There is a young woman who lives next door to me who is an avowed atheist. She also has Asperger's, sensory integration issues, a genius IQ, major depression (that at times leads to psychosis) and a very dysfunctional family. She and I have managed to connect, probably because unlike most people around here, I accept her as she is and appreciate the talents and gifts she possesses.
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The evening we got home from our time with family, she called me. She is vacationing in a major city, and was assaulted and raped by a stranger. Her physical injuries were minimal, fortunately. Her intellect saved her. She realized this guy wanted to think she liked him, so she quit struggling, and he quit beating her up. I told her how impressed I was with how well she was handling it, and encouraged her to write about it, as that is how she best processes situations.
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She has called and emailed several times since. She is a country girl in the city, and can't understand why the police haven't caught him, why they have questioned her and doubted portions of her story, and why she has become a prisoner in her friend's house until he is arrested. She tried to go out sightseeing on her own, and ran into him again on public transportation. She had the presence of mind to get his name and phone number before fleeing. She provided this to the police, which makes her even more frustrated by their inability to arrest him.
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I wish I could go get her and bring her home, but distance makes that impossible. I have assured her that while I know she doesn't believe in it, I'm praying for her. Once she gets home I will take her out to breakfast and listen. I will continue to assure her that it's not her fault and her feelings are completely natural. I will try to help her understand the actions of some of the other players in her drama. I will mourn the damage done to a remarkable young woman who is working hard to overcome her challenges and follow her dreams. I will encourage her to continue to pursue her dreams, and seek to give her some of the tools she needs to protect herself.
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I wish there was more I could do. I wish she had connections with more people who would support her. I will do what I can do. I will continue to be the pastor of the atheist next door.
6 comments:
Why is it important to you to make a point of mentioning that she is an atheist? What does that fact have to do with her being raped, or your attempting to help her through her trauma?
I sympathize with what your friend is going through, but I truly don't understand why you felt the need to point out her atheism - in the title of your post, no less!
*confused*
My neighbor proudly proclaims herself to be an atheist. It has served to cut her off from most of this community. I see her as a seeker, which I occasionally point out to her. I find it interesting that in spite of her self-professed atheism, she has turned to a Christian pastor for advice and support. It's the unique part of our relationship-- she turns to me as much or more as any member of my congregation, all the while claiming not to believe in what I'm doing with my life. I see her as a parishoner, not because she ever comes to the church, but because she comes to me as a Christian pastor. I'm sorry if you saw my title and description of this young woman as offensive, as it certainly wasn't intended that way.
I don't believe her story. And I please also do not believe.
I did not think it was offensive, I was merely confused about it, as I indicated in my original comment.
And I apologize, but I still do not see the need to bring up her atheism, or your Christianity for that matter. It is blindingly obvious that she considers you to be a *friend*, and that you do not reciprocate that friendship.
Please allow me to explain; In your return comment, not once did you call her your friend. *I* called her your friend, but you never did. You called her an atheist, a "seeker", and a "parishoner". You referred to your "relationship" with her, but did not categorize it as "friendship". Apparently I misunderstood your motives.
Do you only see her as someone you can convert? Is this the base level of your "relationships" with "seekers"?
Why can't you just be her friend? Why does there have to be an ulterior motive lurking there in the background?
In my opinion, she needs your friendship right now, not your religion.
I sincerely hope that you do the right thing and just be her friend.
Nicky,
I'm not asking you to believe her story. I do. You are free to believe or not believe as you choose. I respect your right not to believe, and ask you to respect my right to believe.
Brent,
I am not trying to convert her. I very intentionaly did not refer to her as my friend. Friendship means give and take. At this point, I am not going to seek the things from her I seek from friends. I'm not going to talk to her about my grief, or my challenges with my daughter, or anything else that I talk to my friends about. I'm going to listen to her, I'm going to support and encourage her, I'm going to help her understand her own reaction to her ordeal. That is what I did at breakfast this morning. She probably does see me as her friend, but I don't see her as my friend. I like her, I enjoy our conversations, I'm grateful for the opportunities to minister to her-- and that is what I am doing when she comes to me in pain--even though I don't mention God or seek to convert her. Someday she may become my friend, but right now she needs my care. Right now she is too young, too vulnerable, too needy to be my friend. If the word minitry offends you, see me as her mentor or teacher. Maybe that is something that makes more sense to you.
@Reverend Mom: You seem to think that I am "offended" by everything. I can assure you, I am not.
Thank you for your explanation. I see now that instead of being her friend, you choose pity her and minister to her.
I still think she needs a friend - not a minister, a teacher, or a mentor. This burden has fallen to you, and yet you continue to cultivate her misconception about what she no-doubt considers a friendship between you two.
I find this dishonest, but it does not offend me. I have found that altruism is almost always a facade for pure, unadulterated self-interest. *shrug* You seem to be no different.
I sincerely hope that she will get the help she needs - from you, or from a friend.
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