tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598593770349608789.post3425707110601101582..comments2023-09-06T05:47:08.970-04:00Comments on Ministry and Parenting: The FuneralReverend Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726370034631635093noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598593770349608789.post-20664525563306425292008-11-17T13:31:00.000-05:002008-11-17T13:31:00.000-05:00Not all depressed and/or suicidal people let thems...Not all depressed and/or suicidal people let themselves go to pieces. If you met me in real life you'd have no idea either. I'm a smily shiny happy well-dressed person with a tidy house and plans for the future, too. I show up to work on time, I never complain, and no one's seen me cry since the last time I was at a funeral. Some people make a show of it, some put a good face on it. Granted you knew her and I don't, but obviously you didn't know her like you thought you did, because you didn't know she was gonna do that. The reality is no one really knows what she was thinking or not thinking and I don't think it's that helpful to make assumptions.Mongoosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13545512692510569390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598593770349608789.post-43852769304067377382008-11-16T22:42:00.000-05:002008-11-16T22:42:00.000-05:00Mongoose, You make some excellent points. Howeve...Mongoose, <BR/><BR/>You make some excellent points. However, I don't think they apply in this case. <BR/><BR/>I've run into a number of suicidal people in the course of my ministry. I pick up on depression, especially in the elderly. There was no sign of depression and no warning signs for suicide. <BR/><BR/>This woman always had a smile. She was always well dressed, and her house was spotless, even as she spent most of her day with her husband at the hospital or nursing home. <BR/><BR/>She was making plans for the future. <BR/><BR/>There is a young woman I know who has been hospitalized twice recently because she was suicidal. If she were to commit suicide, I definitely wouldn't say the same things I'd have said for this woman. <BR/><BR/>I think you're right though, that her whole goal was to stop her own pain, which at that moment was overwhelming. If she'd thought of her family and the impact on them, I think she'd have kept going, because she was very devoted to her family.Reverend Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01726370034631635093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598593770349608789.post-67521245243255743702008-11-16T15:56:00.000-05:002008-11-16T15:56:00.000-05:00"I would have told them that if she had been in he..."I would have told them that if she had been in her right mind or had stopped to think of the pain this would cause them, she wouldn't have done it."<BR/><BR/>If I were at a service for a suicide and the speaker said that I'd be really unimpressed. My brother and I are chronically suicidal, some times it's an emergency and most of the times it's just present in the middle distance in our minds. Both of us are completely in our right minds and if we're ever gonna do it, we're gonna do it, regardless of the pain it would cause others. Because it's not about others, it's about us and what WE need. I really doubt there is one suicide out there that would stop if the person would only stop and think how much pain it would cause others. The most we'll do about it is pick a method that's less work for the "others", like say, hypothermia rather than self-inflicted gunshot wound.<BR/><BR/>Suicide is a personal decision and it's in no way about other people. It's about ourselves. Whenever there is a suicide, I always hear people talking about <EM>themselves</EM> and what it does to <EM>them</EM>. Well really, in my opinion as a potential future suicide, it's their problem how they handle it. Not ours. Our problem is to make the right decision for ourselves.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, I don't suppose you need my ranting on your blog, but yeah, if you do a funeral service for a suicide, I wouldn't recommend second-guessing their decision. If I were doing the service, I'd just tell the people that the suicide made their own decision, and all the rest of us can do is wish them well on their journey and cherish the times we had with them.Mongoosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13545512692510569390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598593770349608789.post-63762910291249467852008-11-16T12:18:00.000-05:002008-11-16T12:18:00.000-05:00Thank you. I'm glad I'm not alone in judging coll...Thank you. I'm glad I'm not alone in judging colleagues, though that still doesn't excuse it. I spoke to the situation in worship this morning. The congregation expressed gratitude, and one man went so far as to say, "I wish that had been said at the funeral."Reverend Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01726370034631635093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598593770349608789.post-48564270070188576222008-11-16T11:59:00.000-05:002008-11-16T11:59:00.000-05:00Amen sister! I do the same thing..a hazard of the ...Amen sister! I do the same thing..a hazard of the calling I guess! I agree with you though. Family needs more comfort than it seems that they got! You may need to be there after the numbness wears off! PeaceMBA Community Ministrieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17069076754072993055noreply@blogger.com