I requested input from Therapist and Program Manager about moving Daughter. I got Therapist's assessment today. She recommends setting a deadline, and if care isn't where it should be by then, move Daughter back home and hire help.
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I was at a seminar on family systems theory and ministry today, and I received the email about lunchtime. I sat there in shock, wondering what to do. As the afternoon progressed, I think I found my answer. I'm going to suggest we shift our focus. Rather than focusing on getting the home to do it all perfectly, we need to focus on equipping Daughter to take responsibility for her own care.
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I will tell her this is a step forward in her move towards independence. I believe moving her home would be a huge step backwards and her rebellion would be even stronger. I've been telling her for some time she has a voice and can use it to keep herself safe. I'm going to tell her she's been doing such a good job with that she's ready to take it to the next level. It will be challenging, and it will be a move forward, not a move backward.
8 comments:
Oh my goodness, that is terrible. Your stress level must have jumped through the roof when you read that e-mail... I am so sorry, is there any way to have someone come with you to help make these ladies understand that your health is at stake here? (not to mention, the steps backwards for your poor daughter?) I'm with you, I did NOT see that coming from them either! All the best.
It's going to be challenging, but we'll make it work.
i think maybe daughter should go and live with therapist , at least temporarily. lol how easy for her to make this suggestion. don;t fall for it. if daughter were able to be at home, she would not have gone to a group home in the first place.
The therapist's advice is ridiculous. Moving your DD back home would be a disaster for both of you.
Don't hold back-- what do you really think? ;-)
Anonymous,
She's not coming home, and it's nice to know nobody thinks I'm terrible. I told Daughter she'd really miss her sisters if she wasn't there. She didn't argue.
some of these therapists make you shake your head. they are so quick to offer an easy suggestion that would be a disaster all the way around. do they even listen to what they say? our therapist said our son would who is 19 now would probably stop running away, stealing money and cars and threatening, drugging at 15 "when he grows up". he's in jail now!!
Most therapists don't really understand all the complexities of adoption and the emotional impact/damage it does. I'm surrounded by strong people who are supporting me in my decision not to bring her home. I'm sorry to hear about your son. I can only begin to imagine the pain.
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