Jealousy and Points

Daughter is jealous because I am on vacation this week and she still is at her house attending her day program.  Yesterday she tried to convince me that she needed to take this week off to get ready for vacation.  She had a number of arguments:

• She was too stressed to work.
• The workshop didn't have any work, anyway.
• She needs a break from all the drama at the workshop.  

I listened and then pointed out that being at the workshop would distract her from her worries about v vacation.  I also pointed out that she gets very bored and frustrated when she's not at the workshop.  She acknowledged I had a point, and dropped the subject.

Last night she called me, "Good night to the mom who knows me too well and has too many good points."

I've spent my first day of vacation being very lazy.  I did get the lawn mowed between thunder storms.  I also listened to several lectures and sermons from the Festival of Homiletics.  I bought all the recordings last week.  I'm enjoying them tremendously.  I guess that's not technically a vacation activity, but I find it feeds my soul,and that is what I needed.  

Pain

I decided yesterday that it was past time for my arm braced to be washed.  It has to be washed by hand and air dried.  It is drying, but very slowly.  So, today I haven't been able to wear the brace.  I thought it would be okay, since I was not planning to do much.  I've been very careful, not doing much of anything.  My arm hurts.  It's probably bothered me more today than it has in months.  I am discouraged, to say the least.

I did manage to get everything done in the office yesterday.  I have a few emails to answer, and one sermon and a meeting, but then I will be on vacation.  I'm ready for vacation.  I'm ready for down time.  

One More

I have one more sermon, and then I'm on vacation.  I'm tired.  I'm more than ready for vacation.   Even with my exhaustion, though, yesterday was a good day.  Two people mentioned specific changes a spouse said they were going to make after hearing yesterday's sermon.  I was still getting good comments about the previous week's worship service, too. 

Daughter is confused by the fact that I've changed the pattern for this vacation.  I'm off a week before we head to our conference.  She will not be off that week.  I told her I needed a week of vacation before I'd be ready for her.  Administrative Assistant said yesterday that she's noticed I'm getting grumpy and I'm ready for vacation. 

I got a call today about Daughter's insurance.  I get so tired of dealing with their mistakes.  So tired.  I wish I could take a vacation from that. 

Meetings

Yesterday I was at a regional church meeting all day.  They aren't my favorite thing to do.  This one wasn't too far away-- just over an hour.  I went with a colleague, which made for a pleasant drive.  Administrative Assistant complained.  She had people in and out of the office all day.  She said she now knows what my Mondays are like. 

Daughter was talking about how much she enjoyed her house yesterday.  Today she called and told me she needed to talk to her Case Manager ASAP.  She is ready to move out.  She wants her own apartment.  I reminded her that yesterday she like her house.  I also informed her that we wouldn't be talking about anymore freedom for her until she had gone a full year without eating extra food or taking extra insulin.  She was not happy. 

This evening she informed me she thought she might just want to stay home tomorrow instead of working at the church.  I reminded her she'd said she didn't want to stay in the house.  I also told her she could do whatever she wanted, but she had to let me know what she was doing this evening.  She asked if the work would be waiting for her next week.  I assured her it would.  She called about an hour later to announce she's going to be at the church tomorrow. 

It should be interesting.  I've gotten very good at not getting sucked into her drama.  I think she finds that very frustrating.  

Pentecost

Yesterday was Pentecost, the day when the church celebrates the coming of the Holy Spirit.  We revealed our new vision statement, and 4 members got up to talk about some aspect of it.  3 of them gave testimonies, which is not something that generally happens in our denomination.  They all got applause.  They all deserved it, because they did an amazing job.  The Holy Spirit was at work among us yesterday, and it was wonderful.  There have been a number of good comments posted on facebook about the worship service, which is nice.  Even Daughter told me how much she liked the service. 

I realized today how stressful the build up had been.  We also unveiled our revamped logo, and the company that was making a clean copy of the logo we designed needed 3 attempts to get it right.  This morning I felt much lighter.  Of course, the fact that there are only 2 more sermons until vacation undoubtedly helped, too. 

Tomorrow I have an all day meeting, so this will be a short week.  Fortunately, I already have some ideas for this coming Sunday.  Now that I'm less stressed, hopefully I'll work more efficiently. 

