Jealousy

I love Daughter with all my heart. I’m grateful to have her in my life. I’m glad I adopted her. There are times, though, when I am jealous.

I’m sitting around waiting to go visit her at the hospital, and as I wait, I get a call from Sister. She’s taking Niece to a birthday party. Niece is a very talented, charming, 3 year old. I think I took Daughter to one birthday party—and that had more to do with my friendship with the mother than Daughter’s friendship with the child.

I talked to one of the saints. She won’t be in church tomorrow morning because she is going to her daughter’s to help her paint. Her daughter is the same age as my daughter, and is almost done with her bachelor’s degree. She’s working, happy, doing well. I can’t imagine Daughter ever living away from me. With all the cuts being made in Medicaid, even getting her into a supported living situation is years, if not decades, away.

I received a message from another young woman. I had the honor of officiating at her wedding several years ago. She wanted children; her husband-to-be did not. They had agreed to have one child, and I baptized their son over a year ago. On the way out of church about 8 months ago she told me she was pregnant again. She was beaming. I expressed my surprise, remember their agreement. She smiled more broadly. “He changed his mind!” Yesterday she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Her boys will grow up safe and sheltered. They will grow up learning that parents are trustworthy. I wonder what Daughter would be like today if she had had the same opportunity.

Tomorrow I will lead worship and pretend everything is fine. I will celebrate with people celebrating rites of passage: the birth of a child, the start of college, the start of first grade. I’ll talk to proud parents. Then I’ll go visit Daughter, and hope that she will talk to me. Today, though, I mourn all the things I will never celebrate with Daughter.

The Little Things

Once again I’ve had the opportunity to reflect on the growth and progress Daughter has made. She does a pretty good job of understanding my ministry and not being jealous. The one thing that can still cause her jealousy to flare up is when she sees me spending time with people close to her age. She once complained loudly to Grandma, “She has her own kid at home. Why is she spending time with those kids at the church?”

The other day she arrived home from the workshop to discover a young woman a little younger than she is here doing odd jobs for me. Daughter was not only gracious, but thanked our guest for helping her with softball skills a year ago. She told her, “I can hit the ball now, because of your help.” I was impressed.

The next morning I took a young woman who is a little older than Daughter and facing some challenges to breakfast so we could talk. When I’ve done this in the past, jealousy has flared and I’ve been made to suffer for my perceived disloyalty. Daughter was waiting for the bus and saw us leave. She waved cheerfully.

When she got home that evening, I was gone, visiting with a woman who had just marked the halfway point in her chemo therapy. She called my cell, and I told her where I was and that I’d be home in a bit. When I arrived home, she was in the kitchen fixing supper. I was impressed, to say the least.

These may seem relatively minor, but each of them is progress for her. It’s nice to see her continuing to grow. I’m especially pleased with how she handled being home alone for awhile. It gives me hope that the time will come when I won’t need to worry about getting a sitter when I’m gone for extended periods.