Teaching and Learning

This year I'm teaching a class on the book of Revelation and taking a class on professional development. Both classes are really good. I have a wonderful bunch of students who are willing to participate and engage with the Scripture. They were appreciative of what I shared this morning.

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The professional development class has me pondering what God is calling me to do. I know I'm called to ministry, but I'm wondering if I've been focusing on the wrong areas. Lots to ponder. Daughter did well today. She was appropriate in her independence, sitting by me at meal times so I could give her insulin, but engaging other people and finding other activities much of the day. This is such a good community for her.

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This week is always a wonderful blessing for both of us.

Logical Consequences

Daughter is washing her comforter and pj's right now. I walked her around the lake to the laundry room, showed her how to work the machine, and told her I'd see her when she was done. She said, "You know I can't find my way back."

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"Yes, you can. Just come back the same way we came. I know you can do it."

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I commented as we walked over there in the heat, I said, "I don't think you're going to wet the bed again this week." She readily agreed.

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I hadn't had a chance to connect with the teacher of Daughter's second class, but C, who I had briefed on the faked seizures, told a friend in the class, "I'm passing the torch onto you. If she tries to fake a seizure, tell her to stop it, relax and take a deep breath."

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The friend said she could do that. Daughter said, "I wouldn't pull anything like that here!" That's right, she won't. Because she now knows that it won't work. That's why I love this community.

Bed Wetting

One of the things that has made me reluctant to travel this year has been Daughter's bed wetting. We brought an air mattress and comforter for her (sleeping bags are too big for a standard washing machine). I bought her new, generic adult diapers that involved tape (I thought they were pull-up briefs). She was quite frustrated with them last night. I showed her what to do with them and told her it was her job to get them on, I wasn't helping. She was wetter this morning than she has been in several weeks. This afternoon, I will walk her around the lake and show her how to operate the washing machine here. Then I will leave her to take care of her mess.

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My prediction: she won't soak through again this week. Now it's off to morning prayer.

Worship

One of the things I look forward to is coming here and worshiping with this community as just a person in the congregation. It's wonderful to be in worship with no leadership responsibilities. Our opening worship service this evening was wonderful. Daughter has been all over the place between responsible and frustratingly acting out. She didn't want to eat any protein at supper time. I told her she couldn't have any dessert unless she ate some of the Italian sausage. She was mad, but ate it.

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During worship she came over and whispered to me that her blood sugar had dropped to 71. I was amazed, because I would have predicted it would have been high with all the carbs she had at supper. I asked where her meter and emergency supplies were, and she told me they were back in our room. I sent her to get them. When she came back, she handed me a note apologizing and acknowledging that her blood sugar was 271, not 71.

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A good friend of mine is in her first class of the morning-- C is a special ed teacher and the mother of a diabetic. She gets Daughter. I've already instructed her on what to do if Daughter tries to fake a seizure. Daughter knows I've briefed her. Daughter will feel safe with her. The teacher for her second class isn't arriving until tomorrow, so I'll have to track her down and brief her.

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I think (hope) I'm ready to teach my class tomorrow on Revelation. There's so much to say about that book, and so little time. Hopefully I'll be able to share some of the things I've discovered in my preparation for the class. Now I'm tired. I'd kind of like to go to morning prayer at 7:00 tomorrow morning, which means I'd best get to bed now.

Responsibility

Daughter, after protesting that she hates vacation and doesn't want to go, has become wonderfully responsible and cooperative as we prepare to leave. This morning she was up on her own, and when she came downstairs, she was fully dressed and had packed up my cpap machine and was carrying it. I was impressed.

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We ran out for a bite to eat and to pick up some cat food before we left. As we were headed home, I was into full trying to take care of everything before we leave mode. The conversation went something like this:

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"I want to get those dishes washed when we got home. I don't want to leave with dirty dishes in the sink."

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"I've already done that."

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"Did you put the medication box in the car?"

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"Done."

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"What about the extra supplies I had on the kitchen table?"

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"They're in the car."

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"I want you to clean out the cat boxes."

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"I've done that."

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"Today?"

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"Yes, Mom. I did it this morning when you were in the shower getting ready for church."

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We got home with the extra cat food and I came into my desk for a few minutes. "Did you fill the cat bowl with the new food."

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"Done." Then she got this huge smile on her face. "Don't you just love it when I'm one step ahead of you?"

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Yes, I love it. It's days like this that give me hope during the more challenging times.

