Holy Week

I was in the office again today-- 4th day off I've worked in a row.  In addition to finishing Sunday's sermon, we also managed to finalize the bulletin for Maundy Thursday.  We feel like we're in pretty good shape going into Holy Week.  I think we could handle a funeral-- though I certainly hope we don't have to do that.  My goal is always to be far enough ahead on the work we can handle a big funeral. 

Administrative Assistant was actually able to leave a little early today.  She's been working a lot of extra hours.  I'm glad we're closing the office for 2 days after Easter.  We both are looking forward to that time off.  

Daughter is still struggling with the staff changes at her house.  Home Owner laid into one of the staff members about the way she was treating the residents.  Daughter was shocked and pleased.  Her concerns were heard.  She survived her birthday.  She saw Psychiatrist this week, and her lithium was increased again.  She goes back in a month.  I hope the increase will help.  Psychiatrist said that spring causes cycling in many people with bipolar.  She also asked me directly what medication changes I wanted.  I'm not sure if that's good news or bad news.  I'm grateful she respects me, but wish there was a better way to determine needs.   

I'm through the third week of my therapy for my arm.  I'm spending 40 minutes a day attached to the bone stimulator.  My next x-ray is April 13.  I know my hand and wrist is getting stronger.  I hope the bone is also healing. 

28

Daughter has a birthday this week.  She will be 28.  Birthdays prompt an existential crisis for her.  "I'm going to be 28 years old.  I should be able to live in my own apartment."  We go through this every year.  I keep reminding her of what needs to happen for her to live independently.  She keeps telling me she's doing better and can handle it. 

Of course, it doesn't help that once again their is changing going on at her group home.  One staff member quit after creating much chaos.  The continuing staff member yells, triggering Daughter's PTSD.  There is also a new staff member, and a new resident moved in this weekend.  Change and Daughter do not get along very well. 

Holy Week is approaching, and I have been in the office the last three Fridays (supposedly my day off).  So Daughter is having an existential crisis and I am lacking in patience.  It is not a good combination, and I have been lacking in patience with her.  Yesterday I tried to remind her of the conversations we had when she turned 18 and when she graduated from high school.  Both times I explained to her that age was just a number, and it didn't mean she was suddenly all grown up.  That's something else that annoys me.  I don't like the word grown-up, as it implies that we reach a point and no longer need to learn and grow.  For people like Daughter, that idea makes accepting limits harder. 

Administrative Assistant and I have been talking recently about how much she has grown and matured in the 4 1/2 years we've been here.  Daughter doesn't recognize that, which is unfortunate.  I keep reminding her, and I continue to hope.  She has now been with me for 25 years.  Next month we'll celebrate the 20th anniversary of the adoption.  I never thought I'd still be parenting this intensely at this point.  Despite the challenges, I'm grateful to be her mom.  It would be nice, though, if her existential crises came during less busy times in the church year. 

A New One

This morning I received a phone call at 3:45.  When the phone rings at that hour, I have mentally run through the sick list before I answer, anticipating news of a death.  This morning, though, I was informed that there was a broken water main in front of the church, which had created a huge sink hole in the middle of the street, which was closed.  We would have to cancel worship.  So we did.  It was the first time I've had to cancel worship for that reason.  I had several more phone calls over the next several hours as we figured out logistics, so I didn't get up until late.  Daughter and I went out to lunch.  It has been warm today, so I spent some time working in the yard today.  I wore my brace and was very careful. 

I'm working on all my exercises from physical therapy, trying to strengthen the wrist.  I'm getting the bone stimulator tomorrow, and I hope that when I go back to the orthopedist after Easter, the bones will be healed.

Daughter has been very cooperative this weekend, which has been nice.  It's been a good weekend.  

Daughter's Heart

A couple of weeks ago we had our Sunday evening prayer service, which Daughter has come to love.  We got into the car following it, and she became to sob.  When I asked what was wrong, she told me she must be praying wrong, because the man who had just been diagnosed with cancer wasn't improving.  "Mom, that family has been through so much.  They just lost someone they loved.  His grandchildren love him so much and are so young.  They need him."  I was touched.  We talked about prayer all the way home, and by the time I dropped her off, she recognized that it wasn't her fault. She wrote some lovely thoughts she gave to the widow.  

