Today was Palm Sunday, and in worship we did the You Are There program that so many people have invested so many hours in. Attendance was good-- up 15% from last week, and up 30% from last year's average attendance. The congregation expressed great appreciation for the program, and a number were in tears from the power of the story. We are very blessed to have such talented and dedicated people in the congregation.
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Sister and Short Niece came for worship. We went out to eat after the service, and they took Daughter home while I went back to the church for a meeting. Short Niece went down for Sunday School, and she came up and told her mom she wants to come here every Sunday. Sister pointed out it is a long drive for every Sunday.
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The service went very smoothly this morning. I am relieved that it is over. One of the members came up to me following the service, "Someone told me you wrote that."
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I acknowledged I had. He said, "I was sitting there thinking this is pretty good for canned program, but if you wrote it, wow, it's really good!" I thanked him. I love doing this kind of thing. I loved telling the story from the perspective of the moment. I have done lots of first person things, but it has always been from the perspective of today. To write about what the disciples and the women were thinking and feeling at the time it was happening, prior to the resurrection, was different. It seems that some of the power I was experiencing as I wrote the story was received by those who attended. I'm glad. Very glad.
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I also realized that some of our newer members don't come from a church background. It is very possible that this was the first time they heard the whole Passion story at once. I find new meaning in it every year. I hope they experienced some of that meaning. I'm exhausted, so excuse misspelled and misused words. I've caught several mistakes as I've been writing, but I'm sure I missed some, too.
Showing posts with label families. Show all posts
Showing posts with label families. Show all posts
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Quite a Day!
My friends from Tiny Village were in worship this morning. It was great to see them, and I enjoyed showing them around and introducing them to people. Following worship we had our annual meeting. We totally changed the format this year. Instead of receiving a written report, we had leaders stand up and talk about the accomplishments of the past year and highlight the goals for the coming year. We made use of the PowerPoint, too. Several people told me how much they looked the new format following the meeting.
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We then had a fellowship meal and drew names for the quilt raffle. It was hilarious. One of the women announced that they were having someone new draw this time, as the person who had been doing the drawing drew her own name. So the new drawer announced that her name was not in the basket-- and promptly drew her husband's name. That was good for a laugh. I won the second quilt, a bright, beautiful butterfly quilt that will go well in Daughter's bright bedroom here. I hadn't purchased any linens to go with her bright paint selections. Now I'll need to get some fabric and make some curtains for her room.
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After the fellowship meal and raffle drawing, we began work on our Palm Sunday plans. I was blown away by the quality of the acting. We had backdrops and props, and I was amazed at how good everything looked and sounded. When people finished taping their parts, they stayed to cheer on the others. Worship began at 10:00, and it was after 2:30 before we were done. The comment as we were leaving? "That was fun!"
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They were very patient as I rewrote some of their parts. I'd hear things when they read them that I hadn't noticed before. It was really hard to get the verb tenses right. I hope we caught them all. People were good natured as we had them switch costumes after we realized that what they were wearing was too close to the colors in the backdrop. We had that happen twice.
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Fortunately, I'd recruited someone to cover the nursing home service so we made the 95 mile drive to Brother's house, arriving about 5:00. Brother made fajitas on the grill, which were wonderful. Baby Nephew was as charming as ever. He was the first one year old I've met who didn't like his birthday cake. He thought the frosting was okay, but wouldn't have anything to do with the chocolate cake, spitting it out when he was fed some. No cute pictures of him digging into his first birthday cake. He still is reluctant to walk on his own. At one point he was pushing a card table chair around the living room. He is talking some, and loves balls. I obliged by giving him one, because that's what aunts do.
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Daughter did well today. She was patient through all the Palm Sunday work, telling me later that it was "phenomenal." She's spending the night here tonight, and I will drop her off at her program tomorrow morning. Next weekend I'll have her home Saturday. Her birthday is on Monday, and so we'll celebrate it this weekend.
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I'm tired tonight. I won't be in a hurry to get into the church tomorrow. I think I can go in a little late....
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We then had a fellowship meal and drew names for the quilt raffle. It was hilarious. One of the women announced that they were having someone new draw this time, as the person who had been doing the drawing drew her own name. So the new drawer announced that her name was not in the basket-- and promptly drew her husband's name. That was good for a laugh. I won the second quilt, a bright, beautiful butterfly quilt that will go well in Daughter's bright bedroom here. I hadn't purchased any linens to go with her bright paint selections. Now I'll need to get some fabric and make some curtains for her room.
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After the fellowship meal and raffle drawing, we began work on our Palm Sunday plans. I was blown away by the quality of the acting. We had backdrops and props, and I was amazed at how good everything looked and sounded. When people finished taping their parts, they stayed to cheer on the others. Worship began at 10:00, and it was after 2:30 before we were done. The comment as we were leaving? "That was fun!"
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They were very patient as I rewrote some of their parts. I'd hear things when they read them that I hadn't noticed before. It was really hard to get the verb tenses right. I hope we caught them all. People were good natured as we had them switch costumes after we realized that what they were wearing was too close to the colors in the backdrop. We had that happen twice.
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Fortunately, I'd recruited someone to cover the nursing home service so we made the 95 mile drive to Brother's house, arriving about 5:00. Brother made fajitas on the grill, which were wonderful. Baby Nephew was as charming as ever. He was the first one year old I've met who didn't like his birthday cake. He thought the frosting was okay, but wouldn't have anything to do with the chocolate cake, spitting it out when he was fed some. No cute pictures of him digging into his first birthday cake. He still is reluctant to walk on his own. At one point he was pushing a card table chair around the living room. He is talking some, and loves balls. I obliged by giving him one, because that's what aunts do.
