Busy Week

This is turning into a very busy week. I'm grateful Daughter is doing so well. I dropped her off at daycare this morning. She was a little nervous, but overall happy and chipper.

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She did really well yesterday. It was a long day, and she was very patient and didn't complain as she entertained herself through an afternoon of visits and an evening of commitments at the church. I had today all planned out-- I was going to get the newsletter done and then go pick up Daughter and take her to the Special Olympics fundraising supper.

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I got a call this morning. The man who collapsed in church Sunday is having heart surgery this afternoon--at the hospital that is over an hour away. He'd like me to be there, so I'll be there. I tried to visit him in the hospital yesterday, but his wife wouldn't allow him in the directory. She was trying to keep some people from finding him. The fact that she wants me at the hospital this afternoon means I really do have to be there. I probably won't be able to stay until it's done, but I will definitely be there to pray with him before he goes in. I have to pick up Daughter by 5:00. Fortunately, this hospital is in the same direction as the daycare center.

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Daughter wrote Flasher a letter yesterday telling him it's over and to leave her alone. He'd left another voice mail yesterday morning. Just the sound of his voice sets her off. I'm a little bit concerned, but she has decided that she needs to hand him the letter personally. She says it's her responsibility. She's right, but I worry about the way hearing his voice affects her. Hopefully she can give it to him tonight, and that chapter of her life will be over. I still have custody of her cell phone.

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Now I need to get over to the church. I have less than 3 hours to finish the newsletter....

Drama and Daycare

I am now in possession of Daughter's cell phone. Flasher called and left her two voice mails this morning. He is sorry about his mom, he still loves, he wants their relationship to continue, and he provided instructions for how to contact him without either of the evil moms knowing about it. Daughter admitted that she had had a friend send him text messages on her behalf. I had text messaging blocked on her phone after she subscribed to several premium services.

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She still loves him, and is determined to continue the relationship. Sigh. We visited the adult daycare center this morning. She liked it. It will work out, though it will be expensive. This afternoon we go to the day hab program south of here. That wouldn't cost money. I suspect we will end up using a combination of the two. Case Manager may come to the day hab program this afternoon.

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I am going to write Flasher's mom a letter. I need to cool down a bit before I write it, but I am going to ask that she not talk to Daughter again, but come to me with concerns. I am going to point out all the times I haven't called the cops about her son, and suggest that maybe she needs to concern herself with his activities more than Daughter's. I am seriously considering pulling Daughter out of any Special Olympic sports that he is doing.

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Daughter's sense of humor is returning, and when she hasn't been berating me for trying to prevent her from seeing her True Love, she's been playful this morning. My hope is that once her days are filled with other things she will be able to set Flasher aside. I hope.

A Challenging Day

Today has been a challenging day. After several days of summer, winter returned yesterday. Unfortunately, our furnace had already gone on summer vacation. It was not easy to drag myself out of bed this morning. This was one of those mornings when everyone wanted a peace of me. A man who has some health problems and hadn't been in church for a while was there this morning. His son brought him. It was good to see him. The special music this morning was beautiful, and it moved Daughters to tears. I saw her leave worship. The woman she was sitting with indicated she was crying.

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As I was beginning the time with the children, the man had an attack of some kind. The nurses of the congregation converged on him, and someone got the AED while someone else called 911. I prayed for him, then returned to the children and tied the excitement into my conversation with them about the power of God's love.

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You have heard me say before that Tiny Village is very isolated. Our fire protection comes from a volunteer department 10 miles away. It takes them at least 15 minutes to get to us. We sang a hymn, and I went to check out the situation. I preached a sermon and called for the offering, and went and checked on the man. His color had improved, and he was responsive. The squad finally arrived. I wasn't timing them, but a board member said it was 30 minutes. I asked the congregation to remain in their seats until after the medics had gotten the man to the ambulance. They were very obedient.

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After a few more conversations about difficult situations, I came home, thanked the trustees who had called the furnace back to duty, and changed clothes. I dragged Daughter with me to the hospital, where I checked on the man. They were thinking he'd had another small stroke or heart attack. He was doing well. I stood there talking to him in the ER and thinking of all the times I had done this with Dad. In that moment, he reminded me of Dad.