Facing Death

A woman is dying. Her family is struggling. The fact that they have never been involved with a church is catching up with them. They say they trust God, but have never made a commitment or gone further than believing. Now, N is dying and they don't have a church or pastor to turn to for help and support. I was called because they have relatives who are members here. Since I'm leaving town tomorrow, I am unable to do the service.

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Their grief is compounded by their fear that they will get a generic minister who doesn't know N. They've been to funerals where the minister couldn't even pronounce the deceased individual's name correctly. They don't want that for N. Unfortunately, it is a little late to establish a relationship with a church and a pastor. Once N is dead and buried, they'll forget the need-- until the next time a family member faces death.

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I visited with them the other day, and what I saw was a family struggling with issues of life and death with no faith to anchor them or support them in the midst of their sorrow. They were hurting, as are all grieving families. Their grief, though, was much worse than it needed to be. I am grateful I have my faith, not only when I face death, but as I deal with the daily challenges of balancing work and parenting. I'm glad that I live with the hope that comes from trusting God and claiming Christ as my Savior.

Techie

I became a techie and fixed my ipod problem. Maybe now I'll be a bit more patient with Daughter. I understand what has caused today's challenges, it's just that there isn't much I can do to change the reality of my life as a pastor. Since Daughter is home recuperating from her oral surgery, her expectation was lots of attention from Mom. She doesn't realize that I am busy all day while she is gone. She is also anxious because we will be leaving Sunday afternoon for the conference. Change and travel are hard on her.

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The week before we leave for a conference where I have a leadership role is not a good time to schedule 2 medical procedures (my scope on Monday, her wisdom teeth on Wednesday). To further complicate things, Secretary was on vacation this week, and I had several involved/exhausting pastoral care situations. A stressed out preacher mom and a needy kid are not a good combination.

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She overheard a conversation in which I was expressing some of my frustration/stress. Neither of us acknowledged she'd heard it, but her attitude improved greatly following it. We'll make it. The working ipod will make it much easier to keep things in perspective. Sunday night we'll be at the conference, and by Thursday noon my teaching responsibilities will be over. It won't be perfect, but it will be fun, and I'm sure I'll learn more than I teach. That's always renewing for me.

Sigh

Daughter was mad because I was asking her to do some work and she wanted to sleep. She went upstairs to take a nap-- and wet her bed after 3 dry nights.

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I met with an engaged couple this afternoon. They are going to face a number of challenges-- I'm not sure either one of them has the maturity to handle marriage and baby, both of which are scheduled before the end of the year. I told them they need to set some priorities before I meet with them again in a few weeks.

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Daughter broke into my chocolate stash again. I told her to go get the remains, and so she's standing staring blankly at me.

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I'm still behind on my preparation for the class I'm teaching next week and Sunday worship.

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All of this is minor, though. The major stress is the fact that my ipod died this morning. I'm going to try to resuscitate it, but I'm not optimistic....

Interruptions

I'm going to drop Daughter off at the gift shop before I go to PT tomorrow morning. Super Supervisor will be there, and invited Daughter to come hang out with her while I go to PT. Daughter's disappointed about the picnic, but by tonight her mouth was hurting and she wanted something for pain, so I think she understands the concern. SS agreed with me that it would not be a good day for Daughter to be there. Daughter was cooperative today, and so she got ice cream tonight for supper. She was happy.

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I'm far behind on my preparation for my class next week and worship Sunday. This has been a week of interruptions. I spent 2 hours with the family of a dying woman on Tuesday. This afternoon was spent with the young woman who lives next door to me and struggles with various issues. Her computer got a virus, and I was working with her on fixing it while also talking about her ongoing struggles with depression and making plans for her future. She told me several times how awesome I am. I need to hear that occasionally. She needs someone who will listen to her and show her that she's important. I can do that. I like her, and I'm glad she trusts me.

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Tomorrow afternoon I have an appointment with a couple about a wedding in December. The mother of the bride has been driving me crazy with questions. I finally told her that I wouldn't give her a time for the wedding until her daughter had called me and set up an appointment for me to talk to the bride and groom. I decided I'd best do it before vacation, on MOB would stroke out and it would be my fault.

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As frustrating as it is when my plans get pushed aside for the needs of various people, I always remember the wise pastor who commented that our ministry was the interruptions. I've been doing ministry this week. It's been important ministry. Sunday I will have a sermon, and Monday I will have something for my class.

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I thanked Daughter for her cooperation and patience today. She's been dry the last two nights, and is quite proud of herself for being responsible. Nice Guy stopped by to see how she's doing. It's been a busy day, and while I didn't get everything done, I'm pleased with what I did get done.

