A Conversation

I was at breakfast with Sister Best Friend when my cell phone rang.

"Thanks, Mom, for messing up my diet. They're measuring my milk!"

"Good! I want you to be healthy, and that will help."

"You might as well feed me seaweed!"

"No, that won't work. I don't know the carbs for seaweed."

Snowed

After a meeting this evening the women were talking about how organized I am. I pointed at my desk in disbelief. One said, "Oh, but you have it all up here," and pointed at her head. I laughed and told her I had her snowed.
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This morning I got to the church. Someone had shoveled the walks, but there was some ice on them. I went in and dumped my briefcase, coat and various other items in my office then grabbed some salt and went out to deal with the ice. When I got back to the door I realized it was locked, and all my keys and my coat were in my office. It was about 20 out. Fortunately, I had my cellphone, so I called a man who lives close to the church to come let me in. Fortunately, he was available and made it there relatively quickly.
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So as we were walking out together, one of the committee members pointed to the post it over the light switches. It says "cell phone?" I went back and got my cell phone off my desk, where I had placed it while I packed up my briefcase. The individual who had pointed to my post it note then entertained the other committee members with the story of what happened last week, when I took him home after a meeting. I got into my car and realized my cell phone wasn't in my pocket. I went back into the church to get it. When it wasn't where I thought it would be, I called it. When I didn't hear it, I knew it was in my briefcase in the car. Where Daughter and my passenger were laughing at me as they listened to it ring.
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Like I said, I have them snowed.

Progress?

This morning I realized it would be very helpful to have my set of church keys for the meeting tonight. I'm going to need the portable projector, which is locked up in a cabinet downstairs. Now Administrative Assistant has keys to it, but she won't be in today, so I'd have to try to remember where she placed them in her office. I decided to do one last all out search for the keys.
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I know I had them before the retreat, so I checked all the cases I took to the retreat. I looked on the floor under the front passenger seat of the car. I looked in the drawer where I got some of the things I took on the retreat. I checked the kitchen table and counters again. Finally, I gave up. I reached in my pocket for my house and car keys, and they weren't there. So, I retraced all my steps. As I was checking out the car, I caught a flash of silver under the back part of the rear car seat on the passenger's side. My church keys!
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I was delighted. I was unable to find my house and car keys, though, so I am now using the spare set. I'm trying to figure out if this is progress....

Laughing

My mother was a perfectionist. She was a wonderful woman, and she was very hard on herself and her kids. She also was a bit of a space cadet, and often forgot and/or lost things. When she forgot or lost something, she'd get mad. I'd tell her not to worry, it wasn't a big deal, but to her it was. It was a very big deal, and she'd be frustrated with what she perceived as her complete incompetence.
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I have inherited some her traits, like the talent for forgetting and losing things. I have chosen, though, to laugh at myself rather than getting mad. It's much more fun to laugh. I had an appointment this morning, and then went to the church, where I spent the rest of the day. I was behind, and decided that if I went into the church and got the work done, I'd better be able to relax and enjoy the time I did have off this evening and tomorrow.
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I had a moment of panic as I was getting ready to leave. I couldn't find my church keys. I asked Administrative Assistant for help. She laughed-- the keys were around my neck, where they'd been all day. I laughed, too. We talked about what else I could forget, but I think I actually made it home with everything I need.
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It has turned very cold here, so I came directly home and started a fire in my fireplace. I love my house.

More Forgetting

Tuesday night I left the church and was part way home when I remembered that I had not grabbed the checks to pay for my retreat.
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After I'd packed, I was on my way to pick up a colleague for the retreat when I remembered I'd left my cell phone on the charger. So I turned around and went home to get it.
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When I arrived back at the church yesterday afternoon, I had to ask Administrative Assistant to open my study. I couldn't find my keys. She was amused, and said she almost called when she got home Tuesday to remind me to take the checks. I admitted I had to come back to get them.
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Last night I spent some time looking for my church keys, but couldn't find them. So today I asked Administrative Assistant for the spare keys I needed once before. She suggested I might want to go back to wearing them around my neck. I've always kept the church keys and the food keys on a lanyard, and when Daughter was home they were around my neck most of the time. Right before she left today, she went into the Christian Ed office. She then came into my study and presented me with a new lanyard. The keys are now around my neck. If only I could do that with all the other things I lose or forget....

