Daughter continues to struggle. She is cycling from happy to angry to deeply depressed many times each day. We got her an emergency appointment with the psychiatrist Monday afternoon. This evening I wondered if I should be taking her to the ER. She told me she wanted to be raped and murdered.
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She was angry because Program Manager and I were texting today. PM was asking me how to handle various situations. Daughter accused me of hating her and of plotting against her. When she managed to calm down, she was able to hear me explain that we were trying to keep her safe as she struggled through a very hard time.
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She has told me repeatedly she doesn't know why she's acting this way, and she doesn't like herself right now. It's hard, watching her struggle like this. PM texted me that the cycling was so rapid-- she couldn't imagine what it must be like to live in her head right now. I agree. I hope the psychiatrist can work miracles on Monday. I hope I can keep Daughter home until Monday.
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Case Manager still doesn't fully understand, but we think she's beginning to see a bit more of the challenges Daughter is dealing with. Daughter called Case Manager yesterday and insisted she was ready for a job and her own apartment and wanted to get her driver's license and car. CM wondered if she should make a referral to a job coach. I told her I really didn't think that was a good idea right now.
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I keep explaining to Daughter that she had to learn the alphabet before she could read, and to walk before she could run, and she needs to learn to be responsible for her own safety before she can take on the safety of others. Yesterday she wanted to call the camp she was at this summer so she could get a job as a camp counselor right away. She was furious when I wouldn't give her the phone number.
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Once she calmed down she came outside and swept. I mowed and edged the lawn this afternoon and evening, so there was much to sweep up. She eventually did a halfway decent job of it.
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I'm not bringing my computer home most nights, and I'm not having time to blog when I'm in the office. I like the way my new schedule is working. Daughter gets on the bus about 6:35, and by 6:45 I'm out the door for a 3 mile walk. I get home and head into the church, getting there between 8:30 and 9:00. I'm trying to get home about 4:00, so I have time to do some chores and start supper before Daughter gets home between 5:00 and 5:15. Many nights I'm sitting out on the porch to welcome her home. Without the computer to distract me, I'm getting more done around the house in the evening. Occasionally I bring home a book or notebook so I can do some reading or writing in the evening.
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Currently I only have evening commitments on Monday, but once September rolls around, it will be 3-4 nights a week. I'm looking forward to our fall program. I think it will be fun.
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