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Daughter did well today. She was patient through all the Palm Sunday work, telling me later that it was "phenomenal." She's spending the night here tonight, and I will drop her off at her program tomorrow morning. Next weekend I'll have her home Saturday. Her birthday is on Monday, and so we'll celebrate it this weekend.
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I'm tired tonight. I won't be in a hurry to get into the church tomorrow. I think I can go in a little late....
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Relief
The challenges with Daughter's home was really taking a toll on me. Now that she's doing better, I have energy to do things, like finishing a home improvement project, cleaning the kitchen and family room, doing laundry, paying bills, etc.
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It feels good to be getting things done. It's wonderful to hear Daughter happy. I ordered her a keyboard for her birthday later this month. She has wanted one forever, but we have a piano and I told her she could play the real piano. She didn't like that. Now that she's moved out, she wants one. She took her piano books, but she says the piano at the house is out of tune and some of the keys don't work. She'll be happy. It makes my life easy. I've taken care of her birthday.
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Baby Nephew is turning 1 this month. They've scheduled his birthday party. With Short Niece visiting her Dad every other weekend and my schedule, it was a challenge. It's going to begin at 4:00 on a Sunday afternoon. That particular Sunday I have worship, congregational meeting, fellowship meal, and then nursing home worship. I'll be late to the party. I think I'll need a good night's sleep the night before....
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It feels good to be getting things done. It's wonderful to hear Daughter happy. I ordered her a keyboard for her birthday later this month. She has wanted one forever, but we have a piano and I told her she could play the real piano. She didn't like that. Now that she's moved out, she wants one. She took her piano books, but she says the piano at the house is out of tune and some of the keys don't work. She'll be happy. It makes my life easy. I've taken care of her birthday.
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Baby Nephew is turning 1 this month. They've scheduled his birthday party. With Short Niece visiting her Dad every other weekend and my schedule, it was a challenge. It's going to begin at 4:00 on a Sunday afternoon. That particular Sunday I have worship, congregational meeting, fellowship meal, and then nursing home worship. I'll be late to the party. I think I'll need a good night's sleep the night before....
Sunday, February 26, 2012
On a Cheerier Note
I had a wonderful time yesterday with Sister and Baby Nephew. He is such a good baby. Over 5 hours, and the only time he cried was when he had a dirty diaper. When I started to change him, he stopped crying.
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Sister and I did some shopping. A friend has opened a new store that specializes in bird feeders and supplies. I spent too much money there, but may have a bird feeder that will foil Oscar the persistent squirrel. He took the squirrel proof top off the last squirrel resistant bird feeder I bought and hid it so I couldn't put it back on.
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Baby Nephew has been close to walking for months. Brother and Sister-in-law informed us we weren't to tell them if he took his first steps for us. As I was getting ready to leave, I was hugging him. He was pointing to the cat and saying, "cat." I said, "You're talking before you walk. When are you going to start walking. I put him on the floor several feet away from me and he walked over to me. I resisted the urge to text Brother and tell him what had happened.
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We will be receiving 7 new members in 2 weeks, including baptizing 2 individuals who are over 80 years old. It is wonderful to see the way God is at work at the church. I think of bringing Daughter back home, but know that would be quite challenging with all the things that are going on at the church right now. This is to be a cheery note, though, so I won't go there. I'll celebrate watching Baby Nephew take his first steps and the growth in the church.
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Sister and I did some shopping. A friend has opened a new store that specializes in bird feeders and supplies. I spent too much money there, but may have a bird feeder that will foil Oscar the persistent squirrel. He took the squirrel proof top off the last squirrel resistant bird feeder I bought and hid it so I couldn't put it back on.
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Baby Nephew has been close to walking for months. Brother and Sister-in-law informed us we weren't to tell them if he took his first steps for us. As I was getting ready to leave, I was hugging him. He was pointing to the cat and saying, "cat." I said, "You're talking before you walk. When are you going to start walking. I put him on the floor several feet away from me and he walked over to me. I resisted the urge to text Brother and tell him what had happened.
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We will be receiving 7 new members in 2 weeks, including baptizing 2 individuals who are over 80 years old. It is wonderful to see the way God is at work at the church. I think of bringing Daughter back home, but know that would be quite challenging with all the things that are going on at the church right now. This is to be a cheery note, though, so I won't go there. I'll celebrate watching Baby Nephew take his first steps and the growth in the church.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Good Plans
Today I am going to go see Sister. We're going to do some shopping and Brother an Sister-in-law will be dropping off Baby Nephew at Sister's house while they go out this evening. Short Niece is at her Dad's this weekend. Daughter will stay at her house. We will get to enjoy Baby Nephew (who is the world's most amazing baby) without our jealous daughters vying for attention. I'm really looking forward to it.
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In fact, I went into the office yesterday morning to work on the sermon and PowerPoint so I'd be able to go. I told Sister she has to kick me out by 9:00 so I can be home in time to wind and get to bed by 11:00. I haven't seen nearly as much of family as I thought I would when I moved here. It will be good to send time with Sister and Baby Nephew today.