Negotiations

Daughter wants to go back to the gift shop tomorrow. Yes, she's feeling that good. Tomorrow they are having a picnic with associated picnic activities like races and water balloons for the gift shop and the workshop. I don't know that she will be able to get her mouth around a hamburger and chew it tomorrow. I suspect that running around trying to participate in the activities would trigger pain. I know that they will not give her pain medication without a signed order from the doctor and me. In short, I don't think it's a good idea to back back for a picnic 2 days after oral surgery.

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I've explained my concerns to Daughter. She is, understandably, disappointed, but acknowledges I have valid points. I have offered to let her go into the gift shop to see everyone after my PT tomorrow morning if she is super cooperative today. She thought that sounded like a good deal. She has been to the post office twice, put inserts in bulletins for Sunday, and is now putting the clean dishes away. The thought of seeing Super Supervisor tomorrow is powerful motivation today. She also gets ice cream at her favorite ice cream place if she's super cooperative. I get cooperation and chores done, she gets ice cream and a chance to see her friends before vacation. Sounds like a win-win to me.

Grrrrr

I checked my spam folder a little while ago, and discovered 6 receipts for itunes purchases from yesterday. I haven't been on itunes for several days, and Daughter doesn't have access to the account, though I did check with her just to make sure. The total of the purchases is over $250. The charges are still pending, so I can't dispute them. I did contact itunes customer service-- they don't have a category for fraudulent charges. I also went into my account and removed my credit card information.

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Daughter continues to do well with her recovery. Her blood sugars have been good, and she had mashed potatoes for supper a little while ago. After her second pain pill, she complained that she felt drugged. I think we'll see if she can get by with just ibuprofen....

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They're Gone

We left the house a little after 6:15, and got home a little after 1:00, and the wisdom teeth are now history. I probably shouldn't say this, but Daughter is doing much better than I anticipated. She drank a fruit smoothie on the way home, and once I gave her a pain pill and frozen beans to hold on her face, stopped moaning about the pain. Amazingly, she was awake most of the way home. She's walking and moving around fine, too.

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She's upstairs watching TV right now. I hope her recovery continues to go smoothly. Unless there is a problem, we don't need to go back. That is good news. She was worrying again, and I reminded her how worried she'd been about my scope on Monday, and how well that had gone-- I suggested that it would be the same with her wisdom teeth. That seemed to help her put things into perspective.

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When they came to the waiting room to get her, she was sitting on the floor leaning against my legs and moving to the music on her ipod. I am very relieved that it is over.

Aftermath

Daughter didn't sleep well after the incident at the park yesterday. She was up at 3:00 this morning, and was bouncing on my bed before 6:00. I told her she couldn't bother me until 6:15, and she actually waited until 6:30 to bug me again. She seems to be slightly manic right now. She was cleaning the 2 pounds of strawberries I bought and had 6 cans of fruit and a bag of apples out to make fruit salad when I came downstairs. I told her that was a bit much, so she added one can of pineapple and one can of peaches. We had some with our supper, and I'm going to throw some in the blender and freeze it in ice cube trays. It will be something she can have after she has her wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow morning.

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Pregnant Best Friend gave birth Sunday evening, which I guess makes her Mommy Best Friend. Daughter found out this morning and of course she wanted to go visit right away. I dropped her off at the hospital for about 15 minutes while I ran to the grocery store. That satisfied her. MBF is going home tomorrow. I think I'm glad Daughter won't be around to hear about the drama for the first week or so.

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I'm tired this evening-- I spent 2 hours at the hospital with the family of a woman who had a seizure a couple of weeks ago. When they got her to the ER, they discovered she was full of cancer. She's been on a ventilator ever since. A relative of the woman is a member of the church, and asked me to go visit. I did. I was meeting the husband and daughter for the first time. It was exhausting. They were grateful for my visit. I hope it was helpful.

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I don't think my esophagus is staying stretched. I felt like things were getting stuck at lunch and supper today.

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I'm tired, and I'm rambling. I think I'll go to bed early tonight. I want to be on the road at 6:15 tomorrow morning for Daughter's 8:15 surgery. It will be another long day....

PTSD

When Daughter was very young, maybe 18 months old, she witnessed a knife fight between her older brothers. When she told me the story, I was skeptical, but she confronted her birth mother with the story when she was 6 or 7, she confirmed that it had happened. She was shocked Daughter remembered it, because she had been so young.

