Yesterday evening Daughter and I were watching an old musical when the phone rang. It was the Young Woman from next door. She wanted to use my washer and dryer because the electricity was off in about half of their home. Her parents were on their way home from their vacation home to deal with it. I told her to bring it over. I paused the movie and Daughter let YW in and showed her to the laundry room.
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Then YW came in and sat with us. She began talking about her current research projects. The doorbell rang, and it was YW's Mom. She didn't want to be next door while her husband was trying to figure out why they didn't have electricity in part of their house. She wanted YW to know that all the food in the freezer was spoiled. She came in and sat down. I turned off the TV. Whenever I am with YW and YWM at the same time, it gets very surreal.
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YW comes by her lack of social skills and her intellect honestly. As YW continued to discuss her current discoveries in the areas of WWII and missing persons, YWM began to tell me all about her recent camping trip with a friend, that involved riding horses on steep, muddy trails. Yes, they were both talking to me about very different topics at the same time. As I said, it was surreal.
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Daughter, who had just seen her home invaded and her movie with me interrupted, was wonderfully patient and didn't complain (she did, however, wet the bed last night). By the time YW's laundry was done, I was having a very difficult time keeping my eyes open. Surreal as it was, I enjoyed the evening.
I found out as we were heading to the high school that Daughter didn't want to go to graduation. I could see her shutting down, and asked what was wrong. I hadn't even considered that possibility. I pointed out that she'd been back to the school once since she'd graduated, and that had been fine. I also reminded her that it was a new building, so it would even feel like her old school. She was concerned about running into old friends. I told her she didn't have to talk to anyone if she didn't want to. The gym was air conditioned, the graduation only took an hour, my kids collected lots of scholarships, and Grad did a great job with his speech. We have 2 open houses next Sunday and then the graduation season is behind us.
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After graduation, we went to the Super Store. Unfortunately, their water island was out of order, so we weren't able to fill the 5 gallon bottles we'd brought with us. We had 3 empties, and the one left at home wasn't full. I decided we needed to find someplace to fill them. To complicate things, it was 90 out and I had 2 gallons of milk in the car. I didn't want to park the car and have the milk cook.
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I dropped Daughter off at the grocery store with the empty water bottles and money. I told her she could pick out one package of sugar free candy. Then I went to the pharmacy and parked in the shade while I ran in to get her prescriptions (15 of them-- I finally have them back to where I can get them all refilled at the same time). It took her a little longer to fill the water bottles than I thought it would, but she did it. She was so proud of herself. "See, I can be responsible!" I told her I always knew she could, which was one of the reasons it was so frustrating when she wasn't responsible.
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She talked about her eagerness to move and her frustration with God that it hasn't happened yet. I told her that God was getting things ready, and pointed out that it would have been hard to handle the stress of a move when she was having so many problems. She stopped complaining.
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Now I'm going to go watch a movie with her. It has been a good day.
Daughter is saying this repeatedly. She really is doing well, and she's not sure what to do with the good feelings. I think it's a wonderful problem to have.
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This afternoon we will go to graduation and do some shopping. I haven't quite figured out the timing of it all. It's hot enough that I think the shopping will have to wait until after graduation, since I don't want to bring the groceries home and then go back out to the high school.
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I spent much of yesterday looking up houses online in the area around the church I'm currently interviewing. They have made motel reservations for our trip. In the shower this morning I was pondering my sermon for the day. They like PowerPoint, and I was thinking about PowerPoint possibilities for that sermon. Of course, I'll have to learn how to use PowerPoint first.... I think I'll have one of my youth come give me a tutorial. The district on this side of the street finishes this week, the district across the street still has 7 days.
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Daughter got out a pretty skirt to wear today. Lately I've had to monitor her Sunday morning choices. Life is so much easier when I don't have to monitor her every move. I've been letting her sleep with her bedroom door open. She says she's sleeping better because of that. She still has that deep fear of a closed bedroom door. Bad things happened when the bedroom door was closed. Balancing her feelings of safety with the need to keep her out of food is an ongoing challenge, obviously. For today, though, life is good and I can put all that aside.
