Depressed

Okay, I admit it.   I have been struggling with depression for several months.  I'm able to function pretty well at the church, but that uses up all my functioning ability, and I'm worthless when I get home.  The house is mess, I'm behind on paperwork.  I do think I'm improving, but it has been very frustrating. 

I saw the surgeon yesterday.  The arm is healing, though the fracture line is still visible.  It's thinner and lighter.  I have some pain, but it's not at the point of the fracture, so he's not sure what it is.  He said I can try mowing the lawn, but if it hurts, I need to find someone else to do it.  He wished me luck on that one. 

He said if I had any pain, I needed to call right away.  He said he'd probably shoot himself, but I should call.  I asked to see the original x-rays, which I hadn't seen.  He pulled them up on a computer from the hospital website (he hasn't gone to the digital x-rays in his office).  He said, "It doesn't take any training to see they are broken."  The bones were pushed back beside themselves-- he said there was about an inch of overlap.  They were rather dramatic images.  I said, "No wonder...."  He told me that was why I had had so much pain. 

I have begun walking again with my walking partner, though not daily.  As I spend more time outside, I'm sure my depression will continue to improve.  The fact that I have permission to try mowing the lawn really helps.  Yard work is very therapeutic for me.  I have had to acknowledge the second surgery on my arm was very difficult.  Starting the healing process over again was very discouraging.  I'm losing a second summer--  I'm not going to be able to do all I'd like in my gardens. 

I have also acknowledged I've got to cut down on my work time.  It's hard, because I really love what I'm doing.  However, it's not healthy.  I  hope I will feel up to updating more frequently here.