Deleted

Daughter deleted all my phone numbers from her phone.  She was mad at me.  Why was she mad at me?  Because I wasn't happy when she went to sleep after I told her what time I would pick her up yesterday morning.  I called her 8 times on my way there, and she didn't answer the phone.  She knew I was coming and that she was supposed to be watching for me.  I was picking her up at 8:30, and she knew that.

When confronted with her misdeeds, she works hard at becoming the victim.  She got my home number, but wanted my cell and church number.  I told her she'd have to wait.  She threatened to delete me again.  I told her that was fine, but she was going to have to live with the consequences of her actions for a while. 

She eventually turned it around and did her usual work yesterday, but it was not a very pleasant day.  I basically ignored her.  I had plenty to do, so it was easy to ignore her.  I kicked her out of my study when I was meeting with a couple about a wedding, and she went from pouting to working at that point. 

Not that I'm counting, but 3 sermons to vacation.  I haven't done anything today.  I'm so ready for that vacation....

Interesting....

So since Monday night's meeting, I've had three different people directly or indirectly express frustration with some of the negative comments that were made.  One of the women commented about a man who said he felt worship was lacking "a spark" and had become routine and boring, "I wanted to ask him what that said about his spiritual life."  Another woman emailed a document she was working on and told me how much she'd appreciated my sermons recently. 

I know we have a great deal of variety in worship.  I know we try new things.  I know that I work hard to vary the sermon style.  I know that attendance is steadily increasing. I also know that different things speak to different people.  Apparently what we are doing is not speaking to some people.  I will continue to seek to change things up.  Right now, my focus is getting through the next 3 sermons.  In less than 3 weeks, I'll be on vacation.  I will start by sleeping, probably for a good long time. 

I also know that at the July meeting, I am going to ask the board to talk about the priorities for how I spend my time.  Do they want me doing more pastoral care?  Do they want me doing less reading?  If I do less reading, do they understand that will have an impact on both sermon quality and the leadership education I do? 

I have no idea where that conversation will go.  I'm hoping that I will return from vacation with the energy to juggle more things.  This week, in addition to the normal things, I'm meeting with a couple about getting married (they are both in their 80's-- a neat couple).  I'm being asked to sign off on a number of publicity pieces for the new vision.  I've needed to give feedback on the reworking of our website.  At some point I'll need to write some new content for it, but that may need to wait until after vacation.  I also have 2 end of the year dinners for the choirs.  I'd like to skip the one tonight, but I know that would raise questions, so I'll go.  I will probably leave early, though.  I'm tired. 

Tired and Grumpy

I am tired and grumpy as vacation approaches (3 more sermons).  Last night's meeting with our worship and education folks didn't help.  We have one worship service on Sunday, yet all of these things were asserted as fact last night:

• We don't sing enough traditional hymns.
• All we ever sing are traditional hymns.
• 90% of the music we sing the congregation doesn't know.

I could go on, but you get the idea.  They didn't even recognize that they were contradicting themselves.  Two of the women sitting across the table from me were staring at me, waiting to see if I would blow up.  I just sat there.  One of them finally got angry, as she has been involved in picking music and knows the care we take with it.

I told Administrative Assistant that it looks like the honeymoon is over.  It is impossible to please them all, especially since their demands are contradictory.  I am tired and grumpy.  This Sunday we will be announcing our new vision statement, and I suspect that that is creating some anxiety.  We have been dealing with a great deal of change, and the congregation is growing, which also creates anxiety.  When I'm not able to remain calm, it increases the anxiety, and people end up complaining about singing too many traditional hymns and not enough traditional hymns and don't realize that it is contradictory.  

Because of Daughter, I know that what they're complaining about is not the real issue.  I know I'm a target, and I don't necessarily deserve the things being tossed my way.  I'm tired and grumpy, though, which makes it harder to deal with all of this in a constructive manner.   I spent some time with my journal this morning, and that helped.  I think once the new vision statement is announced, that will help, too.  It really does grow out of our identity and formalizes what we are already doing.   I have yet to hear from anyone who doesn't like it.  Hopefully that will continue.  3 more sermons, and I will have 4 weeks to recover.  When I return, I won't be tired and grumpy. 