This morning I was contemplating taking Daughter out to breakfast and then doing some shopping that needs to be done. I called her several times, but she didn't acknowledge hearing me until 10:00. When she finally came downstairs, she was carrying her wet linens. I didn't say anything, but she could tell I was disappointed. She got defiant, "I'm doing what I'm supposed to do when I wet the bed." I acknowledged that was true, and went into the kitchen to get some breakfast.
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As she joined me, she kept asking me what was wrong. I finally told her I'd planned on taking her out for breakfast, but since she'd refused to get up the first time I called and wet the bed, that wouldn't be happening. She got a stricken look on her face, "I didn't know."
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"You aren't supposed to be doing these things for reward, but because it's the right thing to do." I waited for the meltdown. I explained that she'd have to take the 2 stickers off that we'd put on for her dry nights, and she'd be starting over again. I pointed out that she could still earn other stickers today. She was disappointed that the stickers had to come off, but again, no anger or arguing.
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She took care of the laundry and asked what I wanted her to do. I asked her to vacuum the stairs. She made a face and asked if she could clean the kitchen instead. I agreed. She is doing a wonderful job on the kitchen, including the floor, which was in dire need of attention. She has responded well to direction. She is attending to the laundry. In short, she has recovered quite quickly from her disappointment. Today, I am slightly more optimistic. If she can handle setbacks this well, she really is getting out of her dark hole.
We went to another Graduation open house last night. I remember when Grad first began coming up for the time with the children. He was the youngest of 3, and his older brother and sister were quiet and retiring. Not Grad. The first time he spoke (he was about 4), I did a double take. Was this little boy related to those two little angels? Grad was definitely not an angel.
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He was part of the rowdiest confirmation class I ever taught. At one point he had his cell phone under the table dialing up his fellow confirmands. A word with his parents put a stop to that. "You ratted me out!" Once his brother and sister graduated from youth group, Grad became a leader. During one discussion he said, "Remember why we're here. This is a church group, and we are talking about God and having discussions. That's not appropriate." The idea was immediately dropped by the other kids.
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Husband and Wife were his neighbors (they lived about a mile away). After Husband went into the nursing home, Wife started hiring Grad to do odd jobs around the house. At first Grad was shy, but then he began to open up and show his sense of humor. They formed a wonderful relationship. Grad goes to visit her occasionally in the nursing home, and has taken his girl friend along a couple of times. He wants to continue the family farming tradition, and wants to live in Husband and Wife's house. It is set back off a lane and overlooks the woods. They don't have much acreage, but it looks like it will be sold (eventually) to Grad and his family. Wife is thrilled to think that Grad will live there and raise a family. Grad loves that house, and is excited about it, too.
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In March of this year I asked Grad to be the Prodigal Son in a dialogue sermon. His brother had already agreed to be the older brother. I told him to look at it as a deposit on the wonderful letter of reference I'd write for him at some point. He informed me he didn't need a reference from me before agreeing to do the part. Wife told me he asked her to write a letter of reference for him. She was delighted. Last night I commended him on his visits with Wife, and told him Husband had been in the hospital, and once things calmed down, it would be nice if he could visit her. He promised he would. I teased him about using her for a reference instead of me. He smiled. "I didn't know if she could do it. If she couldn't, I was going to ask you."
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I'm going to graduation tomorrow. He's salutatorian and I want to hear his speech. Four of our kids are graduating from that high school, so I will go cheer them on. I told him I'd be there. He smiled. If I do move, I will miss these people. I would love to officiate at Grad's wedding and baptize his children some day. For now, though, I'm going to celebrate the little boy who said inappropriate things during the time with the children and grew into a fine, caring young man. It's been a joy to watch.