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In fact, I went into the office yesterday morning to work on the sermon and PowerPoint so I'd be able to go. I told Sister she has to kick me out by 9:00 so I can be home in time to wind and get to bed by 11:00. I haven't seen nearly as much of family as I thought I would when I moved here. It will be good to send time with Sister and Baby Nephew today.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Birthday
Today is my birthday. I've been dreading it. I often find birthdays challenging. Today, though, has been a very good day. I got into the office at 7:30, and by the time Administrative Assistant arrived I had the Sunday School lesson finished. I had commitments at 9:30, 10:00, 11:00, 12:00, and 12:45. The guys on the building maintenance team gave me a large chunk of chocolate cake. I also received a decorated birthday cake, flowers, and a flowering plant from members. I was inundated with birthday greetings on facebook, and my siblings even managed to remember and call me.
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Daughter called several times, and I picked her up this evening. We went out to eat and then went to see the movie Joyful Noise. It was a very pleasant evening. Daughter was dancing as we came out of the movie theater. She gave me an arrangement of silk roses. It was an enjoyable evening with her.
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It's been a busy week, and a good one. We're getting things done. I'm feeling very blessed this year.
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Daughter called several times, and I picked her up this evening. We went out to eat and then went to see the movie Joyful Noise. It was a very pleasant evening. Daughter was dancing as we came out of the movie theater. She gave me an arrangement of silk roses. It was an enjoyable evening with her.
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It's been a busy week, and a good one. We're getting things done. I'm feeling very blessed this year.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Sucked In
Sister and Short Niece are both struggling as they adjust to life on their own. Short Niece is struggling with going between her mom and dad's home. Sister is a helicopter parent, which makes it harder for Short Niece to be away from her.
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Short Niece, as is to be expected, is running back and forth between the two houses with all kinds of stories. Sister is taking the bait, hook, line, and sinker. I end up getting the distraught phone calls as Sister reports to me everything Short Niece said to her. I remind her that Short Niece's reports are filtered through her emotional state and her interpretation, and are most likely designed to get a reaction. I'm a little frustrated because it seems that Sister isn't taking any of my suggestions. I'm not convinced she wants to improve the situation.
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The one bit of good news is that she is getting Short Niece in to see a counselor this week. I don't think she'll be real happy when the counselor begins making suggestions about changes she needs to make to her approach. She told SN's dad about the counselor, and he wants to talk to her. She's not thrilled with that idea. I told her I think it is wonderful that he wants to be involved and that she should give him the counselor's name and number.
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I'm hoping that the counselor will encourage Sister to get some help. I know Sister is frustrated with me because I won't join her in trashing her ex and his mom. My mantra with her is that this is hard on everyone and she needs to remember that they all love SN and want what's best for her. That's not the answer she's looking for. I have managed to disengage from Daughter's drama, so you'd think it would be easy not to get sucked in to Sister's drama. It's proving to be hard, though. Very hard.
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Short Niece, as is to be expected, is running back and forth between the two houses with all kinds of stories. Sister is taking the bait, hook, line, and sinker. I end up getting the distraught phone calls as Sister reports to me everything Short Niece said to her. I remind her that Short Niece's reports are filtered through her emotional state and her interpretation, and are most likely designed to get a reaction. I'm a little frustrated because it seems that Sister isn't taking any of my suggestions. I'm not convinced she wants to improve the situation.
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The one bit of good news is that she is getting Short Niece in to see a counselor this week. I don't think she'll be real happy when the counselor begins making suggestions about changes she needs to make to her approach. She told SN's dad about the counselor, and he wants to talk to her. She's not thrilled with that idea. I told her I think it is wonderful that he wants to be involved and that she should give him the counselor's name and number.
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I'm hoping that the counselor will encourage Sister to get some help. I know Sister is frustrated with me because I won't join her in trashing her ex and his mom. My mantra with her is that this is hard on everyone and she needs to remember that they all love SN and want what's best for her. That's not the answer she's looking for. I have managed to disengage from Daughter's drama, so you'd think it would be easy not to get sucked in to Sister's drama. It's proving to be hard, though. Very hard.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Christmas Meltdowns
Yesterday I hosted the family Christmas. It was an interesting day. 4 of my 7 guests had meltdowns. I told Far Away Sister that Daughter had trained me well, and the meltdowns didn't prevent me from having fun.
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Sister and Short Niece moved this fall. Sister's husband announced he wanted a divorce one week before she found out she was pregnant. They tried to work it out, and then Sister stuck around while they tried to work out something on the house. Finally they decided to walk away from it. They are badly underwater on it. So Short Niece has never known anything but living with divorced parents. She is struggling with adjusting to the reality of going between two parents. She has always been the youngest and thus the center of attention at family gatherings. She has been displaced by Baby Nephew. She was having a hard time yesterday, and had several meltdowns, which prompted Sister to meltdown. Sister has, at the urging of Far Away Sister and me, found a therapist for Short Niece. Hopefully that will help her deal with all that is going on in her life.
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Daughter actually did better than either of them, though it was hard on her to have all the people and chaos here, but she did have some mild meltdowns. She removed herself several times, but after Sister and Short Niece left, she came and watched us play cards and then watched TV.
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Baby Nephew is only 9 months old, so I guess it's to be expected that he had a meltdown. He also took two naps in my arms. Short Niece dropped him (no injuries, fortunately), so I think he had the best excuse for a meltdown. He is actually a very laid back, good natured baby. I ended up feeding Brother twice, since they were here 8 hours.
