Fog

It's that time of year. For the second morning in a row, it is foggy, and the workshop buses are delayed. Yesterday we began with a 1 hour delay, then went to a 2 hour delay, and finally cancelled. We are starting down the same path today, the 1 hour delay has just been increased to 2 hour delay. These are very hard on Daughter. She needs structure and routine. She doesn't know what to do with that extra time in the morning, and always ends up going out to wait for the bus very early. She went out 30 minutes early when it was still a 1 hour delay. I haven't told her it's been changed to a 2 hour delay. I know, I'm a coward.

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Tomorrow she has a softball tournament 90 minutes away. We are planning to leave at about 7:00 in the morning. Originally I was going to drive, meaning we'd have to go to the workshop first (20 minutes in the wrong direction), but they found someone else to drive, so we'll just meet them at the tournament. When we go separately from the team, Daughter gets antsy. She's sure I'm lost. She is convinced she's going to be late. She stresses and keeps asking me if I'm sure I'm going the right way 100 times. If it is foggy like this, they won't leave the workshop until it clears. That means Daughter will stress even more. I'm already dreading it.

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Occasionally I will remind her that I always get her where she needs to be, and ask her when she will learn she can trust me. She's sometimes embarrassed, but always acknowledges that it is very hard for her to trust. Even after over 19 years of being with a mom who can be trusted, she still has trouble trusting me. She still remembers those first 3 years, when parents couldn't be trusted. After 19 years, their betrayal is still more powerful than my commitment, at least part of the time.