I keep telling Daughter she needs to focus on the positive. I'm trying to do that, too. I'm hanging on to the moments when I catch glimpses of her excitement about moving to the group home. It's hard to ignore the screaming and flying objects, but I am going to focus on those times when she is excitedly making plans.
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I'm going to focus on the fact that she's working on cleaning her bedroom, not on the fact that she intentionally trashed it because she was moving and wanted to express her displeasure. She is there singing hymns as she works, so I'm going to focus on the power music has to calm her.
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I'm going to focus on the fact that I put the futon back together by myself, and not on the back pain I'm now having. I had waited until today, thinking Daughter would help, but it quickly became clear that if I asked for her help in the mood she was in, one of us would end up dead.
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I'm going to focus on the reality that the end is in sight. Soon I won't be living with the volatility and the manipulations. Soon I will be able to unlock things. Soon she will just be coming to visit, and we won't have the conflict that comes when I ask her to clean her room or pick up after herself. I'm going to focus on all the positive things, and I'm going to rejoice.
2 comments:
My DD's "group home" doesn't have even decent supervision but I do focus daily on the same good stuff: the volatility and arguing are gone, as are the worries about school and oppositionality. I'm much more at peace although I do worry about her every minute.
Practicing what you preach is a great thing. You're a terrific mom. Keep up the great work.
Thanks, Maeve. In some ways I am grateful that Daughter is limited enough that she doesn't have the option of choosing where she lives.... Hugs.
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