I'm sure you've all seen the obnoxious commercials bragging about 4g network speed that gets you messages faster. I was thinking of that today in relationship to Daughter. She knew I was going to be busy all day. She sent me two text messages over the course of the day. In the first, she was being emotionally and physically harassed and wanted the police to come arrest the culprit before she beat him up. I responded with a text telling her to talk to staff and reminding her I had confidence in her, loved her, and would see her tonight. She responded OK.
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Then this afternoon she texted that she was having a meltdown and couldn't stop crying. I again reminded her of coping skill and gave her the standard reassurances. When she got off the bus tonight, she was very happy. I was on the phone with my sisters, and it didn't bother her. She never mentioned the texts and her crises of the day. That's typical of Daughter. She has a crisis. It's resolved. She never mentions it again. She lives very much in the moment. I haven't decided if that's a good thing or not....
4 comments:
Why is your DD obsessed with the idea of the cops arresting anyone who bothers her? Does she realize that they get annoyed by nuisance calls and that they would be likely to arrest HER if they found out she had threatened to harm someone?
I don't think Daughter would ever actually call the police. She's terrified of them. Her birth father worked in security. He'd come home and beat the kids while wearing his uniform. She is afraid of all men in uniform. I've explained to her numerous times the problem with false reports.
Yesterday she was trying to get a reaction out of me. She knew I was busy all day, so she was testing me. I responded, but didn't rescue. Very frustrating for her, because I'm not ignoring her but I'm not rescuing her...
Call the cops is the first impulse that springs into many people's minds at the first sign of trouble or even mild perplexity.
Years ago when I was working as a newspaper editor we had a police radio in the newsroom. Some of the calls were unintentionally hilarious, like the one from a woman who called the police because her fourth grade daughter refused to do her homework.
It seems like your DD needs to work on her coping skills. Being on the right psyc meds will help if the residence staff gets its act together.
Her therapist and I have both been working with her on self-soothing techniques. When she's at her program, I direct her to staff, tell her to walk away from the situation, and encourage her to listen to her Christian music (she has an ipod).
At her house, she also has a sweatshirt and nightshirt that have bear hugs on them. I told her that when she wears one of those, it's like I'm hugging her. She has the weighted cat Administrative Assistant made for her, and a quilt that was my mother's. She also has some lavendar scented lotion and spray. She is supposed to make a box that contains things she can use to self-soothe when she's frightened or overwhelmed.
She has made progress, but still needs frequent reminders, especially when she knows I'm tied up in a meeting or out of town. Now that she has her cell phone, she can text me, which makes it easier to reply when she wants contact with me and I'm in a meeting or at an event.
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