I decided I'd best celebrate Daughter's good day tonight, because there's no telling what tomorrow may bring. Daughter came home from work in a great mood. She asked for her chores, and then did them all properly without complaint, including folding some laundry, which she hates. C and I had hung her chart in her bedroom, and she was excited about that. The dry erase markers did not erase as I had hoped, so we've gone with stickers. Daughter didn't complain of being sick at all today. We went to another graduation open house, and she was off doing her thing and didn't cling to me or but me at all. There were numerous happy dances today. As we were driving to the open house, she said in amazement, "I'm so happy!" I agreed that life was much easier when she is responsible. Not only did she do all her chores, she saw other things that needed to be done, and did them voluntarily. It was an amazing day.
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Will it last? No. That's why I'm going to celebrate every good day she has when she has it. Maybe someday it will last. For now, I'm hoping for a few more days of cooperation. Tonight, though, I'm not worrying about the future. I'm celebrating today.
I am sitting at a clean desk. I arranged for C, my personal assistant to come this morning and work with me for 3 hours. It had been a couple of months since she had been here. It took 3 hours with both of us working to get my desk cleared off, but we did it, and it's wonderful to be able to sit here to do my work.
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I was debating what my priorities were for the afternoon when I received a phone call from one of our women who is in her 90's. She still lives in her own home, but she doesn't drive. Officially, she was calling me about an address to send a card to one of her classmates. She sounded so down as she inquired about the health and well-being of various individuals. I asked her if she'd like to go visit a couple of them at the nursing home. Her voice perked up immediately.
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In other news, Daughter was dry again this morning. She ran to tell C the news when C arrived as Daughter was waiting for the bus. She's very excited about her accomplishment. I'm relieved, and hoping it will continue.
Daughter got off the bus and greeted me quite cheerfully this afternoon. She has a new purse she'd won at bingo, and informed me everything fit in it (her blood sugar monitor and related supplies). She was excited as she told me about the decaffeinated ice tea Super Supervisor made today. She complained about the fact that the AC didn't work and it was hot in the gift shop. Then she told me she'd had a headache and hadn't felt good all day and spent the entire day crying. The next thing I knew she was holding her head and sobbing hysterically because she was in so much pain.
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I pondered the possibilities. After she left this morning, I discovered she hadn't taken her morning pills. I considered taking them to her, but didn't have time before a meeting I had 60 miles from here. I decided that as long as she didn't remember she'd forgotten them, she'd be fine. Could the missed pills be causing her problem? I was pretty sure she'd had a good day, since she hadn't felt the need to call me. I was confident she hadn't spent the entire day crying since no one else had called me. While I was pretty confident that she hadn't been sick all day, I was alarmed at her level of distress. What if she was having a stroke? Which ER would be best equipped to handle her? The two that are within 15 miles of us might not be equipped to deal with whatever was going on and transfer her. Maybe I should head directly to the best equipped one that was 25 miles away.
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I had her come sit next to me and put my arm around her, offering reassurances and soothing her. She began rocking back and forth as she held her head and sobbed. I suggested she had some big feelings she needed to talk about. She insisted that she was just very sick and had been all day. I got out the monitor to check her blood pressure. Her arm was shaking, and I wondered if I'd get an accurate reading. I told her she needed to calm down and hold still. She stopped crying and sat still. Her blood pressure was a little high for her, but not alarming. I told her she was okay. She got up and went to the bathroom. She came back and was still calm. I suggested she go up to her room and rest for 30 minutes. I pointed out how nice it would be to do so since her bed was properly made and dry. She quietly headed to her bedroom. This time I made the right call. My ongoing fear is that one day I won't, and by the time I get her medical help, it will be too late.
Daughter went with me to various meetings and events in the evenings. As we'd drive home, she would often fall asleep in the car. I remember a number of drives spent trying to keep her from falling asleep in the car. I'd reach into the back seat and pinch her toes. I'd work at engaging her in conversation (which was hard, as she wasn't really verbal until she was 5 or so).
