U-Turn

Daughter sent me a text in the middle of the night Wednesday, complaining because staff was telling her she had to stop walking around her room rearranging things.  She was making too much noise.  She was outraged, because she was trying to be quiet. 

When she called me in the morning, she was still unhappy.  She was even less happy when I supported staff.  She informed me that she wouldn't be coming to the church and hung up on me.  I was talking to Sister when she called back the first time.  "I know you need me, so I guess I'll come."  "That's alright, you can stay home, we can manage without you." 

I told Sister she would call back shortly and tell me she wanted to come to the church for her volunteer work and apologize.  She did.  I agreed to pick her up. 

When I picked her up, I reminded her of how she had complained when the staff member in the bedroom next to her had had her TV on all night.  I reminded her that she said she didn't mean to disturb her, but it did.  Daughter did not like that.  When she started whining and complaining, I told her to stop.  She was silent a minute, and then complained, "I can't believe the devil has gotten to my own mother." 

I took her back home.  She was fighting tears as she went back into the house, and I'm sure became hysterical once inside.  Hopefully she learned something.  I informed her she had to apologize to the staff member, and she told me she had yesterday evening. 

I won't see her again until Thursday, as I have our big planning meeting tomorrow.  She said Home Owner reminded staff that when Daughter is up in the middle of the night, they should give her her sleeping pill.  I hope they do, and I also hope she becomes more respectful.  She now knows I am willing to make a u-turn and take her back home.  That's good. 

Off

This was one of those Sundays when a number of things went wrong, and I just felt off all morning.  Today we were installing officers, and one of our women was supposed to be lay leader and participate in the installation.  She emailed me last night.  She was sick, and couldn't find a sub.  So I got to church and had to find someone to take her place. 

Then the choir was late.  The clock in the choir room was 10 minutes slow, and it was time for worship to begin and they were no where to  be found.  Someone had to go get them, and so worship was late starting. 

When I got up to preach, there was something wrong with my microphone.  It is one that I wear over my ear.  I love it.  But it was full of static this morning.  I turned it off and the sound people gave me a cordless handheld (I pace when I'm leading worship).  I then had to juggle the microphone and the remote to control the Power Point, which requires coordination and multi-tasking skills that I don't possess.

The result:  I wasn't happy with the way worship went this morning.  It all felt off.  Fortunately, it doesn't happen very often.  Next Sunday I'm off on a personal retreat day.  We have the big planning meeting Saturday, and I use Sunday to pray and reflect on what has been discussed an plan for my priorities.  I'm glad I have it off-- I think I need it.  It will be a busy week. 

Disengaging

Daughter continues to have her ups and downs, and rationality seems beyond her right now.  She is unwilling to take responsibility for her life, and doesn't recognize how contradictory her statements can be. 

This morning she was complaining because we are pushing her too hard to fast.  Yesterday we were holding her back. 

She wants to live with a nurse, and she will pay her nurse out of her paycheck ($3 for the last 2 weeks).  She can't handle living in group homes.  There are too many people and it's too overwhelming.  She wants to live in a larger group home because she'll be happy there. 

I have stopped locking food up, and she is responding by getting up and eating during the night.  I remind her she can't have any more freedom until she can control her eating. 

She can't handle a painting class at Painting with a Twist because the verbal instructions are too overwhelming.  She wants me to help her enroll in nursing school. 

She has a new boyfriend, but it's okay because if they get married he won't force her to have sex. 

She wants a  better job.  Her volunteer job at the church is too much work. 

I am disengaging from the turmoil.  I occasionally point out the contradictions, but for the most part I let her talk and just nod. 

She wanted to come help me this weekend, so she is now pouting on the sofa under a blanket.  It's amazing we both don't have whiplash. 

.Update

Life has been busy.  After Christmas I'm always exhausted, and then we had a death while I was on vacation.  I gave up 3 days of vacation to plan and lead the memorial service.  The widow was mad at me for not getting up to the hospital.  The report I had was that they were going to re-evaluate him on Monday and see about sending him to a nursing home.  He died Sunday.  If I'd known he was that sick, I would have been there.  If they had called and asked me to come, I would have been there. 