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Today Daughter walked over to the park in Tiny Village. Nice Guy and some friends were going to join her there. Some local hooligans showed up and one was showing off with a knife. Daughter began to panic. Her friends arrived, and they played some basketball. The village druggie showed up. There was a confrontation. Daughter sent two young boys who were there home and came home, hysterical, talking about knives and guns and a big fight. I finally got enough info out of her to call 911. They called back twice for more details, and sent all the deputies in the county and a cop from a neighboring community in this direction. They recognized the names of the individuals involved (so much for life in the country being crime free).

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Half the village has scanners, so all these pick-up trucks started doing a circuit around the park and the church. The mother of a couple of the boys got to park before the cops and diffused things. The deputy came and talked to Daughter, and handled her beautiful. She acknowledged there may not have been a gun, but he had already confiscated the knife. I told her she had PTSD and was Developmentally Handicapped. He assured her she'd done the right thing and kept people safe. C and her mom showed up, sent by a family member who saw lots of cops in town and one at my house. They took Daughter into the house to calm her down with a cool washcloth to the face while I thanked the deputy. I told him Daughter was also afraid of uniforms and he had handled her beautifully.

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She was lost in her PTSD, and I emphasized repeatedly how when she was 18 months old, she was too little to keep herself safe, but now she had a voice and had kept not only herself safe but others as well. I told her how proud I was and how proud Therapist would be of her.

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She's calmed down, but is sticking close to me. I anticipate problems at bedtime. Oh, and I've realized that I am tired. The scope did take something out of me. I find myself wondering how much stress contributed to all that scar tissue. Hopefully by tomorrow I'll be fine. Hopefully. I know Daughter will be glad to get back to the gift shop. Then she'll be home for the rest of the week as she recovers from her wisdom teeth. Next week we'll be gone. I hope the rest of this week is quieter. Enough drama.

Dr. Hairy Ears

That's what my friend, C, and I are calling the doctor who scoped my stomach this morning. Both of us were amazed by the amount of black hair he had growing out of his ears. I had lots of scar tissue in my esophagus. Think I'm good at ignoring my own physical needs? He stretched it some, but was not able to stretch it as much as he'd have liked to because of the amount of scar tissue there. I go back at the end of August to see if it has helped. I can already answer that-- it's helped. It was much easier to take my pills when I got home. My throat is sore, but other than that I feel great.

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I'll get a letter with the results of the biopsies he did in a couple of weeks. I understand I was out of it at first, but my recovery has been quick. One of the nurses suggested I wait until I got home to eat, as many people throw up the first time they eat. By the time we got to my favorite deli, I decided that rather than having C and Daughter go in and get food to go, I was going to try to eat. We did sit near the bathroom, but I was fine. I had half my sandwich, chips, and iced tea. C wouldn't let me get my favorite tomato soup, but she didn't object to the caffeine, which was generous of her. He said I could go back to some of those things in moderation.

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I suspect I'm off the ibuprofen permanently. I'll have to adjust to Tylenol and some level of pain, I guess. I also have a hiatal hernia. At least Dr. Hairy Ears didn't tell me my problems were the result of aging. (Maybe he figured I already knew that.) We made it through our first medical procedure, now we await the big event: Daughter's wisdom teeth extraction on Wednesday.

Sunday Afternoon

This afternoon we went to Town. The hospital was having an open house for their new Emergency Room, which opens at 5:00 tomorrow morning. I had my paycheck to deposit, there were prescriptions for Daughter waiting at the pharmacy, I needed gas, and I wanted to get some things from the grocery store. Since it was over 90, we ended at the grocery store. I wanted to minimize the time the milk sat in the hot car.

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As we headed back toward Tiny Village, I felt the urge to call a woman who had her second surgery in two weeks on Friday. It was supposed to be outpatient and was supposed to fix a problem the first surgery created. I was at the hospital before her surgery and waited with her husband through part of the surgery.

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So I called her cell phone, and she sounded terrible. She's still in the hospital, and they're talking about a third surgery this evening. I turned around and headed back to the hospital. Daughter transferred the cold stuff to the insulated bag we keep in the car while I went up to the floor. Daughter was supposed to wait in the lobby, but instead she decided she needed to give me back the keys right away and she also wanted me to know it was raining, so she came up to the floor. Of course, it didn't work. I thanked her for the keys and sent her back downstairs. The woman I was visiting was amused. We had a good visit. I'll call her tomorrow, but won't be able to visit again until Tuesday because I won't be able to drive after my scope tomorrow morning.