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If she fell asleep in the car, it was impossible to get her into the house and into bed without waking her up because she was such a light sleeper. If she'd been asleep and woke up, she'd rage. Sometimes it would take over an hour to get her to settle back down and go to sleep. Bedtime was hard on her, because she was afraid. She'd been molested and abused in her bed, so her bedroom was not a safe place. If she stayed awake in the car, she would be so tired she would fall asleep easily. If she fell asleep, she'd have had just enough sleep that she was terrified and had a difficult time overcoming the sleep and was terrified.
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One major piece of progress: she is no longer afraid of her bedroom. I suspect though, that the recent spat of bed wetting was related to those fears/memories. Bed wetting is protective, because it is repulsive. When she's working through the trauma again, the bed wetting returns. Therapist told me last night that young adulthood is another developmental stage when the trauma is revisited and reprocessed. She is dry this morning. She jumped up and down with joy when I told her she could fill in a box on her chart. Then I got a happy dance. I'm smiling.
The temperature has been close to 90 the last 2 days. I don't do well with heat. Today I broke down and turned on the air conditioning. The walls on our brick home are so thick that it is slower heating up and cooling down. It's been hot sleeping the last couple of nights. Hopefully tonight will be better.
Daughter turned things around nicely today, and was very cooperative and helpful. She decided to clean out her closet, and called me up to see the clothes she wanted to donate. Of course, they were all things she'd worn within the last month. I suggested a better idea would be to put them in the guest room closet until fall. She was quite agreeable.
The other day I looked at some vacation pictures from last year. We like to camp in the northern woods. I felt a deep longing, almost an ache, to go back there. Camping allows me to step back and see things in new ways. As long as Daughter is wetting the bed every night, however, I'm not going to take her tent camping. She wet the bed one night last year. We spent the entire morning in a hot laundromat. I'm not going to do that every day. I'm hoping she'll stop soon and I can make reservations at the state park. I need to get out in the woods. I need to get out in the woods where the temperature isn't 90.
Daughter didn't leave her message with the right person, so the bus didn't come get her today. We both had meltdowns, but then came the time to regroup. I went into the kitchen and began doing her chores. She sat on the steps feeling tortured for a while, and then came out and took over unloading the dishwasher. She began anticipating needs and doing them. She told me she felt stupid and hated herself. I told her to learn from it. She said she couldn't. I told her I had confidence in her ability to learn.
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She continued to work while I took my shower, and finally figured out what was going on. "Daughter, I need to talk to you."
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"Uh-oh."
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"When you earn 180 points, that doesn't mean you have to get a job and I'm kicking you out of the house. It means that you will be able to get a job. You will have the freedom to do that, and other freedoms as well. I'm not kicking you out or making you get a job. That's your decision. Were you worried about that?"
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"Yes! Why do you think I've been acting this way. I just couldn't tell you."
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"What happens when you use your words?"
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"It gets better."
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"You could have saved us both a lot of pain if you'd just talked to me about it."
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It's getting harder to convince myself she can learn. Back in January I decided that this Sunday I'd be preaching on the power of hope. Have I ever mentioned how often I end up preaching to myself?
Sometimes I find myself pondering whether or not my efforts with Daughter are counterproductive. Psychiatrist pointed out Monday that she seeks out drama. I have been limiting the opportunities for drama, and sometimes I think it just makes her more creative in her search for it.
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Sunday she informed me that she'd wanted very badly to have a low blood sugar during worship. I patted myself on the back for keeping the insulin locked away from her. I also have door alarms on all the pantry doors. I currently have possession of her cell phone, and I've limited her time at the workshop. It's getting harder for her to find drama.
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She stops drinking and when I'm busy working on the newsletter informs me she has a UTI. This morning she got up, growled, "sorry" at me, and then announced she was going to the gift shop today instead of staying home to help with the senior luncheon. I haven't said anything yet. I'll have to at some point. I'll have to get her insulin and pills. It's frustrating, because to keep her alive I have to do things for her, no matter how hateful she's been to me.