After the memorial service I got hit hard by a virus.  I spent a day in bed.  Daughter was wonderful, preparing food for me and tending to my needs.  I hadn't recovered from the virus when we had another death and another funeral. 

The church system has a great deal of anxiety in it right now.  People are grouchy and blowing minor things out of proportion.  In addition to planning for our big January planning meeting, I'm also dealing with a woman who has decided to stop treatment for her cancer.  I don't anticipate her living long.  She's in her 50's, and people are upset about her illness.  Every time someone visits her, they call me to process their feelings, which is fine, but takes time and emotional energy.

Daughter is still all over the place, desperately trying to escape the chaos in her own mind.  Her plans are all totally unrealistic, but she isn't able to see that.  When she went back to the house after Christmas, there was a new live-in staff member.  She hasn't handled that change well.  I'm back to hanging up on her.  The good news is that Home Owner has finally decided I know what I'm talking about.  It's nice to have her respecting me and seeking my input.  Administrative Assistant's comment:  "It's about time."

We still haven't had our family Christmas.  It's now been moved 4 times do to illness or scheduling conflicts.  We are now planning at celebrating at Sister's on February 14.  Daughter things that's totally inappropriate because it's Valentine's Day.  Too bad. 

I think I have finally recovered from my virus, and I now have a plan for the big planning meeting.  Hopefully I will be able to update more frequently now. 

Merry Christmas!

Daughter has been with me since Tuesday evening.  She was very helpful yesterday in the office.  We got everything one we wanted to get done, and I'm grateful.  Our Christmas miracle:  we ran out of toner for the printer right after we finished the last bulletin.  We didn't have a spare. 

We had children involved in yesterday evening's service, and that was nice.  One major frustration.  Psychiatrist increase Daughter's anti psychotic from 160 mg to 180 mg by adding a 20 mg pill to to the two 80 mg pills.  Staff apparently wasn't told the plan-- they dropped the two 80 mg pills and just gave her the 20 mg.  I'm going to get her up to the proper dosage, but gradually. 

Saturday I've made us reservations to go paint a winter scene.  Daughter is excited.  I'm looking forward to it, too.  So far, she's doing well.  She told me she'd been looking forward to spending this time with me.  That's nice to hear.  I'm working on Sunday, and next Friday we'll have our family Christmas celebration.  The rest of the time I'm off.  I am tired, and need this time off.   We slept in a bit today, and hopefully will sleep in a bit longer tomorrow. 

I hope all of you are having a merry Christmas.  May this coming year bring you many blessings. 

Headache

Yesterday morning I woke up with a headache.  I don't get headaches very often, and I'm grateful.  Yesterday's headache was bad.   I had some nausea and dizziness with it.  When I got to church, there were people with questions.  I referred them all to Administrative Assistant.  I thought once worship started I did pretty well.  I had to catch myself a couple of times and I struggled with balance, but I thought I covered pretty well. 

I took Daughter to lunch and then dropped her off at her house.  I then came home and did nothing for the rest of the day.  I got comfortable in bed and did some reading and played some computer games.  This morning I woke up headache free.  (I had it all day yesterday.)  I actually got to the church before AA this morning, and it was a productive day. 

I had announced yesterday in worship that people could bring their poinsettias in today or tomorrow, and they could wave and stay hi as they went by the office, but not hang around, as we'd be busy.  The congregation laughed, and for the most part respected that request today.  One man stopped by in the afternoon.  He walked over to me, put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Are you okay?"  I hadn't spoken to him yesterday, though I know he was in worship.  I assured him I was fine, and headache free.  He told me he'd been worried about my yesterday, and wondered if I'd make it through the service.  Once he knew I was okay, he left.  I guess I didn't do that good a job of covering my discomfort.

I will be picking Daughter up tomorrow evening.  She will spend Wednesday folding bulletins.  AA 2 adult kids are home for Christmas and may get drafted, too.  I think we drafted them last year, too.  Things at the church are in pretty good shape.  My house is a mess.  Daughter promised she'd help me with cleaning when she gets here.  I'm grateful. 