Getting Older

Today has not been a good day for memory issues. I was headed to the church when I realized I didn't have the church keys. I turned around and came back to get them. As I was getting out of the car, I heard a jingle and discovered I'd hung the keys around my neck. Daughter thought that was hilarious.
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When we got to the church, I discovered that I had neglected to save the final edits to the PowerPoint for the sermon. My computer failed to resume and most of the slides were lost. I had other things to do before worship, so I didn't try to recreate the whole thing.
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After worship, Daughter went to my study ahead of me. When I got there, I discovered she had placed my sermon notebook in my briefcase. I took it out and put it on the shelf where it belongs and put the computer in. She came in and informed me I needed the notebook. I told her I didn't. She reminded me that I had to lead worship at the retirement home this afternoon.
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After lunch I took Daughter back to her home. When I got to the retirement home, I was almost in before I remembered I needed my notebook, which was still in the car.... A couple of friends emailed me this video this week. Somehow it seems especially appropriate today. In keeping with the theme of aging, I have not been able to embed or upload the video, even though I've tried several times and in several different ways. I guess you'll just have to click on the link, and hopefully it will work.

Accidental Honesty

Daughter sent me a text yesterday afternoon about how she didn't feel good and couldn't stop shaking. I read it and realized that anxiety was contributing to whatever was going on, so I sent her reminders about how to soothe herself. I assured her she'd be okay, reminded her she'd be home shortly, and instructed her to take some deep breaths and listen to her Christian music to help her relax. I think she intended to respond, "It's not helping." What her text actually said, though, was "I'm not helping." Now that's honest.

Same Song, Different Verse

Before Daughter went to the adult special needs camp, she complained. She told me she didn't belong with special needs people. She told me she hated doing camp things. She also told me I was forcing her, of course. As you may recall, as we headed to camp, she said, "Daughter, stop smiling! You're supposed to be mad."
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Tomorrow she heads to high school camp. Last night she complained. She told me she liked being with special needs people, she didn't want to to go to high school camp. When she heard they were going to a minor league baseball game, she informed she just wanted to do camp things. I listened in amusement and asked if she was going to say, "Daughter, stop smiling! You're supposed to be mad."
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I also reminded her it was natural to be nervous about going to camp. We talked about all the ways this time would be different, since she knew the staff and had been to the camp before. She stopped complaining-- at least for last night.

Belly Laugh of the Month

Daughter has been protesting about going to camp for months. She wouldn't go, I couldn't make her, it wasn't fair, I was trying to get rid of her, etc. Her protests just increased my resolve that she would go, but it hasn't been pleasant.

So today, as we're driving down the road, she said to herself, "Daughter, stop smiling. You're supposed to be mad." I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard.

When we got to camp almost 90 minutes later I was especially grateful for the laugh, as I realized I'd left all her medication on a kitchen chair. I dropped her off and came back home to get it. Instead of getting into the office by 11:00, it was after 2:00. But she's at camp already charming everyone in sight, and the food is unlocked in my kitchen. A little bit of heaven, and worth 6 hours on the road.

Cooperation with Humor on Top

Daughter and I picked up one of the saints and took worship to the retirement home this afternoon. After we dropped the saint off, we headed to the movie. It was my turn to pick, and I picked the movie about the surfer who lost her arm to a shark and returned to surfing. Daughter protested a bit about my selection, but once we got there, she loved it.

When we came home I was working in the kitchen, and wanted her help, "Please come give me a hand."

"Sure, did a shark get one?"

I'm Late!

Daughter wouldn't move this morning. I didn't make too big an issue of it, since I no longer have to open the church for her program and I'm fighting a cold. I have a meeting this evening, so I wasn't particularly concerned about making it to the church by 7:00 like I usually do. When we finally pulled in about 8:20, Daughter was shocked to see cars in the lot from program staff. "I thought my program was closed today!"

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"No, it's open today. It will be closed on Friday."

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"I'm late!"

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She wasn't, and I pointed out her lack of concern when I'm late. She didn't hear any of it. I found it all rather amusing. Maybe in the future I'll make her wait upstairs for every minute she makes me late....

Today's Laugh

Turning on Daughter's bedroom light and pulling the covers off of her is no longer getting her up. She was awake and cold in a wet bed for 45 minutes today. When we finally headed to the church (late), neither one of us was in a very good work. She insisted she was being mistreated and her rights were being violated. "I'm going to call the cops! It's not right to make me go out to places and have fun!"