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One of the things that led to last night's problems was my discovery that everything she'd told me had been a lie. She'd wet the bed. She hadn't cleaned out the litter boxes. She hadn't cleaned her bedroom and picked the clothes off her closet floor. The only thing she had been successful at was lying. Of course, telling me the lies and waiting for me to discover the truth was a way to create drama. Last night she won. I lost my cool. Despite my best efforts, she found a way to create drama. Like I said, there are times when I find myself wondering if all my efforts are counterproductive.
As of this evening, I don't understand her, don't care about her, and won't let her get a life. I've never been her mom. She's going to go back with her birth parents where she belongs. Apparently, though, she's going by way of her bedroom, to which she has now retreated.
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Part of the fault is mine. I have been fighting heartburn for a couple of weeks. The medication is not eliminating it. Today I realized it had gotten bad enough that I needed to do something new. I have an appointment with my doctor for next Wednesday. All I had for supper tonight was toast, and then I headed back over to the church to finish the newsletter. People weren't cooperating in providing the needed information (at one point I made 7 phone calls without being able to get the confirmation I needed). We had decided this morning to have the newsletter cover July as well as June. I worked on the newsletter all day. I thought it was done. It all fit and was perfect. Then Secretary realized we needed to add the July birthdays and anniversaries. The rest of the week is crazy enough that it really needed to be done tonight. To say that I wasn't real patient would be an understatement.
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Anyway, I did not respond well when she whispered in my ear that she has a UTI. I give her cranberry capsules daily to prevent UTI's, but she has decided this week that she isn't going to drink anything. She's been trying to make herself sick all week. Does she really have a UTI? Maybe. Do I have 45 minutes to go to town to get a test to confirm a UTI? No. Do I have 2 hours to take her to the doctor? No.
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It's not like she hasn't had attention. I set aside time for her when she got off the bus. I heard about her day, admired the hair clip she'd decorated, and let her snuggle into my shoulder for about 45 minutes.
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The newsletter went to print without the confirmation I was seeking. I have sent it out to our email list, and Secretary and her boys are stapling and addressing the rest of them. It's hot here, so my ankles and feet are very swollen. My knee and my stomach are hurting. Daughter is up in her room pouting. I just got a message that Daughter posted on facebook that she was running away. Just another quiet evening in the parsonage in Tiny Village.
Yesterday I came up with a new plan to give Daughter the visual reminders she needs. I took a poster board and a poster frame and talked again about the things she needs to be able to do to achieve her goals. The first goal we set was for community employment. I came up with a list of 6 things she needs to master to be successful in a job.
Keep her bedroom and closet clean (can't take shortcuts or hide undone work)
Take care of the clean laundry (again, no shortcuts or hiding)
Handle verbal instructions (she prefers things written down, and if I verbally tell her more than 1 task she protests that I'm piling on her and she can't handle it).
Pick up the pace of her work when asked (she slows down when told to speed up)
Work through pain (she regularly complains of physical ailments to get out of work. I don't think the ailments are real, they are just an excuse.)
Stay dry (Sunday she wet herself through the day.)
I told her that she needs to do all of those things for 30 days straight. I made a chart with boxes for each day and each task. When she fills 30 boxes, I'll take her out for ice cream. I put in rewards every 30 boxes, and at 180 boxes I'll help her get a job.
Several interesting things came out of all of this.
She was amazed that I'd actually help her get a real job. I was surprised to realize that she thinks I'm holding her back.
She was quite confident that she'd be able to do these things, and didn't question the need for a single one.
She knows how to stop wetting the bed. My sisters have urged me to take her to the doctor to check for physical issues. I keep telling them there is no medical reason for this. Daughter confirmed that. "I just need to listen to Kitten. She knows when I'm going to wet the bed and tries to make me wake up. She knows because I get restless."
