The Fateful Phone Call

Daughter's family were members of the first church I served.  They were not super active, since they lived about 20 miles from the church.  As an interracial couple, there weren't many churches where they felt welcomed, and the church I was serving was multi-cultural.  Her mother was so excited when she became pregnant.  "I'm going to give you your first baby to baptize!"  I first met Daughter while she was still in the hospital due to some complications related to her mother's diabetes.  Her mother was excited to finally have a daughter.  They had a son in his early teens and a boy in 2nd grade. 

When Daughter was 2, her mother called me one day.  The younger boy had been beaten by his father the previous night, leaving bruises.  She went to the school for help, and they helped her connect with the battered women's shelter, where she moved with the 3 children.  I made the drive over to visit her in the shelter.  I remember Daughter, standing in the corner with her big eyes, watching everything that was going on.  Her mother had given her an apple to eat.  I was surprised she hadn't cut it up for her.

Over the next few months the family continued to disintegrate.  They were in family counseling.  I went over to visit one day, and was uncomfortable with the way the boys played with Daughter when they got home.  I wondered if there was some sexual content there.  I made sure they were still in family counseling.  The older boy beat up the younger boy, necessitating separating him from the younger children and eventually hospitalizing him.  He moved in with his paternal grandmother.

Then one night in early March the mother called me.  She'd fallen and broken her shoulder.  If I didn't come get her kids "for the weekend" the county would come take them.  I made some phone calls, and then headed over to get them.  I dropped the boy off with a couple in the church, knowing I couldn't handle him, as he was already getting in trouble with the law.  I took Daughter home with me. 

I took them back so the boy could go to school Monday.  Tuesday I was back over there to get Daughter again, as birth mom wasn't coping.  She's been with me ever since.  At first it was just temporary.  Mom was going to get back on her feet and make a place for Daughter. 

I  had no intention of becoming a parent.  I was busy being a pastor.  By the time I realized this wasn't going to be short term, I was hooked.  I became a licensed foster parent. 

Happy Adoption Day!

18 years ago today I officially adopted Daughter.  It was the day after Easter, and family and friends were in town for the celebration.  The judge usually handled adoptions in his chambers, but there were too many of us, so he cleared the court room so we could do it there.  Our attorney forgot, even though she had two families there to finalize adoptions that morning.  The bailiff called her and she got there, fortunately.  Daughter was 8 years old and had lived with me for just over 5 years. 

She called me early this morning to wish me happy adoption day.  She was crying as she sang this song to me.  It has been a rough road.  I'm glad I didn't know what I was getting into, because I would have decided I couldn't do it.  I do not regret adopting her.  She has made me a better person and a better pastor.  I think I'm going to do a series of posts about the Daughter's journey to me and our journey to adoption. 

The First Problem

Daughter called yesterday evening.  They were out of syringes and couldn't give her her long acting insulin.  It seems the old house still has boxes of them, but didn't turn them over.  I wasn't happy that they decided not to go get them last night.  I also wasn't happy that they didn't realize until bedtime that they were out.  I haven't addressed this with the house.  I don't expect perfection.  My hope is that they have learned from this, and it won't happen again. 

Hurting People

There are lots of hurting people in the world.  I spent some time listening to a woman who is dealing with the impact of mental illness in her family, including threats and completed suicide. 

We had a couple of people at the hospital today, and both are very difficult situations. 

Then I received a text alerting me about the events in Boston.  I grieve.  With all the pain, I wish we could learn to have compassion for one another.  We are living in a society that promotes and celebrates hatred.  Those who are different are seen as the enemy.   We can show compassion for those who are hurting without fanning the flames of hatred.  That is my prayer, that we discover the power of compassion for all God's children.

Loving It

It's been a long, good day.  Friday I received an email asking whether I'd consider doing a nonmember wedding.  I responded with what I would charge, and told them that if they were still interested, they should come to worship, and if they liked my style, we'd talk.  I figured that would be the end of it.  My experience is people think the minister and church should just donate their time.  With premarital counseling, a wedding takes 7-8 hours of my time.  So I was surprised when the response asked about when worship was, and pleased when the couple actually showed up in worship today.  They were greeted very warmly by the congregation.  I'm meeting with them next Sunday at 1:00. 

After worship, I took Daughter to lunch and then took her home.  I went back to the church, where I had a 2:00 meeting.  Following the meeting I started on next week's bulletin. 

At 6:00 I taught a course on being a caring church.  We have set up a system to turn much of the pastoral care over to members, and this class was part of it.  This morning some members were talking with a woman who is caring for her husband with Alzheimer's.  The stress is taking a heavy toll on her, and tomorrow she's going to the hospital for testing.  They suspect she has an ulcer, probably caused by stress.  This evening I received an email.  Two of the class members tonight will be at the hospital with her tomorrow. 

This congregation truly does know how to love one another, and it's wonderful to see them taking responsibility for this kind of care, freeing me up to focus on worship, teaching, and moving the congregation forward in exciting ways. 

Keeping Up

So last night we began a new ministry, and I was there to support it-- over 5 hours on my day off.  I was not involved in planning it, and I wanted to be there to greet the parents and the children, as half were not connected with the church.  It was a wonderful opportunity to make connections.  Plus, it was just plain fun. 

Tomorrow, we are beginning a new class to educate people on visiting and caring for hurting people.  I'm spending time today finalizing plans for the class.  I didn't have sufficient time this past week due to being out of the office so much. 

Some members are sponsoring an opportunity to try curling Monday evening-- after a church meeting I need to attend-- I think it begins at 9:00 and ends at 10:30....  Even though I'm delegating lots of things, there are times when it is hard to keep up with everything that is going on.  A member was trying to convince me to come to the curling event I didn't guarantee anything, but I will probably feel guilty if I don't at least drop by. 

Today I'm trying to get some things done around the house while finalizing plans for tomorrow.  I'm very grateful that Daughter is now living in a group home.  It means I don't have to impose this schedule on her.  It also means I have the freedom to work more hours and do more things. 

I think an additional 24 hours a week would be helpful.  I'm flexible-- it could be in the form of an additional day, or it could be 3 1/2 hours added to each day.  Even the ability to function well on 3 1/2 to 4 hours of sleep a night would help.  Until the extra 24 hours appear, I'm going to have to continue to prioritize carefully, delegating what I can and choosing carefully where I will become involved. 

A New Ministry

We had our first Friday evening program for children tonight.  Kids came for an evening that included music, a Bible story, craft, games, and piñata.  Parents had the opportunity for a date night while we entertained the children.

I was the story teller.  I had so much fun, and I'm so proud of my people.   Half of the children who attended were not from the church.  None of the children were ready to leave when their parents arrived to get them.  I love spending time with children, and I haven't had much opportunity here.  Tonight I had plenty of time to do that, and it was so much fun.  The workers were talking about ideas to make it even better next month. 

Our numbers weren't huge this month, but I think that was good.  It gave us an opportunity to test the program with a small group.  I'm confident it will grow.  When all those kids go out and talk about how much fun they had, their friends will want to be a part of it.  When the parents talk about how nice it was to have a date night, their friends will want to know more.

It is wonderful to be a part of a congregation that is willing to try new ways of reaching out to the community.  I am so blessed to be here.  Daughter called and wanted to come help this evening.  I told her maybe next time....  We'll see.

So Much for Planning

We had an all day regional church meeting on Tuesday.  The regional church committee that I convene was scheduled to meet this afternoon.  Last week I emailed the committee members (8 total), asking if they would be able to meet today and offering another option.  This was the best day for the majority of the committee with all but one saying they would attend.  I wasn't thrilled about a day and a half on regional church stuff in one week, but I decided I would make it work.

Yesterday 2 committee members cancelled out.  This morning a third one did.  Yes, I was frustrated.  One of the four of us left attending had to take half a day of vacation to attend, so it wouldn't have been fair to him to cancel the meeting.  The four remaining committee members plus a staff person gathered this afternoon.  None of us were on time.  It was, however, a productive meeting.  We have done more since I took over as convener last month than we'd done in the previous year I'd served on the committee.  Hopefully people will realize the meetings are worth attending now.  Of course, after all the time I've been out of the office this week, I will be in the office tomorrow.  Fortunately, that doesn't happen too often.

I had to drag Daughter to the meeting.   Sister Best Friend was also going to be attending, so she texted Daughter last night to ask her if she'd be willing to fold bulletins during the meeting.  After finding out how many were involved, Daughter agreed to do the job.  When she called me last night, she said, "One of your friends asked me to fold bulletins.  How did they know to ask me?"  I told her the friend was Aunt SBF.  She liked that she'd get to see SBF today.  She also saved SBF's number to her contact list.  SBF may end up regretting having sent a text to Daughter, giving her the cell phone number.  I know Daughter has already sent her at least one text.  Then again, she did get her bulletins folded.  The other minister at the meeting was pondering what office work he could bring for Daughter next month....

Come On, Spring

Today I had another conversation with a member insisting they were moving south.  Everybody is more than ready for spring.  It has been very gray.  We've had winds and thunderstorms and lots of rain.  We have snow in the forecast for Friday.  I have some crocuses that have bloomed, but the daffodils and other spring flowers haven't yet. 

This morning at breakfast a colleague said, "I vowed I wouldn't complain this year.  Last year our early warm up followed by more cold destroyed the fruit crop.  So I'm not going to complain that it's still cold and gray."  She looked very tired as she said this. 