Three out of Five

Daughter saw Psychiatrist on Thursday.  Psychiatrist increased 3 of the 5 medications she has prescribed for Daughter.  I am cautiously optimistic.  When we left Psychiatrist's office, Daughter was sobbing.  She didn't understand what had been said and had misinterpreted much of it.  By the time we got back to the church (Thursday is her day volunteering in the office), I had calmed her down.  She went into my office and crashed, sleeping for a couple of hours.  Last night Daughter had a Christmas party.  She was out late, and was in a crowd with loud music.  When she called me last night, she was happy.  She had been able to handle the chaos.  She wouldn't have been able to do that a week ago. 

The last few weeks have been challenging to say the least.  They would have been more challenging if she'd been living with me.  She was manufacturing drama on a daily basis.  At one point, she had people convinced she had diabetic neuropathy in her feet.  I told them to tell her her feet would stop hurting if she would wear sensible shoes.  The nurse and case manager wanted to rush her off to an endocrinologist.  I informed them her physician had examined her feet for signs of diabetic neuropathy last month, and she had passed with flying colors.  I said it was her latest attempt to get attention, and that when I told her her feet were fine and to cut it out, she insisted that at that moment they had been bothering her. 

She was calling multiple times a day, each time with a new plan.  What was real was that she wasn't sleeping, and something had triggered her PTSD so that she didn't feel safe anyplace.  At one point I was in a meeting at the church in a room with no cell signal.  When she couldn't reach me, she was calling people to go to my house and check on me, as she was sure I was dead.  She was in a panic-- and she knew I had a meeting that evening. 

I've discovered that this congregation has the same tendency to act out in weird ways when Daughter is distracting me.  So I heard all about how we never sing familiar hymns, and the new ones we introduce occasionally all all horrible.  We've been singing a new response in worship, and I said it would continue until Christmas, at which point they said, "Oh, we like that one.  It's okay."  They were contradicting themselves all over the place.  The most frustrating part, though, is that only Daughter and one other person responded to our request for them to give us the names of hymns they wanted to sing-- and the insert was in the bulletin in the midst of their complaining.  So they hate all the new songs (except for the ones we like) and we never sing anything familiar (except for when we do) but they aren't going to tell us what they want to sing. 

They complain I don't visit the shut-ins enough.  I told them I'd take home communion to any who wanted it before Christmas, and told the care group to check with their people to see if they wanted it.  One shut-in wanted it, so her care person emailed everyone except me about her desire to have communion.  One of the people who did receive the email asked me about it.  I told her I hadn't received the email.  She promised to tell the care person she needed to contact me.  Of course, she hasn't.  I emailed her today.  We are running out of time before Christmas.  I understand she sent the email Tuesday, but I didn't hear about it until Thursday evening, and Friday was my day off, a day off I desperately needed.  Administrative Assistant thinks we are in pretty good shape with the work that needs to get done.  There are 4 more bulletins and a newsletter that need to get done in 3 days this week, so I hope she's right.  I also have 2 more sermons to finalize.  Beginning Christmas Day, I will have time off.  I will be leading worship on the 28th and the 4th, but the rest of the time I'll be able to relax.  I'm looking forward to it.  I'll jump back in to get ready for the board retreat on the 5th.  Hopefully, with Daughter more stable, some of the passive-aggressive stuff at the church will stop.  I should also be better able to handle it.  

Tuesday evening I'll pick up Daughter, and she'll be with me until January 4.  Psychiatrist told me how to get in contact with her if there is a problem.  I'm hoping there won't be. 

How Much?

It seems the last couple of weeks in the church office have been about seeing how much work we can cram into a week.  This week the worship committee met Monday night, I had a memorial service Tuesday night, a Blue Christmas service Wednesday night, and choir practice Thursday night.  We had to do 4 bulletins and a newsletter in the office. 

Monday-Wednesday I ate supper at the church.  Last night I took Daughter out for supper before choir.  Today is my day off, and I'm taking it.  Tomorrow I have a bell choir rehearsal at 10:00 for Sunday's concert, which is at 3:00.  I need to make some food for the reception following the concert.  This coming week should be easier-- I only have 3 nights at the church. 