Yesterday evening was our monthly children's ministry.  She was so happy following it.  "The time with the children is just so good for my spirit."  She was dancing through the store when we stopped to pick up a few things-- and it was late.  It is fun spending time with the kids.  I enjoyed it, too.  We made some changes this month and it improved it.  We had the kids suggesting verses to one song, and it was just a fun time.  I told Administrative Assistant that one of the things I love about ministry is that while I'm writing a memorial service I'm also planning music for the children's ministry.  That variety is wonderful. 

I've spent time in the office my last two Fridays, which are supposed to be my day off.  While it doesn't thrill me, it's okay, as long as it doesn't happen too often.  We have been working ahead, and overall we are caught up.  It's just a matter of having too many major events to prepare for in one week.  By going in on Friday, I can finish the sermon and truly enjoy my Saturday, so I consider it time well spent. 

Spring

There have been hints of spring in the air this past week, and it is much appreciated.  The snow and ice are beginning to melt, and I have determined it is now safe to make the journey to the end of my driveway to retrieve my mail. 

There has been lots going on, and some of it has been stressful, to say the least.  Highlights: 

• Daughter continues to cycle, and is often manic.  She has two men she is seeing right now, and the one she is going to marry changes daily.  Earlier this week she wanted to move into an apartment with one.  We had a series of conversations that day, and she was not happy with me, to say the least.  At one point, I told her I loved her and the conversation wasn't going anywhere, so I hung up.  She called back so she could hang up on me. 
• While I was meeting with a family to plan a funeral, Administrative Assistant interrupted to tell me a man from adult protective services was at the church to talk to Daughter and me.  It seems that they are establishing a pattern of having adult protective services involved with staff changes.  ..This time, the old staff didn't like the new woman, so was convincing the women to report that the new staff member was physically abusing them.  
• Our new treasurer was having difficulty getting the January financial statement to balance.  He is now on a quest to find mistakes in past reports.  At one point, he wanted all the records since 2007.  We still haven't received a January financial statement from him.  He comes into the office several days a week to ask Administrative Assistant to print him more reports.  
• I finally went for a second opinion on my broken arm.  I'm back wearing my brace (and Administrative Assistant and I worked together to create sleeves to wear under it to reduce irritation.  I'm getting physical therapy and will be getting a bone stimulator.  I go back to the new doctor after Easter.  
• A man came by to talk about his struggles with his adult children.  I made a suggestion, and received a text from his wife that evening thanking me.  My suggestion had helped.  
• Two of our staff members were in to tell me they are resigning.  We have a plan to fill one position, but have to figure something out for the other.  

 Today we had a memorial service for a member.  We buried his son several years ago, and he was diagnosed with the same cancer about a month before his death.  It was a big service.  Most of our members who aren't retired took time off work to be there.  Both the memorial service and the visitation yesterday were  at the church.  We did it this way for his son, and people complained that it was too much work.  They weren't sure we should do it this way again, as most of our members are older and we couldn't count on them.  The congregation has changed.  One woman said yesterday that we've become more caring as I've worked with our pastoral care team-- and it's not just that team, it's the entire congregation.  There were no complaints, and more than enough help.

The daughter called to tell me he had just died.  I asked where they were, and told her I was on my way.  I asked Administrative Assistant for  the address, and wrote a note giving the password for my computer and the key instructions for the Bible study I was supposed to lead in 3 hours.  I asked AA to call someone to fill in if I wasn't back in time.  The fire department was still there when I arrived, and I stayed with them through the coroner and the funeral home coming.  A member showed up to be with the family, and I left, arriving back at the church in time to lead the Bible study, which the potential sub had set up for me. 

We had more help than we needed for everything.  A member took care of recruiting readers for the  service.  Someone else coordinated food and had hosts here for the visitation.  Someone else prepared a meal for the family last night during visitation, meeting their special dietary needs.  AA and I were amazed today.  People were seeing needs and taking care of them.  A man came up and asked if they should go get more chairs to set up.  I suggested they move some of the choir chairs down into the congregation.  The next thing I knew, he had six men over there taking care of it.  Not only that, but they put them back following the service without being asked.  A number of friends of the family commented on how wonderful the congregation had been and the support they'd provided the family.  "There's a lot of love in this church." 

