Okay, I admit it. I have been struggling with depression for several months. I'm able to function pretty well at the church, but that uses up all my functioning ability, and I'm worthless when I get home. The house is mess, I'm behind on paperwork. I do think I'm improving, but it has been very frustrating.
I saw the surgeon yesterday. The arm is healing, though the fracture line is still visible. It's thinner and lighter. I have some pain, but it's not at the point of the fracture, so he's not sure what it is. He said I can try mowing the lawn, but if it hurts, I need to find someone else to do it. He wished me luck on that one.
He said if I had any pain, I needed to call right away. He said he'd probably shoot himself, but I should call. I asked to see the original x-rays, which I hadn't seen. He pulled them up on a computer from the hospital website (he hasn't gone to the digital x-rays in his office). He said, "It doesn't take any training to see they are broken." The bones were pushed back beside themselves-- he said there was about an inch of overlap. They were rather dramatic images. I said, "No wonder...." He told me that was why I had had so much pain.
I have begun walking again with my walking partner, though not daily. As I spend more time outside, I'm sure my depression will continue to improve. The fact that I have permission to try mowing the lawn really helps. Yard work is very therapeutic for me. I have had to acknowledge the second surgery on my arm was very difficult. Starting the healing process over again was very discouraging. I'm losing a second summer-- I'm not going to be able to do all I'd like in my gardens.
I have also acknowledged I've got to cut down on my work time. It's hard, because I really love what I'm doing. However, it's not healthy. I hope I will feel up to updating more frequently here.