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I took Daughter to lunch, and ran into some members. We had a conversation about their mom, who they just moved to a nursing home. She is having some struggles with confusion. I found myself remembering Mom.

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We ran into the grocery store to get milk and bread, and put them in our insulated bags and headed to track practice. Flasher was there, and Daughter spoke to him briefly. He asked if she'd be at the workshop tomorrow. She told him she wouldn't, and he was frustrated because he was planning to bring her an engagement ring on Monday. So all the way home I heard how she had to be at the workshop tomorrow and she had to follow her heart and she loved Flasher and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

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We got home, I gathered my papers, and went over to the church. A couple I'm marrying was waiting for me. We ran through the final plans for the wedding. As they left, the board arrived, along with some guests from the regional church who had come to check on the health of the church and answer their questions. We put a number of business items off until next month so we could be done by 6:00.

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I came home, exhausted. As I was heating up leftovers for supper and talking to Far Away Sister about estate matters, Daughter got a call on her cell phone. She hung up and was sobbing. Flasher's mom called her and told her if she didn't stay away from her son, she was going to call the cops and charge her with harassment. She told Daughter that she was never to talk to her son again.

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It confirms that the decision to pull Daughter out of the workshop was the right one. I'm struggling with the idea of her going to the area track meet next month. I had not planned to go, and I don't know that I want her there with Flasher. I want her to be in Special Olympics, but I don't want her around Flasher. She has suffered enough because of him. I wish I knew the truth of what had gone on between them. I will call Case Manager tomorrow to tel her about what happened today. I'll let the deal with it.

Foiled Again

At youth group tonight, Daughter went over to the park with the kids to play softball. Secretary and I stayed in the church kitchen, where we had a supper for the kids. One of Secretary's Foster Sons came running in to tell me that Daughter had fallen. He looked concerned, but she was conscious, so I informed him it was attention seeking behavior and he should tell her to come back over to the church. FS grinned, "I kind of wondered."

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Daughter came in a few minutes later and showed us her injured knee and elbow. I looked and said, "No blood, you're fine." Secretary wasn't impressed either. I told her to sit down.

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She sat for a few minutes and then asked if she could go back and rejoin the game. I told her that no, I couldn't risk her falling again. After we were done, I made her stay and lock the door for Secretary. She protested. I informed her she owed that to FS.

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At track practice she'd made a show of not feeling well and checking her blood sugar. I was watching, but didn't ask how she was or move towards her. I'm sure she was quite disappointed to discover her blood sugar was normal.

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I hope that eventually she'll figure out this attention seeking behavior isn't working. I hope. I did have a wonderful time with our youth tonight. We truly have a great bunch of kids. It's nice that I'm finding rewards in my ministry to help shift my focus from the challenges with Daughter. I had a phone call today. The church I interviewed with last month is calling someone else. The right place will come at the right time.

Making It Her Problem

Daughter is very hard to roust from bed on Sunday mornings. I always have her shower the night before, so that we aren't competing for the bathroom on Sunday mornings. She insisted she wanted to do it this morning, and I told her she had to do it last night. Of course, she had to show me I couldn't control her, so she wet the bed.

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Now Daughter and I have very different ideas of what constitutes washing in the shower. Very different ideas. Since I don't watch her shower, I can't force her to actually use shower gel and wash her body. Doesn't work. This morning as soon as I got out of the shower, I began calling for her to get up and in the shower. She was slow, of course. I told her she'd have to take her shower while I was still in the bathroom, since we were running out of time. So while I did my hair and make-up, she showered behind me.

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I made sure I was cheery and congratulated her on winning-- she'd certainly shown me that she could take her shower in the morning. My back was too her, but I could see every move she was making in the large mirror I was using. So I insisted she had to use soap. Then I insisted she had to wash her face. In fact, I wanted her to wash every part of her body. She was not happy, of course. But I stayed chipper and told her how wonderful it was that she'd proved she could take her shower in the morning. I have to confess, I was having fun. She began breathing strangely and swaying. She was quite dramatic as she sat down in the bathtub and leaned against the shower door. I ignored it. I did tell her she'd best get moving if she was going to have breakfast before church.