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I enjoyed myself. Thanks to Daughter, I can avoid getting sucked into the drama. I'm sorry Sister and Short Niece were having a hard time, but it's not my problem or responsibility. I'm sure I'll hear from Sister today, and she'll be angry with other family members. Short Niece goes back to spend more time with her Dad, which will be hard on Sister.
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I have a funeral this morning, and then I'm taking Daughter shopping this afternoon. I realized this morning that I failed to lock the refrigerator and guest room last night. I was exhausted and didn't feel good. It will be interesting to see what her blood sugar is this morning....
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Sister and Short Niece moved this fall. Sister's husband announced he wanted a divorce one week before she found out she was pregnant. They tried to work it out, and then Sister stuck around while they tried to work out something on the house. Finally they decided to walk away from it. They are badly underwater on it. So Short Niece has never known anything but living with divorced parents. She is struggling with adjusting to the reality of going between two parents. She has always been the youngest and thus the center of attention at family gatherings. She has been displaced by Baby Nephew. She was having a hard time yesterday, and had several meltdowns, which prompted Sister to meltdown. Sister has, at the urging of Far Away Sister and me, found a therapist for Short Niece. Hopefully that will help her deal with all that is going on in her life.
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Daughter actually did better than either of them, though it was hard on her to have all the people and chaos here, but she did have some mild meltdowns. She removed herself several times, but after Sister and Short Niece left, she came and watched us play cards and then watched TV.
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Baby Nephew is only 9 months old, so I guess it's to be expected that he had a meltdown. He also took two naps in my arms. Short Niece dropped him (no injuries, fortunately), so I think he had the best excuse for a meltdown. He is actually a very laid back, good natured baby. I ended up feeding Brother twice, since they were here 8 hours.
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I enjoyed myself. Thanks to Daughter, I can avoid getting sucked into the drama. I'm sorry Sister and Short Niece were having a hard time, but it's not my problem or responsibility. I'm sure I'll hear from Sister today, and she'll be angry with other family members. Short Niece goes back to spend more time with her Dad, which will be hard on Sister.
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I have a funeral this morning, and then I'm taking Daughter shopping this afternoon. I realized this morning that I failed to lock the refrigerator and guest room last night. I was exhausted and didn't feel good. It will be interesting to see what her blood sugar is this morning....
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thanksgiving with Family
We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with Sister, Brother, Sister-in-law, Baby Nephew, and Brother's in-laws. Baby Nephew is the happiest, most easy-going baby I think I've ever met. He hadn't seen me in 2 months, but he smiled and reached out to me when we arrive, and then snuggled into hug me. He is 8 months old now, and wants to walk. He will hold tight to your fingers and walk all over the house. He also loves music and dancing. He brought much joy to all of us.
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The food was fantastic. Brother is a great cook. Sister was happy to get a text from her ex saying Short Niece wanted to go home that evening, so we took our pie to go so we could be back to Sister's by 8:00. That gave us the bonus of an opportunity to see Short Niece, who will be 7 later this month. She was very excited to see us, and was climbing all over Daughter.
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We got home about 10:00 last night. Daughter was furious because I hadn't made her bed. I told her I wasn't the one who wet it, so I wasn't going to be the one to make it. She yelled and threatened, then made it without the mattress protector. I informed her that wasn't acceptable. More yelling and threats, and then she tore the bed about and asked if I'd please help her put the mattress protectors back on. I did.
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I wasn't surprised that she wet the bed again last night. She doesn't wet the bed at the group home, of course. She saves that for me. When she came out this morning I was in the process of making her favorite breakfast: sausage gravy and biscuits. I asked if she'd wet the bed, and she acknowledged she had. I said, "Get your linens in the washing machine." That set her off. "I wish people would get off me about my bed wetting!"
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She apologized, but if she continues like this, she'll be going back before Sunday. I've had to lock everything up again. I like the peace and the freedom of life with her at the group home.
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The food was fantastic. Brother is a great cook. Sister was happy to get a text from her ex saying Short Niece wanted to go home that evening, so we took our pie to go so we could be back to Sister's by 8:00. That gave us the bonus of an opportunity to see Short Niece, who will be 7 later this month. She was very excited to see us, and was climbing all over Daughter.
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We got home about 10:00 last night. Daughter was furious because I hadn't made her bed. I told her I wasn't the one who wet it, so I wasn't going to be the one to make it. She yelled and threatened, then made it without the mattress protector. I informed her that wasn't acceptable. More yelling and threats, and then she tore the bed about and asked if I'd please help her put the mattress protectors back on. I did.
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I wasn't surprised that she wet the bed again last night. She doesn't wet the bed at the group home, of course. She saves that for me. When she came out this morning I was in the process of making her favorite breakfast: sausage gravy and biscuits. I asked if she'd wet the bed, and she acknowledged she had. I said, "Get your linens in the washing machine." That set her off. "I wish people would get off me about my bed wetting!"
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She apologized, but if she continues like this, she'll be going back before Sunday. I've had to lock everything up again. I like the peace and the freedom of life with her at the group home.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Thanksgiving
Sister has moved out from the house she shared with her ex-husband. Originally they were going to do holidays together this year for the sake of Short Niece, but this week he changed his mind and uninvited Sister to Thanksgiving. He has also claimed Short Niece for the day. So today Sister and I decided to join Brother and his in-laws for Thanksgiving. I'll pick Daughter and Sister up and take them.
