleasant.  I'm so glad that spring has finally arrived.  All the snow in my yard has now melted.  There is still tons of work to do in the yard, but I will work on it gradually. 

At Last

I'm finally getting my energy back following my most recent surgery.  I am relieved, to say the least, especially since this coming week is Holy Week.  It was a very productive week in the office.  Administrative Assistant and I have all the music selected until Pentecost on June 8, which means we can get those bulletins done.  I still have to write a few liturgical elements, but those don't take much time.   

AA is going to be on vacation the first two weeks in May, so we're working ahead.  We do have some money budgeted for subs, but it's easier if we get most of the work done and I finalize the bulletin and announcements each week.  We've had workers in the building all week working on repairs from our ice dams.  They've been hanging dry wall and painting.  We have carpet samples to make our selection and place that order.  The paint fumes and dust were not fun, and we ended up closing the office door to try to cut down on them. 

Daughter seems to be doing well.  I'm noticing an interesting pattern.  She's happy until the time approaches to go home, and then she begins telling me how terrible her life is and how depressed she is and how she just can't handle it.  I've been calling her on the behavior, and she's not getting any sympathy from me, so hopefully she will stop doing it.  I told her that when she behaves like that I don't want to spend time with her. 

Thursday will be the 19th anniversary of the adoption.  It's hard to believe that Daughter is 27 now.  I've been her parent for over 24 years.  My parents have been dead for almost 5 years.  I thought when I moved here I would have the opportunity to see Sister and Brother more, but that hasn't happened.  Sister now has a boyfriend, and Brother is expecting a second child.  They are busy with their lives, and I'm busy with mine.  Most of the time, that's okay. 

The Friday after Easter I will go back to the surgeon and have another x-ray of my arm.  I'm confident that this time it is healing.  I can feel the difference.  That may sound strange, and I may be wrong, but I'm fairly confident the x-ray will shone the bone has healed.  It feels more stable.  I'm regaining strength in it, and the pain is lessening.  I'm hoping he will ease the restrictions.  I really want to get out there and work in my yard.  The winter took a heavy toll on it.  The weather is supposed to be nice this weekend, and Daughter will be with me all weekend since we have our children's ministry this evening.  She seems to be looking forward to helping me in the yard tomorrow.  It should be a good day. 

Spring

Sunday afternoon I got Daughter to help me out in the yard.  She did some raking, and I picked up sticks, trash, and the piles she raked up.  It was wonderful.  I thoroughly enjoyed my time out in the yard.  The sunshine felt so good.  I'm frustrated with my limitations this spring.  I'm going to have to recruit some help to do all the things I want to do out there.  It's another spring day, so I plan to spend some more time in the yard this afternoon. 

I'm still fighting a bug, which means my need for sleep is even greater.   I'm sleeping over 8 hours a night, and I'm still dragging.  I continue to feel overwhelmed at the church, though it has been a productive couple of days.  Between Easter and our visioning process, it is just a busy time.  There are lots of good things going on, though, so that is good. 

Daughter seems to be doing well.  She's not calling much, and seems to be handling things better.  Her favorite staff person is still off for medical reasons, and last night she told me she may not be able to come back, and that's okay.  I was amazed to hear her say that. 

We still have some snow, but I told Administrative Assistant today that maybe the snow would be off the parking lot by this Sunday.  That would be nice.  Very nice.  I'm glad we are finally experiencing spring weather.  So glad.