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She finally realized she wasn't going to win and stood up and finished her shower-- suddenly she wasn't swaying at all. It's amazing, the healing power of anger. I finished my preparations, came downstairs and began to set up her breakfast. She has Special Olympics track practice this afternoon, so she came downstairs wearing sweats. I informed her she wasn't wearing sweats to church, and she'd have plenty of time to change following worship. She then demonstrated her skill in swearing to me, but did go change.

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By this time it was later than I had wanted to be over to the church, but I supervised her pills, gave her her insulin, and suggested she might want to do something with her hair before she came over to the church. Yes, I was frustrated with her, but I also thoroughly enjoyed calmly and cheerily giving her a hard time.

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After worship, I had to do something in the office, where her Sunday School class meets. The lesson was about respecting others. I told her I hoped she was hearing it. When she got home, she went straight to her room to change. She came down wearing shorts and a sweatshirt. I asked what she'd done with her other clothes. She'd put them in the laundry basket. I told her she needed to go hang them up. She told me she'd hung them up 3 times before she finally did. It took her that long to realize that I wasn't going to give up and I would check to see if she was lying. We ate lunch here at home today-- normally we eat out on Sunday. Lunch was not her favorite foods, but she at least was smart enough not to complain.

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Her three lies came after she apologized and told me she was going to turn it around today. So far she hasn't worked very hard at turning things around, but I'm going to make sure that it's her problem, not mine. I'm going to have a good day no matter what she does.

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Saying No

Wednesday night, when Daughter was at basketball skills practice, one of her former boyfriends wanted to start up again. This particular one is currently in trouble with the law for sexting his current girl friend's cousin, who is way under 18. She told him no, and reminded him he was with someone else. She called me yesterday at lunch time and was upset because Sexting was mad at her for reporting their conversation to his current (now former) girl friend. The story had expanded, and he had told her he was going to do anything he could to get her pregnant. I told her she had been right to tell him no and shifted her focus to her birthday celebration last night.

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This morning, as she was getting ready for her state tournament today, she told me she needed to tell me about something that had happened last night. Flasher had called her (using Nice Guy's cell phone) after she had gone to bed. He wanted to know how long he had to stay away from her and when they could get back together. She says she told him no, too. She also reported that another of her friends at the workshop is pregnant.

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I'm inclined to believe her. I'm pleased that she's been saying no. I'm concerned about the culture at the workshop and the current focus on couples, sex and pregnancy. The fact (if it is a fact) that she has turned down two overtures is an indication that she is getting stronger. She may be able to spend more time at the workshop. The pressure she is getting, though, is concerning. Will they wear her down? Even if she is setting good boundaries, it doesn't mean her friends will respect them. Many of them have issues beyond their developmental handicaps. They have a difficult time accepting and respecting boundaries. I will continue to do everything I can to strengthen Daughter, and hopefully she will continue to have the strength to say no.

Spring

It feels like Spring today. The temperature outside is 62, so I opened some windows. For the first time since I moved here over 13 years ago, I can easily open the windows since they were all replaced this winter. I can hear birds and kids. Cat sat up and looked out the window for a while. I think he has been more active today, so maybe he will improve some.

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Daughter was picked up a little while ago to go to practice for basketball skills. She did pretty well today, doing a decent job with most of her assigned tasks. I took advantage of her being home to catch up on laundry, which she hates. I love having it all caught up (at least until we get ready for bed tonight). Tomorrow she will go back to the workshop. I will be able to take care of some pastoral care needs with her safely at the workshop.

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I received an email from the church I've been talking to. I had about given up, figuring a rejection letter was in the mail to me. Several of their members are on vacation, so they are waiting for them to return to make a decision. The waiting is hard, but if I am going to move, the longer we have to stabilize Daughter before the move, the better off we are. Notice that I think she can be stabilized. I also read an article today that made me very grateful we didn't get the call to the church I interviewed with at the end of January. They have had draconian cuts to medicaid in that state, making it almost impossible to find providers willing to take any patients with medicaid. While my insurance is primary, I have still found that it is very challenging finding people willing to take her on.

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While life is going to be challenging for the next few weeks, I'm feeling more confident about getting through them. As I mentioned this morning, my devotional material last night and this morning spoke directly to the challenges. Today I wrote the service for next Wednesday evening, and found that it spoke directly to them, too. I guess God realizes I'm a little bit dense, and that one reminder or even 2 or 3 aren't enough to get through my thick skull. I got the message. I'm not in this alone. God did not call me to be Daughter's parent and then abandon me. There will be more blessings in it.