In the past she'd mentioned that Kitten doesn't like it when she wets the bed, but this was the first I heard that Kitten tries to get her up. She was dry this morning. Do I think she'll be able to do all those things for 30 days? Not really. But that's okay. If she does, I am figuring out what we can do about employment. I put it in a poster frame for several reasons:
It will be harder for her to destroy when she gets frustrated with it.
We can use a dry erase marker to track her progress. It will be easy to erase and start over when she blows it.
It is a concrete visual reminder. The goal of community employment is at the top. The tasks and rewards are listed. She decorated it, so she was involved.
Will it work? It gives me something to point to when she wants to move out or adopt a kid. I can remind her that first she needs to be able to hold down a job, and to hold down a job, she needs to be able to do those things. If it keeps her motivated for several days at a time, it will be worth it. Last night she folded the whites properly without complaining, a first. This morning she was dry. If that happens several times a week, it will be worth the time and money.
Today was my day off, but after looking at my schedule for this week, I decided if I was going to take shut-in communion to the one nursing home, it was going to have to be today. I arranged for someone to meet me there today at 12:30 (her lunch hour). When I got there, L wasn't there. It turns out she had forgotten. I visited with the first woman, and then went down the hall to see the married couple. I love this couple. Five years ago I walked into the OR waiting room on a Saturday evening as the house manager was telling Wife that Husband had coded on the table. They were doing CPR, but it didn't look good. What I remember of that night is her calm acceptance of what was going on. "We've had a good life together." I remember her strength. She had refused to worry her sons by telling them what was going on. She told me to leave so I'd be ready for the Easter festivities in the morning, and she could drive home on her own. I refused to leave, knowing she wasn't supposed to drive after dark. I stayed with her, called their son, arranged for someone to come get her car, and after we saw him in ICU, I took her home. We both remember my arrival at precisely that moment as a gift from God.
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They've been married for over 65 years. He was a POW in WWII. He never went home after that night 5 years, but has been in a nursing home. He is content there, reading his mysteries and enjoying visitors. Several years ago she decided that she didn't want to be alone anymore and moved in with him. When I walked into see them today, Wife was alone. They took Husband to the hospital yesterday. They think he may have had a mild stroke. He has been failing the past few months. She has recognized it and whispered it to me when I've gone to see them. Today I pulled up a chair and sat down to visit with her. We remembered that night 5 years ago. She thought she'd said stupid things. I didn't remember those things, and told her my memory was of her strength and peace.
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Then she told me a story. When her boys were in little league, Husband was coach. They'd traveled some distance for a game, and she got sick with food poisoning. She was in the hospital and almost died. She remembered floating out of her body and then down a long tunnel of white. She came out and was on the edge of a river. On the other side, she could see Jesus waiting with open arms. She said, "No, I'm not ready. I have to go back for my children." Then she was back in her body. Her husband had a similar experience the night his heart stopped. Now I understand why they can face death with such peace.
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We talked about the stress of watching him slip away, and how it was exhausting. But again, what struck me was her peace. We were able to talk in ways we wouldn't have been able to talk if Husband had been there. I left and went up to the hospital. Husband's face lit up when he saw me. He told me that he wasn't sure what had happened, but he supposed they'd ship him back to the nursing home if they decided he was still among the living. His concern was for Wife. He didn't want her worry about him. I assured him she was okay. After a brief visit I prayed with him and left. Once I got to the car, I made two phone calls. I called Wife to tell her he was in good spirits and had his sense of humor. I called and left a message for the woman who had forgotten we had communion scheduled. I told her not to worry, it had been the Holy Spirit at work, and her absence had made possible a wonderful conversation with Wife.
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The hymn in the video is a favorite in this congregation, and Wife's story reminded me of the third verse, "When I tread the verge of Jordan bid my anxious fears subside...." It is such an honor to be present with families as they deal with issues of life and death. I am so blessed to be able to serve as a pastor to these people. I didn't work on my day off, I received a gift.