Daughter has had meltdowns the last two days.  I walked through the grocery store this afternoon talking to her on my cell phone and trying to get her to calm own.  She was terrified.  The other woman in the house had a meltdown and threw things at her.  She was genuinely worried about her safety there. 

I don't think there's anything wrong that some sunshine and warmer weather wouldn't cure.  I've had several conversations recently with some or our returned snowbirds.  I think they all wished they'd stayed in the south longer this year. 

I actually look forward to complaining about the heat in a few months....

Predictable

So this evening I received the question I knew was coming.  I was at a committee meeting.  "What's going on in your garage?"

I'm in the process of building raised garden beds in my garage, so my car has been sitting in my driveway.  My house is close to the main road, and I know there are some people who check it out whenever they drive by.  I explained I was building more raised garden beds.

"Call when you need help putting the in the ground." 

I knew that was coming, too.  He and his wife helped me put them in last year.  Once I get them built, they are too heavy for me to move around.  This is a wonderful place to be. 

The Crisis du Jour

Daughter has to call me at least once a day with some terrible news.  I can tell how well things are going at the new house by the nature of the news:

• The prayers before meals are too long (Sister's comment:  "How can she complain about that when you have such long prayers?")
• Her Sound of Music video tape won't work.
• The menu has clam chowder down for her lunch.

She doesn't appreciate it when I refuse to get all uptight over her crises.  She gets mad when I laugh.  I told her last night that she should be grateful she has a TV and DVD/VCR in her room.  I think she knew where that was headed, because she stopped complaining. 

Anyway, I'm enjoying the fact that her crises are now so easy to dismiss.  Yesterday I was explaining to a member that she'd moved into a new group home.  She objected.  Her last place was a group home.  This place is just home.  I like that. 

Sunday Snippets

During Sunday School:  It's hard to spend time in prayer that is just being in God's presence.  We are so focused on doing that we have a difficult time just being in God's presence.

Worship:  Baptism and Communion.  It was a full service, and it went well.

Fellowship meal:  We had a pasta bar today.  The planners were stressing about it last week, but it ended up going very well. 

Conversations:

• A woman who buried her son in the fall was talking about how hard the first Easter was. 
• Our college student nursery attendant is having an MRI this week.  She is having symptoms consistent with MS.  She hasn't told her parents, as she doesn't want them to worry.  I hooked her up with a nurse and a woman who was diagnosed with MS 35 years ago-- when she was about the nursery attendant's age.  It was a God thing-- I had put our bag at a table downstairs, and NA sat down to eat there, not knowing we would be there. 
• I mentioned the suicide of Rick Warren's son in worship today.  A man came to talk to me about baptism and heaven.  I suspect he was thinking about his son, who committed suicide as a young adult.  We had a good conversation-- I hope I addressed the sub-text of the conversation and gave him what he needed. 
• A man came over and was talking about the frustration of not being able to do the yard work he'd like to do because of back issues.
• A young woman in the congregation is going to see a specialist this week.  She has melanoma on her leg, which was discovered last week. 

Daughter was eager to go home, so she's back at her house.  I considered doing some more work on my raised garden boxes today, but decided to relax, instead.  I was up until midnight last night watching basketball.  I'm going to start some more seeds in the basement this afternoon and putter in the kitchen, but no construction projects today. 

Saturday

I picked Daughter up this afternoon.  Instead of a tub filled with all her medications, they gave me her meds for the rest of today and tomorrow morning.  I like this.  Her blood sugars have been excellent since she moved-- her morning numbers are a bit high, so I have to figure out how to address that, but the rest of the day her numbers are great.  This house is going to be good for her.  She has stopped calling insisting I rescue her.  She told me when she heads out in the morning one of the staff members hugs her and tells her she loves her.  Daughter said, "That makes me feel good." 

We spend some time working in the backyard.  Spring clean-up was complicated by 2 things:  the removal of a large locust tree in November and the running of TV cable last month.  They didn't do a great job of picking up all the sticks when they cut down my tree.  They also left a number of holes in the yard where large limbs fell.  The people running the cable moved one of my compost bins, dumping the compost all over the garden.  I returned it to its proper position and put the compost back in it today.  I also raked up lots of sticks and some thatch, which Daughter put in the yard waste cans for me. 

I made nachos for supper, and Daughter loved them.  For snack she agreed to try cottage cheese with pineapple-- and loved it. It's been a good day.
 

Projects

I didn't work in the yard today, but I did start a spring project.  I am constructing two more raised garden beds, and also trellises to tame my raspberries.  So today I bought some more lumber and some paint.  I spent the later afternoon and evening cutting lumber and painting it.  It's easier this year, because I know what I'm doing.  It also helps that I purchased a couple of saw horses.  I'm not sure when I'll get them finished and in the ground.  I suspect the ground is still frozen, which would make digging the holes for the posts a definite challenge. 

I have crocuses blooming now, but still no daffodils.  It is supposed to get up to 58 tomorrow, so hopefully I can finish my spring clean up in the back yard.  My 4 cans of yard waste got emptied yesterday.  It was a long day, and I was delighted to discover when I got home (after 9:00) that some kind soul had moved the cans from the curb to up next to my garage door.  It certainly made it easier for me. 

I love spring, and am eager to spend more time working in the yard.  A member of the church emailed me, seeking advice.  She is considering moving to the southwest.  I asked her how much of the desire to move was simply that it is the end of a long, gray winter.  We're going to get together for breakfast this week to talk about it more.  Maybe we'll have enough signs of spring by then that she'll have decided she doesn't want to move.....

Volunteering at the Office

Yesterday was Daughter's first day of volunteering in the office.  She shredded offering envelopes from 1994 and did some filing-- beginning with items from the end of October.  There are plenty of things she can do around the office for the foreseeable future.  There are too many things that don't get done due to time constraints. 

I don't think Daughter realized I meant it when I said she'd have to work.  She doesn't like shredding, and has burned out the motors of shredders to prove her point.  I gave her guidelines for her shredding yesterday-- no more than 3 envelopes at a time, and give the shredder a rest whenever it got hot.  I also told her that if she burned out the motor, she would be buying a new shredder.  She followed the guidelines and did well.  We kept the box she emptied, and will refill it each week for her. 

At one point she got mad and went outside, but she came back in and returned to work.  At the end of the day, she said we were like yo-yos.  We asked for clarification, and she said we were going back and forth and up and down and doing lots of different things.  A fairly accurate assessment.  I was not feeling well yesterday, and spent much of the day  coughing and blowing my nose.  I took Daughter out for supper, and then we were back at the church for choir.  I was glad to take her home last night.  It was nice to be able to sleep in this morning.  She's always had to be ready for the bus at 6:30 when she stayed with me, so it was a treat.  I'm feeling better today after a good night's sleep. 

I realized yesterday that I am once again over scheduled next week.  I have all day Monday and Wednesday afternoon in the office next week.  The rest of the time I will be away for various commitments.  We got the bulletin done for the 14th yesterday, so that helps a bit. 

Overall, Daughter seems to be doing well at the new house.  It certainly is more convenient for me.  She wasn't too happy about not being able to spend Thursday night with me, but I liked it.  I'll probably pick her up tomorrow afternoon and let her spend Saturday night.  She'll like that. 

The Roller Coaster

Yesterday evening Daughter called, quite happy.  "They know what they're doing here.  I'm safe."  She went on to thank me for all I've done for her.  She told me she appreciated my support.  I will keep remembering that phone call.  I will need to remember that.  What goes up, must come down-- or at least with Daughter that seems to be the way it is. 

This afternoon Daughter texted me to tell me she needs a new ipod by Friday.  I replied that she'd best start saving her money. 

Tonight she called to tell me she couldn't stay at her house-- it's hell.  I asked what was wrong.  She said the prayers before meals are too long.  I didn't drop everything to run over their and rescue her.  In fact, I didn't even show her any sympathy.  I told her she'd adjust.   

Bumps

Yesterday evening I received the anticipated texts and phone calls demanding I come rescue her immediately.  As she knew I would, I refused.  I was in a meeting, so didn't talk to her until it was over.  As I anticipated, by then she was calmer.  She was upset over "blood sugar issues."  Her blood sugar had ranged from 88 to 119 that day.  Excellent blood sugars.  I pointed out that those were extremely good blood sugars.  She said, "I know, but I'm not used to them."  Too true.  She went to bed early, exhausted, and slept well. 

The bus service didn't know they were supposed to pick up Daughter today, though it was set up several weeks ago.  Daughter doesn't have the punch card she needs to ride the bus, though she should have received it....  Those are minor bumps.  I had a phone call this morning and a couple of texts this afternoon about getting her hair done. 

All in all, things seem to be going well for Daughter. 

It was a low key day in the office.  Both Administrative Assistant and Treasurer were shocked to see me filling out the paperwork for my March mileage reimbursement.  Treasurer was happy because the books balanced easily for March.  We had a number of people drop by for various reasons.  I wrote a bunch of birthday notes and several other notes.  We figured out Sunday's bulletin.  I was delighted to discover I had most of what I needed from a pulpit exchange I did the Sunday after Easter two years ago.  I'll do some tweaking and reworking, but it will be an easy week in terms of worship prep.  That's good, as I have several meetings tomorrow and need to spend some time planning out the class that begins a week from Sunday. 