Daughter decided to add some excitement to the week by claiming one of the men at her program was sexually harassing her.  She kept calling me, and I kept referring her back to the staff there.  Her case manager called and filled me in.  The man in question is heavily drugged, and during breaks stands by the lockers swaying and staring off into space.  Daughter claimed he was staring at her.  She had quite a story.  After talking to Case Manager, I was ready for Daughter's call.  She had worked on a plan with Home Owner about stopping the harassment, which she said included groping.  I informed her I had spoken to Case Manager and to cut it out.  I said staring off into space was not sexual harassment and if it bothered her, she should sit so she couldn't see him.  She texted Home Owner and told her to forget everything she had said. 

The next day Social Worker at program called me for advice on how to handle it.  I told her I suspected the problem had been solved by my conversation with her.  Home Owner had sent out an email about her conversation to everyone on the team but me.  I told her it was possible that he was behaving in a way that was triggering her PTSD, which could make her very reactive and lead to exaggerations.  I suggested that if she complained again, she tell Daughter she had talked to me and she would have to go to one of the other programs (away from her friends) until she felt safe.  Social Worker reported that Daughter had stopped complaining. 

Yesterday Daughter was at the church, and was very helpful and cooperative.  We gave her as much work as we could, and she did it all without complaining.  As I was driving to her house to pick up her supper time pills (which staff forgot to give her), she told me I looked tired.  I informed her I was tired and reminded her I'd been at the church every night that week.  She does not understand that I am working when she isn't with me.  She just can't seem to comprehend that. 

Today I'm being very lazy.  With my comfortable new adjustable bed, I have it adjusted so I'm sitting up and reading and spending time on the computer.  I'm warm and comfy.  It makes for a wonderful day off.  Unfortunately, I need to get up and get some of the chores done that I didn't get to through the week. 

That Time of Year

Life has gotten crazy busy around here.  I try to limit my evening commitments to 3 a week.  Last week I had 4 in a row, and it will be the same this coming week.  Including 3 completely different worship services in 4 days.  I have one that I still need to finish. 

Yesterday would have been my mom's 84th birthday.  She was born on Thanksgiving Day, so whenever her birthday fell on Thanksgiving it was special.  This was the first time that happened since her death 5 years ago.  It's hard to believe my parents have been gone for 5 years.  We gathered at my brother's for our celebration, which was my parents' home.  It is the house we all grew up in.  It was small, packed, and noisy, but I got to see my wonderful nephews, so that was wonderful.  Baby Nephew is a very happy baby. I got lots of baby snuggles in. 

Daughter continues to struggle some.  We came home early-- the noise and chaos were overwhelming her. She has spent more time with me, and has been cooperative.  She likes me to build fires in the fireplace, and is even willing to fetch the firewood from the garage.  I've enjoyed the fires, too.  It's been cold. 

Breakfast in Bed

Daughter is staying with me this weekend.  She's actually been with me since Thursday evening.  Yesterday, she made me breakfast in bed, then accompanied me on a number of errands.  We had our children's ministry last night.  One of the younger guys was unhappy with the group he was in, I was impressed with the way she knelt next to him and wiped the tears from his eyes.  He ended up having a good time, and was glad to rejoin his friends at the end for some videos. 

Today, we've been busy working around the house.  She has been cooperative and helpful.  She continues to work on her dreams, and she continues to be unrealistic.  I continue to remind her she has to go a year without getting into extra food before she can move.  Since she got into food today, she reset the calendar. 

She showed me the notebook in which she's  been writing her plans.  She has decided she wants to live in a house, not an apartment.  She wants 4 bedrooms, a big kitchen with an island and double ovens, and much more.  I told her I didn't think she could afford it.  She wants to adopt a baby.  She wants to baby to be a 10 month old girl from overseas.  She was willing to consider an older child if absolutely necessary. 

Daughter has a very difficult time with the concept of money and what is and isn't realistic.  She is doing better now that she's back on the lithium.  She's decided she'll stay in her current house until she moves into her own place.  She doesn't want to move into another group home.  As far as I am concerned, that is excellent news and a great relief. 