An Easy Decision

I was struggling about whether I was going to accompany Daughter to state basketball skills or let the respite provider do it. Today she made the decision easy for me. She got a silver medal today, and she pouted and refused to talk to her friends and was sitting on the floor in front of me leaning heavily on me. She refused to smile for the pictures. If I hadn't been there, I'm sure she would have been a much better sport. She refused to wear her silver medal. There was no talking her out of her bad mood.

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So, I'm going to stay home and let the respite provider take her. I don't need to listen to her whine, and I suspect if I'm not there, she won't whine. I will have a Saturday all to myself while she goes to state. I'm looking forward to it.

Olympics-- Winter and Special

I'm sitting here watching the opening ceremony for the Winter Olympics. Daughter watched part of it with me, but then decided she needed to go to bed so she'd be ready for her Olympic event tomorrow morning. It's the area competition in basketball skills. Fortunately, our county is hosting it, so we'll only have to drive about 10 miles.

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Daughter was watching me like a hawk tonight. Would I show any sign of emotion? She waits for me to tear up, and then demands to know if I'm okay. I assure her I am, but she never believes me. She worries, and is very in tune with my mood and health. It's probably the most obvious residue of her hyper vigilance. When she first came to live with me, she couldn't handle having her bedroom door closed (I wouldn't have been able to use a door alarm then). I couldn't walk by her room at night without her waking up terrified. I celebrated the first time I walked into her room after she was asleep and she didn't wake up. For years, she'd wake up screaming almost every night, especially if there was any disruption in her routine.

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She may have watched me like a hawk this evening, but she went up to bed and closed her bedroom door. She won't wake up screaming tonight. Tomorrow she will go out and participate in Special Olympics. The opening ceremony won't be as lavish (or long) as tonight's, but the athletes will be every bit as thrilled when they go home with their medals and ribbons.

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The church that is checking my references supports Special Olympics as a mission project in their local area. They started what has become the programs for the developmentally disabled in their county. The man who talked to my friend yesterday saw their advocacy and Daughter's need as a sign that God had connected us. I'm trying not to get too excited. There have been too many disappointments. God will call me to the right place at the right time.

Special Olympics and Thanksgiving

I took Daughter to basketball practice yesterday for Special Olympics. I had doubts, but she wanted to be on the team, so I took her. Nice Guy is on the team, so she wanted to be on it, too. Because NG is on the team, she wasn't going to show any weakness. The coach was working them hard. By 45 minutes into a 90 minute practice, it was obvious that she was wiped out. Her tremors were becoming progressively worse. She was becoming less coordinated. She was still pushing hard, though. M, the coordinator, who knew my misgivings, told Daughter to go get a drink. Then she went over and talked to her. She convinced Daughter that she should do basketball skills instead. Daughter acknowledged that by the end of the practice she would have collapsed.

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When we got outside, Daughter began to cry, very disappointed that she couldn't do it. We talked about it, and I told her I'd take her to one of the games. She insisted she couldn't go to the Thanksgiving Eve service when we got home, but I told her I thought after a few minutes rest she'd be okay. When I went upstairs to check on her, she was sound asleep, face down on her bed in just her bra and panties. Kitten was perched on her butt. Basketball skills will take much less time, and she will be successful at that. I know she's disappointed, but I'm relieved.

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When we got over to the church, she overheard me responding to some one's question about Brother-in-law, so I had to fill her in on what was happening. She told me again that she couldn't do Thanksgiving without Grandma and Grandpa, so we sat down and wrote a long list of all the things she still has to be thankful for (including all her doctors and every pet in the extended family). I told her she needed to carry the list with her and look at it anytime she's feeling sad. That seemed to help.

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I'm very proud of Daughter, because she expressed her disappointment over basketball and her grief around Thanksgiving. There was a time when she would have acted out, leaving me to guess what had set her off. The Depakote has slowed her racing thoughts down to the point that she can express her emotions and we can address them. I think it may be worth a few tremors.

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I need to jump in the shower and finish packing, and then we're off to Sister's. We are going to make it a good Thanksgiving.