This Week's Humor

We have a number of relatively young retired men who find excuses to stop by the church several times a week. Sometimes they are there to do some work on the building, other times they just want to talk. They are all on the property committee, and they love coming over to fix things. One is a short, round little man with a bit of a lisp. He is a genuinely nice guy, and has a real sense of ownership of the building. He was a charter member of the church, and served on both building committees. He lives close to the church, so he's the one who gets the calls when the alarm goes off in the middle of the night. He's the one who meets the plumbing and heating guy who comes out to solve the furnace problems. He's the one who gets the exterminator to come earlier in the month when I see a mouse.

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One day this week I heard his voice, and when I wandered back into Administrative Assistant's office I mentioned I'd heard him. She said, "Yes, he's working on filling the holes in the cedar siding on the pole that the woodpecker made." The woodpecker has been a source of great frustration to the property committee. One of the members bought new wood and carefully stained it and mounted it on that post. Within a week, his friend the woodpecker had marked it with a large hole sure to attract attention. We pondered the men's battle with the woodpecker for a moment, and then AA added, "He's trying to impress the females." I looked at her, and then realized she was talking about the woodpecker, not the man. I told her my mistake, and we both laughed, and then laughed some more. For some reason, the thought of our short, round little man trying to impress females was funny.

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Friday the key to lock the door Daughter's program is using vanished from the time I put it back up over the door to the time they needed it to lock the door when they were leaving. We looked, tried other keys, and tried allen wrenches. Nothing was working. We thought we were getting it to turn, but it wasn't locking. The lock has been rather finicky lately. Anyway, we called our short, round little man to come solve the problem. We knew his progressive dinner with 3 other couples (there were 4, but one couple moved) that they've been doing for 35 years was that evening and that he and his wife were hosting the appetizers. We also know that he does all the cooking at his house. I wasn't thrilled about having to call him, but we know he's always thrilled to get these calls.

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So, I called him. He was over very quickly, armed with spray lubricant and allen wrenches. He had the door locked in no time, and is looking forward to getting us a new key and hanging it near the door with some large object attached that will keep it from getting lost. The staff member from the program commented that men like doing stuff like that. Administrative Assistant and I looked at each other and began to laugh....

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Oh, and he was already for his guests, who were arriving shortly. The appetizers were arranged on plates wrapped and waiting on the back porch. The candles were lit, so the house would smell like evergreen when they arrived. Their dinner would take close to 8 hours. There are many ways to impress females. I hope he had a good evening. I'm sure I'll hear about it next week.

Oscar

Since we have a new patio door that allows easy access to our back yard, we now have bird feeders outside the family room windows. The battle with Oscar began the same day I put out the bird feeders. Oscar is a big fat, sassy squirrel. He enjoys tormenting Kitten and me. Kitten sits in the window, tail twitching and making strangled, tormented sounds. Occasionally Oscar comes and gets on the outside sill, further tormenting poor Kitten.

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Oscar quickly figured out how to lift the top off the feeder on the post. I figured out how to secure it, but he continued to empty the feeder on a daily basis. I bought a new feeder that has a cage around the tube to keep squirrels out. The top is notched so you can turn it and secure it on the hanger. It took a couple of days, but Oscar figured out how to open the new feeder, too.

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I'm sure there will be many more rounds in this war. It's a nice diversion. The birds are just beginning to discover the feeder, so hopefully I will soon be able to focus on them rather than Oscar....

Not Quite the Impact I'd Hoped For

This morning Daughter once again refused to get out of bed. "I'm leaving in 30 minutes."
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"Okay."
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She didn't move. "Ten minutes."
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No response. "Good bye."
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"Good bye."
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To say I was slightly frustrated would be accurate. I had to leave, but worried about what she'd do home alone. I wondered what I'd do when she woke up and called me. I double checked all the locks on the food, medication, and knives, gathered my things, and headed out the door. I opened the garage door. I put my brief case in the back seat. I opened the driver's door, and realized I had a problem. My car keys and house keys were locked in the house. I had the cabinet keys and church keys hanging around my neck, but the car keys and house keys were still in the drawer by the stove.
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I checked the doors. They were securely locked. I pondered my options. No one else has a house key. I reluctantly walked to the front door and leaned on the doorbell. Daughter graciously let me in. I grabbed the house keys, and ordered her into the car. (She had gotten up and showered and dressed at 3:00. When the temperature in the house goes down to 60 at night, it's not comfortable sleeping in a wet bed.)
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Somehow the impact of leaving her home alone was lost when I locked myself out of the house. Sigh.

Humor

Sometimes I just have to laugh. Some time back, I told Daughter I was very tired of finding the toilet paper empty when I went into the bathroom. I thought that she was capable of hanging a new roll. She definitely heard me. Now, when I go into the bathroom I find she has carefully left one square hanging on the tube.