Last night the choir director said he would be at the service today.  I said if I'd known he was taking time off to be there, I'd have asked him to sing a solo.  I mentioned what I had in mind.  He said he had the music at home and would be glad to sing it.  He scanned the music and emailed it to our pianist last night.  He did a beautiful job with it today, and it fit perfectly.  We decided it was a God thing.  

It truly was a gift to see the congregation pull together to surround this family with love, especially when I think about how many of our members are hiding in southern states right now.  I was able to come home this evening, since a member agreed to take Daughter home after choir tonight. 

Tomorrow evening is our children's ministry, and Saturday is a 90th birthday celebration, so it was nice to have an evening at home alone.  I continue to love being in ministry with this particular congregation.  Daughter continues to have moments when she drives me crazy.  She also continues to grow and impress me with her compassion for others.  I'd like to say things are slowing down and I will post more frequently, however, with Lent in full swing and Easter right around the corner, that seems unlikely....

21 Months

I went to get the "final x-ray" on the arm I broke 21 months ago last Friday.  There has been some healing, and it needs to do more.  Most concerning, there is a "halo" around one screw, which indicates the bone has been moving and is now loose in the bone.  He wants me to come in for another x-ray in the fall. 

I spoke to my nurse practitioner on Monday.  She's referring me to someone who specializes in the forearm for a second opinion.  She also thought it was a good idea to start wearing my brace again.  So, I'm back in the brace.  I bought some socks yesterday and am cutting off the toes to make a sleeve to go under the brace.  The skin was getting very irritated.

I think Daughter is still slightly manic.  Her program was closed today, so she called and wanted to come over here this morning.  She helped me with some cleaning.  A friend came over to play Scrabble this afternoon.  Yesterday she had a plan to buy a house, build a house, save money to pay for insurance for the truck she wants to buy.  She's going to finance this with her workshop paychecks.  $1.98 for the last two weeks.  When I suggest her plans might not be realistic, she accuses me of not supporting her.  I suggested she start by controlling her eating.  She really doesn't want to hear that. 

I'm pondering rearranging part of the house.  We have a living room we rarely use.  I have a sewing machine downstairs, and I don't like going down the basement stairs.  I'm thinking about bringing it upstairs and turning the living room into an office/craft space.  Daughter thinks it's a great idea.  We'll see. 

Lent has begun, so life is busy at the church right now.  We have a board meeting Monday evening, which will be interesting.  It's the first one after our big planning meeting, so we will be planning how to move forward with the goals we've set. 

Birthdays

Today is my birthday.  There have been many years Daughter did her best to ruin my birthday.  When I picked her up yesterday, she was complaining about living in a group home and expressing her desire to die rather than continuing to live there.  I wasn't very sympathetic.  She managed to turn it around. 

Today she was up before me, making scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast that she served me in bed.  She gave me a pretty little cross necklace with breakfast so I could wear it today.   

As I walked into my office before worship, I could hear the choir director explaining that today was my birthday.  I walked into the choir room and glared.  They were embarrassed, but it didn't stop their plot.  They had the congregation sing happy birthday to me before worship. 

After church Daughter waited (sort of) patiently as I talked to various people.  Then she took bought our lunches at our usual Sunday lunch diner.  We came home and watched a couple of movies one of the men loaned her today.

It has been a good day.  I'm realizing that I'm getting older, and my ministry is beginning to wind down.  This fall will be the 30th anniversary of my ordination.  I hope to work another 10 years before I retire.  I have mixed feelings about retirement.  I know Administrative Assistant will probably retire within the next 3 or 4 years.  She is 6 years older than I am.  I've tried to talk her into retiring at the same time, but I don't think that's working. 

Lent is rapidly approaching, and so it's a busy time at the church.  Good thing I love my job.

Blizzards

I've been dealing with blizzards-- of snow, of illness, of phone calls. 