We had our first graduation open house of the year today. This year we will attend 5 of them. These kids were all preschoolers when I arrived here in Tiny Village. It's hard to believe that they are now graduating from high school. Around here graduation is a really big thing. For two of the five this year they will be in barns. They move the equipment out, pressure wash the floor, rent some tables and put out a feast. We were at the one tonight for a couple of hours, just sitting and talking. It got hot today, but it was cool in the barn. They had good food, and of course all the church people were there. It was an older crowd today. The graduate is developmentally handicapped and painfully shy. My goal is to get her to say one word to me anytime I see her. The past few weeks I've been asking her what the countdown is until she graduates.
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Her brother was saying she was really going to miss youth group-- that it's all she talks about at home. I'm glad she's enjoyed it so much. She never says anything at youth group, but she is always there, taking it in and smiling. As I've said before, we have a great group of kids, and they are so patient and loving with all of our special needs kids. It's wonderful to see the way they take care of them. The adult I work with on youth group told her she could keep coming next year. It will be interesting to see if she actually does.
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Daughter was running around talking to different people at the open house. Again, they are all so good to her. At one point she was ready to leave, but then she saw some people come in she wanted to talk to, and she was off to visit them. Next weekend we have open houses on Friday and Saturday, and then graduation is on Sunday. One of my kids will be giving a speech as salutatorian, so if it's not too hot, we'll go. This year they have a big class-- 67 are graduating. I suspect that means that graduation will last a little longer than usual. Two of the kids who are graduating this year were real challenges when they were young and I was working with them in an after school program we had. Both have grown up into fine young men.
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It has been such a blessing, watching these kids grow up. Have I mentioned lately that I love my job?
In the podcasts I've been listening to this week, I heard an interview with Serene Jones, president of Union Theological Seminary in New York. She has written a book called Trauma and Grace, and I've become intrigued by it. I've listened to a lecture she gave about it. I've ordered the book. I'm trying to make sense of it and figure out how it connects with Daughter and some of her current struggles. I am certain that it will help me understand some of what is going on in our world today as well. I'm hungering for more of her analysis on this, and am looking forward to getting my hands on the book.
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I read Trauma and Recovery a number of years ago, and I know it spoke powerfully to me and helped me understand Daughter. I may need to dig that book out again, as well. I need a better understanding of what I need to do to help her move beyond her current stuck point.
Daughter keeps telling me she has too much stress. She's vague when I ask her to identify the stress, though she does mention the fact that Sub will be at the gift shop while Super Supervisor is out. This evening I figured it out. Flasher hasn't responded to her friend request on facebook. She acknowledged that she got on facebook to make contact with him. I suggested that she just cancel the request. She just let me do it for her.
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She so desperately wants to be normal, and having a boyfriend seems like the quickest way to accomplish that. It would be nice if I could get her completely out of the workshop culture. I'm going to see if I can come up with some sort of visual to remind her of the things she needs to accomplish to achieve her goals. Maybe if she can see it, she will remember what it is she wants and what she needs to do to get there. Then again, maybe it will just stress her out more.
Daughter was being difficult this morning. I finally asked her what was wrong. "Sub." .
Super Supervisor took her aside yesterday and told her that Sub would be there 7 of the next 10 days. Daughter was upset because she said SS didn't get it. I explained to her that SS had known Sub for many years, and knew she was a good person and trusted her, so it was hard for her to understand why Daughter doesn't trust her. I explained that Sub hadn't known that Daughter is allowed to call me anytime, but now she does. I suggested Daughter needs to give her another chance to prove she can be trusted. Hopefully Sub will do better the next time Daughter tests her.
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She wet the bed last night. Of course, she went to bed mad, so I'm not surprised she wet the bed. She wanted me to take her horse back riding today if she was dry. Never mind that I'm not aware of anyplace that she could do that, we should just stop by the home of some people with horses and they'll let her ride, no questions asked. I'm so mean and unreasonable.
Daughter knew how to get on facebook, but she apparently isn't capable of remembering the password. She keeps creating new email accounts for the same reason. Ah yes, the disconnects.