Daughter's Heart

In worship I always ask for joys and concerns prior to the prayer time.  On the way to church, Daughter asked me to pray for one of her current house mates.  She's been having a hard time and creating chaos in the house.  Daughter said, "I know she doesn't mean to.  She just can't stop herself."  I was impressed with her empathy towards this woman who she finds so annoying.  When I asked during worship, prayers were requested for the daughter of a shut-in member.  Her daughter was just diagnosed with breast cancer, and is facing surgery.  She is having a difficult time understanding it.  Daughter knows this woman-- they were housemates in her first placement, and she still sees her regularly when all the group homes go to the VFW for jazz night. 

Daughter was sitting in the front row, and I could see her reaction.  She had a look of shock, and then her eyes filled with tears.  She began to cry, but she was working hard to control it.  I suspect I'm the only one who saw her crying.  I went over and placed a hand on her shoulder as I continued to collect prayer concerns.  We had a conversation about her friend on the way home.  I mentioned all the women she knows who are breast cancer survivors, and I suggested she make a get well card for her and pray for her.  When I dropped her off at home, she was planning what the card would look like. 

She has a heart full of compassion.  Yes, she can create drama and be attention seeking, and she has a good heart. 

In other news, today our attendance was excellent-- Easter was the only Sunday this year it was higher.  It's great to see the growth taking place.  One of the women who has been visiting brought a friend with her today.  I think we will have more people than I thought joining the church in a couple of weeks.  I'm grateful for the growth we are experiencing.  We now have 24 raised garden beds, and all of them have been taken, most of them by people in the community.  Our neighbors are surprised when they call and find out the beds are free.  It's our gift to them.   

Frustration

I have been looking for things I can delegate and places where I can cut back.  I've been spending a great deal of time at the church, and it's taking a toll on me.  So this past week the personnel chair met with me to share a shift in my priorities.  They want me to spend more time in one area of ministry.  They realize that means I'll have to cut back elsewhere.  I asked what it was they wanted me to cut back.  She said that was up to me.  I couldn't figure out what to cut before they added another responsibility.  I know that vacation is approaching, and I'm experiencing the level of fatigue that tends to hit me as vacation comes near.  I'm tired.  I've pushed myself all year, and now I'm grumpy.  I don't like being grumpy. 

At the last board meeting, we were trying to figure out when to schedule a new member class.  I suggested it might need to wait until after my vacation.  They didn't think that was a good idea.  I've scheduled it for next Sunday following worship.  I sent notes to 8 individuals, inviting them to the class.  I know that there are a couple of them who may not be able to come next Sunday, so that means I'll have to work something else out for them.  I have no clue what that will be, but I'll figure it out. 

Next week is Pentecost and the announcement of our new vision statement.  I've been having meetings almost every week on this since January.  There is still a lot of work to be done.  We're recruiting various people to talk about the vision statement and how they have experienced it.   We also have a new logo that will be revealed.  After the reveal on the 8th,  I need to begin planning for fall.  We will be exploring the new vision in more depth September-November. 

It's strange, not having Daughter here for the weekend.  It's nice not to have to lock things up, but I do miss her.  She hasn't been calling as often, which is usually a good job.  The current boy friend is going to come to church tomorrow. 

I mowed the lawn today, using my new mower for the first time.  I had a few challenges with it, but once I figured things out, it was fine.  I also spent some time weeding and pruning in my gardens.  I hope I can get some members to come help me with weeding and spreading mulch.  I know I can't do those on my own with my weak wrist. 

Short Week

It was a short week in the office.  Home Owner took Daughter shopping today, so she wasn't in the church office until this afternoon.  Both Administrative Assistant and I were thrown off by this-- it felt like Wednesday, not Thursday.  I should be able to take tomorrow completely off, which will be nice.  I think I'll tackle the paper jungle here at home. 

Daughter had an appointment with the Psychiatrist yesterday.  Case Manager is still struggling to understand Daughter, but I think Home Owner is beginning to get her.  We talked about the insulin issues. 

I bought a new lawn mower on Monday.  I will use it for the first time this weekend.  I need to put the oil that came with it in and then buy some gas, and it will be good to go.  It's electric start.  There are still some people who are unhappy about my decision to go back to mowing.  I told them that mowing is easier on my wrist than some other things that need doing in the yard, so I'd prefer their help on the weeding and spreading mulch.  I think one of the men is actually going to recruit some workers to do just that.  '

I think my wrist is getting better.  AA and I were looking at it today, we think there was swelling that has gone down, so that's good.  Hopefully the next x-ray (in 2 weeks) will show it has healed completely.  Hopefully....