Sunday was the lowest attendance in the 4 years I've been here.  It was snowing heavily.  People dispersed relatively quickly after worship.  I took Daughter out for lunch and then took her home.  When I got home, my poor car could not make it up the slope of my driveway.  After several attempts, I parked in the street.  I was pondering trying to clear the driveway as I walked up to the house.  I slipped on the driveway and my arm started to tingle.  I think it was telling me not to even think about it. 

Yesterday one of the men came over with his snowblower and salt.  It still took 3 men to push my car up the driveway to the garage.  We cancelled yesterday evening's meeting and I stayed home.  Much of the city was shut down.  This morning the roads were better, and I was able to get over to the church (where one of our men spent 2 1/2 hrs clearing the sidewalks and such at the church-- there was 3 ft drift in front of the office door.  We are supposed to get more snow overnight.  I hope it's not too much. 

We have 3 people right now struggling with very serious illnesses.   Two are facing death, and one is facing major lifestyle changes.  All of them are relatively young.  (Of course, my definition of young changes with each passing year.)  I'm providing care to the patients and their families and to all the church members who are upset by these illnesses. 

The final blizzard is the most frustrating.  Daughter is manic.  She is calling me multiple times a day, and texting when she isn't calling.  She sent a text at 2 in the morning informing me she wanted to learn to drive and she needed a Ford truck.  She has a new boyfriend, and wants to get engaged.  She informed me this morning that they will be getting married in November. 

She is driving me buggy.  She has decided she doesn't trust the new staff member, C.  Of course, she didn't like the old staff member, R, until the new one arrived.  Last night I received a call from Home Owner.  Daughter was refusing to take her meds from C.  She wanted to wait for R to get back.  R wasn't going to be back until morning.  She had taken one of the residents to the ER, and she had been admitted.  Home Owner had asked her to spend the night with the resident at the hospital.  She did finally take her meds.  She gets on a roll and is calling me every 20 minutes.  Her mood can change drastically between phone calls.  The snow has kept them home the last two days.  I hope she can go in tomorrow, though we are supposed to get more snow tonight. 

I'm hoping all the blizzards are almost over.  

U-Turn

Daughter sent me a text in the middle of the night Wednesday, complaining because staff was telling her she had to stop walking around her room rearranging things.  She was making too much noise.  She was outraged, because she was trying to be quiet. 

When she called me in the morning, she was still unhappy.  She was even less happy when I supported staff.  She informed me that she wouldn't be coming to the church and hung up on me.  I was talking to Sister when she called back the first time.  "I know you need me, so I guess I'll come."  "That's alright, you can stay home, we can manage without you." 

I told Sister she would call back shortly and tell me she wanted to come to the church for her volunteer work and apologize.  She did.  I agreed to pick her up. 

When I picked her up, I reminded her of how she had complained when the staff member in the bedroom next to her had had her TV on all night.  I reminded her that she said she didn't mean to disturb her, but it did.  Daughter did not like that.  When she started whining and complaining, I told her to stop.  She was silent a minute, and then complained, "I can't believe the devil has gotten to my own mother." 

I took her back home.  She was fighting tears as she went back into the house, and I'm sure became hysterical once inside.  Hopefully she learned something.  I informed her she had to apologize to the staff member, and she told me she had yesterday evening. 

I won't see her again until Thursday, as I have our big planning meeting tomorrow.  She said Home Owner reminded staff that when Daughter is up in the middle of the night, they should give her her sleeping pill.  I hope they do, and I also hope she becomes more respectful.  She now knows I am willing to make a u-turn and take her back home.  That's good. 

Off

This was one of those Sundays when a number of things went wrong, and I just felt off all morning.  Today we were installing officers, and one of our women was supposed to be lay leader and participate in the installation.  She emailed me last night.  She was sick, and couldn't find a sub.  So I got to church and had to find someone to take her place. 

Then the choir was late.  The clock in the choir room was 10 minutes slow, and it was time for worship to begin and they were no where to  be found.  Someone had to go get them, and so worship was late starting. 

When I got up to preach, there was something wrong with my microphone.  It is one that I wear over my ear.  I love it.  But it was full of static this morning.  I turned it off and the sound people gave me a cordless handheld (I pace when I'm leading worship).  I then had to juggle the microphone and the remote to control the Power Point, which requires coordination and multi-tasking skills that I don't possess.