Things continue to be busy at the church.  I've had lots of people wanting time with me.  I told Administrative Assistant that I'm just too popular.  Fortunately, I love every minute of it. The retreat I went on left me a little bit behind, but it was worth every minute I spent on it.  I gained some important insights into myself and why I've been avoiding some things.  I will share some of those insights at another time. 

Appropriate Tears

Daughter called around supper time, in tears.  My heart sank.  She'd been doing so well.  What was she going to say to convince me she had to move?  I asked what was wrong, and she told me she'd been on Facebook.  She saw a note from a month ago.  A member of the church in Tiny Village had died.  Daughter called her granny, and they loved each other. 

We talked for a while.  I reminded her how Granny loved to write poetry, and suggested she could write a poem honoring Granny.  She thought that was a good idea. 

I had not told her of the death because I didn't think she was able to handle it.  Today, she was appropriately sad, and was able to receive comfort. 

I'm going to be at a retreat Thursday.  Administrative Assistant is going to pick her up for choir in the evening, but not to work in the office.  When I explained this to her, she was fine with that.  A couple of weeks ago she would have been upset by the change in routine.  She is definitely improving. 

I am much less stressed now, which is good.  I'm looking forward to the retreat, which begins tomorrow.  Life is good. 

Improvement

Daughter is definitely improving.  She's calling me less, and when she does call, she's happier.  There's much less drama, and I am very grateful.  I get more done when she's stable. Daughter continues to insist that she wants to move.  I've told her we'll talk about that when she's healed.  I'm hoping and praying she'll decide she can stay where she is. 

Last week was very busy at the church.  Things here are going really well.  Worship attendance is growing, and we have a number of visitors who are becoming regulars.  Some of them will join-- we're having a new members class this Sunday following worship. 

On Wednesday, I'll be leaving for a retreat/seminar on spiritual practices and reinvigorating local congregations.  I think we are getting reinvigorated.  Last year we set up for 60 people for the monthly fellowship meal following worship.  This fall, we upped the number to 80, and I think we'll add another 10 come January. Not everyone stays for the fellowship meal.  Last year we averaged 85 in worship.  Our average since September is over 100.

I continue to have to evaluate priorities and how I'm spending my time.  I'm no longer going to everything.  Last week I was at the church every day, so I'm glad I'll be out of the office a few days this week. 

A Pin Prick of Light

The last few weeks have been challenging, to say the least.  Daughter has been rapid cycling.  She calls me multiple times a day, often times shouting or sobbing.  She has insisted that she has to move out of her group home immediately.  She has begged me to let her come back and live with me.  All this time, Psychiatrist was silent.  Her colleague said Daughter needed medication adjusted, but nothing was happening.  She had no openings in her schedule before Daughter's appointment on December 18. 

I was exhausted.  Beyond exhausted.  The toll she was taking on me with her drama was high.  Then I got a phone call from Case Manager.  There had been a cancellation and she had grabbed it for Daughter.  Daughter saw Psychiatrist yesterday afternoon.  Daughter sobbed, yelled, hid under her coat, hid her hands behind her back when Psychiatrist asked her to give her her hand, said (repeatedly) I was no longer her mother....  In short, she put on a show.  She is back on lithium, and has a prescription for ativan she can take if she wakes up between 12 and 2.  She has been going to sleep for a couple of hours, and then getting up and rearranging her room and such. 

Daughter told Psychiatrist everything was dark.  After her appointment, she told me she saw a pin prick of light.  I hope that will grow, and her mental state will improve quickly.  I ended up going into the office this afternoon.  I was going to finish my sermon, but instead ended up helping Administrative Assistant with folding letters that had to go out today.  In addition to the monthly newsletter and bulletin, we also had a couple of other big things going on in the office:  the stewardship material went out today, and bids were due today for major roof work to prevent future leaks from ice dams.  There is also a bazaar at the church tomorrow, and AA is on the planning team for that. 

