Conflicted

Sister is speaking to me again. I admit it was a 3 way call that occurred when Far Away Sister and I were talking and she called Far Away Sister, who linked us all. Dad had a restless night, pulling out his catheter. The nurse asked him if it hurt, and he said, "It hurt like hell!" He knew Sister and Pastor and a friend who were in this morning. Sister is now struggling, because how can we put him on hospice if he is coherent. Far Away Sister reminded her that he chose hospice once before when he was coherent, and if he understood there wasn't anything else to do for him medically, he'd be fine with going on hospice. I showed great restraint and didn't point out that he'd chosen it two times already. I did point out, however, that the only reason he didn't want hospice was because Doctor told him he could help him more than hospice, and if he knew Doctor said he should go on hospice, he'd do it.

.

Sister is waiting for the hospice consult today. Far Away Sister is going to call his nursing home to check on some things. Hopefully he'll get back there today.

.

Daughter clogged the toilet again yesterday. I was pondering the fact that everyone else in the family experience diarrhea under stress, and Daughter gets constipated. I told her she's going to be taking Miralax every night for a while. She didn't object.

.

Saturday morning I was very angry. Daughter heard me slamming cupboard doors in the kitchen and came running downstairs. I told her to go away, it had nothing to do with her, but I didn't want her near me. She went for a walk, and came back with a friend for me to talk to. She was very concerned for me. Saturday night she asked me if she'd done the right thing. I was impressed with her compassion for me in my pain. She continues to struggle and at times act out inappropriately, but she also has moments of deep insight and compassion. Right now she's saying she's not going to the memorial service. Tonight she may ask if she can sing a solo at it. We're all conflicted right now.