The result:  I wasn't happy with the way worship went this morning.  It all felt off.  Fortunately, it doesn't happen very often.  Next Sunday I'm off on a personal retreat day.  We have the big planning meeting Saturday, and I use Sunday to pray and reflect on what has been discussed an plan for my priorities.  I'm glad I have it off-- I think I need it.  It will be a busy week. 

Disengaging

Daughter continues to have her ups and downs, and rationality seems beyond her right now.  She is unwilling to take responsibility for her life, and doesn't recognize how contradictory her statements can be. 

This morning she was complaining because we are pushing her too hard to fast.  Yesterday we were holding her back. 

She wants to live with a nurse, and she will pay her nurse out of her paycheck ($3 for the last 2 weeks).  She can't handle living in group homes.  There are too many people and it's too overwhelming.  She wants to live in a larger group home because she'll be happy there. 

I have stopped locking food up, and she is responding by getting up and eating during the night.  I remind her she can't have any more freedom until she can control her eating. 

She can't handle a painting class at Painting with a Twist because the verbal instructions are too overwhelming.  She wants me to help her enroll in nursing school. 

She has a new boyfriend, but it's okay because if they get married he won't force her to have sex. 

She wants a  better job.  Her volunteer job at the church is too much work. 

I am disengaging from the turmoil.  I occasionally point out the contradictions, but for the most part I let her talk and just nod. 

She wanted to come help me this weekend, so she is now pouting on the sofa under a blanket.  It's amazing we both don't have whiplash. 

.Update

Life has been busy.  After Christmas I'm always exhausted, and then we had a death while I was on vacation.  I gave up 3 days of vacation to plan and lead the memorial service.  The widow was mad at me for not getting up to the hospital.  The report I had was that they were going to re-evaluate him on Monday and see about sending him to a nursing home.  He died Sunday.  If I'd known he was that sick, I would have been there.  If they had called and asked me to come, I would have been there. 

After the memorial service I got hit hard by a virus.  I spent a day in bed.  Daughter was wonderful, preparing food for me and tending to my needs.  I hadn't recovered from the virus when we had another death and another funeral. 

The church system has a great deal of anxiety in it right now.  People are grouchy and blowing minor things out of proportion.  In addition to planning for our big January planning meeting, I'm also dealing with a woman who has decided to stop treatment for her cancer.  I don't anticipate her living long.  She's in her 50's, and people are upset about her illness.  Every time someone visits her, they call me to process their feelings, which is fine, but takes time and emotional energy.

Daughter is still all over the place, desperately trying to escape the chaos in her own mind.  Her plans are all totally unrealistic, but she isn't able to see that.  When she went back to the house after Christmas, there was a new live-in staff member.  She hasn't handled that change well.  I'm back to hanging up on her.  The good news is that Home Owner has finally decided I know what I'm talking about.  It's nice to have her respecting me and seeking my input.  Administrative Assistant's comment:  "It's about time."

We still haven't had our family Christmas.  It's now been moved 4 times do to illness or scheduling conflicts.  We are now planning at celebrating at Sister's on February 14.  Daughter things that's totally inappropriate because it's Valentine's Day.  Too bad. 

I think I have finally recovered from my virus, and I now have a plan for the big planning meeting.  Hopefully I will be able to update more frequently now. 

Merry Christmas!

Daughter has been with me since Tuesday evening.  She was very helpful yesterday in the office.  We got everything one we wanted to get done, and I'm grateful.  Our Christmas miracle:  we ran out of toner for the printer right after we finished the last bulletin.  We didn't have a spare. 

We had children involved in yesterday evening's service, and that was nice.  One major frustration.  Psychiatrist increase Daughter's anti psychotic from 160 mg to 180 mg by adding a 20 mg pill to to the two 80 mg pills.  Staff apparently wasn't told the plan-- they dropped the two 80 mg pills and just gave her the 20 mg.  I'm going to get her up to the proper dosage, but gradually. 