My Gardens

Yesterday I spent some time outside doing one handed weeding.  I didn't want to kneel down (and push up with my hands), so I was bending over.  Today I have a sore back.  I'm also tired, as Daughter took extra insulin during the night and had a low at 5:30.  She won't be spending weekends with me for a while.

I have had three different church members use my lawn mower and mow my lawn.  They all thought it was terrible.  I had been thinking about buying a new lawn mower, and I began to think about it and realized that maybe, with a better mower, it wouldn't be the strain on my wrist and I could do it now.  Treasurer had recommended the kind of mower he bought last year, and offered to let me try it out to see if I liked it.  I went to talk to Treasurer about it today.  He said he'd bring it over tomorrow and I could try it, and then he'd mow my lawn.  He then went to talk to another man, D, who had volunteered to mow my yard this week.  D came over and informed me a major conflict was brewing in the church, as I was trying to mow my lawn and wouldn't let them mow it.  I told him that there is so much I can't do, and if I have a decent mower, maybe this is something I could do.  He's going to bring his mower over for me to try tomorrow.  His was also new last year, and has electric start and was less expensive than the one Treasurer bought.

Daughter did clean the kitchen yesterday, and I'm grateful.  I was going to post something about how well she's doing, but then she took extra insulin.  I didn't even have to praise her this time for her to sabotage herself.

The Wrist

Monday afternoon I began wearing a brace on my wrist.  I have much less pain now.  I'm hoping the brace will be the final step to complete the healing.  I'm looking forward to the day that the fracture line is no longer visible. 

Some college friends were arranging a reunion for a weekend in June.  I rearranged my vacation plans to be there.  Today they decided to postpone the reunion until October.  I'm not very happy, and neither is the one who'd already bought an airline ticket.  We may just have a smaller gathering.  It will be nice to have the 15th off.  That's the Sunday after Pentecost and the big reveal of our new vision statement and logo.  I'm sure I'll be tired. 

With Administrative Assistant back, it's been a productive week.  In addition to sermon and PowerPoint, I've also picked worship themes through the end of August, done some work on interpretive material for the new vision statement, and written a bunch of newsletter articles.  I shouldn't have to do any work on Friday or Saturday, which will be very nice. 

She's Back!

Administrative Assistant was back in the office today.  We had asked her to come back with a memory, as we needed someone with a good memory in the office.  Today I had to let her into the church, since she had forgotten her keys.  I told her it wasn't a promising start.  She had a wonderful vacation, and is glad to be back. 

It was good to have company in the office.  We had several people drop in today.  With one of the visitors, we turned our backs on him and went to work (after we'd taken care of his reason for coming in).  He continued to talk for a while before he finally got up and left. 

Daughter seems to be doing well.  She has really has cut down on the number of times she calls me each day.  It's nice.  She has asked to come spend the weekend with me.  I told her I'd think about it.  I'll probably have her come. 

Immobilized

For the first time since I broke my wrist over a year ago, it is now immobilized in a brace (which I requested over a cast).  It looks like the bones are healing, but the pain is a concern.  I'm confident that the brace will help.  When the doctor saw me, he announced he was going to South America.  I know this has frustrated and puzzled him. 

Administrative Assistant is back in the office tomorrow.  One of the men was talking about something he needed her to do.  I told him he had to wait until Wednesday.  Just the mail on her desk will be a little overwhelming. 

Daughter and I have cleaned my office at the church.  It is wonderful!  I am enjoying working in it again.  Now it's time to go do some work....

The Restaurant Game

It's been a while since she played it, but today Daughter decided it was time to play the restaurant game.  We went out to eat after worship.  Daughter zoomed in on the highest carb portion of the menu, knowing I would veto anything she chose from that area.  That gave her the excuse she needed to spend the rest of the meal pouting. 

Overall, it was a good weekend with her here.  She did a lot of cleaning.  Friday  I was going to go outside and pull dandelions.  She decided she wanted to stay inside and clean.  She handed me the bicycle lock for the refrigerator door before I went out and asked me to put it on.  I did.  I'm glad she's asking for that support, and sorry she still needs it. 