Softball and Assorted Thoughts

Today Daughter had a softball tournament 85 miles away from here. We were on the road at 7:15 to get her there on time. She got a base hit and scored a run, handled a couple of balls at 2nd base, and generally had 2 good games. She came home with a gold medal, as her team won both of their games. I kept score. It's been a very long time since I kept score, but I did it, and managed to keep track of who was batting next and who won, though I'm not sure what the final score was in the first game.

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Far Away Sister talked to Nurse at Dad's assisted living place today. As we thought, he was in very bad shape last week, and Nurse didn't think he would survive. Sister still doesn't get it, but Nurse said that's not unusual for family members to be in denial. She thinks Dad is a candidate for hospice. His weight was down 2 pounds today, and she said he looked better than he had for a while, and wasn't short of breath.

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Daughter is on the waiting list for supported living. I really struggle with whether I want her in that kind of setting. There is a woman, S, on the team who is also diabetic and lives in supported living. Monday night she arrived for a 6:00 game and hadn't eaten supper or even had a snack. The staff person who dropped her off wasn't too concerned about it. She knew she'd have a sandwich after the game (8:00). S checked her blood sugar, and the coach asked me about it. It was low enough I had Daughter give her some peanut butter crackers so she wouldn't drop during the game.

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Today they sent S to the tournament with a snack. A reasonable snack to prevent lows is 8 crackers with cheese or peanut butter (4 cracker sandwiches). They sent 3 plain crackers. They didn't send her meter with her, and she complained several times about not feeling well, but with this woman, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Now Daughter is higher functioning than this woman, so she could be a better advocate for herself, but I still don't think I could trust them with her care. There is just too much at stake.

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One of the staff people from the agency that staffs the house S lives in took Daughter to the area track meet last spring. She hadn't bothered to read through Daughter's material, and didn't know she was diabetic. I gave her a quick lesson on how to use the insulin pen and explained that Daughter had a book that listed carbs in fast food and how to calculate her insulin for lunch. When Daughter came home, her blood sugar was sky high. The staff member didn't bother to figure out carbs or calculate her insulin. Daughter wasn't about to correct her, because she wanted to eat everything and not worry about it. I was not happy, to say the least. I just asked the agency to arrange some more people to stay with Daughter. I had very mixed feelings about it, as they will have to handle at least one meal. It's frightening to entrust the care of your diabetic child to strangers, especially when the strangers don't even bother to read the orders for caring for Daughter. I wonder if I will ever be able to let go and allow her to move into supported living. I wonder if it will ever be safe.

Fog

It's that time of year. For the second morning in a row, it is foggy, and the workshop buses are delayed. Yesterday we began with a 1 hour delay, then went to a 2 hour delay, and finally cancelled. We are starting down the same path today, the 1 hour delay has just been increased to 2 hour delay. These are very hard on Daughter. She needs structure and routine. She doesn't know what to do with that extra time in the morning, and always ends up going out to wait for the bus very early. She went out 30 minutes early when it was still a 1 hour delay. I haven't told her it's been changed to a 2 hour delay. I know, I'm a coward.

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Tomorrow she has a softball tournament 90 minutes away. We are planning to leave at about 7:00 in the morning. Originally I was going to drive, meaning we'd have to go to the workshop first (20 minutes in the wrong direction), but they found someone else to drive, so we'll just meet them at the tournament. When we go separately from the team, Daughter gets antsy. She's sure I'm lost. She is convinced she's going to be late. She stresses and keeps asking me if I'm sure I'm going the right way 100 times. If it is foggy like this, they won't leave the workshop until it clears. That means Daughter will stress even more. I'm already dreading it.

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Occasionally I will remind her that I always get her where she needs to be, and ask her when she will learn she can trust me. She's sometimes embarrassed, but always acknowledges that it is very hard for her to trust. Even after over 19 years of being with a mom who can be trusted, she still has trouble trusting me. She still remembers those first 3 years, when parents couldn't be trusted. After 19 years, their betrayal is still more powerful than my commitment, at least part of the time.

Softball and Pancakes

Daughter has a softball game today, and is quite excited. She was up before me, and decided to make pancakes. She was trying to be nice, but it is very hard to calculate the carbs in pancakes. I hate trying to estimate the carbs and insulin, especially on a morning when she is going to be playing softball. She knew I wasn't thrilled. I thanked her for trying to do something nice, and reminded her how hard pancakes are for me to calculate. We've had this conversation numerous times before. I'd prefer she talk to me before she makes breakfast, so I can help her figure out what to make and how to make it....