Saturday I've made us reservations to go paint a winter scene.  Daughter is excited.  I'm looking forward to it, too.  So far, she's doing well.  She told me she'd been looking forward to spending this time with me.  That's nice to hear.  I'm working on Sunday, and next Friday we'll have our family Christmas celebration.  The rest of the time I'm off.  I am tired, and need this time off.   We slept in a bit today, and hopefully will sleep in a bit longer tomorrow. 

I hope all of you are having a merry Christmas.  May this coming year bring you many blessings. 

Headache

Yesterday morning I woke up with a headache.  I don't get headaches very often, and I'm grateful.  Yesterday's headache was bad.   I had some nausea and dizziness with it.  When I got to church, there were people with questions.  I referred them all to Administrative Assistant.  I thought once worship started I did pretty well.  I had to catch myself a couple of times and I struggled with balance, but I thought I covered pretty well. 

I took Daughter to lunch and then dropped her off at her house.  I then came home and did nothing for the rest of the day.  I got comfortable in bed and did some reading and played some computer games.  This morning I woke up headache free.  (I had it all day yesterday.)  I actually got to the church before AA this morning, and it was a productive day. 

I had announced yesterday in worship that people could bring their poinsettias in today or tomorrow, and they could wave and stay hi as they went by the office, but not hang around, as we'd be busy.  The congregation laughed, and for the most part respected that request today.  One man stopped by in the afternoon.  He walked over to me, put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Are you okay?"  I hadn't spoken to him yesterday, though I know he was in worship.  I assured him I was fine, and headache free.  He told me he'd been worried about my yesterday, and wondered if I'd make it through the service.  Once he knew I was okay, he left.  I guess I didn't do that good a job of covering my discomfort.

I will be picking Daughter up tomorrow evening.  She will spend Wednesday folding bulletins.  AA 2 adult kids are home for Christmas and may get drafted, too.  I think we drafted them last year, too.  Things at the church are in pretty good shape.  My house is a mess.  Daughter promised she'd help me with cleaning when she gets here.  I'm grateful. 

Three out of Five

Daughter saw Psychiatrist on Thursday.  Psychiatrist increased 3 of the 5 medications she has prescribed for Daughter.  I am cautiously optimistic.  When we left Psychiatrist's office, Daughter was sobbing.  She didn't understand what had been said and had misinterpreted much of it.  By the time we got back to the church (Thursday is her day volunteering in the office), I had calmed her down.  She went into my office and crashed, sleeping for a couple of hours.  Last night Daughter had a Christmas party.  She was out late, and was in a crowd with loud music.  When she called me last night, she was happy.  She had been able to handle the chaos.  She wouldn't have been able to do that a week ago. 

The last few weeks have been challenging to say the least.  They would have been more challenging if she'd been living with me.  She was manufacturing drama on a daily basis.  At one point, she had people convinced she had diabetic neuropathy in her feet.  I told them to tell her her feet would stop hurting if she would wear sensible shoes.  The nurse and case manager wanted to rush her off to an endocrinologist.  I informed them her physician had examined her feet for signs of diabetic neuropathy last month, and she had passed with flying colors.  I said it was her latest attempt to get attention, and that when I told her her feet were fine and to cut it out, she insisted that at that moment they had been bothering her. 

She was calling multiple times a day, each time with a new plan.  What was real was that she wasn't sleeping, and something had triggered her PTSD so that she didn't feel safe anyplace.  At one point I was in a meeting at the church in a room with no cell signal.  When she couldn't reach me, she was calling people to go to my house and check on me, as she was sure I was dead.  She was in a panic-- and she knew I had a meeting that evening. 

I've discovered that this congregation has the same tendency to act out in weird ways when Daughter is distracting me.  So I heard all about how we never sing familiar hymns, and the new ones we introduce occasionally all all horrible.  We've been singing a new response in worship, and I said it would continue until Christmas, at which point they said, "Oh, we like that one.  It's okay."  They were contradicting themselves all over the place.  The most frustrating part, though, is that only Daughter and one other person responded to our request for them to give us the names of hymns they wanted to sing-- and the insert was in the bulletin in the midst of their complaining.  So they hate all the new songs (except for the ones we like) and we never sing anything familiar (except for when we do) but they aren't going to tell us what they want to sing. 

