Yesterday afternoon while I was painting, Daughter asked if she could go inside and clean the bathroom she had been avoiding. I told her it was a wonderful idea, and I was concerned for her safety. She assured me she would keep herself safe from food. I allowed her to go inside to clean. Of course, she didn't clean (she did get two rags and the window cleaner into the bathroom, but that was it).
.
At bedtime last night she needed her night time insulin and a snack, so she once again apologized. I suggested she demonstrate that she was sorry by putting the clean dishes away. She informed me she was too tired. I guess watching me paint and dozing in a chair are pretty exhausting.
.
After she was in bed, I discovered that not only did she not clean the bathroom, she also had failed to keep herself safe. She got through one lock and found any food she could squeeze out with the cable lock still in place. This morning I asked her to bring me all the empty food containers from her room. She brought out 2 empty baked chip bags and an empty chow mein noodle can.
.
I dropped her off at the church to clean with Administrative Assistant, and confiscated her house key. I told her if she got home before I finished at the grocery store, she could wait on the porch for me. When she got home (after I did, fortunately), she told me she was going to make today a better day. I told her I was glad, and asked her to do the bathroom. She didn't like that. She's apparently planning to make today a better day without being responsible. I told her that Sister had texted and asked us to meet her at an outlet mall today, but I'd declined, because we had storms inside and outside today.
.
Daughter went ballistic. She accused me of lying. I didn't tell Sister the truth. I asked her what the truth was. "I'm not showing you any respect and I'm treating you like crap!" With that, she stormed off to her bedroom screaming and hitting walls.
.
I'm working in the kitchen and listening to sermon podcasts. She will be out to apologize soon, as it's getting close to lunch time. I told her several times this morning that I love her. I told her I was sorry I wasn't keeping her safe. Her blood sugars were in the normal range yesterday even with all the extra food, so I must be giving her too much insulin-- or she's taking extra insulin. The problem is, I can't figure out where I'm making my mistake without all the information-- like what food she's eating.
.
Monday she'll be back to her program. I'm looking forward to the break.
4 comments:
You might have to do what I had to do when my mentally ill mother moved in with us. She has Type 2 diabetes but has chosen to control it with only diet and exercise, which she won't do consistently. That means that her diet has to be strictly controlled. We don't keep foods around that can derail her blood sugar control. That means that, for example we only have chow mein noodles in the kitchen for the few days we're eating them in a particular dish (I time this dish especially carefully so she doesn't have the opportunity to sneak). We don't keep chips around at all but buy them as needed and only in the quantity for that meal. Crackers are limited to only kinds that we have learned she can have safely and I store them in such ways that make a lot of noise when my mother gets them out so I can keep an eye on her portions (we have more obstacles to locking stuff up than you do). Sweets are extremely limited in our kitchen and mostly consist of small amounts of dark chocolate, again stored in noisy ways. Snack foods do not have a place in our kitchen because it's too difficult to secure them from her. You might have to consider, for a time anyway, limiting the quantity on hand you keep of things she can sneak out. This may also make it easier to shove them far enough back or to the side in the cabinets that she can't reach them through the opening she can make.
This was not easy to set up and at times I resent that we have to do it, but it has turned out to be the best of the not-particularly-good options for keeping her healthy and safe. It won't work as a long-term plan for you if your plan is to try to make her self-sufficient enough to move out but it might work to get you past the I-won't-keep-myself-safe-but-won't-let-you-do-it-either phase she seems to be in. You could maybe tell her that it's part of a new plan for eating especially healthy for you so that it's not about her. You could maybe tell her that you're trying to boost your own immune system in preparation of the coming cold and flu season, since your work requires lots of close contact with lots of people on a daily basis.
Sorry about the length. Feel free to ignore this if it's not helpful.
Anne,
I've already done a lot of that. I'll have to reexamine to see if there are other things I can not buy. Part of the challenge is that she's not picky about what she grabs. She'll even eat things she supposedly doesn't like if that's all that she can find.
I'm going to see what the status is on the pick proof locks one of the men was going to track down for me. I may go get them myself, and see what's involved in installing them.
Thanks for the suggestion. I'm always open to new ideas.
Maybe making it noisy to grab and open the food might be a way to go. It wouldn't stop her from taking it but at least you'd know about it so you could correctly calculate her insulin. I put the food in multiple layers of noisy materials (paper bags, foil, hard containers - I experimented until I found what I could hear best).
It's very hard when you're trying to keep them healthy and they don't want to cooperate but you're the one who ends up taking care of them when their own actions make them sick. They just won't be convinced that their actions have an affect on anyone but themselves.
I've considered door alarms, but the problem is that she does most of this at times I wouldn't hear it-- like when I was outside working in the garden, or at night when I'm asleep. I have a cpap machine, and it makes just enough white noise that I sleep through storms and such.
Post a Comment