The sermon will get finished tomorrow.  Everything that needed to get done today, got done today.  I will be at the church most of the day tomorrow, so I will take some time to go upstairs and complete my sermon.  Daughter called several times this morning, but eventually calmed down.  I can see her pin prick of light now, in fact, it may be growing.  I hope it's growing. 

Positive Things

After all the challenges Daughter has presented in the last few days, I'm focusing on positive things today.  One of the biggest ones is that she no longer lives with me.  She is safe in her group home.  I'm grateful.  She is calling me a couple of times a day, trying to sound pathetic.  I listen between the lines and I know she is doing well.  Today she was cleaning and rearranging her room (again).  I think she keeps rearranging it because she is desperate to bring order to the chaos in her brain. 

Today I am watching college football while waiting for the delivery of a new bed.  I've been waking up with back pain at least once a week, so I went out and ordered a new mattress.  I bought a memory foam mattress, and the base is adjustable.  I've had the head of my bed elevated for several years to help with my sleep apnea and  GERD.  I had two raisers under the legs of the bed at the head of the bed.  It made it challenging to move the bed.  Because of the way the headboard was on my old bed, I couldn't lean on it.  It was challenging to read in bed, with the challenges of the bed and my bifocals.  Now, I will be able to do it. 

My old bed will go into Daughter's room, which means I'll have a double bed for guests. 

Tomorrow we have a drama instead of the sermon.  I wrote it, and we will be hearing from 3 characters in the book of Acts.  We practiced last Sunday, and I think it will be good.  The congregation loves it when we do creative things in worship.  I get bored so I have to mix things up.  Things are going really well at the church.  We continue to grow in so many ways.  I am grateful. 

Long Night

Daughter was at the church yesterday for her volunteer day.  She came in and got right to work, completing her tasks quickly.  She was cooperative, in a good mood, showing her sense of humor.  Administrative Assistant commented that it was good to have the old Daughter back.  I agreed. 

Shortly before I planned to leave to take her to supper, she informed me that she needed to eat right then, she was hungry and didn't feel good.  She checked her blood sugar, which was 63.  I got 00her some sugar to bring it up, and went back over her lunch-- what she'd had what her blood sugar had been, and how much insulin she'd taken.  She should have been a little high.

I asked how much insulin she'd taken.  Eventually she confessed to having taken an extra 10 units.  I gave her sugar, we got into the car and I took her to the ER at the hospital with a psych unit.  We got there a little after 5.  On the way she had been telling me that she wanted to die.  When the nurse told her to put on a gown and the doctor would come see her, she started screaming about how no man was going to touch her.  I tried to calm her down and she started spewing ugly things at me.  A number of ER staff members came running, and she was told she had to stop screaming.  Eventually she did. 

They fed her, since her blood sugar was only 73.  Then we sat.  The shift changed at 7:00.  A new doctor (female) came on at 11:00, and she finally saw a doctor and was examined.  They took a urine specimen and blood.  I filled out the petition to have her committed for 72 hours.  Some time after midnight an ambulance came and took her to community mental health.  I followed.  I filled out more paper work. 

A therapist talked to her.  They called a psychiatrist in.  He talked to her alone, and then came and talked to me.  He said her medication needed adjusting, and he thought Psychiatrist was the best one to do that, since she knew her.  She has an appointment with Psychiatrist this Wednesday.  He suggested I bring her home.  I told him the last time she was with me, she broke into the pantry.  I dropped her off at the group home at 2:45.  I got home around 3:00. 

She is adamant that she can't live in group homes anymore.  She wants to move back in with me.  Not happening.  I hope that with a medication adjustment, she'll recognize that she is in a good group home and be willing to stay.  I hope.  For some reason, I'm tired today. 

Power Struggle

Daughter was having a challenging day yesterday.  Case Manager demanded Psychiatrist come up with a plan for dealing with her if things get worst, pointing out Psychiatrist should have known she was being manipulated.  Psychiatrist refused.  Psychiatrist suggested sending her to a home that specializes in Borderline Personality Disorder.  We looked into that before, and Daughter is not eligible. 