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Originally I was going to join Sister Best Friend on Thanksgiving Day, and then Sister and Short Niece were coming here on Friday. Now we'll be together Thursday, so we'll have Friday to begin decorating the house for Christmas.
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Daughter doesn't know about the change in plans, so I'll tell her tomorrow. I think she'll be happy, because she'll get to see her youngest cousin.
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Tomorrow we're going to a football game at the university. That will be fun, though cold.
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Originally I was going to join Sister Best Friend on Thanksgiving Day, and then Sister and Short Niece were coming here on Friday. Now we'll be together Thursday, so we'll have Friday to begin decorating the house for Christmas.
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Daughter doesn't know about the change in plans, so I'll tell her tomorrow. I think she'll be happy, because she'll get to see her youngest cousin.
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Tomorrow we're going to a football game at the university. That will be fun, though cold.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Caught!
We were invited to go to Sister's this afternoon to help her as she unpacks and settles into her new home. Brother and his family were supposed to be there. Daughter was against it yesterday, but today thought she might like to do that. By the time we got to the church, she was telling me the reasons she couldn't do it.
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The Administrative Assistant arrived. Daughter went out to greet her. I could hear her telling Administrative Assistant how she was going to get to go see her aunt and cousin this afternoon. She was very excited about. I walked over to the choir room and stuck my head in. "I thought you couldn't go." The look on her face was priceless. AA and I thought it was hilarious.
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We went. Brother and his family didn't make it, but I helped Sister with several tasks, and Daughter and Short Niece played together. Short Niece loves Daughter. It was a good afternoon.
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The Administrative Assistant arrived. Daughter went out to greet her. I could hear her telling Administrative Assistant how she was going to get to go see her aunt and cousin this afternoon. She was very excited about. I walked over to the choir room and stuck my head in. "I thought you couldn't go." The look on her face was priceless. AA and I thought it was hilarious.
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We went. Brother and his family didn't make it, but I helped Sister with several tasks, and Daughter and Short Niece played together. Short Niece loves Daughter. It was a good afternoon.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Righteous Rage
Daughter overheard a conversation I had with Sister last night. Sister and Short Niece are finally getting their own place after continuing to live with Ex while he tried to refinance the house. The situation is very complicated, and they finally decided that a short sale or foreclosure was the only option. As is to be expected, the separation process is messy, and there are disagreements over custody arrangements.
Daughter is furious with both of them. She cried and screamed and was very distressed about the entire situation. It was the biggest meltdown I've seen in a while. She doesn't think they are giving enough consideration to Short Niece's well-being. She said it's not fair to Short Niece, and she deserves better than this. I agreed with her, and reminded her that life isn't fair. I talked a little about what she'd gone through-- but she didn't want to talk about that, she just wanted to talk about Short Niece and what they're doing to her. She thinks Sister and Ex both need to grow up and stop thinking only about themselves. There are times when she has amazing insights into people and situations.
Daughter is furious with both of them. She cried and screamed and was very distressed about the entire situation. It was the biggest meltdown I've seen in a while. She doesn't think they are giving enough consideration to Short Niece's well-being. She said it's not fair to Short Niece, and she deserves better than this. I agreed with her, and reminded her that life isn't fair. I talked a little about what she'd gone through-- but she didn't want to talk about that, she just wanted to talk about Short Niece and what they're doing to her. She thinks Sister and Ex both need to grow up and stop thinking only about themselves. There are times when she has amazing insights into people and situations.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Family
Brother, Sister-in-law, and Baby Nephew came to visit yesterday after church. Baby Nephew just turned 6 months old. He's a wonderful baby. He is a very happy little guy, who was very willing to hang with Daughter or me. He loves to dance. He's not crawling yet, but he loves to hold onto some one's fingers and walk. Daughter loved spending time with her little cousin.
After we ate, Daughter got up on her own and cleaned up the kitchen. I was impressed. She did go downstairs a couple of times when she got overwhelmed, and that was fine. They stayed long enough I ended up feeding them supper, too. It was wonderful to just sit around talking and enjoying Baby Nephew.
Sister put an offer on a house yesterday. Far Away Sister and I are concerned about the advice her realtor gave her. Sister has been living with her ex-husband. She was living with him while he tried to refinance their home, but the bank wasn't cooperating, and he's finally agreed to do a short sale. Sister operates based on emotion, and trying to get her to look at things from a financial perspective is almost impossible.
When she sent me a link to the house she liked, I did some research online, and suggested this might be a short sale. She insisted it wasn't. Her realtor finally looked at the same information I had found and talked to the listing agent. It turns out that if the sellers don't get a full price offer, the sale won't cover the balance on their mortgage. The house is listed way above market value. I suggested Sister may want to do some research, but she didn't see the necessity of it.
Brother lives closer to Sister than I do, so he took some of the boxes from my move home for Sister to use for hers. Sister has never live alone. Technically, she still won't be living alone, as she has Short Niece, who is almost 7. It will be a big adjustment, though, and we are anticipating that she will need lots of support.
I'm glad we're closer to family, and can spend a Sunday afternoon/evening just spending time with them.
After we ate, Daughter got up on her own and cleaned up the kitchen. I was impressed. She did go downstairs a couple of times when she got overwhelmed, and that was fine. They stayed long enough I ended up feeding them supper, too. It was wonderful to just sit around talking and enjoying Baby Nephew.
