Showing posts with label stealing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stealing. Show all posts

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Remorse

Daughter still struggles with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Central Auditory Processing Disorder, but she has truly healed in many ways when it comes to her Reactive Attachment Disorder. She is attached to me. She does have empathy. She does experience guilt and remorse. She really does feel guilty about taking the money.
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When she came home from the movie, the saint had given her some money. She was going to use it to pay me back, but then decided she needed to return it. She wrote the saint a note, thanking her for the movie and explaining she couldn't accept the money. She told her she'd taken money from me, and needed to work to earn the money to pay me back. She came to the decision and wrote the note on her own. She also told me she felt like she'd ruined our lives by stealing. I wouldn't go that far, but she certainly has made life more difficult for both of us. I do not like having to keep my purse locked in my bedroom. At least I have a key to my bedroom door in the combination lock box outside now, so I won't lock myself out of my bedroom again.
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I asked Daughter why she took the money. She told me she is jealous of the people in her program who have lots of money in their wallets and can pay for their own things. The staff keeps her money because she has such a hard time budgeting and holding onto it. When we get back from our travels, I'm going to talk to the program coordinator. I think I'll give Daughter enough money each week to cover her activities plus an additional dollar or two. I will give her the opportunity to earn more money. She will be in charge of making sure she has enough money for all her activities of the week. Especially at first there will be weeks when she doesn't have the money for the activities toward the end of the week. It will be painful, but perhaps she'll learn something about budgeting her money. Perhaps. I continue to hope. I have to, as it's hope that keeps me going.

Friday, June 17, 2011

I'm Still Paying Attention

When I took out my wallet to pay for Sister's birthday breakfast, I realized that the change I had received yesterday was missing. I didn't like the implications of that discovery, and tried to think of some other explanation for it not being there: Had I put it some place other than my wallet? Had I spent it some place else? Had I left my wallet or purse unzipped and it had fallen out? Unfortunately, none of those explanations seemed likely, and I couldn't come up with a likely one. My worst fears were confirmed when I received a text message from Daughter. '
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3:43 p.m. Daughter: just to let you know i done shopping with my group and i spent 5 dollors all together from my pocket change and two dollors from group
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3:44 p.m. Me: And what about the money you took from my purse?
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3:50 p.m. Daughter: to be honest i did not take money from u its true
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3:50 p.m. Me: Then who took it?
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3:54 p.m. Daughter: i only toke 2 dolloors mom and they r still in wallet
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3:54 p.m. Me: More than that is missing
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3:57 p.m. Daughter: i will pay you back and i am sorrythat i lied can u 4give me
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3:58 p.m. Me: Yes.
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At 4:53 she sent an unrelated text to see if I was still speaking to her.
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She is going to a movie tonight with one of the saints. She came home and after apologizing, announced she'd cancel it. I told her she'd still go. I determine consequences. She will have to earn the money to pay me back. I sent her in to clean her room, where she will discover the new socks, underwear, and pj's I bought her at the outlet mall today. She will tell me she doesn't deserve them. I will tell her I bought them because she needs new ones, and it's not about deserving them. Hopefully she will realize that I'm still committed to her, even when she's being a pain. She'll wallow in her guilt for a while. She'll try to convince me how miserable she is and how hard she's punishing herself.
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It won't change what she's done. She's going to the movie tonight because I want a quiet evening at home. My purse is locked up in my bedroom again. I don't like living like this. I need the break, so she's going to the movie. She may not deserve it, but I do.