Today seems to be going better for her.  Program is catching on to her manipulations.  She's been complaining of chest pain and pointing to a red patch on her chest that looks like she's been scratching it.  Putting a wet paper towel on it and not rubbing it for a while caused it to vanish.  Home Owner had suggested they could call 911.  I said absolutely not.  Daughter has to be vomiting (witnessed by a reliable adult) or have a fever before she is allowed to leave program.  I did offer them some suggestions. 

Daughter has not called me today.  I see that as a very good sign. 

The Latest

Daughter was discharged this evening.  No med change.  Case Manager is furious.  She said, "She snowed them.  She convinced the unit and Psychiatrist that she's fine."  I told her I'd been through this before. Daughter can put on a good show.

According to Daughter, Psychiatrist suggested she aim for independent living by her 28th birthday in March.  I hope that's wrong. 

Home Owner was down there for a med clinic appointment with another resident, so she's going to pick up Daughter and take her home.  That's good, as I want nothing to do with it.

Apparently part of the reason for the discharge was the problem they were having managing her blood sugars.  She has had at least one that was over 300.  That means if she begins to show her true colors again, she'll have to be in the hospital.  I hope if that happens there is a bed available here in town. 

Better

Daughter was in a better place when I visited her today.  She asked me to bring her some hygiene items.  She also wanted me to bring the  Skip-Bo card game, so we played that.  She's been doing some writing, drawing, and coloring.  In the initial assessment, she said her depression was "more than 10."  Tomorrow Psychiatrist will be in, so hopefully she will be able to make some adjustments.  Daughter said they told her people were usually there 3-5 days.  She said she anticipates it being 5 for her.  It was a pleasant visit.  She said Home Owner visited her yesterday.  She was delighted. 

My back is better today.  It has actually improved as the day has gone on.  My new bed (which will be delivered Saturday) came with a 40 inch TV.  For $100 I upgraded to a smart TV.  It wasn't in stock when I purchased it, so I went today and picked it up.  I was able to get it up and running.  It's bigger than my old TV, and much lighter.  Plus, I no longer have to cycle through all the inputs to get the TV to recognize my U-Verse. 

Worship today was good, and after worship we practiced the drama for next Sunday.  It went well.  We had to do some minor edits, but nothing major.  I think it will be good.  The congregation continues to grow, and I continue to love what I'm doing. 

At Last

Daughter's planning meeting for the coming year was yesterday.  I was concerned going into it, as she was not in touch with reality.  Thursday morning she was furious with me.  She was telling me she was ready to live independently in an apartment.  I pointed out that she was still getting into food.  She insisted she wasn't.  I pointed out she'd been into food at the church within the last few weeks.  She informed me the church didn't count.  When we got to the church, she took off across the parking lot to walk home.  She came back before I had to go looking for her.  I sent an email to Case Manager warning her that Daughter wasn't in a good place, and I was concerned about how she'd handle the meeting.  Case Manager forwarded the email to the rest of the team. 

The meeting began, and Daughter gave her speech about wanting to live independently.  It wasn't long before she was shouting and showing her current mental state.  She was making threats.  We stopped the meeting.  Her psychologist was also there, and the entire team agreed that her medication was off, and she needed to be hospitalized. 

The meeting began at 10:00, we agreed to the hospitalization by 11:00, and it was 5:00 before it was accomplished.  It was a very long day.  She actually ended up at the mental health crisis center.  The closest hospital with an opening on the psych unit was over an hour away.  I'm fine with the crisis unit.  That means her psychiatrist will be involved and will see her. 

The team is also becoming more aware of the power of her PTSD.  Psychologist suggested they go for a walk.  Daughter said she couldn't handle the traffic noise.  Psychologist pointed out how little it takes to trigger her PTSD right now.  House Manager also had her eyes opened, and told me she commended me for parenting her. 

When I left her at 5:00, I hadn't had supper.  I stopped at a Mexican restaurant on the way home.  I'd planned to go to the mall to get my hair cut and a new battery in my watch yesterday, so I did.  I also stopped at the grocery store.  It was almost 8:00 when I got home.  I missed the Children's ministry at the church.  I had called and warned Administrative Assistant, and told her what I planned to do with the story.   We had a conversation the day before about Daughter's mental state, and were both concerned about how she'd handle the meeting, so I don't think she was surprised.