I'm planning to host the young single women in the congregation for supper at my house some Friday night soon.  I was going to do all the cooking, but decided instead to have a salad supper.  I'll ask everyone to bring their favorite salad.  I'll provide dessert and drinks.  I think it will be fun.  The oldest of the group emailed me today seeking advice.  She said something about me being motherly.  Once again I am reminded that I am no longer young....

Moved!

Daughter is safely ensconced at her new home.  Four Guys and a Trailer had it done very quickly.  Sorting through the meds and paperwork took a bit longer.  Tidbits: 

• Her old house wasn't handling her meds properly.  Insulin should be thrown out 30 days after it is opened.  She had 9 unopened boxes of her long acting insulin.  They had a 4 month supply of her patch.  I could go on, but you get the idea.... 
• The other woman at the new house is the daughter of a staff member at the old house.  (Does that say a lot or what?)
• The House Manager at the old house acknowledged the challenge of finding decent employees and the constant revolving door there.
• There are lots of people having issues with billing with the pharmacy. 
• In 9 years of running houses, the owner of the new home says no one has moved out. 

Daughter handled it well.  There were some tears, she was showing some stress, but overall she did a fantastic job.  When I got there this morning, she had removed the linens from her bed and stacked the mattress and box spring against the wall so it would be easier for the guys to remove the headboard and collapse the frame.  I was impressed. 

The next few weeks will have challenges as everyone adjusts, but it will work out, and I'm grateful. 

Mixed Emotions

As I was driving home after dropping Daughter off yesterday evening, a praise song was running through my mind as I struggled with tears.  I'm glad the move day has arrived, I'm glad there are possibilities for Daughter.  We've had many conversations as I've sought to help Daughter with her stress.  I've tried to normalize her experience.  She mentioned that she was just moving to a new room, and it didn't feel right.  I told her about the many different dorm rooms I lived in when I was a young adult.  This helped her.  For me, it added to the pain. 

I went to college at the normal age.  At 27, I had completed college, seminary, and was ordained.  Daughter most likely will be moving from room to room her entire life.  It's not fair.  It's not the goal I had for her when she came to live with me 23 years ago.  It's not the dream she has for herself.  It's hard.  Very hard.  At what point do I kill her dreams and tell her it's very unlikely she will ever be able to live independently and adopt a special needs child (her stated goal)? 

So as I drove home last night, I sang on a song of praise, grateful for the resurrection, Daughter, time with Sister and Short Niece, and the fact that Daughter will be moving today.  I struggled with my grief, grief over impossible dreams and unfair limits.  I had mixed emotions. 

Daughter has called this morning, sobbing.  "I accidentally snapped."  She is saying good bye to the people she has lived with and come to care for over the last 15 months.  She knows she won't see some of them again.  She fears for their safety.  Her fears are real, and reality based.  I worry, too.  Will she be able to advocate strongly enough for her self to assure her safety when I'm no longer around. 

Time to get dressed and go walk through a difficult day with my beloved Daughter. 

Christ is risen!

We have had a wonderful Easter.  I got more sleep last night than I think I've ever gotten on an Easter, which was really nice.  There was a good crowd in church this morning, and lots of kids for the children's sermon.  I asked for a brave volunteer, and then wrapped a towel around her neck and told her I was going to give her an egg shampoo, because egg is very good for your hair.  Of course the eggs had been blown out, but the kids and the congregation loved it.  We then talked about how the women were even more surprised to find the tomb empty that first Easter morning.  I talked about moving the knowledge of Easter from our heads to our hearts.  One of the women told me after worship that I was helping her move Easter from her head to her heart. 

Sister and Short Niece joined us for Easter dinner, and it has been a pleasant afternoon.  Daughter is stressing about the move tomorrow.  Interestingly, what she is most concerned about is the safety of the women who are staying at the current house.  That's a very sad commentary on the way things are going there.  There are 6 men lined up to help with the move-- so it won't take any time.   She has a twin bed, dresser, hutch, desk, chair, keyboard, and some boxes.  The church owns a trailer, which they will use for the move.

I hope everyone has had a blessed Easter. 

Spring!

I now have some purple crocus blooming.  The weather has been a little sunnier and warmer.  It's actually 55 right now.  Sister and Short Niece are coming for Easter dinner tomorrow, but I decided that time in my yard was a higher priority than cooking and cleaning today.  I picked up Daughter this morning, and we did the necessary grocery shopping (going to the specialty over grown farm market the day before Easter is definitely not a good idea). 

I wrote her a list of cleaning tasks, and I went outside and began spring clean-up.  I filled 3 available yard waste bins and left some stuff piled on the patio.  Yard waste pick up begins this week, so I will be able to empty them on Thursday, and have them ready for Friday.  The ground is still frozen, so I'm limited in what I can do, but it felt so good to be out there working today. 

Yesterday I set up a grow light in the basement and started tomato and pepper seeds.  I also purchased lumber to construct another raised garden bed.  I want to build at least 2 more this spring.  I have a list of projects I can begin working on in my yard.  Apparently they were burying cable in my yard this week.  There are lots of red flags marking underground electrical cables.  There is also a new green box back in the corner.  I'm frustrated, because they broke one of my compost bins and moved the other, dumping all the contents in the process.  I didn't tackle that today, as I want to make sure they're done before I try to repair the damage. 

When I came in from cleaning, daughter told me to rest for a few minutes-- she could tell I'd been working hard.  She's working in the kitchen right now.  It's wonderful to have her so cooperative.  Of course, I had to lock everything up before I could go outside, but it's okay.  It's nice to have the freedom to go play in the dirt while she cleans....

Maundy Thursday

Daughter came home in a relatively good mood.  She hung up on me mid-afternoon because I wouldn't drop everything and go pick her up.  She got upset about something, and as always, her first impulse is to run away.  As always, I refused to come rescue her, telling her I had confidence in her.  By the time she got home whatever it was had been forgotten.  I was concerned, because she told me she was up until 2:00 this morning packing.  I was afraid she'd be grouchy, and I needed her cooperative for worship.

This evening we had our Maundy Thursday service.  I get bored, and like to change things around.  So this year, I wrote a drama for Maundy Thursday.  It's nice, because I have people who are eager to support my crazy ideas.  We had 8 people with parts tonight, and one of our members had written new lyrics for a hymn that went with the drama.  His wife was surprised-- she didn't know he was doing that until she read it in the bulletin.  Actually, until someone else pointed it out to her in the bulletin.  The pianist's husband was there tonight.  He took exception to some of the language in the communion service.  He went and told one of the men about it.  I came home and looked it up, and found the language in question comes straight from our worship book.  I was worried, because I'd written all the communion liturgy, and thought I might have made a mistake. 

Other than the complaints about language (from someone who comes from a very different tradition), the feedback on the service was very positive.  This congregation is very appreciative of the work I do, which is nice.  Have I mentioned lately how much I love my life. 

Holy Week 2

Back when I was in seminary, there was one Easter I wasn't serving a church.  A friend and I went to a sunrise service, hoping to then spend the rest of the day studying.  Except when we got there, the sermon wasn't about the discovery of the empty tomb.  We went back to campus, disappointed and feeling strangely empty.  So we decided to go to another worship service.  Same thing.  It took us Easter services to hear a sermon on the discovery of the empty tomb and what Easter means.  I've always remembered that. 

I have now planned well over 30 Easter services (many years I've had to plan two-- sunrise and regular service).  I am careful to focus on the Easter story each year.  But I also feel the need to find a new perspective, a new twist on it each year.  I get bored if I don't.  As a result, I find myself spending a great deal of time on the Easter sermon.  Of course, I also have Maundy Thursday and Good Friday to prepare, too.  I managed to get most of Maundy Thursday done last week.  Good Friday is a community service, so I only have to worry about a very short meditation on one of the seven last words. 

So I agonize over the Easter sermon.  I have the hook, I know the direction, and I worry and tweak and rearrange.  I look forward to Easter all year, and it will be a wonderful day.  First, though, I have some more perfecting to do on the sermon. 

Daughter's Birthday

Daughter was in a good mood when I picked her up for her doctor's appointment.  I had carefully gathered all the items she bought with the money she took, placed them in a large box, and wrapped them.  She opened it up in the car when we got to the doctor's office.  I was a little concerned about what her reaction would be.  She was surprised, and then she thanked me.  I searched for a card that expressed my love but wasn't full of untruths about our reality.  I found one that talked about daughters liking to call and chat.  It said she'd brought much happiness to my life and I like spending time with her.  She pronounced it "perfect."

Her appointment went well.  The medical assistant asked if she needed any refills.   I told her I'd asked the house, and they said she didn't, but they'd probably call tomorrow seeking refills.  She smiled.  I also pointed out she's moving in less than a week.

We went out to eat after her appointment.  She chose a Mexican place.  It's part of a small chain, and we've eaten at one when we've been on vacation.  We talked about the move.  I offered her some suggestions for dealing with the sadness. 

I took her back to her house, and she left happy.  She called a little while ago, obviously down.  It seems that both of the staff members at her house went on an outing with some of the women, forcing Daughter to go wait for their return at the men's house, which she hates.  She told me that one is supposed to stay back at the house, and she was frustrated that they weren't doing what they were supposed to do.  I said, "That's why you are moving."  I'm glad she'll be out of there soon. 