Sister put an offer on a house yesterday. Far Away Sister and I are concerned about the advice her realtor gave her. Sister has been living with her ex-husband. She was living with him while he tried to refinance their home, but the bank wasn't cooperating, and he's finally agreed to do a short sale. Sister operates based on emotion, and trying to get her to look at things from a financial perspective is almost impossible.
When she sent me a link to the house she liked, I did some research online, and suggested this might be a short sale. She insisted it wasn't. Her realtor finally looked at the same information I had found and talked to the listing agent. It turns out that if the sellers don't get a full price offer, the sale won't cover the balance on their mortgage. The house is listed way above market value. I suggested Sister may want to do some research, but she didn't see the necessity of it.
Brother lives closer to Sister than I do, so he took some of the boxes from my move home for Sister to use for hers. Sister has never live alone. Technically, she still won't be living alone, as she has Short Niece, who is almost 7. It will be a big adjustment, though, and we are anticipating that she will need lots of support.
I'm glad we're closer to family, and can spend a Sunday afternoon/evening just spending time with them.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Perspective: The Trigger Behind the Instability
I was talking to my sisters this week, and Sister pointed out that Daughter hasn't truly been stable for years. There have been brief stretches when she was doing better, but overall, it's been several very challenging years. She asked me when was the last time she was truly stable. I began to think.
In the spring of 2007, Daughter was doing well. She'd graduated from high school the previous year (which had triggered some challenging times), and was now settling into her new routine at the workshop with friends. She expressed a desire to make contact with her birth mother. I had always told her that when she was an adult and I thought she could handle it, I'd help her establish contact. Therapist and I had a long conversation about Daughter's desire. Both of us had concerns about the impact that contact would have on Daughter, but she was doing so well we didn't have any reason to delay it any longer.
Daughter had been referring to her birth parents by their first names for years. They had failed to keep her safe, therefore they didn't deserve the title of parents. Parents keep their children safe. So she wrote a letter to J. I showed her some of the material I had saved about her birth family, and we went through it together. J responded. Her response looked like it could have been written by a young child.
Daughter wanted to talk to her, so we called her. They talked for a few minutes, then Daughter handed me the phone. I was talking to J when Daughter came out of the bathroom, sobbing. I quickly ended the call. I held Daughter as she sobbed in my arms. "She didn't sound like a 49 year old woman. She sounded like a child."
"That's part of the reason she couldn't keep you safe. In many ways she was like a child."
One of the reasons Daughter had wanted to talk to J was so that J could answer her questions. Why had she allowed the abuse to happen? Had she known Daughter was being molested? Why hadn't she kept her safe? I had cautioned her from the beginning that J may not be able to give her the answers she was seeking, but she had been determined.
Over the next few days I watched Daughter deteriorate. Finally she couldn't talk about her feelings. She drew pictures: very graphic pictures of deep pain and her own death. We were waiting for an appointment with a new psychiatrist (hers had died). We called up to the hospital where the new psychiatrist practiced. They didn't have an adult psych unit. We had her admitted locally, with the request that she not see a particular psychiatrist.
That hospitalization was a disaster. The entire story is long and complicated, but she was treated by the psychiatrist we requested she not see. A number of things happened that were powerful triggers for her PTSD. Within ten days of discharge, I was having her admitted to a different hospital, one that was further away, and at the request of my insurance company writing a letter to the state licensing board about the first hospital.
She ended up being hospitalized 3 times that summer, and has averaged at least one hospitalization a year since that time. It's now been well over a year since she's been hospitalized, the longest she has stayed out of the hospital since the summer of 2007. I probably could/possibly should have hospitalized her this past month, but I didn't.
This time around she went around me to establish contact with Birth Brother. Once again she is in a spot of deep pain. Once again she is struggling.
I realize that for many adoptive children, contact with the birth family is healing. For Daughter, it has been disastrous. I find myself wondering what would have happened if she hadn't talk to J in the summer of 2007. Maybe we would still be in the same place. I think I remember reading someplace that schizophrenia often appears in young adults. (Her current diagnosis is schizo-affective disorder). But I also remember her late psychiatrist telling me that her problem was PTSD. He pointed out her psychotic episodes were related to the early trauma.
I can't turn back the clock. She hasn't talked to J since that initial, disastrous contact. I can't control her contact with BB, though she says she is going to back off now. I can't erase, though, what has already been done. I do think I'll mention to the team, though, that she may need some help working through the issues her contact with birth family raised. We can't turn back the clock, but maybe we can help Daughter process what's happened since.
In the spring of 2007, Daughter was doing well. She'd graduated from high school the previous year (which had triggered some challenging times), and was now settling into her new routine at the workshop with friends. She expressed a desire to make contact with her birth mother. I had always told her that when she was an adult and I thought she could handle it, I'd help her establish contact. Therapist and I had a long conversation about Daughter's desire. Both of us had concerns about the impact that contact would have on Daughter, but she was doing so well we didn't have any reason to delay it any longer.
Daughter had been referring to her birth parents by their first names for years. They had failed to keep her safe, therefore they didn't deserve the title of parents. Parents keep their children safe. So she wrote a letter to J. I showed her some of the material I had saved about her birth family, and we went through it together. J responded. Her response looked like it could have been written by a young child.
