Seeking Patience and Understanding

I know that everyone deals with their grief in different ways. I know that everyone is on edge at a time like this. I'm telling myself that, repeatedly. I'm trying to find my patience. I'm looking hard for it. I'm having long talks with myself. It's not working.

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My siblings have grabbed hold of the memorial service. They want lots of music, which is fine, but some of the music they want the congregation to sing the congregation won't know. There's nothing worse than a congregational hymn at a memorial service that no one knows. In their enthusiasm, nothing I suggest is being heard. I've done a few of these services in my 24 years of ministry. I have a little bit of knowledge.

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I have explained to them my desire to be with my congregation for Holy Week and not to miss too many worship services. So now they are talking about scheduling the service for a Sunday. I'm glad they heard my concerns. They want it to be at a convenient time for people. I guess I'm not people.

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I won't even get into their ideas for the meal following the service, but they involve cooking and boning 20 stewing hens. In the mean time, I still don't know where I'm staying or even when I'm going to go up there. Mom was not as alert today. She is in isolation because they think she has c. diff. They don't know when she'll leave the hospital.

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I need to be patient and let them work through their grief in whatever way they choose. I just keep wondering when someone cares about my grief, and when my needs become important.