Administrative Assistant is back in town.  Her daughter was in worship this morning and offered that assurance.  I was pleased.  I look forward to seeing her on Tuesday. 

Now I get to enjoy a quiet Sunday afternoon.  I may even take a nap. 

I Made It!

Administrative Assistant returns to work Tuesday.  I officially survived her vacation. Daughter folded bulletins and announcements for Sunday today.  AA had done most of the work before she left, so all I had to do was add a few things. I still have to finish the PowerPoint and do some stuff for the Monday night board meeting, but this week was better in terms of getting work done, even though I had a lunch meeting and an overnight retreat.

In other news, I am having an increasing amount of pain in my left arm, and it has moved from the wrist to the area of the break.  It's been raining all week, so I'm going to wait and see if it improves with the weather.  I suspect I will be going to see the surgeon next week.  I am very discouraged.  I'm going to ask him about alternatives other than surgery if there is a problem.  It has now been over a year.  I broke the arm on May 11, and the first surgery was May 12.  The second surgery was February 18.

Daughter has a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning, so she came home with me today, and will be with me all weekend.   I'm hoping she will help me get the house cleaned up.  It looks like it will be too wet and cold to work in the garden.  I am hoping for a productive weekend.  Bringing order to my chaos would certainly be a mood booster, and I need one right now. 

 

Mother's Day

Daughter drew me a picture for Mother's Day.  She informed me she wanted to go home right after lunch, so I have a quiet afternoon alone-- well, almost alone.  Kitten is determined to sleep on me.  I'm going to work on laundry and do some things in the kitchen.

Yesterday we went to see Brother and his family.  Baby Nephew is wonderful.  He weighs less than 7 pounds, so he is very small.  It was a very pleasant day.  I spent all day Friday in the office, so I haven't had an opportunity to do any of the things I normally do at home on my time off.  I will be able to get some of it done this afternoon. 

It's another busy week, and once again I'm flying solo.  I won't have the drop-ins this week, as the property guys are headed to a camp to build a deck and seating.  Tomorrow they will begin installing the new carpet downstairs.  That will complete the renovations from ice dam damage back in March.  The final cost will be over $15,000 for the repairs.  We are still seeking a solution for the issues that caused the ice dam.  Of course, it would be easier to fix if we knew what had caused the problems.  We suspect there are several different issues contributing, including some design problems.  We are going to have some engineers come in and give us proposals. 

It's about time to begin my countdown to vacation.  I'm ready.  I'm tired.  I need some time off.

Week One

I survived Administrative Assistant's first week of vacation.  Of course, I was in the office most of the day today, and I still have to finalize the sermon.  I met a young colleague for breakfast, and then headed to the church.  I picked up Daughter when she got home, drove through to pick up supper for her, and was back to the church for our Friday children's ministry. 

My house and yard are a disaster, and will remain that way for a while.  Tomorrow Daughter and I are headed to the City to meet Nephew.  Brother and his wife welcomed their second son early yesterday morning.  I promised to bring food and also have to get gifts for my two nephews.  I'm looking forward to seeing them, and it will be a long day. 

My wrist has been bothering me more since I mowed my lawn last Sunday, so I took one of the men at the church up on his offer to mow my lawn for me.  I'm very grateful for the support they provide.  I will be even more grateful when AA returns from vacation....

Computers

Yesterday my Office 365 decided that my computer did not have a licensed copy of the software, so it wouldn't let me do any work.  I went online to customer support and began looking for answers.  I uninstalled the software in 2 different ways.  I reinstalled it two times.  I used various versions of the program that was supposed to repair problems.  None of them worked.  I came home and pulled out my old computer.  Office was supposedly installed on it, but wouldn't work.  I uninstalled and reinstalled it one more time, and at least it worked on that computer.  Of course, the reason I retired the old computer was that it was no longer starting reliably and was very slow. 

When I got to the church, I once again went searching online for solutions.  I finally went to a different website, and there was a simple fix that worked.  There was a time when I didn't think there was any use for computers in the church.  Now I can't function without my computer.  Of course, the time I spent on the computer issues means I'm behind on my other work.  I'm missing Administrative Assistant.  I hope they are enjoying their vacation. 

We continue to have people coming through the office, and that helps.