Daughter wanted to talk to her, so we called her. They talked for a few minutes, then Daughter handed me the phone. I was talking to J when Daughter came out of the bathroom, sobbing. I quickly ended the call. I held Daughter as she sobbed in my arms. "She didn't sound like a 49 year old woman. She sounded like a child."
"That's part of the reason she couldn't keep you safe. In many ways she was like a child."
One of the reasons Daughter had wanted to talk to J was so that J could answer her questions. Why had she allowed the abuse to happen? Had she known Daughter was being molested? Why hadn't she kept her safe? I had cautioned her from the beginning that J may not be able to give her the answers she was seeking, but she had been determined.
Over the next few days I watched Daughter deteriorate. Finally she couldn't talk about her feelings. She drew pictures: very graphic pictures of deep pain and her own death. We were waiting for an appointment with a new psychiatrist (hers had died). We called up to the hospital where the new psychiatrist practiced. They didn't have an adult psych unit. We had her admitted locally, with the request that she not see a particular psychiatrist.
That hospitalization was a disaster. The entire story is long and complicated, but she was treated by the psychiatrist we requested she not see. A number of things happened that were powerful triggers for her PTSD. Within ten days of discharge, I was having her admitted to a different hospital, one that was further away, and at the request of my insurance company writing a letter to the state licensing board about the first hospital.
She ended up being hospitalized 3 times that summer, and has averaged at least one hospitalization a year since that time. It's now been well over a year since she's been hospitalized, the longest she has stayed out of the hospital since the summer of 2007. I probably could/possibly should have hospitalized her this past month, but I didn't.
This time around she went around me to establish contact with Birth Brother. Once again she is in a spot of deep pain. Once again she is struggling.
I realize that for many adoptive children, contact with the birth family is healing. For Daughter, it has been disastrous. I find myself wondering what would have happened if she hadn't talk to J in the summer of 2007. Maybe we would still be in the same place. I think I remember reading someplace that schizophrenia often appears in young adults. (Her current diagnosis is schizo-affective disorder). But I also remember her late psychiatrist telling me that her problem was PTSD. He pointed out her psychotic episodes were related to the early trauma.
I can't turn back the clock. She hasn't talked to J since that initial, disastrous contact. I can't control her contact with BB, though she says she is going to back off now. I can't erase, though, what has already been done. I do think I'll mention to the team, though, that she may need some help working through the issues her contact with birth family raised. We can't turn back the clock, but maybe we can help Daughter process what's happened since.
Friday, September 9, 2011
The Plan
Daughter is not going to hold me hostage to her moods and drama this weekend. Brother and his family are coming tomorrow. I'm going to make a list of the things that need to get done to get ready. I'm going to lock her computer and the remote controls up. When she gets home she will have the option of working with me or pouting in her room. Either way is fine with me. I'm not going to engage her. If she cooperates and the work gets done, she can have her computer back. If not, it will stay in her room while I do the work. If she's in a mood tomorrow, she can stay in her room while I enjoy Brother and his family. I haven't seen Nephew since May, so I know he's grown a lot. I'm looking forward to spending time with all of them tomorrow. I hope Daughter will want to be a part of the fun. If not, it's her loss.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Realizations
Sister Best Friend has encouraged me several times to update the information in the About Me and Important People and Places sections of my blog. So, I have done that. I realized as I did it that I don't have nearly as much contact with my siblings as I did when I was in Tiny Village. I thought when I moved closer, we would become closer. I may be seeing them a little more frequently, but I'm not talking to them nearly as often. Part of this is because we're no longer dealing with issues around our parents needs/death and our grief over it. It's been 2 years since Mom's death and almost 2 years since Dad's death. I woke up thinking about them this morning, so it's not like I've forgotten them, it's just that I'm no longer consulting/supporting as I was for so long.
.
The other reason I'm not talking to them as frequently is simply a matter of time. I am much busier since I moved to Capital. Long drives on country roads used to be an opportunity to contact them. Now I spend very little time in the car. I'm not initiating calls, and when they call I'm often busy and have to get back with them.
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It's been almost a year since I received the call to become pastor of this congregation. It's been a good year, a busy year, and I'm very grateful that I am here serving these people.
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The other reason I'm not talking to them as frequently is simply a matter of time. I am much busier since I moved to Capital. Long drives on country roads used to be an opportunity to contact them. Now I spend very little time in the car. I'm not initiating calls, and when they call I'm often busy and have to get back with them.
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It's been almost a year since I received the call to become pastor of this congregation. It's been a good year, a busy year, and I'm very grateful that I am here serving these people.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Fireworks
Yesterday I journeyed to Big City to join Sister and Short Niece for a concert and fireworks. The weather was beautiful, and it was a pleasant evening. The only challenge was staying awake for the 90 minute drive each way. I resorted to caffeine, which meant that I had difficulty falling asleep when I got home sometime after 1:00 this morning. It was after 2:30 before I finally fell asleep.
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There were some fireworks here at the church while I was gone, apparently. We are planning a community garden. There are a few people who don't want it visible from the front of the church. The location they want us to use does not get adequate sunlight. I think having the community garden along the edge (clearing brush to make space for it) is a good idea. A community garden is something to be proud of, not something to hide. The good news is that people support the idea of a community garden, the issue is location. We'll figure it out.
.
