Living in the Moment

So Daughter gets up this morning, complaining about how sick she is, etc. I take her to see Therapist, where she talks about how great everything is and how well she's doing. I asked why she complains all the time at home and then tells Psychiatrist and Therapist she's doing great. She seemed confused by the question. Therapist thinks that for Daughter, the only reality is the current moment. At that moment, she was feeling fine.

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By afternoon, I had to go pick her up from the workshop because she was so sick. She's been asleep since we got home three hours ago. Is she sick? I don't think so. I think she's obsessing over her tremors and current boyfriend and granddad and anything else she can find to worry about. Nurse Practitioner thought the depakote might be causing the tremors, so I am reducing the amount she is taking. NP said they often have to take patients off depakote because they have so much trouble with tremors. I explained this to Daughter last night, so now she's focused on them even more.

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She is back with flasher boyfriend. One of their buddies brought him over to visit her several months ago, and he asked the buddy to leave and exposed himself to Daughter. She told him to leave, and several days later, told me what had happened. I thought the three of them were safe upstairs watching a movie. Shows how much I know. She thinks he's changed. He is still showing signs of lack of impulse control and inappropriate sexual behavior. With Therapist's help she decided it wasn't good to be back with him. The problem is, she won't see him until Monday and he doesn't have phone privileges. So now she's worrying about the break up.

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Granddad is still out of the hospital, but he's also back in congestive heart failure. We're planning a party to celebrate his 80th birthday, so hopefully he'll be healthy enough to enjoy that when it comes along. What can I tell her? His health isn't good, and it is only a matter of time. We can't predict or control life and death.

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I think her sleep is avoidance. It doesn't solve anything, but right now I don't have the energy to push her to get moving and do something. At this moment, all she can see is problems that feel overwhelming to her. Unfortunately, this moment never seems to come when we're with the professionals who are there to help her heal. I'm the one who gets to deal with it all.