Grieving, Again

Just when I think I'm through grieving Mom, something else comes up and it starts all over again. Quite to the distress of the staff at the cottage, Mom is having increasing difficulties eating. Before Easter, a swallow evaluation was done and we were told that she shouldn't be eating anything because of the risk of aspiration. Since Mom didn't want a feeding tube, we said that she could eat as she desired, but we didn't want food forced on her. We called in hospice.

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So she's been eating some. She's been losing weight, but until the last couple of weeks, it was gradual. Now, she's showing less interest in food. They are going through all kinds of contortions trying to get some nutrition in her-- they offer her food chopped up finely, pureed foods, yogurt, ice cream, ensure, anything that will entice her to eat. When she does take a bite, she often has difficulty swallowing it, and just holds it in her mouth. They have been spending as long as 2 1/2 hours at each meal trying to get food into her.

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Sister keeps telling them this isn't necessary, and they only have to offer food. If she doesn't want any, that's fine, don't force it. They just aren't comfortable with that. Today, Sister heard from the aide that she got Mom to take some ensure, but then she held it in her mouth so long she had tears in her eyes. She was unwilling/unable to either swallow it or spit it out. Sister called the hospice nurse on call. She is going to call and clarify again-- they are to keep Mom comfortable, and that doesn't involve forcing her to eat.

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I also received a call from the funeral home yesterday. The man I visited in the hospital yesterday afternoon, who seemed better, and was alert, coherent, and eating, died at 4:00 this morning. I wasn't particularly close to this man, and don't really know his family, but it still hit me hard. It hit me hard because soon, I know, that phone call will be coming about my parents. Dad is still out of the hospital, but he is getting weaker. He is more confused. Mom's death will hit him hard, and we don't anticipate him living long following it. We are moving him to assisted living on June 1. If Mom is still alive, she will move with him. We don't anticipate her being alive, but then, we can't predict life and death. I keep reminding myself of that fact. The call from the funeral home served as a reminder of our inability to predict life and death. We live one day at a time, and each time Mom moves closer to death, we grieve a little more.