There were some fireworks here at the church while I was gone, apparently. We are planning a community garden. There are a few people who don't want it visible from the front of the church. The location they want us to use does not get adequate sunlight. I think having the community garden along the edge (clearing brush to make space for it) is a good idea. A community garden is something to be proud of, not something to hide. The good news is that people support the idea of a community garden, the issue is location. We'll figure it out.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Birthdays and Grief
Two years ago this month, Mom died. The second anniversary of Dad's death is in September. When my birthday came this year, I was depressed. It surprised me that the second birthday after their death was harder than the first. Last night, I got a phone call from Sister. She was sobbing. Today is her birthday. There are some stressful things going on in her life right now, and between those and the birthday, she was depressed. I met Sister and Short Niece for breakfast this morning near their home, then she headed to her school to finish cleaning up her classroom, and I headed to the outlet mall to do some shopping. The drive to see them was just over an hour, but it was worth it. I told Sister some details about her birth (she's 10 years younger than I am). I told her about the names under discussion for her.
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Short Niece (6 years old and just finished first grade) is reading the Harry Potter books. Sister isn't sure that some of the later ones are appropriate for her, but Short Niece is on the third book and is devouring them. She told Sister that if they scared or bothered her, she'd stop reading.
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That's one of the advantages of being closer to family. I get to see them more often. Sister and Short Niece are going to come visit this summer. We'll go to the zoo and do other fun things here in Capital. I'm looking forward to spending time with both of them.
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When we parted, Sister was grateful. She thought her birthday was off to a good start. I'm sure the grief will hit again later. That's the thing about grief. Sometimes it surprises you.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Baby Nephew and Boy Friend
Baby Nephew was baptized this morning. I couldn't be there, as it was graduate recognition here, but we made the drive over to their home this afternoon. It was a pleasant afternoon cuddling a very sweet and laid back baby and visiting with Brother and his family. Sister and Short Niece were there for a while, too.
Daughter has decided to break up with Boy Friend. She was waiting for me to tell her she had to break up, but I just kept saying I trusted her to make the right decision. She was telling everyone she knew that she had a Boy Friend and he's 48. They were all expressing dismay and encouraging her to break up.
She's wet the bed the last two nights, so I told her she needed to tell me what had gone on Friday. Apparently, the old boy friend was jealous and yelled at her. Her PTSD was triggered, she didn't feel safe, and the bed wetting was back. I bought a sack for her mattress today.
She continues to dream of a big wedding, marriage, and children. I reminded her that she has to be able to walk before she can run, and if she wants to achieve her dream she can work on being responsible. I suggested that was more important than having a boy friend right now. Will she take that to heart? I doubt it. I consistently tell her the same thing. Maybe some day she'll take it to heart. I keep hoping.
Daughter has decided to break up with Boy Friend. She was waiting for me to tell her she had to break up, but I just kept saying I trusted her to make the right decision. She was telling everyone she knew that she had a Boy Friend and he's 48. They were all expressing dismay and encouraging her to break up.
She's wet the bed the last two nights, so I told her she needed to tell me what had gone on Friday. Apparently, the old boy friend was jealous and yelled at her. Her PTSD was triggered, she didn't feel safe, and the bed wetting was back. I bought a sack for her mattress today.
She continues to dream of a big wedding, marriage, and children. I reminded her that she has to be able to walk before she can run, and if she wants to achieve her dream she can work on being responsible. I suggested that was more important than having a boy friend right now. Will she take that to heart? I doubt it. I consistently tell her the same thing. Maybe some day she'll take it to heart. I keep hoping.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sight Seeing
I got a text from Daughter this morning. She said Birth Brother had changed and wasn't himself and she didn't want to have anything to do with him. I responded by pointing out that she hadn't seen him since he was a child, so she really didn't know what he was like. I told her we'd talk about it this evening.
So this evening I asked what his great sin had been. She called him this morning, and he was talking about how he wished he lived closer to us so that he could see her and take her bowling. She also acknowledged she'd made a mistake contacting him. I feel sorry for BB. Daughter is calling him constantly, but then rejecting him.
The same thing happened when she talked to birth mother. She wants to check them out, like a tourist attraction. She wants to satisfy her curiosity. She doesn't want emotional engagement with them. She's on a sight seeing tour, and is determined to remain in control of the relationship.
I pointed out that she was sending him mixed messages-- calling him, but then not wanting to see him. She commented that she has problems with relationships with men. Yes, she does.
The good news is she's talking to me about these things. I asked her today what caused her to change her attitude and become cooperative. She said she didn't know. I'm going to enjoy it for however long it lasts. Before we headed out for my evening meeting (she stayed at the home of one of the saints), we played a game of cards. She beat me. It was a pleasant evening with her.
So this evening I asked what his great sin had been. She called him this morning, and he was talking about how he wished he lived closer to us so that he could see her and take her bowling. She also acknowledged she'd made a mistake contacting him. I feel sorry for BB. Daughter is calling him constantly, but then rejecting him.
The same thing happened when she talked to birth mother. She wants to check them out, like a tourist attraction. She wants to satisfy her curiosity. She doesn't want emotional engagement with them. She's on a sight seeing tour, and is determined to remain in control of the relationship.
I pointed out that she was sending him mixed messages-- calling him, but then not wanting to see him. She commented that she has problems with relationships with men. Yes, she does.
The good news is she's talking to me about these things. I asked her today what caused her to change her attitude and become cooperative. She said she didn't know. I'm going to enjoy it for however long it lasts. Before we headed out for my evening meeting (she stayed at the home of one of the saints), we played a game of cards. She beat me. It was a pleasant evening with her.
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