Laughter

It's wonderful to be able to laugh.  We had lots of laughter at yesterday evening's board meeting.  One of our members was absent, as he is vacationing on a tropical island.  After he booked the trip (he had to cancel one scheduled for earlier this year due to family issues), he discovered that during Holy Week there are restrictions on some of the water sports he most enjoys.  He was not happy.  It became a running joke throughout the session meeting-- "email it to ___ to figure out.  He can't do anything else." 

This morning Administrative Assistant, Treasurer and I were all working in the same office.  The light hearted banter taking place as we went about our various tasks was fun.  It's Holy Week and newsletter week.  Daughter is stressing over her upcoming move.  We have lots of work to do, and we know that it will get done.  So we laugh.  We laugh and we lighten the load.  Have I mentioned recently how much I love my life? 

It Hit

This morning Daughter realized that saying hello to a new house requires saying good bye to her current house, and that she is going to miss some of the things/people connected with the current house.  She called me this morning, crying.  She doesn't want to move now.  I'm really surprised it took her this long to reach this point.  I've had some time to think about it, and will be better prepared for her next call about this.  Tonight they are celebrating her birthday at the house.  That will either distract her or increase the pain.  I'm tied up with a board meeting this evening, so I hope it distracts her. 

Holy Week

Today marks the beginning of Holy Week.  This morning we had palms, glued broken tiles to a cross, and baptized a baby in worship.  When we get that much going on in worship, it's hard for me to relax and not attempt to micromanage everything.  Sometimes I just need to step back and trust God.  The service went well, and a number of people expressed appreciation.  I'm glad it's over. 

I'm already a little less patient as Holy Week approaches.   I received an email from the grandmother of the baby being baptized today.  She had a part in the service, and was requesting edits on it.  I decided to ignore her email.  The edits weren't appropriate, and I suspect my response to her might not have been, either.

Tomorrow night is the board meeting.  It is newsletter week.  I have meditations to prepare for worship on Thursday and Friday, in addition to the big event on Sunday.  I have a love/hate relationship with Holy Week.  I love this season, and all the special services.  I hate the extra work and the fatigue that accompanies it.  So I'm back at the church, trying to finish the worship service for Thursday before the special service we're having this evening. 

Ambitious Plans

I picked up Daughter after lunch, telling her it would be an opportunity to earn some money to pay me back.  She came home and sat down and made a very ambitious list that basically involved deep cleaning the entire house, including exterior windows.  I told her I liked the list, and then circled the things I wanted her to do first.  If I hadn't, she'd have started with cleaning the exterior windows, gotten cold, discouraged, and quit.  I can hear her cleaning the bathroom.  She's running water in the bathtub, which means she's cleaning an area she often ignores.  She's also singing.  I like the sounds of that. 

I'm glad that she wants to make amends.  I will have cheap labor for quite some time.  I've also decided that for her birthday I will wrap up the various items she purchased with the money she stole from me and give them back to her.  Will she be happy?  No, but she took the money I would have used to purchase her gift.  I will take her out for a nice meal. 

Oh, and let me explain why I didn't have her arrested/press charges.  I doubt they would have jailed her for this.  Jail would not be good for her.  I have serious doubts about their ability to handle her medical issues.  There would have been multiple triggers for her PTSD.  I don't want to think about the impact it would have had on her mental health.  I still remember one of her psychiatrists saying to me, "Remember, she is very fragile."   What did he mean by that?  In the best of times her grasp on reality is tenuous.  It doesn't take much to push her into psychosis. 

The Move

Daughter was at the library and got on facebook.  She was reflecting on her upcoming move.  Here is what she wrote, complete with her unique spellings:


it is hard for me to relize that i am growing up. i am so scared out of my heart, soul and mind about moving again. it is a new change but, it is all good because it will be helping me get the real independence skills that i really need.

i have been thaught by a great friend, paster, and mother the best phrase that works for people in life.
( DON'T SAY GOOD BYE. SAY SEE YOU LATER) the way i see it ( WE WILL SEE EACH OTHER AROUND THE CROUNERS BEEN AND DRINKING A DRINK AND TALKING TO ONE ANOTHER AS IF I HAD NOT LEFT.) second phrase done by a true hearted soul [Daughter]


It made my day.  I think it is an accurate reflection of her very mixed feelings about the entire situation. 

The Sensor

The Sensor on our computers is working.  I am convinced that church office equipment has built in sensors that know when we are especially busy, and choose those times to cause trouble. 

Administrative Assistant and her computer were at war today.  It made my problems seem minor.  She was creating a flyer on a half sheet of paper.  I wrote the text and sent it to her with the usual instruction, "Fix it and make it look pretty."  She pulled in a graphic, adjusted spacing, and sent it to the printer.  It printed one side of the half sheet perfectly.  The other side only had the graphic.  She checked print preview,  and it was fine there.  She tried every trick the two of us could come up with, including opening a new document and cutting and pasting the side that would print twice.  She tried printing it on a different printer.  She tried printing the correct side twice on the same sheet.  It would still only show the graphic for the second side.  Eventually she surrendered, stating that she would just cut and paste the old fashioned way and use that to create copies. 

Fortunately, we're in pretty good shape going into Holy Week.  I will probably regret putting that in writing, but for right now I'm going to enjoy this feeling of confidence.

Spoiled Brat

Case Manager called a little while ago.  She'd seen Daughter yesterday, and had been very frustrated with her.  Her assessment:  Daughter is acting like a spoiled brat right now.  She's got a point.

She called me today insisting she needed the house to come pick her up immediately.  I informed her she could and would stay until the end of her day and suggested she go listen to some music.  She then sent me a text informing me she was never going back to that program.  I ignored it.  I'm sure in an hour she'd forgotten all about it.

Daughter is very volatile right now.  I know the stress contributes to it.  It doesn't excuse it.  She's apparently going around and inviting people to a birthday party she's not having.  It would be nice if I could figure out how much of this is in her control right now.....

Angry Call

Daughter called me this evening, furious.  She had seen Case Manager, and Case Manager had asked her about the money she took from me.  She was very unhappy that I had told Case Manager about the theft.  I didn't have a lot of sympathy.  I told her it was her own doing.  She ended up hanging up on me.   It didn't bother me at all. 

I'm glad Case Manager confronted her about it.  She needs to understand that actions have consequences. 

The Ever Changing Appointment and Spring

I received a call this morning from Daughter's doctor's office.  Her doctor is home sick the rest of the week, so they needed to reschedule her appointment.  For those of you who are counting, this appointment has now been changed 3 times.  When I talked to them last week, there were no openings until April 30.  Today there was one at 3:30 on Tuesday.  That happens to be Daughter's birthday, so I'll take her out for a birthday dinner after the appointment. 

It means I don't have to drag her to the clergy planning breakfast with me on Thursday this week.  It means I don't have to have her here two nights during the week.  Of course, she's less than thrilled.  I'll be glad when we make it through this physical.

One of our men came over to check on a problem with our elevator.  On his way in, he cleared a path to the front door.  He came into the office and announced, "Today's the last time we'll have to shovel snow.  Spring starts tomorrow."  I hope he's right.  I did see a robin in the tree outside the office.  He looked a little cold as snow swirled around him.  It's been an interesting winter.  The majority of our snow came late, which made the winter seem very long. 

Birthday

Daughter will be turning 26 next week.  Next week is Holy Week.  Apparently she has decided that Sister is more likely to throw a birthday party for her than I am.  I had a call from Sister a little while ago, asking about a series of text messages she'd received from Daughter outlining her wishes for her party, including karaoke.  Sister wondered if I'd told Daughter to talk to her.  I assured her I hadn't. 

As the move approaches, her behavior is becoming more bizarre.  April 1st seems like a long ways away right about now....

Really?

Today was a busy Sunday.  Prayer class, worship, annual meeting, fellowship meal, and then at 3:00, nursing home worship.  Daughter wanted to stay for the nursing home worship.  I told her that was fine, but we'd be at the church, because I didn't want her in my house.  She said, "I thought we were over and done with that."  I told her I'd forgiven her, but I didn't trust her.  I pointed out that she doesn't like it when she finds out someone has been in her room at her house.  She was being stubborn and refusing to see the connection. 

I was tired by the time I dropped her off at her house this afternoon.  I was part way home when she called, demanding I turn around and come back to the house.

"Why?"

"Staff came in and stripped my bed!" 

"So remake it."

"I didn't strip it!"

"You don't like that someone was in your room while you were gone?  Did they steal $160 from you?"

"Fine!" 

I chuckled as I drove the rest of the way home....

"She'll Be Saved!"

Daughter's visit seems to be going well.  We need to work on calculating food and insulin.  This afternoon she called me, very excited.  Relatives of one of her housemates had come to visit the new house, as they are getting ready to move their family member, too.  At first I was concerned, because this house mate can be difficult.  Daughter, though, was ecstatic, "Now she'll be saved!  They didn't know how to handle her and comfort her.  She had to come to me because I understood her." 

I'm sad to think she doesn't feel any of them are safe in the current house, and glad she will be out of there soon.  I think that house is much worst than I had imagined. 

Meds

Daughter called me yesterday evening.  She has a patch that is supposed to be changed once a week.  The house doesn't change it on schedule.  I complained some time back and asked them to please put the date on the patch when they change it.  They thought that was a good idea, and agreed to do it.  Yeah right.  The new home was concerned about the poor record keeping and uncertainty as to how long it had been since the patch was changed.  I told them that was why she was moving. 