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I'm glad I listened to the urge to call and check on her. One trip to town, 6 items checked off the to do list. A pretty good afternoon. Daughter is being cooperative this afternoon. That makes it a very good afternoon.

Welcoming Visitors

Today was our VBS program. It is always the biggest attendance of the summer, and there are always a number of visitors who come to it. The last few years we've had it in the basement-- it's cooler, and it's all decorated from the week. I checked our attendance the last few years on VBS Sunday, and told them we'd need to set up for at least 100 people.

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I went over there today, and there were chairs set up for 80 people. 80. For visitors to feel welcome, they have to know that they are expected and that there is a place for them. The planners couldn't understand why I insisted they set up more chairs. They suggested we just wait and bring them out if they were needed. I insisted, and they brought out more chairs. We ended up having 125 people present today.

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This congregation really has a difficult time doing the things that make the church welcoming to visitors. They arrive early so that they can sit in the back pews. Visitors are forced to come up front. Sometimes I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall. Part of the issue is that most of the people grew up in the church. They've never had the experience of being a first time visitor, so they don't understand how it feels.

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However, I need to shift my attention and focus on the fact that the kids did a great job and the program went well. The visitors were very complimentary of the program and my meditation on what it means to follow Jesus and what we need to do to teach our children to follow Christ. I'll focus on those things, and hope that eventually some of the things I've been saying for the past 14 years will sink in. If I can hold onto hope for Daughter, I can hold onto hope for the church.

Nice Guy

Nice Guy just left. He left at 10:35. He's lucky, because he learned a very important lesson tonight. At least, I hope he did. Daughter called him earlier this evening, and he was crying and hysterical. She came in and told me he was coming over, because he needed to talk to me.

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He had been with some new friends earlier today, and one of the girls was going to call the police on him. If he's telling me the truth (and I think he is), he picked up a 13 year old girl who was walking along the side of the road. They became friends, and she introduced him to a 15 year old girl that he could date. He met her today, with other girls present. He swears he didn't touch her and was never alone with her. I hope he's telling the truth. I told him he is not to be friends with or talk to women who are under 20 (he's 22). I assured him that if he was telling the truth, he didn't have anything to fear if the girl did call the police, because he didn't do anything illegal, but that it was stupid to even think of dating a 15 year old.

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I hope he learned from this. I hope he took this as a strong warning. I told him it was a gift. Their friend was found competent to stand trial recently, I saw it in the paper. He was sexting a 13 year old. I find myself wondering whether the workshop is explaining to these young men the dangers of being involved with minors. If they aren't, I think they should be, because there is entirely too much of it going on. I explained to Nice Guy that teenage girls were excited and flattered to have a 22 year old man paying attention to them, and it isn't safe. He wanted to just stay here a while. By the time he left he was calmer, and I don't think he was as scared. His mom is working tonight, and he was afraid to tell her. I told him to tell her he'd learned an important lesson tonight, and that she wouldn't say anything to him that he hadn't already heard from me.

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Daughter was a good friend to him tonight. I'm proud of her. I'm also tired. She's going to have a hard time getting up in the morning. I'm not looking forward to that battle.

It's not Camping, But...

July 4 Daughter and I head to a conference after worship. The conference ends Friday, and I've been trying to figure out what to do for those extra 2 days. I didn't want to take the all of the camping gear for just 2 nights. We have a large tent, screen house, and various other items that are such that I prefer to camp for at least a week once we go to the work of setting all up. I considered just taking part of it, but didn't like that idea.

Yesterday I got busy and started researching options. I found a lakeside motel on an inland lake far enough north of here that hopefully it won't be too hot. Even if it is hot, we'll have an air conditioned motel room. It's near state parks for hiking (if my knee will handle it) and various historical sites. Daughter, of course, didn't want to do it. Then I showed her the pictures. I wouldn't do it for for a week, but for 2 nights, I'll spend the money.

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Hopefully it will give me the outdoor time I need. I'm looking forward to it.

Three Chances

Daughter was to clean the back porch bathroom tonight. Three times she told me she was done. Three times she hadn't cleaned the floor. She didn't get her computer back tonight. I told her she could try again tomorrow. I also pointed out that she could have cleaned the floor properly three times in less time than she spent avoiding and arguing with my assessment that it wasn't cleaned.

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She anxious tonight. She didn't realize I was having my stomach scoped Monday. She thought her wisdom teeth were coming out July 30, not June 30. She has reason to be anxious. So she's wrapped around my arm right now.