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Still, it's nice I didn't have to yell at her to get up this morning and that she was trying to do something nice for breakfast.

Arghh!

Daughter had a softball game today. It was over an hour away. There is a young woman on her team, A, who has not been very dependable this year. They were balancing trying to get everyone in with keeping the players in who gave them the best chance to win. A was put in to play the outfield, but the best hitters on the team went down in order, so she didn't get to hit. They lost the game, which meant they didn't get to play a second game.

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A number of the athletes were upset, but they did their best. I was secretly glad, because I didn't really want to spend the whole day there, so it didn't bother me that they didn't have to play the second game.

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When A came out after the game, her mother said to her, "Why didn't you get a chance to hit? We drove all this way for nothing. It was a complete waste of time." A sat down and began to cry, and her parents turned their backs on her. Her stepfather is a registered sex offender-- the highest level there is in this state. I felt so bad for A.

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Some people shouldn't be parents.

Should I Be Concerned?

Daughter rushed in from the workshop today and changed for softball practice. She practiced for 90 minutes in the heat, and after the practice was quite pleased with herself for actually chasing balls hit in her direction in the outfield. Some of the other women just stood there watching the birds or something (but definitely not the ball). We went to a restaurant for supper, and then headed home.

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We weren't even out of town when she was moaning beside me.

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"What's wrong?"

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"I have a really bad headache."

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"How long have you had it?"

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"Since I was at the workshop." At this point I decide that if she could play softball with no problem the headache can't be that bad. Then she begins to cry, first quietly, then when I didn't react, more loudly.

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"What's wrong?"

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"My head and stomach hurt really bad."

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"I'm sorry you don't feel good."

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"And I have housework to do when I get home."

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I remained silent, and she reached over and grabbed my right arm. She put her head on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around my arm. She stopped crying, and by the time we got home came in the house and got busy with her chores. I worry that someday she will really be sick and I won't believe her. I was really beginning to wonder what horrible disease she might have as she sat sobbing next to me. I wouldn't have thought contact with my right arm could cure it, but apparently it did.

Wind Swept

I am so glad I had an excuse not to go sit in the bleachers at the college where the area track meet is taking place. We have been under a wind advisory all day. The wind is 30 mph with gusts to 45 mph. The committal at the cemetery was challenging, as there was nothing to break the wind. I had the service carefully placed in a notebook and held on tight.

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A stranger showed up at 7:00 this morning to take Daughter to the track meet. The supervisor who does the scheduling never returned my calls. The Special Olympics coordinator made some calls, and someone found a note in one of the group homes to the staff member who was taking one of their residents telling her she needed to take Daughter, as well. I didn't know if she was picking her up or I was taking her, but fortunately, she showed up before I left to take Daughter to the bus. I asked her if she knew how to handle Daughter's insulin, and she didn't know what I was talking about. I gave her the pouch with the insulin pen and supplies, wrote out the scale, and told her to call me if she has any questions. I think I need to have a conversation with the supervisor next week.

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From our phone conversations, Daughter is doing well. She won a gold medal in the soft ball throw and silver in the 100 meter dash. I'm so glad I'm not sitting in those bleachers.

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I'm also very glad that the family decided not to have the entire service at the cemetery today. For a while I lived on the shores of Lake Michigan in an area notorious for strong winds. This flat farmland has much more wind.

Lying

I think lying is the RAD residue I hate most. Daughter is such an accomplished liar that I can't tell when she is lying. It makes it impossible to believe anything she tells me.

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I had a call from Case Manager this afternoon.

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Yesterday Daughter ordered a large pizza in for lunch for all her friends. I have no idea where she got the money. She told staff she was celebrating. She took lunch in with her, but apparently threw it away and ate the pizza.

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There hasn't been any work in at the workshop. The only work Daughter has had has been cleaning an apartment building one hour a week. She told staff she didn't want to go today, and that she didn't need the money because she had a job outside of the workshop that was paying her lots of money.

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When she got home I asked her how the cleaning had gone today. She said it had gone well, and she'd done bathrooms and floors today.