As if that wasn't bad enough, they forgot to pack insulin for Daughter.  She called me sobbing, telling me she was stupid.  I informed her it was the responsibility of staff to assure she had the meds she needed.  The house was bringing her insulin, but she was upset, as her she had her supper in front of her and couldn't eat until she got insulin. 

I will be so glad when she is moved and settled into the new place.  I will be able to relax, knowing that her medications are being administered properly and double checked. 

Fall Out

I had difficulty sleeping last night.  Daughter continues to show a great deal of remorse.  I sent out a bunch of emails last night.  Case Manager is all over it.  She was not happy that program staff allowed her to spend over $100.  As she pointed out, none of their clients have that kind of money to spend. 

I will pick her up early Sunday morning from the new house and return her to the old house Sunday afternoon.  Her current house has agreed to take her to get her fasting blood work done Monday or Tuesday.  She will next be with me overnight on Wednesday.  I really don't want her here over night right now.  I don't like keeping everything locked up.  I don't like thinking about her going through my drawers.

On the other hand, in Sunday School we're talking about the parable of the prodigal son-- more properly called the parable of the forgiving father.  I forgive her, but trusting her and losing the feeling of having been violated is a bit harder....

Sigh...

It's been a long week.  I realized early on that the calendar didn't work.  Monday was supposed to be my quiet reading day when the church office is officially closed.  I had at least 8 people come through for a variety of reasons.  Tuesday I was in the office in the morning, then an afternoon meeting and an overnight retreat.  After too little sleep, I was back in the office yesterday afternoon, and led the Lenten study yesterday evening.  I was in bed by 9:00 last night.

This afternoon I had a meeting 70 miles away.  I decided we would go out for supper tonight before choir, as I didn't want to cook.  When I got home, I went into my bedroom and opened the drawer where I hide my extra cash.  The money was gone. 

Apparently, Daughter was searching my room Saturday, and took the money on Sunday.  She says there was $160.  I thought there was more, but don't know.  Yesterday her program staff took her out shopping.  She spent over $100.  She returned about $43. 

She announced she was going back to the house, and I took her.  She said she knew I was mad at her, and I told her I was sad and hurt.  She felt remorse.  She promised to pay me back.  I told her she has to bring me everything she purchased on Sunday.  She said she wouldn't do her visit to the new house tomorrow.  I said she would.  I'm tired.  I don't want to be around her right now.  We still haven't figured out the pharmacy issues.  I still need to write a sermon.  I won't be getting my day off tomorrow. 

Not Soon Enough

This move can't happen soon enough for me.  I scheduled Daughter for a physical.  The house changed it without consulting me.  Then they told me they'd changed it and they couldn't take her, I'd have to do it.  She has to have a physical before she moves on April 1.  They scheduled the physical for 9:45 next Thursday.  I have a clergy breakfast at 8:00 that morning, and we will be finalizing plans for the community Good Friday service at that breakfast.  The appointment is on one side of town, and her house and program are on the opposite side of town.  So yesterday I called to see if I could change the appointment.  The next available appointment for a physical was April 30. 

I finally figured out that if her house drops her off at the church after program on Wednesday, she can come to the even supper and class here at the church and go to the breakfast with me Thursday.  We'll leave from the breakfast to get her to her doctor's appointment.  I'd prefer not to have her at the breakfast, I'm not thrilled about having her Wednesday evening, but it's the only way I can figure to get the appointment in around all my other responsibilities.  Have I mentioned that this is a very busy time of year for me?

I informed Administrative Assistant that the calendar this week doesn't work.  I have entirely too may commitments.  I will be working Friday.  She stepped up and proofread and corrected the PowerPoint for tomorrow evening's class while I was at a meeting this afternoon.  Tonight is my overnight retreat with my colleagues.  It's non-negotiable.  I need that time of fellowship and worship as I head towards Easter, even if I have to work on Friday to do it....

The Saga Continues

So I got an update on the pharmacy issues today.  The pharmacy is no longer insisting that Daughter was covered by military insurance.  Now they're saying that an ownership change last year changed her formulary, resulting in her insulins no longer being covered.  I was able to pull up her prescription records online for the last two years, and discovered this was a complete fabrication.  In fact, by the end of the year insurance was completely paying for her insulins, making it unnecessary to bill Medicaid for the co-pays.  I have yet to receive and itemized bill, and their story keeps changing.  I am finding it very hard to trust anything they say at this point. 

Daughter went back to the house yesterday after a good visit with me.  It's pretty obvious now that her mood is down when she's at the house.  It improves significantly when she is with me.  Moving day is 3 weeks from today.  I'm looking forward to getting it done. 

Sunday

I hate the spring time change.  I never sleep well the night before, afraid that I will oversleep and be late for church.  I never have, but I always worry about the possibility.  Once again, I made it on time.  It took me a minute to figure out why it was so dark when I went into the sanctuary to plug in the coffee. 

A month and a half ago we made a major change to the worship area.  We have long counter and cabinets we call the commitment center.  We put sign up sheets there, as well as information for people to pick up.  The Commitment Center had been along the gathering area when you first enter the sanctuary.  The result was that people congregated there before worship, and it was rather uninviting to visitors, who were confronted with a mass of people that made it difficult to get through.  So, as an experiment, we moved the cabinets to another location. 

I was skeptical.  I thought that it was so much a part of the culture of the congregation that people would continue to gather in the same area.  I was wrong.  People moved around with their conversations.  An unanticipated result was that more people began using the Commitment Center, since it was easier to get to it. 

There was one long time member who was not too pleased with the change.  He thought the area looked bare and uninviting after we made the change.  However, he didn't oppose it, and made suggestions to improve things.  Today another member returned from an extended vacation.  So the long time member who didn't like the change, proudly gave her a tour of the changes.  I like that kind of opposition....

Saturday

Daughter helped me do some work in the basement today.  I had never put everything away after the craft show at the church in November.  So today, I did.  I also decided to finish several sewing projects.  I had several pairs of Daughter's jeans that were too big for her.  I had put elastic in the back, but when I tried to stitch them up, I broke the needle on my sewing machine.  I bought some heavy duty needles for denim, and lost them.  So when I got to the jeans in my cleaning, we went to the store and I bought heavy duty needles.  So today I finished the modification on Daughter's jeans.  I also hemmed two pairs of slacks that have been hanging in my closet for over a year. 

Daughter sorted beads for me.  She also swept, without being asked.  Not only did she sweep my craft area, she swept the stairs and the storage area.  I was impressed.  It is still an unfinished basement, but it's a little more inviting than it was.  I'm still planning to paint the concrete walls, and I'm pondering the possibility of painting the ceiling silver/gray so it blends with the duct work. 

While we were out, we stopped to get a pizza for lunch.  There was a woman sitting there who recognized me  She's a neighbor, and she wanted to talk.  She's an older woman, and has a 16 year old boy living with her.  He's a relative, and he's not doing well.  She doesn't know what to do.  I sat and talked to her for a few minutes while Daughter waited in the car.  It's such a sad story-- I suggested she call protective services and seek help for him.   As frustrated as I get with the system, this boy needs help, and she has no standing to get it at this point.  The school told her the only way was to get protective services involved.  She was worried the boy's mother would be mad at her.  I told her she needed to advocate or the boy at this point.  It was a sad story.  I'll be praying for them both. 

Long Weekend

Daughter had yesterday off program, which I had forgotten.  She wanted to be with me the entire weekend, and I agreed. Yesterday we cleaned house in the morning and then in the afternoon I took Daughter and her friend to see Oz.  It was a pleasant day.  I had everything ready for Sunday when I left the church Thursday, so I truly have 2 days off.  I like that. It makes for a very relaxing weekend. 

Pharmacy

The pharmacy issue keeps working its way up the chain of command at the community agency.  The pharmacy continues to insist that Daughter's primary insurance was military insurance, and that the bill is accurate.  I continue to disagree.  Daughter knows nothing of this, of course, and I have made it very clear that she is not to be told anything about it. 

It would be nice if she didn't need so many meds.  She is very right when she says it's not fair that she has all these problems.  I share her wish that she were normal....

To Laugh or to Cry....

Daughter called this morning.  She sounded tired.  When I asked her how she was she acknowledged that she was tired.  She didn't sleep well last night... because staff came in and woke her up 4 times to make sure she was okay.  Sigh.

At least they were checking her through the night....

Silence

It's been 24 hours since Daughter called.  I'm not sure if that is good news or bad news.  I haven't had emails about anything new with her today, though the issues from yesterday regarding her drug bill and her visit at the new house continue to float around in cyberspace, without any resolution. 

Today was more productive with church work.  We're finalizing plans for Holy Week, and I'm feeling less overwhelmed here at the church.  My walking partner and I went on a short walk during the middle of the day, which was nice.  Now I'm off to purchase a garage door opener and find a brownie mix so I can bribe the property guys tomorrow....

Grrr #2

I just had a long email from Nurse.  She was at the workshop today and saw Daughter sleeping in an office. She thought there was a problem with her diabetes, but after talking to Daughter discovered she's stressed about the upcoming move.  Daughter told her the staff at the new house don't speak good English and she can't understand them.  She's concerned this is a big issue and we need to address it. 