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This morning I was once again launching into my lecture on oral hygiene as once again she had been ignoring my reminders to brush her teeth. "Okay, okay! You don't have to go into the lectury." It got me to thinking, do I enjoy those lectures? Are they a luxury? I think (hope) she's upstairs brushing her teeth.

Cause and Effect

Thursday we were working on the program for the Big Event in the office. Some random numbers were appearing when we printed it out. They were not showing up on the computer screen. I explained, again, that there were too many layers of formatting, and that it was better to start with a fresh document rather than modifying a document that had been modified 10 times before. We've had this conversation before, but Secretary thinks it's easier to modify an existing document than to start with one of the templates I've created. I wish she would learn.

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Yesterday Daughter and I had a discussion about how much work she was making for herself when she didn't put things where the belong right away. I pointed out all the stress and the mess of the guest room was a direct result of her failing to be responsible. She claimed she understood, of course. I hoped that she would remember it for at least a while. Yesterday evening there was some laundry she needed to take care of it. She had already forgotten our discussion, and when I insisted that she hang it up and put it away rather than wadding it up and hiding it, the resulting explosion was memorable, to say the least. Two hours later, she finally did things my way. I get frustrated with the fact that she doesn't seem to understand cause and effect. I wish she would learn.

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So, this afternoon I had a graveside service. I pulled up the service I had done for the deceased's sister a number of years ago and worked off of that. I have changed the format I use as I age. I use a larger format with the larger print. Instead of two columns and landscape orientation, I use one column and portrait orientation. Instead of 12 point font, I use 14 point. I was procrastinating. I dismissed the memories of the stress that results when I wait until the last minute and technology doesn't cooperate. I reformatted the old service and rewrote it to fit the situation today. I sent it to the printer. I got a warning that the margins were outside the printable area, but told it to go ahead and print. I picked it up at the printer. Half of the service was missing-- it had printed the portrait style document landscape style. It was missing text at the top and bottom of each page. Okay, I could fix that. I'd print it out landscape style and just read it that way. I modified and sent it to the printer. Again half the document was missing. It had printed the landscape document portrait style, so the beginning and end of each line was now missing. Remaining calm, cool, and collected, I copied the text over to a new document. Same problem. Now I was beginning to panic. Time was running short, and I couldn't print out the service in a complete and readable form. There was no time to completely redo it. In desperation, I copied and pasted the body of the service, omitting the beginning and ending. It worked. I made it to the cemetery in plenty of time. I wish I would learn.

V Power

As Daughter and I were headed to Capital yesterday, she was again talking about her plans for her new bedroom. I told her if she can keep her room clean and stay dry at night, for her Christmas present I will redecorate her room. She has been watching entirely too much HGTV, and was talking about the thing she wanted to do to make the room "pop." Her plans involve pastel green, pink, blue and black. I didn't ask her what pastel black was. I made a comment which prompted her to tell me, "I want to do it completely by myself." I managed to avoid shuddering at the thought, but did tell her, "Remember, I have veto power."

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About that time we passed a gasoline tanker on the interstate, that was painted with a large advertisement for its "V-Power." Daughter pointed it out, "Mom, that's what you have, you have V-Power!" I like it.

They Said That?

This afternoon I got a call from a woman in Capital. She was putting together an information sheet on me to take to a special board meeting tomorrow night. She wanted me to look at it. She said she was amazed at how lucky they were as she began to list my various gifts. I told her not to make me sound too good! She emailed me a copy of it so I could look over it. She wanted help on what to say about Daughter. I was pleased with her sensitivity on that, and put in that 20 years ago I had opened my home and my heart to a hurting 3 year old, and that Daughter is as excited about the move as I am.

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She quoted things I had said in interviews. I sounded pretty good. The most interesting thing, though, was what my references had said. My preaching and pastoral care were praised. The best line was, "She is smart, articulate, interesting with an excellent memory." I said that whoever said that hadn't tested my memory since menopause! The woman thought that was amusing, but suggested it wouldn't be a good thing to put on the information sheet. I don't know, maybe then they wouldn't expect so much of me-- they're doing an excellent job of selling me!

"That's the whole Idea!"

So Daughter wanted to do some art. We had a partial ream of paper in the car that I had taken so I could print things out for my class this week. I told her she could go get some paper from there. She said, "I'll use my pen to draw now, and then tomorrow we can buy some colors for me since I didn't bring mine."
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"Wrong. You always manage to forget them and then I end up buying you more."
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"That's the whole idea!"
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"Well, it's not going to work this year."