By the time I got home, I was exhausted.  Today my back is hurting.  I have quite a bit I'd like to get done today, but my back is interfering with those plans.  This is the second time in the last week I've had a sore back when I woke up.  I have a new bed coming on Saturday.  Hopefully  that will help with the back issues. 

Daughter has called several times, and seems to be doing well.  They have just begun taking type 1 diabetics.  I picked up her home meds and med sheets from her house and took them back, but it didn't include her insulin scale.  I emailed it to them, and got a phone call from the nurse, who was freaking out over the insulin scale.  It was different from anything they've used before. 

Daughter's insulin is based on carbs and blood sugar.  I had done all the calculations and laid it out for the carbs she gets at her meals and her blood sugar.  The nurse said it was too complicated and asked what she should do.  I suggested they ignore the calculations and use the numbers I'd come up with for various blood sugars.  She said that would work.  I was surprised she hadn't figured that out on her own. 

Last night Daughter told me she was basically on her own in terms of figuring out the carbs for her meal (she does have a little book she carries that gives her carbs).  She told me it was a lot of work.  I had the impression she was beginning to see why independent living is not a good idea.  If that's all she gets out of this, it will have been worth it. 

I'm pleased that her med needs are finally being addressed.  Psychiatrist had been informed of the issues but had not ordered any medication changes.  Hopefully she will now. 

Mania

Daughter has been manic this week.  She's desperately trying to escape the chaos in her mind.  In a 24 hour period she had the following plans: 

1. To get engaged and marry current Boyfriend.  They have not been out on a date yet.  They have been talking on the phone.  I expressed surprise that she was ready to have sex.  She informed me she planned to adopt, so they wouldn't need to have sex.  I suggested  might have other ideas.  She said when he talks about sex she takes the phone away from her ear and then changes the subject.  
2. She wanted to move into a nursing home.  That would make her happy forever.
3. She wanted to move into an apartment with 2 friends.  They could learn how to help her with her medication.

She sent a long email to Case Manager about the last plan, and also said she wanted a new Case Manager.  CM sent it to me and asked what I wanted her to do.  I told her I wanted her to remain as CM and for Daughter to remain in her current house.  I said I thought we needed a medication adjustment.  CM emailed the team, asking them to provide Daughter with extra support.  She asked Nurse to talk to Psychiatrist.  I haven't heard what Psychiatrist said.  I'm still not allowing her to spend the weekend here.  It's been another week when I've hung up on her when she got too ugly.  I'm so glad she's not living with me.  It's still tiring to deal with her when she's like this, but it's definitely easier by phone than when she was living with me. 

At the church, things are going well.  I missed a meeting the property guys were having to make a decision about fixing our ice dam problem.  One of the men was concerned that I wouldn't be there, as he was concerned it might be a contentious meeting.  I gave him some suggestions about dealing with it.  My understanding is that the meeting went well.  They came up with a unanimous recommendation.  It's expensive, and we'll be borrowing money from our endowment to pay for it.  The board also endorsed the plan unanimously via email. 

The nominating committee has the nominees for the board for next year.  Last year they really struggled to come up with names.  This year they completed their task with one meeting.  All 6 nominees will be serving for the first time.

Treasurer closed on  a condo closer to family this week.  He's keeping his house up here, so they'll be going back and forth.  We've found a new treasurer, and I also have someone who is willing to take on leadership of the mentoring program in the local elementary school that he started 14 years ago.  I will miss him, and am glad they will be here at least part of the year.

One of our newer members was in to talk to me this week.  She shared with me that her mother had committed suicide, and she had always thought of that as an option for her.  She said since she's been coming to the church, she is no longer thinking that way.  She really loves the church.  I'm grateful to know we have made a difference in her house. 

Our September average attendance was the highest it's been since I arrived 4 years ago.  There continues to be an energy and excitement in the congregation.  It's nice to have things going well at the church when Daughter is being challenging.