I wrote a long response saying that when we as Daughter why she's stressed, she has to come up with reasons.  The reasons may or may not be real concerns, but when they are real, they are usually minor.  She doesn't do well with transitions.  This is a long, drawn out transition.  She needs reassurance, not us blowing up each concern she raises into a big problem.  She called me at lunch time today, seeking reassurance, and I was with a member and couldn't talk.  When she couldn't talk to me, the emotions overwhelmed her and she fell asleep. 

Stay calm.  Listen and reassure her.  Remind her of other transitions she's successfully navigated.  This could be a very long month....

Grrr

After a year of trying to deal with the pharmacy on Daughter's prescription bills, I just got off the phone with the pharmacy manager.  There is an outstanding bill of over $2,000.  My insurance was covering her prescriptions with a high co-pay, but Medicaid wasn't covering her insulins.  She only needs those to live.  I'm very frustrated that they weren't communicating with me about these issues.  Every time I called they would tell me it was a mistake and they would fix it.  Daughter has $44 a month in spending money.  The rest of her SSI goes to her home to cover a portion of her care there.  The manager admits there were communication issues, but insists they are fixed now.  Interesting, since I didn't hear about the issues with the insulins until today.  I'm not convinced the issues are fixed.....

Aching Heart

Daughter's second visit went went well.  She said it was very comfortable-- almost like being at home with me.  I saw this as a positive, but she wasn't so sure.  After she went to bed I realized what the issue was.  She is afraid I'm getting her a new family and abandoning her.  We talked about it on the way to church this morning, and she quickly acknowledged the fear.  I offered her reassurance, and we talked about how we felt at home at Grandma and Grandpa's and at our home. 

She didn't want to go back this afternoon.  She called the current house the "torture house."  She doesn't go to the new house again for two weeks, and then it is another two weeks after that before she moves.  This long, drawn out process is very hard on her.  She forgot her cell phone this morning, and she was being difficult, so I was not willing to turn around and come get it for her before taking her back. 

She called me this evening.  "I'm depressed, Mom."  She is so stressed right now.  My heart aches for her.  This is going to be a very long month. 

Whines

Daughter is whining today.  I think it is probably indicative of her stress level, but it is definitely getting on my nerves.  I think that I will engage her as little as possible so I don't have to deal with her whines.  I was going to offer her the opportunity to earn some money, but it would involve engaging her, and listening to her whine. 

This is going to be a very long month as we wait for the move.  She also said she thinks that there is only one resident in the house, which has me wondering what happened to the other resident.  Since they are licensed for 6, it also means she will be dealing with a lot of change in the months ahead. 

Phone Calls

Daughter called late this afternoon, crying.  She was afraid about her overnight visit to the new house.  We talked about how she was scared last week, too, and how it had all worked out.  I suggested she take the weighed stuffed cat Administrative Assistant made her with her, and we talked about some other things she could do to help herself calm down. 

She called after she got picked up, and she was very happy.  They were going out to eat.  She called again from the restaurant with a question, still sounding good.  She just called to say good night.  She was ready for bed.  She sounded tired, but good.  I'll pick her up from the new house at 1:30 tomorrow.  Hopefully she will sleep well and have a good morning, too. 

She was worried earlier if it was okay to call me from the new house.  I asked if she had a cell phone.  She acknowledged she did.  I reminded her she had it so she could call me. 

Interesting Confirmation

Daughter is spending the night at the new house this evening.  We were talking about the new house yesterday, and she was talking about one of the residents.  Apparently, she is the daughter of a woman who is an administrator working out of Daughter's current house.  So she works for the group of homes where Daughter currently lives, but doesn't let her daughter live there. 

I'm glad Daughter is moving, and so is she. 

Gifts

Several weeks I told the property guys that we needed a new toilet seat in one of the women's restrooms.  One of the men went to the local stores looking for one with an open front, and discovered he couldn't find a round one locally, as most new toilets for public buildings have the elongated bowls.  I suggested searching on the internet, and did quick search, which resulted in ads for toilet seats spring up on many of the sites I visit.  He did a search at home, and had the same problem.  We were laughing about it, and figuring out what searches we could do to get better ads. 

Last week, after several searches, the man came in and ordered one. I gave him the church credit card to do it, and he ordered it on computer the treasurer uses.  It arrived today, and it said it was a gift, for me, from the property guys.  Administrative Assistant thought it was funny.  It helps to have a sense of humor around here....

Scams

Churches are the target of many scams.  There are the people who come in seeking financial aid.  They always have a good story.  I've heard many over the years.  There is the company that calls and asks for your copy machine model, and then sends you toner that is likely to damage your machine.  They insist that you ordered it.  There are some that involve sending light bulbs. 

The church was targeted today for one.  I was in the main office when Administrative Assistant answered the phone, so I heard her side of the conversation.  It went something like this:
"He no longer works here."  (I knew she was talking about the former pastor, who has been gone for 3 years.)

"May I ask why you are calling?"

"What company are you from?"

"What is this about?"

"What company are you from?" 

"What is this about?"

"Why do you want our electrical specs?"

"He no longer works here and we don't give out that information.  Good bye."

She then hung up.  She was mad, which is rare.  The phone rang again, and she glanced at the caller ID and let it ring.  "It's the same person."  The caller ID was blank, as they had blocked the number. 

The caller left a message on my voice mail.  She gave me a name, informed she needed to talk to me "about some odds and ends."  She didn't give me a company name.  She said AA was very rude and hung up on her.  She left an 800 number.  I looked up the 800 number online, and can't find any information on who it belongs to. 

AA was not happy at being accused of being rude.  I was amused, and assured her I was grateful for her protectiveness.  She said the woman couldn't come up with the name of the company she was with and wouldn't answer her question.  As we compared notes, we discovered that in the voice mail she left for me, she used a different name than the one she'd used with AA.  She clearly said, though, that AA "hung up on me." 

I didn't return the call. 

The Hard Part

We are now in the hard part of this move:  the waiting.  Daughter was in tears yesterday afternoon after a long day.  She wants to move, she knows she needs to move, and how does she tolerate living in her current house for the next month?  She is not sleeping well right now, and the staff is not checking on her through the night like they are supposed to.  She has a sleeping pill, but is afraid to use it, because  staff will yell at her if she over sleeps.  Plus, she doesn't trust them. 

I think it is going to be a very long month....

Not Today

Several weeks ago I agreed to have my home evaluated by a company supposedly affiliated with the natural gas company in the area.  They came and did a free survey, and found some things that could be signs of trouble,so they convinced me to pay for a more complete test that included a door fan and infra red camera pictures.  Yesterday a man came out to give me a report. 

He had a 40 page report with lots of colorful pictures, that were quite dramatic.  They showed heat loss from my home.  He told me I had 3 very serious problems with my house, and a number of minor issues.  They could all be fixed for just over $8,000.  If I eliminated the more minor problems, the price would come down to over $4,000.  I told him I wasn't prepared to make a decision yesterday.  I needed time to process the report and consult with some friends.  He was not happy.  I told him to call me in about a week, and that I was inclined to do 1 or 2 of the recommended items.  He told me how important it was to do all of them, because the house is a system, and just fixing one or two would make the other problems much more serious.  After 2 hours, he left.  I hadn't signed a contract.  He refused to call me back, telling me I could call him if I decided I was interested. 

I have spent some time looking through the report in more detail.  One of the interesting pieces is that those dramatic infrared photos all have different temperature ranges, designed to make them look even quite dramatic.  I think I'll see about making sure there isn't any insulation blocking the soffit vents in the attic, but installing a ridge vent, additional soffit vents, and baffles will wait until I'm ready to replace the roof.  I don't think I will be calling him back.  I did some internet research on the company, and now I know why he didn't want to give me time to reflect.... 

I'm very relieved that I stood firm and said, "Not today." 

Daughter's First Visit

Daughter had supper at the home she will be moving to this evening.  From our phone conversation, it sounds like it went very well.  She had a dance off with one of the staff members.  The Owner asked her if I knew she danced that way, and Daughter said, "No, why?"  I don't know what moves she was doing, but Owner was apparently surprised to see them coming from a preacher's kid. 

She knew one of the women from the sheltered workshop, and said, "She's sweet."  She loved the house, and thinks the bedrooms are awesome.  She's going to try out two different rooms when she has her overnight visits to see which one she likes better.  She is very excited.  I was concerned because her bedroom will be much smaller and she'll no longer have a private bathroom.  She says that's okay, because she has trouble keeping the big room clean. 

The only challenge may be making her wait until April 1st to move in.  I'm glad it went so well. 

Better

A chipper Daughter headed off for her program this morning.  It's amazing the difference a good night's sleep can make.  Her program is headed across town to the big mall today.  I'm not thrilled with the idea, since it is snowing and there were warnings about the interstate over by the mall this morning-- it was snarled with lots of minor accidents.  I am glad, though, that she's not stuck here with me today.  I don't plan to go out today.  Administrative Assistant suggested I start a fire and stay in-- she made it to the church safely, but said it was a very slow commute (she lives about 2 miles from the church). 

