Saturday, August 23, 2014

Rough Weeks

I apologize for my long absence.  The last few weeks have been rough.  Daughter has been in full drama queen mode.  I have been doing a lot of writing at the church, and after dealing with Daughter, I just don't have the energy to do any more writing when I get home.

She wants out of the house and her program. I have hung up on her numerous times over the last few weeks, as I didn't need the verbal abuse.  Some highlights from the last few weeks: 

  •  One of the other residents hit her. She had a little bit of bruising, and within a day, it was gone.  She stayed home from program one day, and then when she went back she told them her left ear and eye hadn't worked properly since she was hit. They were convinced she had a serious head injury.  I "cured" her by telling her that I wanted to rest her eye and ear by not watching TV or listening to her music.  I had to stop them from taking her to the ER. 
  • She insisted she wasn't safe in the house, that all the residents were violent, that staff was messing up her medications, and she needed to move immediately.  When I wouldn't come get her out of their immediately, she told me she was going to pack what she needed and move to a homeless shelter.
  • She was hysterical at program one day, insisting I needed to come talk to her.  Staff called me, unsure of what to do.  I talked to her on the phone  and told her to cut it out, calm down, and ride the bus home. 
  • Her house was going on an outing.  She didn't want to go.  It was on a Sunday, and informed me that if I didn't let her come to church, she was done with the church and God. Being a mean mom, I made her go.  That evening she called and was telling me about how much fun she'd had.  She told me they were already talking about  doing it again next year.  Then she paused, "If they do it next year, please don't make me go."  
  • She claims she isn't safe at program, because she is constantly harassed and kicked.  
  • She did a bunch of extra blood sugar testing, using up all her test strips.  When I confronted her on it, she said she didn't remember doing it.  I guess she thought that was a way of getting around a direct lie.  I informed her the fact that she didn't remember now didn't mean she didn't know it was wrong when she did it.  
  • She complained that people were getting in her room.  Someone had stolen her dress and put popsicle wrappers under her bed.  I told her that explained the high blood sugars she'd been having.  Once again, she didn't remember eating them.  Once again I told her even if she didn't remember now, she knew it was wrong at the time.  Her dress had fallen off the hanger and was on the floor or her closet.
  • We went to a baseball game with the church.  She insisted she was sick and dying, trying to convince me to leave early.  I refused.  It was amazing how she had a brief recovery to watch and enjoy the fireworks before going back to being sick and dying.
There are were other incidents as well, but once they are over I try to forget.  It's a survival skill with her I learned a long time ago. 

Thursday evening I had a sudden insight into what might be behind all of this.  Over a month ago she had expressed a longing to see the younger of her two birth brothers.  I gave her two times in August when I would take her to meet him halfway.  She contacted him.  He never responded to or even acknowledged her contact.   As were pulling in a restaurant parking lot, I asked her if this was about her brother.  She wondered what made me say that.  I said I'd just been thinking.  She asked me to keep driving around so we could talk, as she didn't want to cry in the restaurant.  We sat in the parking lot for quite a while, talking about her brother.  She sobbed.  I reminded her that he had been damaged, just as she had been.  She recently received a ring from birth mom.  She refused to wear it, as she didn't want to see a constant reminder of her birth family.  She asked me to hide it, because she knew she would  be tempted to wear it, and that wouldn't be good.  I suggested that might be the way Brother felt about seeing her.  Later that evening she sent me a text thanking me for the talk.

Are we through this round of crises?  I hope so.  I've been wondering, though, if discontinuing her lithium (she was developing thyroid issues that could be connected to it) might be behind some of this. 

Hopefully I will find the time and energy to blog more frequently in the future.  


Patti said...

I'm so sorry you have had a dramatic month. The moves are familiar, although my son does not manage Daughter's award-winning level of performance. And the family losses are the gift that just keeps on giving. Thanks for summoning the energy to update!

Reverend Mom said...

Thanks, Patti. This is typical of older adopted children, and Daughter does have quite the flare for the dramatic. I think she keeps escalating in the hope of getting a reaction out of me. She doesn't, though she does manage to get people at program and her house all caught up in the drama. I haven't succeeded in getting them to understand the need to remain calm and non-reactive. I told House Owner that when Daughter claims illness or injury, I don't listen to her words, I watch her behavior. If her behavior doesn't back up her words, I tell her I'm sorry she doesn't feel well and move on.

Anonymous said...

Hi Reverend Mom,
Thank you for taking the time to write an update. Hopefully the coming autumn season will bring a change in behaviors as well as a change in scenery.
Take care,
April in RI