Dreaming

Last night I slept well. In fact, when I woke up briefly at 4:40, I think Cat and I were still in the exact same positions we’d been in when I fell asleep at 11:30. I remember one of my dreams. I was having a conversation with Mom, and she was communicating and making sense. She was rejecting my fashion advice, stating she’d wait for Sister to come give her opinion. As much as I hate to admit it, this was proof that she really was very with it at the time.

I’m not surprised I had that dream. Yesterday I was remembering Daughter’s first hospitalization. She was 9 or 10. She thought there were bugs crawling all over her body and eating her up. The psychiatrist she was seeing then wanted to switch her from the old school antipsychotic she was taking at that time to one of the newer ones, and he wanted her in the hospital to do it. I was horrified. She was so young, and she’d be on the adolescent unit (they kept her out of groups, fortunately, recognizing she wouldn’t be able to handle the issues discussed).

I remember calling Mom and Dad. I asked Mom to come. I didn’t want to be alone. She got on the bus and came. She was a wonderful help and support during that first hospitalization. She helped me navigate the system. One of the biggest frustrations I’ve had during Daughter’s psychiatric hospitalizations is communication and figuring out what the plan is. Mom helped me through that.

With this hospitalization, I doubt they have even told Mom. I certainly can’t tell her. Even if I called the home, she wouldn’t be able to converse with me, and might not even know who was talking to her on the phone. It’s at times like this that I really miss her. When I called Dad last night, the first thing he did was ask about Daughter. I haven’t told him all the details that led to her hospitalization. He doesn’t need that worry. Brother and Sister know, and are very concerned and supportive. I still miss Mom.

I’m beginning to suspect that Daughter will need periodic hospitalizations to adjust her medication. One plus from this round of psychosis is that last year Psychiatrist told Daughter she couldn’t even think about contact with her birth family until the voices had been gone for at least a year. That year was about up. Now it has been reset, and I don’t have to worry about dealing with the fallout from contact with birth family for another year.