Tomorrow I plan to meet Sister for shopping and lunch at an outlet mall between us.  Sister finally figured out this year that my birthday generally doesn't get celebrated.  She asked me about my day, and I said it was good because Daughter didn't ruin it or spend the day trying to pick a fight with me.  She was shocked.  I guess she thought Daughter would be waiting on me hand and foot and doing everything she could to make my birthday special.  I explained that Daughter finds my birthday hard, for a variety of reasons.  This is a bit snarky, but finally, more than 2 weeks after my birthday, she managed to find time to meet me halfway between us for shopping and lunch.  Actually, it's major progress for Sister.  She has always been a bit self-absorbed.  I've taken her out to eat on her birthday the last two years, because I didn't want her to experience the pain of no family to celebrate with on her birthday.  She was getting really depressed because Mom and Dad are dead and she's divorced, and....  So I made sure I found a way to be with her on her birthday.  She finally figured out that I'm in a similar situation.  The only differences are I've never been married and it's been years since I had family around to celebrate my birthday. 

Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. 

PTSD

When Daughter called this morning, she sounded terrible.  I asked what was wrong, and she said she didn't sleep well last night.  She thought she saw someone shining a flash light in her bedroom window, and she was terrified.  She didn't tell staff or ask for her sleeping pill.  She was ready to go to bed right after supper tonight.  I know she'll sleep well tonight, because she feels safe her. 

She said that the staff didn't check on her last night.  They are supposed to be checking her every 2 hours at night and logging whether she's sleeping last night.  I will be so glad when she moves.  Her bedroom in the new house is not on ground level, so that will help her feel safer.  Her room is also right next to a staff member's room, which should help as well. 

She said there was an altercation at her program today, which was her second trigger of the day.  I didn't make her go to choir tonight.  She is really tired. 

A Shift

We do a book study during Lent, and we always offer the congregation the opportunity to have us purchase the book for them.  This year the majority of the participants said they would get the book on their e-reader.  It isn't just the young members who are using e-readers, either.  This is a major shift in this congregation, and in society in general.  I am grateful to be serving a congregation that embraces technology with such enthusiasm.

We finished putting the documents for Monday night's board meeting on the website today.  There are 14 of them, and I'm so grateful we no longer print them all out for each board member.  Many of them will read them on their tablets, and bring their tablets with them to the meeting Monday evening.  I usually print out the agenda so  can write some notes on it. 

When I was in seminary 30 years ago, a classmate did an evening program on the use of computers in the church.  I didn't bother attending, because there was no use for computers in the church.  Shows how much I knew.   I've decided I like this technology. 

A Miracle and The Meeting

I lead a group on contemplative prayer at 8:45 on Sunday mornings.  I've been dragging Daughter to the group, and she's been sitting alone down at the end of the table, looking very bored.  This past Sunday she joined the group, and asked some questions.  After worship, she asked me if she could have one of the books on contemplative prayer.  I gave her one, and she was quite excited. 

This morning, she called and told me she was very anxious about the pre-placement meeting today.  I suggested she try some of the things we've been doing in contemplative prayer.  She got excited, and said she was going to go get her book and her Bible and work on that. 

The meeting went very well.  There were 10 of us in the small room.  Daughter will go have supper at the house Friday evening.  As we were laying out the visits, I turned to Case Manager, who was sitting next to me, and said, "You're not going to do that to me, are you?  I see where this is headed."  She chuckled. Daughter will move on April 1st.  I'm not thrilled to have her moving the day after Easter, but I wasn't going to try to move her Holy Week.  I also said I wouldn't have time to help her pack.  The staff at her current home will have to help her do that. 

The owner of her new home said she was like a beam of sunshine when she entered the room.  She was appropriate throughout the meeting, and contributed.  She gave the owner a big hug and thanked her after the meeting.  I am relieved.  Very relieved. 

Growing List

I have a growing list of projects for "when things quiet down a bit."  I was just reminded of some work I had agreed to take on early in the fall.  I'm pondering making a list and then prioritize them and begin scheduling time for these various projects.

This week belongs to Daughter.   Pre-placement meeting on the move tomorrow, and then Psychiatrist Wednesday.  Fortunately, things are a little easier around the church right now, at least as long as I keep that long list of projects on the back burner....

Not Quite the Point

Today I was preaching on the Garden of Eden.  I told the story of my nephew licking a cinnamon gum wrapper and holding it on his forehead until he was in quite a bit of pain.  He has no particular reason for doing it, his mother said the reason was he was a 13 year old boy.  The congregation chuckled, and I pointed out we all do things we know are bad for us. 

I was just on facebook, and a woman asked one of the younger men if he had stopped to buy cinnamon gum on the way home.  He hadn't but confessed to being tempted.  The wife of another man said her husband had wanted to stop, too.  I'm not sure they go the point, but at least the opening illustration was memorable....

Mixed Messages

I keep hoping for signs of spring.  As I was going to get Daughter through snow today, I saw that some of the geese are back.  One was standing on the frozen pond.  I wonder if they'll stay....

It has been a wonderfully relaxing weekend.  The taxes and laundry are done.  The house is cleaner, and I've had time to just sit and relax.  Tomorrow afternoon I have worship at the nursing home.  I've told Daughter she can stay until we're done with that, and then I'll take her back. 

I drove her by the new house today.  She liked the looks of it.  The meeting is Tuesday morning.  Last week I had lots of church meetings, this week it's lots of appointments:  3 to be exact.  I am grateful for the flexibility to take the time for personal appointments.  I only have 3 evening commitments this week, but two of them teaching-- and I have to finish my plans for them. 

Right Calling

Last night I went out to eat with some members.  One of the women was talking about some challenges with one of her children.  I offered some suggestions, based on my experiences with Daughter.  She loved them, and was quite impressed by my knowledge.  She suggested I had missed my calling.  The other people were quick to respond to that one, "No she didn't!" 

I do love what I do, and I'm glad that I can offer suggestions to parents dealing with challenging children.  I do know that I am in the right calling.  Daughter has been bugging me to come get her.  I told her I waned to finish my income taxes first.  I've been working on them, and think I'm about done.  I'm not going to tell her yet, though.  I have quite a bit of paperwork I want to get filed first.  Every year I vow I'm going to do a better job with the paper work next year.  Once again I'm making that vow.  Maybe I'll actually keep it this year....

Exciting Plans

Last night two of the women came seeking me out at choir.  I have been invited out to supper with them tonight.  These are two of my favorite couples.  Their husbands are among the men who drop by the church.  One has a developmentally handicapped sister, and we have had a number of conversations about the challenges of getting needed services.  He first came to see me about her after he broke a tooth grinding his teeth in frustration. 

I'm looking forward to an evening out.  Daughter wanted to come spend the entire weekend with me-- including Monday, since she is off.  Being the mean mom I am, I said no.  I'm going to do some cleaning and work on taxes.  I really know how to live it up!

At Last!

Case Manager called this morning to assure me she was the responsible for the hold up of the meeting, not the new House Manager.  We now have a meeting scheduled for Tuesday morning.  Daughter is now beginning her standard freak out period before any scheduled meeting. 

In other news, I received a homemade Valentine's card from a member-- telling me that my accepting the call of this congregation was the best thing that had ever happened to them.  I think she may be a little over enthusiastic.  I think God has done some much more important things for all of us.  It's nice, though, to know I am loved. 

A Prayer Request

Yesterday I had lunch and a discussion with colleagues.  As I listened to them, I realized again how grateful I am to be serving this congregation.  Ministry is hard.  The demands keep coming.  We are pulled into very difficult situations.  We are expected to be on call 24 hours a day.  We are expected to be able to do a variety of things well, from administration and personnel to crisis counseling to preaching and teaching, to hospital visitation to grief counseling.  We are expected to be able to teach the Bible, leadership, interpersonal relationships, prayer, and comparative religions, among other things. 

We are held responsible for things that we have no control over.  Crazy people project all kinds of things onto us.  We are expected to satisfy everyone's needs, even when those needs are impossible or opposing.  One Sunday I had members telling me how wonderful the hymns had been while others were complaining about how terrible the very same hymns were.

When we get tired, and we do get tired, it is very hard to go with the flow and not let the criticism and complaints take a toll on us.  It is amazing how many people graduate from college and then seminary and within a few years are out of the ministry, no longer able to cope with it all. 

Today is the start of Lent, and it is a time when life gets even more challenging for many pastors.  Pray for your pastor today.  Pray for pastors everywhere who are working to be faithful to God amid the competing demands of the congregations they serve.  Pray for pastors who are struggling to maintain a healthy family life and a healthy church.  Next time you see your pastor, say thank you. 

Too Old

Yesterday was over 12 hours, and then I was up early to go to the hospital for prayers before a couple of people had surgery.  I still have one more commitment tonight.  I think I'm getting too old for this schedule. 

Still no word on when Daughter's planning meeting will be, and Case Manager hasn't answered my email requesting an update.  That may be good-- one less thing to fit in this week.

Frustrated

Last Tuesday Case Manager sent out an email to set up a team meeting about moving Daughter.  She sent a follow up email later in the week.  As of this morning, she still has not heard from the owner of the new home about her availability for a meeting.  I'm frustrated, and wondering if she really wants Daughter to move into her home.  I also wonder who she'll respond to concerns once Daughter is there....

If we don't hear something by tomorrow, I think I'm going to have a conversation about my concerns with Case Manager.  We need to move forward with this, and if this house won't work out, let's look at other possibilities. 

In some ways, though, the delay is probably good.  I'm overbooked this week as it is, the last thing I need is another meeting.  To get Daughter moving, though, I'd squeeze it in. 