They complain I don't visit the shut-ins enough.  I told them I'd take home communion to any who wanted it before Christmas, and told the care group to check with their people to see if they wanted it.  One shut-in wanted it, so her care person emailed everyone except me about her desire to have communion.  One of the people who did receive the email asked me about it.  I told her I hadn't received the email.  She promised to tell the care person she needed to contact me.  Of course, she hasn't.  I emailed her today.  We are running out of time before Christmas.  I understand she sent the email Tuesday, but I didn't hear about it until Thursday evening, and Friday was my day off, a day off I desperately needed.  Administrative Assistant thinks we are in pretty good shape with the work that needs to get done.  There are 4 more bulletins and a newsletter that need to get done in 3 days this week, so I hope she's right.  I also have 2 more sermons to finalize.  Beginning Christmas Day, I will have time off.  I will be leading worship on the 28th and the 4th, but the rest of the time I'll be able to relax.  I'm looking forward to it.  I'll jump back in to get ready for the board retreat on the 5th.  Hopefully, with Daughter more stable, some of the passive-aggressive stuff at the church will stop.  I should also be better able to handle it.  

Tuesday evening I'll pick up Daughter, and she'll be with me until January 4.  Psychiatrist told me how to get in contact with her if there is a problem.  I'm hoping there won't be. 

How Much?

It seems the last couple of weeks in the church office have been about seeing how much work we can cram into a week.  This week the worship committee met Monday night, I had a memorial service Tuesday night, a Blue Christmas service Wednesday night, and choir practice Thursday night.  We had to do 4 bulletins and a newsletter in the office. 

Monday-Wednesday I ate supper at the church.  Last night I took Daughter out for supper before choir.  Today is my day off, and I'm taking it.  Tomorrow I have a bell choir rehearsal at 10:00 for Sunday's concert, which is at 3:00.  I need to make some food for the reception following the concert.  This coming week should be easier-- I only have 3 nights at the church. 

Daughter decided to add some excitement to the week by claiming one of the men at her program was sexually harassing her.  She kept calling me, and I kept referring her back to the staff there.  Her case manager called and filled me in.  The man in question is heavily drugged, and during breaks stands by the lockers swaying and staring off into space.  Daughter claimed he was staring at her.  She had quite a story.  After talking to Case Manager, I was ready for Daughter's call.  She had worked on a plan with Home Owner about stopping the harassment, which she said included groping.  I informed her I had spoken to Case Manager and to cut it out.  I said staring off into space was not sexual harassment and if it bothered her, she should sit so she couldn't see him.  She texted Home Owner and told her to forget everything she had said. 

The next day Social Worker at program called me for advice on how to handle it.  I told her I suspected the problem had been solved by my conversation with her.  Home Owner had sent out an email about her conversation to everyone on the team but me.  I told her it was possible that he was behaving in a way that was triggering her PTSD, which could make her very reactive and lead to exaggerations.  I suggested that if she complained again, she tell Daughter she had talked to me and she would have to go to one of the other programs (away from her friends) until she felt safe.  Social Worker reported that Daughter had stopped complaining. 

Yesterday Daughter was at the church, and was very helpful and cooperative.  We gave her as much work as we could, and she did it all without complaining.  As I was driving to her house to pick up her supper time pills (which staff forgot to give her), she told me I looked tired.  I informed her I was tired and reminded her I'd been at the church every night that week.  She does not understand that I am working when she isn't with me.  She just can't seem to comprehend that. 

Today I'm being very lazy.  With my comfortable new adjustable bed, I have it adjusted so I'm sitting up and reading and spending time on the computer.  I'm warm and comfy.  It makes for a wonderful day off.  Unfortunately, I need to get up and get some of the chores done that I didn't get to through the week. 

That Time of Year

Life has gotten crazy busy around here.  I try to limit my evening commitments to 3 a week.  Last week I had 4 in a row, and it will be the same this coming week.  Including 3 completely different worship services in 4 days.  I have one that I still need to finish. 