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She's been pouting since she got home. I asked if there was anything she wanted to tell me, and she insists there isn't. She suspects, though, that I know something. She will continue to deny everything, of course. Case Manager asked that I not tell Daughter what I know.

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I have not been able to find out anything about someone to take her to the area track meet tomorrow. Right now, I don't want to be around her, so I want her to go to that track meet without me. If there isn't someone to take her, I then will have to talk to the coach and figure out if I can get her there and back before the memorial service I have tomorrow, or if I even want to try....

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It's going to be a long evening. Secretary's foster sons are coming to town to play games with her. She, of course, wants nothing to do with that. She'd prefer to pout.

Balancing

Daughter has a track meet tomorrow for Special Olympics. I have a memorial service. When the family set up this date for the service and made their travel arrangements, I didn't know that the track meet would be tomorrow. Obviously, I can't be in two places at once, so hopefully I have a respite provider lined up to go to the track meet with Daughter (I say hopefully because the coordinator hasn't called me back yet to confirm-- but I requested it a month ago.)

This week Daughter's been telling me how much she'll miss having me at the track meet. I keep assuring her that I will miss being there, too. Fortunately, this doesn't happen very often, but there are times when she has events at the same time I have responsibilities at the church. She knows that she is my top priority, and she also knows that there are times when I have to put the needs of the church first.

It is especially difficult for her because most of her friends have extended family in the area. They have grandparents who can step in and pick up the slack, or aunts, uncles, or even siblings. They don't understand that Daughter doesn't have other family in the area, and so they ask her questions. I know she feels bad when I'm not there.

I'll take some extra time with her and find a way to show her that she's still my priority. She'll take her cell phone, and I'll tell her to call me and tell me how she does in her events. It won't be the same, but it will have to do.

Jumping Back In

No more time to be sick! I jumped back into things this morning with worship and Sunday School. It was good to see everybody and get back into the routine. I'm still a little weak, and sat through some of the hymns, but I made it through. We had some visitors this morning, which was nice, and they plan on becoming regulars, which is even nicer.

Tonight I have youth group, so I intend to take it easy this afternoon. Daughter is off to bowling with a respite worker. They're also going to stop and get milk and pick up prescriptions so I don't have to make a trip to town today or tomorrow. I intend to take a nap this afternoon.

I also need to figure out the prayer service for Wednesday so I can assign parts tonight, and I promised them some weird games at tonight's meeting, so I need to come up with some of those, as well. There are a couple of websites I can check out, or I may pull something out we've done before.

I'm looking forward to catching up with all the kids tonight. Like Daughter, I like getting back into the routine. I'm already compiling lists in my mind of things I need to get done this week. I probably should get them recorded someplace before I forget. I've already scheduled two appointments for the week. It's the beginning of the year, so we need to get all the annual reports written and ready for the congregational meeting. It will be a busy week, and I'll love every minute of it.

Basketball

Special Olympics basketball practice starts tonight. This is a rotten time of the year for me to be transporting Daughter to practice every Wednesday evening. The practice runs from 4:30 to 6:00, which is a terrible time for us. She gets off the bus at 4:00 and it takes us 15 minutes to get to Town for practice. We normally eat around 5:30, so it's right in the middle of the supper hour. She doesn't have time to eat supper and change and get ready for practice. There isn't anyplace to drive through for a sandwich on the way to practice, and I really don't want the rush of having her eat something from home in the car, because she would feel stressed and get all worked up, resulting in tics, high blood sugar, and who knows what else.

We had a terrible time managing her blood sugars last year during basketball, and she finally dropped out because of it (with blessings and a huge sense of relief from me). Her blood sugars would go way high during the games and practices (adrenaline) and then crash later. There were times she'd come over to me at the sidelines and she was shaking so much she couldn't check her own blood sugar. This year her blood sugars aren't stable going into it, so I can't imagine what impact the stress/exercise will have on them. On the other hand, the activity and socialization are good for her. I don't want to give her the message there are things she can't do because of her diabetes.

So I find myself torn. The first practice is tonight, and I still haven't made a final decision on what to do. I haven't made the time to really sit down and talk to her about it, and there probably won't be time to do it this evening. So I'll take her to practice, we'll see what happens with her blood sugar and how she feels, and then make our decisions about her ongoing participation.