Why I Go Camping

For years my pattern was to disappear for 4 weeks in July. We'd go to the conference we attend annually and I'd reflect on the past year of ministry and wind down. We'd spend time with family, and we'd go camping for at least a week, if not longer. By the time we returned, I'd be refreshed, renewed, and excited about new possibilities. I'd be ready for another year of ministry.

Several years ago, things conspired to prevent us from camping for several years. Daughter had a summer where she had 3 psychiatric hospitalizations. She wasn't stable enough to handle camping. Then my parents' health began to deteriorate, and vacation time was spent tending to their needs. I missed that time in the woods, but I didn't realize how much until I was able to camp this year.

Away from our normal routine and distractions, I made some discoveries about my interactions with Daughter. We were sitting in a downtown shopping area one afternoon and I watched a mother and her daughter walk by, talking animatedly about something. I realized that most of my conversations with Daughter involve teaching, being therapeutic, or her health. "What's your blood sugar?" "Pull the zipper back and try again." "What are the good things that have happened today? Put your focus on those things." "What did you learn from your mistake?" "Take some deep breaths and relax."

Now I'm not sure that Daughter is capable of the kind of give and take I saw that pair engaging in that day, but I do think I need to make more of an effort to just be present with her, and not as teacher or therapist. There were two incidents that helped make this clear to me. One morning she sat down at the picnic table to check her blood sugar and said, "Oh, that's what that battery meant." A battery had been showing up on her meter for some time, but she didn't know what it meant. Now, the meter was dead. Fortunately, we had a back-up, but I told her she needed to tell me these things so we could be prepared. She informed me she had. I insisted she hadn't. Then she said the words that stung, "Well, if you'd get off the phone and pay attention to me, maybe you would have known." Another time we were sitting side by side in chairs next to the campfire. The smoke drifted over towards her, and she made sounds of frustration. I suggested if the smoke was bothering her, she move her chair. "But I want to be near you."

Trying to practice what I seek to teach her, I looked at what I could learn from these incidents. I need to be more attentive to her and just spend more time with her. I resolved that I would spend less time on the computer and the TV and more time just being with her. We will go for walks, play cards, and hopefully have conversations about things other than her physical or emotional health.

Daughter always struggles when we camp, because she needs her routine. This year she allowed herself to enjoy it more, and told me she is looking forward to next year. I suspect that at least part of the reason is because she finally had my undivided attention, and we were able to have fun together. I need to make sure that we have those times throughout the year, and not just in July.