Yesterday would have been my mom's 84th birthday.  She was born on Thanksgiving Day, so whenever her birthday fell on Thanksgiving it was special.  This was the first time that happened since her death 5 years ago.  It's hard to believe my parents have been gone for 5 years.  We gathered at my brother's for our celebration, which was my parents' home.  It is the house we all grew up in.  It was small, packed, and noisy, but I got to see my wonderful nephews, so that was wonderful.  Baby Nephew is a very happy baby. I got lots of baby snuggles in. 

Daughter continues to struggle some.  We came home early-- the noise and chaos were overwhelming her. She has spent more time with me, and has been cooperative.  She likes me to build fires in the fireplace, and is even willing to fetch the firewood from the garage.  I've enjoyed the fires, too.  It's been cold. 

Breakfast in Bed

Daughter is staying with me this weekend.  She's actually been with me since Thursday evening.  Yesterday, she made me breakfast in bed, then accompanied me on a number of errands.  We had our children's ministry last night.  One of the younger guys was unhappy with the group he was in, I was impressed with the way she knelt next to him and wiped the tears from his eyes.  He ended up having a good time, and was glad to rejoin his friends at the end for some videos. 

Today, we've been busy working around the house.  She has been cooperative and helpful.  She continues to work on her dreams, and she continues to be unrealistic.  I continue to remind her she has to go a year without getting into extra food before she can move.  Since she got into food today, she reset the calendar. 

She showed me the notebook in which she's  been writing her plans.  She has decided she wants to live in a house, not an apartment.  She wants 4 bedrooms, a big kitchen with an island and double ovens, and much more.  I told her I didn't think she could afford it.  She wants to adopt a baby.  She wants to baby to be a 10 month old girl from overseas.  She was willing to consider an older child if absolutely necessary. 

Daughter has a very difficult time with the concept of money and what is and isn't realistic.  She is doing better now that she's back on the lithium.  She's decided she'll stay in her current house until she moves into her own place.  She doesn't want to move into another group home.  As far as I am concerned, that is excellent news and a great relief. 

Things continue to be busy at the church.  I've had lots of people wanting time with me.  I told Administrative Assistant that I'm just too popular.  Fortunately, I love every minute of it. The retreat I went on left me a little bit behind, but it was worth every minute I spent on it.  I gained some important insights into myself and why I've been avoiding some things.  I will share some of those insights at another time. 

Appropriate Tears

Daughter called around supper time, in tears.  My heart sank.  She'd been doing so well.  What was she going to say to convince me she had to move?  I asked what was wrong, and she told me she'd been on Facebook.  She saw a note from a month ago.  A member of the church in Tiny Village had died.  Daughter called her granny, and they loved each other. 

We talked for a while.  I reminded her how Granny loved to write poetry, and suggested she could write a poem honoring Granny.  She thought that was a good idea. 

I had not told her of the death because I didn't think she was able to handle it.  Today, she was appropriately sad, and was able to receive comfort. 

I'm going to be at a retreat Thursday.  Administrative Assistant is going to pick her up for choir in the evening, but not to work in the office.  When I explained this to her, she was fine with that.  A couple of weeks ago she would have been upset by the change in routine.  She is definitely improving. 

I am much less stressed now, which is good.  I'm looking forward to the retreat, which begins tomorrow.  Life is good. 

Improvement

Daughter is definitely improving.  She's calling me less, and when she does call, she's happier.  There's much less drama, and I am very grateful.  I get more done when she's stable. Daughter continues to insist that she wants to move.  I've told her we'll talk about that when she's healed.  I'm hoping and praying she'll decide she can stay where she is. 

Last week was very busy at the church.  Things here are going really well.  Worship attendance is growing, and we have a number of visitors who are becoming regulars.  Some of them will join-- we're having a new members class this Sunday following worship. 

On Wednesday, I'll be leaving for a retreat/seminar on spiritual practices and reinvigorating local congregations.  I think we are getting reinvigorated.  Last year we set up for 60 people for the monthly fellowship meal following worship.  This fall, we upped the number to 80, and I think we'll add another 10 come January. Not everyone stays for the fellowship meal.  Last year we averaged 85 in worship.  Our average since September is over 100.

I continue to have to evaluate priorities and how I'm spending my time.  I'm no longer going to everything.  Last week I was at the church every day, so I'm glad I'll be out of the office a few days this week.