Memory

This morning one of the members was telling me how impressed he was by my memory.  He said he was amazed by all the things I have to remember on Sunday mornings and how well I do with it.  Of course, 15 minutes later I realized I had completely forgotten the Sunday School teachers meeting that was taking place downstairs and I was supposed to be attending. 

I am beginning to delegate more, and it feels a bit weird.  I know, though, that it is what needs to happen if the church is going to continue to grow.  I have two people having back surgery Tuesday morning-- they have the same surgeon, and they are his first two cases.  I will be going to the hospital to pray with them both Tuesday morning, but I will not be staying through the surgery, it is a super busy week, and I'm looking forward to most of it.  All I have to do is remember what I'm supposed to be doing and when....

Another Meeting

Today was the all day meeting 75 miles from here.  It was in a downtown church, and we'd received an email this week warning us that parking is challenging there, and directing us to nearby parking lots.  It strongly suggested we car pool.  Last night a colleague called, and asked if I wanted to go together.  He and his wife are sharing one vehicle, so I've provided transportation for him several times, and he offered to drive.  I also had a member going, so we met in the church parking lot at 7:30 this morning and headed out.  It was nice to go as a passenger.  The three of us had good conversations, so the trip went fairly quickly.

We had an excellent speaker at the meeting today-- the second meeting in a row we've had a good speaker.  I still don't like Saturday meetings.  The lay people love them, but us clergy types aren't as thrilled. 

I'm headed into another super busy week.  I'll be out 4 evenings in a row, have an extra sermon to write, and a chunk of each day is going to be consumed by various meetings as well.  I will probably do a little bit of work tomorrow to get a head start on things.  Daughter seems to be doing pretty well right now, and I'm grateful....

Birthdays

Today is my birthday.  Daughter is here, as her program is closed due to snow.  I don't like birthdays, for a variety of reasons.  I had a member who was willing to take me to lunch, but with roads a mess, that's not going to happen now.  I may make myself some chocolate muffins to celebrate....

I find myself remembering 5 years ago, when I turned 50.  We had just moved Mom into a dementia unit.  Dad went to visit her and then called me on his cell phone.  He tried to get her to wish me happy birthday.  He kept explaining to her that it was my 50th birthday.  It was a nice try.  I miss them both, especially today. 

Meetings

This has been a week full of meetings.  Worship and education Monday night.  Music planning yesterday.  Property and communication today.  When I'm not in a meeting, I'm writing.  We need to have the Lenten devotional guide ready to distribute Sunday.  Sometimes delegating works well, and sometimes it doesn't.  I was only supposed to write one for each week this year, but that didn't work out very well.  There were two weeks that I only had to write 2, but several of the weeks I ended up needing to write 5 of them. 

Changes and challenges are also taking up time.  We decided to have a meeting with the Sunday School teachers after worship Sunday.  Sunday School has not been going as smoothly as we'd like this year.  The teachers are ignoring our child protection policy, among other issues. We are going to sit down with them, lay out the issues, and ask them to figure out together how they want things handled.

Administrative Assistant blew up Monday because a couple of board members came in and made some major changes in the sanctuary.  She opposed the changes, and doesn't think they went through proper channels to get the changes approved. Today she said she hadn't decided if she liked the changes or not.  That's progress-- because at least she's considering the possibility that they might be positive. 

We are supposed to get 6-12 inches of snow Thursday-Friday.  I have an all day meeting 75 miles away on Saturday.  I may decide I'm not going.

I made the mistake of looking at my calendar for next week today.  It makes this week look easy.  I have evening commitments Monday-Thursday.  I have day time meeting 3 days. 

Thankfully, Daughter is having a good week.  Even better, even when ministry is crazy busy, I love what I'm doing and wouldn't want to be anywhere else. 

Churches with Reactive Attachment Disorder

I just finished an interesting conversation with Treasurer, who was also on the search committee that called me to this congregation.  He has a friend who has been in to talk to me several times about his belief that the congregation desperately needs a vision statement.  I have agreed with him, and told him that we would be writing one, but the time wasn't right yet.  When he last was in to see me in November, I told him that the board had agreed that 2013 would be the year in which we developed a new vision statement. 

Treasurer has been frustrated because Friend continued to complain about lack of vision, and didn't seem to be reassured by my comments.  Yesterday's sermon was focusing on the church as the body of Christ with the responsibility for carrying out Christ's mission, which he stated when he read from Isaiah in Nazareth in Luke 4.  I talked about all of us having gifts to contribute to the body of Christ, and our need to discern what it is God is calling us to do. 

This morning our website/social media coordinator asked me for the two questions I charged the congregation to ponder in their prayer time this week so she could post them to our facebook page.  She had really liked the sermon.  Today Treasurer that his friend was happy that I had said we would be working on discerning God's call to us this year as we write a vision statement.  That seemed finally to convince him.

Treasurer was frustrated, though, because my assurance we would do it at the right time had always been enough for him, and he just couldn't understand why they weren't for his friend. 

Just like children with Reactive Attachment Disorder, congregations that have had difficulty with previous pastors find it hard to trust.  They will test the new pastor, and just just as the adoptive parent of a RAD child needs to respond with love in the face of testing and acting out, the pastor needs to respond with love in the face of testing and acting out.  Treasurer had enough experience with me that he trusted me and my reassurances were enough.  His friend did not.  I had to earn his trust, and he tested me as he came in with his list of complaints about what was wrong with the church.  Each time I listened to him and responded calmly, hearing him out and agreeing with many of his points.  He didn't quite trust/believe me until I publicly stated in yesterday's sermon that we would be focusing on vision this year.  This month's newsletter came out Friday, and it mentioned vision in several places, as well. 

I am amazed how much I have learned about being the pastor of a congregation with a history of conflict from being Daughter's parent.  I knew that there was a lack of trust for pastors in this congregation.  After a long term, well loved founding pastor there had been a difficult interim, challenges with the second pastor that led to his dismissal, and a long-term interim who had alienated a number of leaders.  I knew that I would have to earn trust.  I believed that to try to write a vision statement before there was trust would be a disaster.  In November I asked the board if they thought we had built enough trust to address vision this year.  They said yes.  By publicly talking about it yesterday, I think I earned a little trust from Treasurer's friend. 

Treasurer was still frustrated by his friend's attitude this morning, but I think after I explained the trust issues in Reactive Attachment Disorder, he had more understanding of what is behind his friend's doubts. 

Sunday Snapshots

Daughter was quite excited today, telling everyone her good news about her upcoming move.  During of joys and concerns, she sat there squirming, eager for me to announce her news.  I did, stating that Daughter was happy because it's closer to my house and I'm happy because it's not close enough to walk.  For some reason, the congregation thought that was hilarious. 

Pianist was a proud grandmother with pictures of her new grand babies who were born prematurely this past week.  They are doing pretty well.  I told people to go check out her pictures, and after worship the piano was surrounded.

We had a visitor in worship this morning.  She's new to the area, having been transferred here from Florida.  She's not liking our winter weather.  She met someone who works for the same company and a couple who live right down the street from her.  She even stayed for the fellowship meal following the service.  She's planning to return. 

Two men are plotting a major change tomorrow.  I suspect they're stirring up a hornets' nest, but I'll let them figure it out. 

I was talking to some of our newer members at the fellowship meal, and learned he's a photographer.  We are looking for a picture to turn into a mural.  I called one of the men over and informed him that this new member has 1000's of nature pictures he's taken.  The man's whole face lit up.  I love it when I can connect people like that. 

Attendance is still down because of the various bugs floating around the area, but it was a good Sunday. 

Daughter's Reaction

I told Daughter that she will be moving.  I told her she can't say anything about it yet, but that Case Manager will be working on it this week.  She is excited.  I explained that the house is smaller and more home like.  I also told her it is closer to me.  She was very excited when she heard she will keep her current Case Manager. 

I'm sure she'll get nervous in the days ahead but for now I'm delighted that her response is excitement. 

Thursday

I spent time Thursday morning at Daughter's current house, trying to help them understand her needs as a diabetic and someone with severe PTSD.  The meeting went fairly well.  We made some things very clear-- she is not allowed to keep her lunch in her room over night.  I also told them not to let her threaten them with calling me.  I told them tell her to call me, because I will remind her she needs to respect the staff.  I told them she needs to know they are in charge. 

After the meeting Case Manager asked if I still wanted to move her.  I said I do.  I think Daughter will do better in a smaller house with more stability in the staff.  I asked CM what she thought, and she agreed with me.  She will begin the process of moving Daughter next week.  I have to write a letter giving the house 30 days notice.  The goal is to have Daughter moved by March 1. 

Administrative Assistant and I both had struggles with our computers yesterday.  She was trying to finish the newsletter, I was working on the PowerPoint for my sermon.  We were struggling with different software.  AA finally restarted her computer, and Publisher still wouldn't let her edit one box.  We traded computers, which solved the problems.  When she reopened the finished newsletter on her computer, it worked just fine.  We were quite proud of ourselves for outsmarting the computers. 

Once again I have every thing ready for Sunday morning.  I have printed out all the material and it is in the sanctuary, ready to go.  It means I will have two full days off this week-- sort of.  Today Sister Best Friend are going to work on a project for the regional committee we are on, and then we're going to paint. 

Tomorrow Short Niece has a violin concert, and Daughter and I will be attending.  Of course, all of these plans could change, as we are under a winter storm warning.